Soon we'll be watching the ball drop in Times Square and 2011 will be no more. At this stage of life, 365 days goes by quickly and I wouldn't be doing the last day of the year justice if I didn't take time to reflect on what has transpired over the past 12 months.
It goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyways, I'm very blessed and fortunate to be in the position I am as a father, husband, brother, son, friend, business owner, coach, etc. So many wonderful things have happened this year. I've celebrated life more this year than ever before. There have been birthdays, births (11/11/11 - 11:11) and rebirths (1 Cor 5:17) all around.
I've experienced minor new things that have become a big part of my life, too, namely Apple, as in the iPad and iPhone. Yep, they're everything they're cracked up to be, even if the iPad is used mostly to watch "Gummi Bear Song." Netflix: another great thing. DVR - we've had it for six years, but just recently joined the crowd to record series. Why did I wait so long? Mini-Vans...recliners...nap time..free time...holy crap! I'm old!
Life has definitely been moving in fast forward all around me. I've done my best to take it all in and appreciate what is right in front of me. I remember I used to look forward to the next adventure or the next big thing, but now it seems like I'm frantically searching for the "pause" button as life happens. Unfortunately, we can't DVR the daily routine and re-live it or re-watch it whenever we want.
Of course, there are great things to look forward to in 2012, however, I don't want to get ahead of myself and miss out on the good stuff happening today. Heck, the boys are asleep right now and when they wake up in a few minutes, I'm sure I'll have yet another life changing experience. I love that. Why fast forward to tomorrow when I can submerse myself in today? I guess that's why I spent the afternoon at my sister's house and will be enjoying a movie and Whirly Pop tonight with Liz.
December 31, 2011 is what 2011 was all about for me (minus all of the politics, of course) - quality family time. Remembering 2011 is easy. All I have to do is look at my living room.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
The Wife
I had a short conversation with my brother yesterday about people in Northwest Wisconsin calling their wife "The Wife" or "The Old Lady" or any other nomenclature besides their actual name. Then today one of my favorite authors wrote about calling your wife "the bride" and he shared similar discontent with the idea.
Other terms I hear too often: the ball and chain, the old hag, the boss, etc.
It's most likely universal in thought, however, the titles used to label one's wife seem to vary across regions. Whenever someone asks me what "the wife" does or where she is, my skin crawls. They could rephrase by saying, "what does your wife do?" instead of "what does the wife do?" and it would make all the difference. Since it irritates me so much, I quickly snap back and say, "her name is Liz." They usually look at me confused, but yes, she does have a name. If you don't know her name, that's fine, but do not call her the anything.
The reason this bothers me so much is because I feel like it's a subconscious attempt to dehumanize the most important human being in my life: Liz. She's not a convenient label or below any man. She's an equal and she's unique and distinctive. Her name represents her. A convenient title assumes she's like "everyone" else or that all women or all wives are the same. They're not. As a result of my feeling this way, I take special notice to how other men treat and talk to their wife. I get a horrible feeling that this type of creating a label for their wife (or wives in general) is a sneaky way to disrespect them. I'm sure most people won't admit to that, though.
Other terms I hear too often: the ball and chain, the old hag, the boss, etc.
It's most likely universal in thought, however, the titles used to label one's wife seem to vary across regions. Whenever someone asks me what "the wife" does or where she is, my skin crawls. They could rephrase by saying, "what does your wife do?" instead of "what does the wife do?" and it would make all the difference. Since it irritates me so much, I quickly snap back and say, "her name is Liz." They usually look at me confused, but yes, she does have a name. If you don't know her name, that's fine, but do not call her the anything.
The reason this bothers me so much is because I feel like it's a subconscious attempt to dehumanize the most important human being in my life: Liz. She's not a convenient label or below any man. She's an equal and she's unique and distinctive. Her name represents her. A convenient title assumes she's like "everyone" else or that all women or all wives are the same. They're not. As a result of my feeling this way, I take special notice to how other men treat and talk to their wife. I get a horrible feeling that this type of creating a label for their wife (or wives in general) is a sneaky way to disrespect them. I'm sure most people won't admit to that, though.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Be good for goodness sake
This has been an interesting holiday season for me. Christmas came and went by very quickly. It seemed like yesterday we were trying to figure out what to eat for Thanksgiving dinner, and voila! Christmas was here and then gone.
Aside from how quickly the joyous time of year passed, my reflection of the glorious day is less than admirable. I was a victim to the commercialization of Christmas, and not by choice. Since I have children, there was pressure on all sides to make this holiday about one thing: Santa.
Is Santa coming to your house? What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas? Are you being good...for Santa?
We place very little emphasis on Santa in our home. There are many reasons for this parenting decision. I'm not the Grinch and I'm not trying to squelch the imagination of my children. Instead, we have intentionally decided to simply make Santa a part of Christmas - a small part, mind you - and not the central figure and/or focus. Somehow, our good intentions were thwarted by others insisting that Santa IS Christmas.
Together, Liz and I had been teaching our oldest son how to approach Christmas with a healthy perspective, however, he went to bed on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day night with very little appreciation for what he had received and he wasn't satisfied. It was an ugly side of him that we were both appalled by. It was almost like he had been told by everyone that he was entitled to an abundance of gifts because everyone told him he was. He was a brat. And I blame Santa.
We had been building up "Jesus' Birthday" for weeks and we were really excited to celebrate it with Him. We had the party, but unfortunately, it turned out that Jesus wasn't even invited. Santa was, though, and he took Jesus' seat. Not only was Jesus kicked out, but many of his unique qualities were bestowed upon the man with the white beard - figuratively and literally - omnipotent, omnipresent, all-knowing, etc. When Jesus was born over 2,000 years ago, there was no room for him. It seems like things haven't changed.
Santa is watching you. You better be good or Santa won't come.
What ever happened to be good for goodness sake? That's what the Santa anthem says. That message wasn't communicated to my kids. They were told to be good or Santa wouldn't come. It was a bribe. In the end, Santa didn't come anyways. Isaiah didn't want him to. As he was falling asleep, he asked for Mommy and Daddy to come into his room. He insisted that we call Santa and tell him not to come because he was afraid of the idea of someone coming into our house while he was sleeping. I can't blame him. I don't want him around, either.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
What's the deal with medals and trophies?
I've often heard parents and young athletes talk about the size of the medal or trophy at a tournament as a measuring stick for the quality of the event. I'm adamantly opposed to large trophies and gaudy rewards for many reasons that are not the topic of this post. Nonetheless, these awards seem to be a driving force in the lives of many young athletes (and parents). Does it really matter how the kid gets the medal or trophy?
There are a lot of answers to this straight forward question. Many would say, "of course it matters, they need to earn it." Others claim participation is worth something and it's the carrot that gets them away from video games and promotes healthy competition and activity. Still, some believe that the trophy, and the size, is the be-all, end-all to the experience.
Dan Gable told me that he believes kids should receive bananas at tournaments because after one week, the banana gets old and it's time to get a new one. No one wants a rotten banana on their mantel. By the way, I've seen Gable's mantle and there are no bananas. There is an Olympic Gold Medal, though.
The reason I'm bringing up this subject is because I saw something in my 3-year old son that I wasn't aware of as a critic of the overabundance of medals and trophies. It's nothing that is going to force others to say, "see, I told you so, when your own have kids..." (I hear that too often). It actually solidifies my conviction on this subject. Isaiah was digging around at Victory and found a gold medal at the bottom of a drawer. It was left over from an event that I held four years ago. It didn't matter to him. He loved this "new" gold medal. He wore it the entire day and even took his afternoon nap with it. I hear parents and see forum posts explain the importance of these awards by describing how their kid sleeps with his/her trophy after an event because it means so much to him. And it does.
Reality check: why not just buy your son or daughter a medal or trophy? My son got to enjoy his gold medal and then, after a while, the newness wore off and now it's sitting on the steps. Isn't this the final destination for all trophies and medals? Eventually they get old and less exciting. Sure, some of them have a deeper meaning and great value (like Gable's Olympic gold medal), but they get old just like bananas. Is the trophy-looking carrot really what's best for children. Must they compete in events to "earn" or receive a medal?
I had no shame in letting my son parade around the house with his medal even though he didn't earn it. I'm glad I have this renewed perspective. I actually don't have to take my kids to a youth wrestling tournament, surrounded by chaos and confusion, for him to have this experience. It can be this simple. Kids crave the trophy, but many of them aren't interested in the competition they must endure before receiving it. It's a tricky marketing scheme to get them in the door to feed the youth sports system. The parents don't need convincing, do they? But the children do. They'll participate just for the medal or trophy. Event organizers are well aware of this and promote it.
So, what's the deal with medals and trophies? Are they essential to long term development? When Target or ShopKo start carrying gold medals, it could be the end of youth tournaments. I haven't decided if that would be a good or bad thing.
There are a lot of answers to this straight forward question. Many would say, "of course it matters, they need to earn it." Others claim participation is worth something and it's the carrot that gets them away from video games and promotes healthy competition and activity. Still, some believe that the trophy, and the size, is the be-all, end-all to the experience.
Dan Gable told me that he believes kids should receive bananas at tournaments because after one week, the banana gets old and it's time to get a new one. No one wants a rotten banana on their mantel. By the way, I've seen Gable's mantle and there are no bananas. There is an Olympic Gold Medal, though.
The reason I'm bringing up this subject is because I saw something in my 3-year old son that I wasn't aware of as a critic of the overabundance of medals and trophies. It's nothing that is going to force others to say, "see, I told you so, when your own have kids..." (I hear that too often). It actually solidifies my conviction on this subject. Isaiah was digging around at Victory and found a gold medal at the bottom of a drawer. It was left over from an event that I held four years ago. It didn't matter to him. He loved this "new" gold medal. He wore it the entire day and even took his afternoon nap with it. I hear parents and see forum posts explain the importance of these awards by describing how their kid sleeps with his/her trophy after an event because it means so much to him. And it does.
Reality check: why not just buy your son or daughter a medal or trophy? My son got to enjoy his gold medal and then, after a while, the newness wore off and now it's sitting on the steps. Isn't this the final destination for all trophies and medals? Eventually they get old and less exciting. Sure, some of them have a deeper meaning and great value (like Gable's Olympic gold medal), but they get old just like bananas. Is the trophy-looking carrot really what's best for children. Must they compete in events to "earn" or receive a medal?
I had no shame in letting my son parade around the house with his medal even though he didn't earn it. I'm glad I have this renewed perspective. I actually don't have to take my kids to a youth wrestling tournament, surrounded by chaos and confusion, for him to have this experience. It can be this simple. Kids crave the trophy, but many of them aren't interested in the competition they must endure before receiving it. It's a tricky marketing scheme to get them in the door to feed the youth sports system. The parents don't need convincing, do they? But the children do. They'll participate just for the medal or trophy. Event organizers are well aware of this and promote it.
So, what's the deal with medals and trophies? Are they essential to long term development? When Target or ShopKo start carrying gold medals, it could be the end of youth tournaments. I haven't decided if that would be a good or bad thing.
Monday, December 12, 2011
De-training
One of the largest differences in youth sports today compared to ten years ago or longer is the opportunity to train. There are options for more practice, greater intensity, specialization, advance techniques from highly educated and experienced coaches, awareness and understanding of scientific approaches to athletics and much more. When used correctly, these opportunities can be extremely beneficial. One particular area in the advanced training of athletes that doesn't receive enough attention is the recovery phrase, but more particularly, the "de-training" period.
Rest periods are essential to successful training cycles. One doesn't over-train as much as under recover. Recovery has many layers and is often times the secret weapon to success in a culture that pushes to the extremes. Preparing the body, mind and soul for the recovery phase is a key to getting the most out of it.
De-training is the two or three day time frame (or more) that immediately follows a large competition or the conclusion of a peak performance plan. It takes into account the heavy workload and intensity of a competition and helps you prepare for the recovery phase. It includes a variety of de-programming activities that assure the athlete adequately recovers.
Athletes can come out of a recovery phase without experiencing any kind of recovery. When dealing with the Total Athlete, all three facets must be adequately recharged (body, mind and soul). American athletes complete a cycle or finish a large competition and immediately take time off or "rest." Most of the time, their break has very little foresight. A typical scenario is an athlete competes on Saturday and then stays up late, ingests what has been forbidden for a period of time, sleeps in and catches up on the social activities that were missed while preparing. It makes sense and seems natural because the hard work is done. There is validity to this, however, it's not always the most productive avenue for recovery. Simply because the "hard" work is done doesn't give the athlete a license to ignore the "easy" work. Many of those things that were missed during the hard work can still be enjoyed, but proper preparation should be utilized here, too.
A lot of attention is placed on getting the athlete to peak while very little is placed on getting the most out of the recovery phase. Getting the most from each rest period or recovery phase will enable the next peak to be higher.
Rest periods are essential to successful training cycles. One doesn't over-train as much as under recover. Recovery has many layers and is often times the secret weapon to success in a culture that pushes to the extremes. Preparing the body, mind and soul for the recovery phase is a key to getting the most out of it.
De-training is the two or three day time frame (or more) that immediately follows a large competition or the conclusion of a peak performance plan. It takes into account the heavy workload and intensity of a competition and helps you prepare for the recovery phase. It includes a variety of de-programming activities that assure the athlete adequately recovers.
Athletes can come out of a recovery phase without experiencing any kind of recovery. When dealing with the Total Athlete, all three facets must be adequately recharged (body, mind and soul). American athletes complete a cycle or finish a large competition and immediately take time off or "rest." Most of the time, their break has very little foresight. A typical scenario is an athlete competes on Saturday and then stays up late, ingests what has been forbidden for a period of time, sleeps in and catches up on the social activities that were missed while preparing. It makes sense and seems natural because the hard work is done. There is validity to this, however, it's not always the most productive avenue for recovery. Simply because the "hard" work is done doesn't give the athlete a license to ignore the "easy" work. Many of those things that were missed during the hard work can still be enjoyed, but proper preparation should be utilized here, too.
A lot of attention is placed on getting the athlete to peak while very little is placed on getting the most out of the recovery phase. Getting the most from each rest period or recovery phase will enable the next peak to be higher.
Monday, December 5, 2011
The truth about Tebow
I heard an interesting observation of Tim Tebow the week leading into his first start this year. The analysts said, "Tim Tebow is everything his fans say he is and everything his critics say he is." It was an interesting comment at the time. One to which I agreed with. However, I think it's time his critics are confronted. The critique of those naysayers revolved around the idea that he couldn't win in the NFL as a starting quarterback. They're wrong.
As a starting quarterback in the NFL this season, Tebow is 6-1 and has successfully brought an awful team out of the cellar into first place in their division. Now, they're on the verge of making the playoffs. Still, the pundits are claiming he can't play, he can't throw, he can't read defenses, he doesn't know how to play the position, and his defense is carrying the team. These are all things people are saying in an attempt to continually cut Tebow down. I watched the Broncos against the Packers in week 4 and then yesterday against the Vikings. News flash: their defense is not very good. I also witnessed, with my own eyes, Tebow hit a few wide open receivers down field and win a football game with his arm. I didn't read about it, I saw it. It was in the same game that the opposing quarterback - who also happens to be a first year starter drafted in the first round - missed some very important passes and threw a bone headed interception in the closing minutes of the game, two things Tebow has not done as a starter. Yet, he gets raked over the coals and they spare the Vikings starter who "had a record day" and is 1-5 as a starter.
This week tells it all. He improves to 6-1, the Vikings future star drops to 1-5. He has a game winning drive after his opponent throws a game deciding interception and Tebow gets criticized. His defense gave up 32 points this week. Why doesn't he get a few kudos for this victory? The truth is, people don't like Tebow because he's a Christian. That's it.
Jake Plummer recently made a comment about how he wished Tebow would just quit talking about his faith in Jesus Christ. This argument is really starting to bother me. I follow football very closely and I have yet to hear Tebow talk about Jesus when the topic is football. Others talk about it around him and to him, but he's a football player. His post game interviews are about football, not Jesus. Plummer and the others are simply making this stuff up. Of course, he prays or points to the sky after a touchdown, but so does Greg Jennings and probably 100 other players, including a handful of quarterbacks. He's a Christian and everyone knows it, but he's not proclaiming it nearly as much as the media says he is.
Before this week, I thought a lot of the negative remarks and criticism were because Tebow is unconventional and unorthodox. He's not traditional and analysts are more comfortable with things they've already seen and things they can predict. They haven't seen the likes of Tebow and he's difficult to predict. That's an awful combination for journalists who are trying predetermine the winner. After this week, however, I now understand it no longer has anything to do with football. In fact, I'm not sure if it ever did.
He's an easy target for these vultures because no matter how much ridicule there is about him, he takes it and continues to play football. He doesn't fight back, so their drivel has no recourse. This must drive Boomer Esiason and others absolutely crazy. It's like he completely ignores them and goes out and proves them wrong. He continues to win in spite of their assurance that he won't. For them, it would be much easier if he lashed back, told them to shut up or tried to stick up for himself, but he doesn't, and they despise him even more because he continues to prove that he's better than them. He wants to play football, and he is.
I don't think Tim Tebow should win the NFL MVP and I think he has a lot of things that he needs to work on as a quarterback. He would agree, and has stated that he needs to improve. However, he's winning football games and has led a team from worst to first in a matter of weeks. Any argument that says he's not a good NFL quarterback is outlandishly ignorant, naive and ridiculous. Mechanically and technically, he's not Joe Montana. No one claims he is. In Montana's second season in the NFL, by the way, he was 2-5 as a starter with 15 touchdown and 9 interceptions. Peyton Manning was 3-13 in his first year as a starter and had more interceptions than touchdowns (26-28). John Elway, his boss, was 4-6 and threw twice as many interceptions as touchdowns (7-14). Come on, people, the kid can play. He is 6-1 and has a 10-1 touchdown-to-interception ratio.
If you don't like Tebow because he's a positive role model (for kids and adults), is a humanitarian, doesn't get in trouble, demonstrates great sportsmanship, works hard, etc., then come out and lead your critique with those statements. Otherwise, hold the rest of the NFL's young quarterbacks to the same standard (e.g. Christian Ponder, Tyler Palko, Blaine Gabbert, Curtis Painter, Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, etc.) and don't tell me how the NFL needs better people representing the sport than the Ben Roethlisbergers or Ndamakung Suhs who make poor decisions. The truth is, Tebow wins. The truth is, he's a great man. The truth is, people don't like him because of it. And they don't like him because he's a Christian.
As a starting quarterback in the NFL this season, Tebow is 6-1 and has successfully brought an awful team out of the cellar into first place in their division. Now, they're on the verge of making the playoffs. Still, the pundits are claiming he can't play, he can't throw, he can't read defenses, he doesn't know how to play the position, and his defense is carrying the team. These are all things people are saying in an attempt to continually cut Tebow down. I watched the Broncos against the Packers in week 4 and then yesterday against the Vikings. News flash: their defense is not very good. I also witnessed, with my own eyes, Tebow hit a few wide open receivers down field and win a football game with his arm. I didn't read about it, I saw it. It was in the same game that the opposing quarterback - who also happens to be a first year starter drafted in the first round - missed some very important passes and threw a bone headed interception in the closing minutes of the game, two things Tebow has not done as a starter. Yet, he gets raked over the coals and they spare the Vikings starter who "had a record day" and is 1-5 as a starter.
This week tells it all. He improves to 6-1, the Vikings future star drops to 1-5. He has a game winning drive after his opponent throws a game deciding interception and Tebow gets criticized. His defense gave up 32 points this week. Why doesn't he get a few kudos for this victory? The truth is, people don't like Tebow because he's a Christian. That's it.
Jake Plummer recently made a comment about how he wished Tebow would just quit talking about his faith in Jesus Christ. This argument is really starting to bother me. I follow football very closely and I have yet to hear Tebow talk about Jesus when the topic is football. Others talk about it around him and to him, but he's a football player. His post game interviews are about football, not Jesus. Plummer and the others are simply making this stuff up. Of course, he prays or points to the sky after a touchdown, but so does Greg Jennings and probably 100 other players, including a handful of quarterbacks. He's a Christian and everyone knows it, but he's not proclaiming it nearly as much as the media says he is.
Before this week, I thought a lot of the negative remarks and criticism were because Tebow is unconventional and unorthodox. He's not traditional and analysts are more comfortable with things they've already seen and things they can predict. They haven't seen the likes of Tebow and he's difficult to predict. That's an awful combination for journalists who are trying predetermine the winner. After this week, however, I now understand it no longer has anything to do with football. In fact, I'm not sure if it ever did.
He's an easy target for these vultures because no matter how much ridicule there is about him, he takes it and continues to play football. He doesn't fight back, so their drivel has no recourse. This must drive Boomer Esiason and others absolutely crazy. It's like he completely ignores them and goes out and proves them wrong. He continues to win in spite of their assurance that he won't. For them, it would be much easier if he lashed back, told them to shut up or tried to stick up for himself, but he doesn't, and they despise him even more because he continues to prove that he's better than them. He wants to play football, and he is.
I don't think Tim Tebow should win the NFL MVP and I think he has a lot of things that he needs to work on as a quarterback. He would agree, and has stated that he needs to improve. However, he's winning football games and has led a team from worst to first in a matter of weeks. Any argument that says he's not a good NFL quarterback is outlandishly ignorant, naive and ridiculous. Mechanically and technically, he's not Joe Montana. No one claims he is. In Montana's second season in the NFL, by the way, he was 2-5 as a starter with 15 touchdown and 9 interceptions. Peyton Manning was 3-13 in his first year as a starter and had more interceptions than touchdowns (26-28). John Elway, his boss, was 4-6 and threw twice as many interceptions as touchdowns (7-14). Come on, people, the kid can play. He is 6-1 and has a 10-1 touchdown-to-interception ratio.
If you don't like Tebow because he's a positive role model (for kids and adults), is a humanitarian, doesn't get in trouble, demonstrates great sportsmanship, works hard, etc., then come out and lead your critique with those statements. Otherwise, hold the rest of the NFL's young quarterbacks to the same standard (e.g. Christian Ponder, Tyler Palko, Blaine Gabbert, Curtis Painter, Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, etc.) and don't tell me how the NFL needs better people representing the sport than the Ben Roethlisbergers or Ndamakung Suhs who make poor decisions. The truth is, Tebow wins. The truth is, he's a great man. The truth is, people don't like him because of it. And they don't like him because he's a Christian.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Burn the ships
One of the most important mental skills I work into the lives of athletes is eliminating the "back door." When push comes to shove, athletes who have given themselves a way out (back door), will take it. It's human nature - the path of least resistance. There are exceptional athletes who choose the path of most resistance in anticipation of growing and developing. Even still, if there's a back door option, inevitably, it will be taken at some point. How does one combat that notion? By leaving no option other than progress and success.
There is a popular urban legend about Spanish conquistador Hernan Cortes that explains how he instructed his people to "burn the ships." There is little historical evidence to support that this actually took place, however, there is a great lesson that can be applied to our lives. The legend suggests that the only option left for Cortes and his people was to succeed.
In 1519, Cortes directed his 500-puls Spanish troops to burn their ships and everything on them before the siege of the Yucatan Peninsula in present-day Mexico. He was explicitly confident that they would win and take their enemies' vessels as prizes. If they were to return home, they needed to acquire new ships. He left no option for failure. He eliminated the possibility of running back to their own ships to flee difficult situations. There was no "back door." It was literally a win or die scenario.
One of the first steps in creating the ideal situation for success is to metaphorically burn the ships, or take away the option of backing out. When the pressure is heating up, many athletes begin addressing and focusing on small inconveniences, injuries and other issues. This generally happens when one cannot see themselves having the success they desire, so they create a way out to cope with the lack of success that they're now assuring for themselves. Before going for it, if our mind tells us it's because of a bad ankle, it's easier to justify not stretching for it. It's simply an out - a back door - and even the most talented and gifted athletes will take it if the option is in their mind.
Burn the ships! Rid your mind of the excuses you're stock piling for the future. Simply by creating space in your mind for them, you're essentially guaranteeing that you will use them. Eliminate them all together. Leave no option other than progress and success, as if your life depends on it.
There is a popular urban legend about Spanish conquistador Hernan Cortes that explains how he instructed his people to "burn the ships." There is little historical evidence to support that this actually took place, however, there is a great lesson that can be applied to our lives. The legend suggests that the only option left for Cortes and his people was to succeed.
In 1519, Cortes directed his 500-puls Spanish troops to burn their ships and everything on them before the siege of the Yucatan Peninsula in present-day Mexico. He was explicitly confident that they would win and take their enemies' vessels as prizes. If they were to return home, they needed to acquire new ships. He left no option for failure. He eliminated the possibility of running back to their own ships to flee difficult situations. There was no "back door." It was literally a win or die scenario.
One of the first steps in creating the ideal situation for success is to metaphorically burn the ships, or take away the option of backing out. When the pressure is heating up, many athletes begin addressing and focusing on small inconveniences, injuries and other issues. This generally happens when one cannot see themselves having the success they desire, so they create a way out to cope with the lack of success that they're now assuring for themselves. Before going for it, if our mind tells us it's because of a bad ankle, it's easier to justify not stretching for it. It's simply an out - a back door - and even the most talented and gifted athletes will take it if the option is in their mind.
Burn the ships! Rid your mind of the excuses you're stock piling for the future. Simply by creating space in your mind for them, you're essentially guaranteeing that you will use them. Eliminate them all together. Leave no option other than progress and success, as if your life depends on it.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Why is practice important?
Why is practice important? This is a very straight forward question that a coaching friend of mine asked me the other day. To be honest, though, I had difficulty coming up with a straight forward answer. Of course, I have an objective in each and every practice that is in line with a 3-4 month cycle and is a part of a bigger plan. I implement a variety of assessment techniques to be sure the objective is being met and I use a variety of age-appropriate teaching and learning activities, address the "big picture" and try my best to reach various learning styles. I put a lot of time and effort into making practice work, however, I surprised myself that I didn't have an immediate, straight forward answer to why practice is important.
Practice is important for many reasons. If wrestling is a tool to teach life skills, then practice is a wonderful opportunity to implement strategies that allow for individual growth. Being able to critically analyze situations, celebrate experimentation, handle adversity, take responsibility for actions and decisions are all motives. Speaking strictly of the physical side of the sport, it's imperative that there is at least incremental improvement (or more) in every single practice. Individuals should become better wrestlers. Developing mental skills are equally as important. Acquiring a love for the sport, practice and training are other great things to focus on. There are many answers to this question and most of them are valid. Each is unique to the needs of the individuals (coaches, parents, athletes, etc.) as well as to the culture of the club, team or system that they're in.
What is the answer to this question, though? Why is practice important? Below are two stories to consider when thinking about your answer. This is an important conversation.
I see a lot of young children choose to walk away from the sport of wrestling because they don’t like it. This is acceptable and understandable, not everyone likes the same things. Wrestling isn’t for everyone...or, is it? Most young children engage is some type of wrestling behavior or playful combat as infants. For those who have the physical capacity, it seems to be natural and fun. When presented with the option, many children decide to give wrestling a try because they already like doing it with Dad, their brother/sister, or their dog on the living room floor. Unfortunately, when they get to practice for the first time, it’s not what they expected and nothing like what they have experienced. Instead, they’re taught a series of drills and skills that aren’t interesting to them and often times aren't physiologically possible at their age (many of them cannot even put their wrestling shoes on by themselves yet). In my experience, the first practice is usually focused on stance/motion or general basic skills.
I took notice one night after attending a youth wrestling practice and a mother asked her first grade son if he had fun. Sadly, he said, “no…we never even wrestled.” It was true. He had been wrestling with his stuffed animals since he was two years old and when he finally got to attend a wrestling practice, he was forced to learn shoulder-knee-toe alignment and lateral motion. This little guy never came back. Why? Because he went to wrestling practice and never got to wrestle. The coach spent time teaching the youngsters how to wrestle instead of allowing them to actually do it.
Why is practice important?
The University of Wisconsin won the NCAA Championship in men's cross country last week. The Badgers are a perennial powerhouse in cross country, regularly finishing in the top 5 in the NCAA and winning 13-consecutive Big Ten titles.
Here are some comments from head coach Mick Byrne as he prepared to lead the Badgers in pursuit of the title:
Why is practice important?
Practice is important for many reasons. If wrestling is a tool to teach life skills, then practice is a wonderful opportunity to implement strategies that allow for individual growth. Being able to critically analyze situations, celebrate experimentation, handle adversity, take responsibility for actions and decisions are all motives. Speaking strictly of the physical side of the sport, it's imperative that there is at least incremental improvement (or more) in every single practice. Individuals should become better wrestlers. Developing mental skills are equally as important. Acquiring a love for the sport, practice and training are other great things to focus on. There are many answers to this question and most of them are valid. Each is unique to the needs of the individuals (coaches, parents, athletes, etc.) as well as to the culture of the club, team or system that they're in.
What is the answer to this question, though? Why is practice important? Below are two stories to consider when thinking about your answer. This is an important conversation.
I see a lot of young children choose to walk away from the sport of wrestling because they don’t like it. This is acceptable and understandable, not everyone likes the same things. Wrestling isn’t for everyone...or, is it? Most young children engage is some type of wrestling behavior or playful combat as infants. For those who have the physical capacity, it seems to be natural and fun. When presented with the option, many children decide to give wrestling a try because they already like doing it with Dad, their brother/sister, or their dog on the living room floor. Unfortunately, when they get to practice for the first time, it’s not what they expected and nothing like what they have experienced. Instead, they’re taught a series of drills and skills that aren’t interesting to them and often times aren't physiologically possible at their age (many of them cannot even put their wrestling shoes on by themselves yet). In my experience, the first practice is usually focused on stance/motion or general basic skills.
I took notice one night after attending a youth wrestling practice and a mother asked her first grade son if he had fun. Sadly, he said, “no…we never even wrestled.” It was true. He had been wrestling with his stuffed animals since he was two years old and when he finally got to attend a wrestling practice, he was forced to learn shoulder-knee-toe alignment and lateral motion. This little guy never came back. Why? Because he went to wrestling practice and never got to wrestle. The coach spent time teaching the youngsters how to wrestle instead of allowing them to actually do it.
Why is practice important?
The University of Wisconsin won the NCAA Championship in men's cross country last week. The Badgers are a perennial powerhouse in cross country, regularly finishing in the top 5 in the NCAA and winning 13-consecutive Big Ten titles.
Here are some comments from head coach Mick Byrne as he prepared to lead the Badgers in pursuit of the title:
"Well, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, that part of what I teach is you’ve got to get out there every day and be passionate about what you do. Ultimately, yes, we’d love to win the national title and we’re going after it. We’re as committed to doing that as any other program. But I’ve always said that you have to enjoy the pursuit.
"I think next Tuesday, you ask these guys did they have fun together this year, did they get after it, is there anything they would change, and I think you’d be surprised what they’ll say. And I think that’s what it’s about. It’s about the pursuit of that goal, enjoying the day-to-day hard work.
"When you look back, July 1, when these guys started, just coming off an outdoor season in preparation for this -- it’s very easy for us right now today and look forward seven days down the road, as we get so close to this competition -- but put yourself in their shoes, go back to July 1 when they’re four and five months out from the competition. Everything that they put into this, that’s what I’m about, that’s what this team is about. Enjoy the daily pursuit of what you’re doing. Because then, ultimately, you will enjoy the goal, whether it’s first place, second place, third place, fourth place.
"Yes, there’s tremendous history here. It’s the reason I came here. I’m aware of that. The kids are aware of that. It’s the reason they’re Badgers. But ultimately, at the end of the day, you’ve got to enjoy what you do."
Why is practice important?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Too much too soon, part 4
Looking at very critical and identifiable elite performance results was one of the reason USA Hockey investigated the youth hockey scene. The results at the top weren’t matching the opportunities at the bottom. Elite performance reflects the direction of the youth culture, especially in grassroots organizations.
Over the past four Olympic Games in wrestling, the performance levels have steadily declined. Looking only at the medals won by male athletes (freestyle and Greco-Roman), the United States medal count is as follows: 1996 – 8; 2000 – 7; 2004 – 4; 2008 – 2. There were 20 medal opportunities in 1996, 18 in 2000, and 14 in 2004 and 2008. The won U.S. medals at 40%, 39%, 29%, 15% of the weight classes, respectively.
Considering the past four world championships prior to this year, this is the medal count: 2006 – 7; 2007 – 4; 2009 – 3; 2010 – 0. The U.S. did add two medals in the 2011 World Championships, however, there is an obvious downward trend.
The United States is definitely one of the largest populated wrestling country in the world. Nationwide, there are over 155,000 members in USA Wrestling and over 270,000 participating in high school wrestling. We have a robust talent pool young athletes, however, our results at the highest levels don’t indicate that we’re developing them very well.
USA Gymnastics has done something similar to USA Hockey in terms of athlete development and they have shown a sizeable increase in Olympic medals for the men over the past three Olympic Games. They went from 1 medal in 2000, to 8 in 2004, and 11 in 2008. When long term development is applied correctly, it should lead to elite level success because of our large number of youth athletes. Keep in mind, the majority of athletes currently representing the United States at the elite levels grew up in the sports culture of that encouraged more competitions for youth wrestlers and they’re not performing at the highest levels. Wrestling is going in the opposite direction of gymnastics and hockey.
Two years ago, USA Wrestling developed a new program called the U.S. Future Olympian Rankings. “The program is designed to recognize the performance of America’s most talented wrestlers, based upon actual results in major USA Wrestling events.” Specific national and regional events in Freestyle, Greco-Roman, and Folkstyle wrestling are used to score points for athletes between the ages of eight and thirteen. This is the same demographic that USA Hockey targets with the ADM because it is the optimal window of trainability and the greatest loss of retention. Hockey decided to eliminate various competitions while wrestling has added more. With the U.S. Future Olympian Rankings, it is implied to athletes, coaches and parents that the path to becoming an Olympian is by competing in more age level national tournament. Furthermore, there is a large contingent of parents within the wrestling community that want even more events. To meet consumer demands, NUWAY now offers a 6 & under division at their National Championships. Is it possible that wrestling’s approach is part of the problem?
We’re creating more opportunities to facilitate the more is better attitude and at the same time, the performance of our elite levels is declining? Is this a coincidence or are the two related? Is it time for wrestling to consider the benefits of Long Term Athlete Development?
Over the past four Olympic Games in wrestling, the performance levels have steadily declined. Looking only at the medals won by male athletes (freestyle and Greco-Roman), the United States medal count is as follows: 1996 – 8; 2000 – 7; 2004 – 4; 2008 – 2. There were 20 medal opportunities in 1996, 18 in 2000, and 14 in 2004 and 2008. The won U.S. medals at 40%, 39%, 29%, 15% of the weight classes, respectively.
Considering the past four world championships prior to this year, this is the medal count: 2006 – 7; 2007 – 4; 2009 – 3; 2010 – 0. The U.S. did add two medals in the 2011 World Championships, however, there is an obvious downward trend.
The United States is definitely one of the largest populated wrestling country in the world. Nationwide, there are over 155,000 members in USA Wrestling and over 270,000 participating in high school wrestling. We have a robust talent pool young athletes, however, our results at the highest levels don’t indicate that we’re developing them very well.
USA Gymnastics has done something similar to USA Hockey in terms of athlete development and they have shown a sizeable increase in Olympic medals for the men over the past three Olympic Games. They went from 1 medal in 2000, to 8 in 2004, and 11 in 2008. When long term development is applied correctly, it should lead to elite level success because of our large number of youth athletes. Keep in mind, the majority of athletes currently representing the United States at the elite levels grew up in the sports culture of that encouraged more competitions for youth wrestlers and they’re not performing at the highest levels. Wrestling is going in the opposite direction of gymnastics and hockey.
Two years ago, USA Wrestling developed a new program called the U.S. Future Olympian Rankings. “The program is designed to recognize the performance of America’s most talented wrestlers, based upon actual results in major USA Wrestling events.” Specific national and regional events in Freestyle, Greco-Roman, and Folkstyle wrestling are used to score points for athletes between the ages of eight and thirteen. This is the same demographic that USA Hockey targets with the ADM because it is the optimal window of trainability and the greatest loss of retention. Hockey decided to eliminate various competitions while wrestling has added more. With the U.S. Future Olympian Rankings, it is implied to athletes, coaches and parents that the path to becoming an Olympian is by competing in more age level national tournament. Furthermore, there is a large contingent of parents within the wrestling community that want even more events. To meet consumer demands, NUWAY now offers a 6 & under division at their National Championships. Is it possible that wrestling’s approach is part of the problem?
We’re creating more opportunities to facilitate the more is better attitude and at the same time, the performance of our elite levels is declining? Is this a coincidence or are the two related? Is it time for wrestling to consider the benefits of Long Term Athlete Development?
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Too much too soon, part 3
I’m glad to see that this topic is generating discussion. I’m not as interested in being “right” in this conversation as I am that it is actually happening. I’ve challenged the status quo my entire life and when I take a stance on something, I expect opposition for a multitude of reasons. I’ve learned that when people oppose my viewpoint, and they’re convicted one way or the other, the focus on the conversation is then shifted towards items that aren’t quantifiable. Why? Because arguing on a feeling or emotion cannot be backed up or refuted. What I am trying to do is point out that there is research done by many more experts than me, and they are revealing that there is a better way.
Wrestling people are afraid of science because it doesn’t reinforce what they already think. No one wants to be told that they’re thoughts are contrary to evidence. Too much too soon is contrary to scientific evidence. The system encourages more competition at a young age than it does at an elite level. This actually doesn’t have anything to do with parents’ choices. It’s a failure in the system.
I took a fairly ardent stance and included some bold comments, so I’m not surprised that several people took the time to post a reply in a less-than-supportive manner. Parents don’t like being talked at, even if the best wrestlers and experts are on my side. So, the communication style and process is critical if changes are going to take place. I understand that parents are simply concerned and need to be spoken to delicately, positively and supportively and the hard line approach isn’t always productive. Having said that, this is my blog and my opinion doesn’t necessarily need to foster these parents.
In determining what I believe is best for youth athletes; I’ve considered many scientific studies and resources. Of course, I have an abundance of anecdotal evidence to support the claim that our system is indeed backwards; however, the science seems to hold more weight at this point in the conversation.
Istvan Banyi has developed a world-wide accepted athletic development model that he refers to as Long Term Athlete Development. It has served as the primary tool used to identify major gaps in the current sports system. Here is a quick snapshot from another publication to what this means:
Understanding Long Term Athlete Development has encouraged USA Hockey to initiate the first step in steering the ship in the right direction with the American Development Model (ADM). Since my journalistic integrity has inappropriately been questioned in regards to this program, it’s important to clarify my reference here. Injury reduction may be a by-product of the ADM; however, it’s not the starting point. The poster may have confused the ADM and the removal of checking from PeeWee hockey.
The foundation for the development of the ADM was the result of the following:
1.) Recognizing from a retention standpoint that hockey was losing players at a relatively early age. 43% of players dropped out by age 9 and 60% dropped out by age 11-12. This obviously impacts the membership size and player pool at the older age groups.
2.) Identifying that USA Hockey programs were too focused on the outcome (winning) rather than the process (optimal training and development).
3.) Gaining an increased base of knowledge in sports science that USA Hockey was underutilizing critical and sensitive periods of accelerated adaptation to training. For example, not developing athletes at the most important ages. This is referred to as windows of trainability (8-13 years old).
4.) Looking at very critical and identifiable elite performance results. The USA is easily the largest populated hockey country in the world and a close second in terms of hockey participation (Canada) and yet our results at the highest levels of the game are far lower than countries like Sweden, Finland, Czech Republic, and Russia (all of which have less than 1/5 to 1/8 the number of registered players the U.S. has and overall populations that are not even in the same realm as the U.S.).
Why the ADM?
The ADM is successful because kids are having fun and parents can see that first-hand. It has lowered cost and commitment barriers (i.e. less expensive to play and not asking parents at young ages to commit to 15 hours a week and full weekends to get their kids better). It is also difficult for parents, coaches and others to argue with the statistics and sports science that USA Hockey has at their finger tips to support their position. One cannot argue with a parent as to which is the right way to raise their child, but one can refute any parent that tries to argue optimal periods of trainability, loss rates at ages 9-12, etc.
This brings me to my sport. In 1990, there were 233,856 high school wrestlers. In 2008, there were 259,688 high school wrestlers (numbers compiled by the NWCA). On the surface, that’s great, as participation grew by 11%. But looking closer, the high school student population in 1990 was 12.5 million and in 2008 it was 16.3 million (30% growth). The percentage of wrestlers in high school went from 1.87% to 1.59%. Though that might not look significant, that’s a 15% decrease in participation of the student body – that’s a big deal. Why? Because participation in high school athletics if extremely important. Consider the National Federation of High School’s Case for High School Activities to see how vital participation in high school athletics is.
We all agree that wrestling presents the opportunity to develop life skills, yet we are witnessing a decrease in how many people are wrestling. Why? Because the system is broken.
Wrestling people are afraid of science because it doesn’t reinforce what they already think. No one wants to be told that they’re thoughts are contrary to evidence. Too much too soon is contrary to scientific evidence. The system encourages more competition at a young age than it does at an elite level. This actually doesn’t have anything to do with parents’ choices. It’s a failure in the system.
I took a fairly ardent stance and included some bold comments, so I’m not surprised that several people took the time to post a reply in a less-than-supportive manner. Parents don’t like being talked at, even if the best wrestlers and experts are on my side. So, the communication style and process is critical if changes are going to take place. I understand that parents are simply concerned and need to be spoken to delicately, positively and supportively and the hard line approach isn’t always productive. Having said that, this is my blog and my opinion doesn’t necessarily need to foster these parents.
In determining what I believe is best for youth athletes; I’ve considered many scientific studies and resources. Of course, I have an abundance of anecdotal evidence to support the claim that our system is indeed backwards; however, the science seems to hold more weight at this point in the conversation.
Istvan Banyi has developed a world-wide accepted athletic development model that he refers to as Long Term Athlete Development. It has served as the primary tool used to identify major gaps in the current sports system. Here is a quick snapshot from another publication to what this means:
Scientific research has concluded that it takes eight to twelve years of training for a talented athlete to reach elite levels (Bloom 1985; Ericsson et al. 1993; Ericsson and Charness 1994). This is called the ten-year or 10,000 hour rule. For athletes, coaches and parents, this translates to slightly more than three hours of practice daily for ten years (Salmela 1998). Unfortunately, parents and coaches in many sports still approach training with an attitude best characterized as the “peaking by Friday” approach (Balyi and Hamilton 1999). For example, as soon as many coaches start to train athletes, they train them to win. We now know that a long-term commitment to training is required to produce elite athletes in all sports, something that needs to be communicated to and understood by parents, coaches, sports administrators, organizations, etc.
Ultimately, success comes from training and performing well over the long-term rather than winning in the short-term. There is no shortcut to success in athletic preparation. Rushing competition will always result in shortcoming in physical, technical, tactical and mental abilities.
In principle, sports can be classified as either “early specialization” or “late specialization” (Balyi and Hamilton 1999). Early specialization refers to the fact that some sports, such as gymnastics, rhythmic gymnastics, figure skating, diving and table tennis require early sport-specific specialization training. Late specialization sports, such as track & field, combative sports (wrestling), rowing and all team sports, require a generalized approach to early training. In these sports, the emphasis of training should be on the development of general, fundamental motor and technical/tactical skill.
Understanding Long Term Athlete Development has encouraged USA Hockey to initiate the first step in steering the ship in the right direction with the American Development Model (ADM). Since my journalistic integrity has inappropriately been questioned in regards to this program, it’s important to clarify my reference here. Injury reduction may be a by-product of the ADM; however, it’s not the starting point. The poster may have confused the ADM and the removal of checking from PeeWee hockey.
The foundation for the development of the ADM was the result of the following:
1.) Recognizing from a retention standpoint that hockey was losing players at a relatively early age. 43% of players dropped out by age 9 and 60% dropped out by age 11-12. This obviously impacts the membership size and player pool at the older age groups.
2.) Identifying that USA Hockey programs were too focused on the outcome (winning) rather than the process (optimal training and development).
3.) Gaining an increased base of knowledge in sports science that USA Hockey was underutilizing critical and sensitive periods of accelerated adaptation to training. For example, not developing athletes at the most important ages. This is referred to as windows of trainability (8-13 years old).
4.) Looking at very critical and identifiable elite performance results. The USA is easily the largest populated hockey country in the world and a close second in terms of hockey participation (Canada) and yet our results at the highest levels of the game are far lower than countries like Sweden, Finland, Czech Republic, and Russia (all of which have less than 1/5 to 1/8 the number of registered players the U.S. has and overall populations that are not even in the same realm as the U.S.).
Why the ADM?
For starters, many athletes spend too much time traveling, competingh and recovering from competition and not enough time preparing for it. Second, there is too heavy a focus on the result rather than the performance. This attitude leads to long-term failure, as coaches forgo the development of skills to focus on specific game tactics. And third, too many athletes are specializing too early on. An early focus on just one or two sports often leads to injuries, burnout and capping athletic potential. This way of thinking has led to 60% of players dropping out before PeeWees and 20% dropping out after only one season leading to an overall decline in retention since 2000.
The ADM is successful because kids are having fun and parents can see that first-hand. It has lowered cost and commitment barriers (i.e. less expensive to play and not asking parents at young ages to commit to 15 hours a week and full weekends to get their kids better). It is also difficult for parents, coaches and others to argue with the statistics and sports science that USA Hockey has at their finger tips to support their position. One cannot argue with a parent as to which is the right way to raise their child, but one can refute any parent that tries to argue optimal periods of trainability, loss rates at ages 9-12, etc.
This brings me to my sport. In 1990, there were 233,856 high school wrestlers. In 2008, there were 259,688 high school wrestlers (numbers compiled by the NWCA). On the surface, that’s great, as participation grew by 11%. But looking closer, the high school student population in 1990 was 12.5 million and in 2008 it was 16.3 million (30% growth). The percentage of wrestlers in high school went from 1.87% to 1.59%. Though that might not look significant, that’s a 15% decrease in participation of the student body – that’s a big deal. Why? Because participation in high school athletics if extremely important. Consider the National Federation of High School’s Case for High School Activities to see how vital participation in high school athletics is.
We all agree that wrestling presents the opportunity to develop life skills, yet we are witnessing a decrease in how many people are wrestling. Why? Because the system is broken.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Too much too soon, part 2
My oldest son has hypotonia (low muscle tone). It affects everything he does physically. Recognizing hypotonia is relatively straightforward, but diagnosing the underlying cause can be difficult and often unsuccessful, as we've experienced. The long-term effects of hypotonia on a child's development and later life depend primarily on the severity of the muscle weakness and the nature of the cause. When we took our son to his one-year doctor, he was far behind other children. He never did crawl and struggles daily to "keep up" with kids his age in everything that requires gross motor skills. When we went to his one-year check-up, it was the responsibility of the doctor to bring hypotonia to our attention and explain the potential long term effect. After all, she is the expert in regards to my son's health, right? It goes without saying that I want what is best for my son. However, that doesn't preclude that I know what is best. I did everything in my capacity to get him to walk by 10 months like other parents. I had the best of intentions, but it took an expert to tell me that something was not right.
As a competitor in the sport of wrestling, I won the high school state tournament, earned a college scholarship, was sponsored by a club and even made money and traveled the world. As a coach, I have been involved with every level from youth to senior athletes. I have been in the corner for little kids and Olympians. I have run practices at the Olympic Training Center on a Thursday and worked with kindergarten athletes at a local school on a Friday. I have gotten off the airplane from the World Championships, got in my car and arrived just in time to blow the whistle to start a high school practice. I've been employed by high schools, colleges and senior-level clubs and have operated camps for all ages. Additionally, I serve on a variety of prominent wrestling boards including USA Wrestling, Wisconsin Wrestling Federation, National Wrestling Coaches Association, Women's College Wrestling Association and others. Don't I have a responsibility to the wrestling community to share my insight on this topic? Does it make sense that I might have an idea on what the lasting impact youth sports has on our athletes?
No one accuses the Department of Public Instruction of telling parents how to parent. They determine the curriculum and State Standards based on the needs of children, not the desires of parents. Parents are still free to choose how to raise their children, however, standards don't change for them. No one thought to accuse my family doctor of judging me as a parent when she made a referral to the neurologist. Why do parents instantly take a defensive stance when someone suggests there's a better way than the current sports culture? Too many parents take this personally and refuse to see the big picture. Whether or not one has kids has no bearing on their ability or inability to devise programs that are best-suited for kids.
In my previous blog, I presented very clear evidence that our approach in youth sports is backwards. It's not an opinion; the system is broken. By pointing this out by no means assumes that I'm questioning parenting choices. If anything, I'm demonstrating that I identify with them. If we're trying to keep up with the Joneses, it's imperative that we find out where the Joneses are going.
We trust the "experts" when it comes to our health, but not when it comes to athletics? Do parents really know what is best simply because they want what is best? Who are the experts? I believe I have a responsibility to the parents to share what I see firsthand almost everyday. Supporting the current system by stating that we're doing what the kids want doesn't seem logical. Simply because a child wants to do more doesn't automatically make it acceptable. My kids want candy for dinner, so do I give it to them because they want it? Of course not. I know we're talking about two significantly different situations in child rearing, however, the premise for me deciding that candy is not a good option is because I'm interested in my children's long term health and development. Are we using the same paradigm when we choose to take advantage of athletic opportunities?
I'm passionately interested in what children have to say when I ask them the question, "why do you wrestle?" The answers I hear have become very predictable and they help me maintain a healthy perspective. I ask parents a version of the same questions, "why do you want your son/daughter to wrestle?" Sometimes I even ask them how they feel their son/daughter would answer the questions. I'm never surprised that many parents are on a different wavelength than their child.
I look into the eyes of many wrestlers and dig deeply to get to their core when asking why they do what they do. I want to know the individual's "purpose" in sport and life. I'm only moderately interested in his/her goals, yet many parents insist that they're doing "all of this" to help him reach his goals. I wonder if those who think we're not on the wrong path are actually listening to the hearts of the athletes - at all levels. Are we asking the right questions? Are the right people making the right choices?
I have an obligation to the sport of wrestling. And sometimes more is less. Parents deserve better. We shouldn't have non-experts making decisions about the direction and culture of sports.
"Plans are great. But missions are better. Missions survive when plans fail, and plans almost always fail." - Seth Godin
As a competitor in the sport of wrestling, I won the high school state tournament, earned a college scholarship, was sponsored by a club and even made money and traveled the world. As a coach, I have been involved with every level from youth to senior athletes. I have been in the corner for little kids and Olympians. I have run practices at the Olympic Training Center on a Thursday and worked with kindergarten athletes at a local school on a Friday. I have gotten off the airplane from the World Championships, got in my car and arrived just in time to blow the whistle to start a high school practice. I've been employed by high schools, colleges and senior-level clubs and have operated camps for all ages. Additionally, I serve on a variety of prominent wrestling boards including USA Wrestling, Wisconsin Wrestling Federation, National Wrestling Coaches Association, Women's College Wrestling Association and others. Don't I have a responsibility to the wrestling community to share my insight on this topic? Does it make sense that I might have an idea on what the lasting impact youth sports has on our athletes?
No one accuses the Department of Public Instruction of telling parents how to parent. They determine the curriculum and State Standards based on the needs of children, not the desires of parents. Parents are still free to choose how to raise their children, however, standards don't change for them. No one thought to accuse my family doctor of judging me as a parent when she made a referral to the neurologist. Why do parents instantly take a defensive stance when someone suggests there's a better way than the current sports culture? Too many parents take this personally and refuse to see the big picture. Whether or not one has kids has no bearing on their ability or inability to devise programs that are best-suited for kids.
In my previous blog, I presented very clear evidence that our approach in youth sports is backwards. It's not an opinion; the system is broken. By pointing this out by no means assumes that I'm questioning parenting choices. If anything, I'm demonstrating that I identify with them. If we're trying to keep up with the Joneses, it's imperative that we find out where the Joneses are going.
We trust the "experts" when it comes to our health, but not when it comes to athletics? Do parents really know what is best simply because they want what is best? Who are the experts? I believe I have a responsibility to the parents to share what I see firsthand almost everyday. Supporting the current system by stating that we're doing what the kids want doesn't seem logical. Simply because a child wants to do more doesn't automatically make it acceptable. My kids want candy for dinner, so do I give it to them because they want it? Of course not. I know we're talking about two significantly different situations in child rearing, however, the premise for me deciding that candy is not a good option is because I'm interested in my children's long term health and development. Are we using the same paradigm when we choose to take advantage of athletic opportunities?
I'm passionately interested in what children have to say when I ask them the question, "why do you wrestle?" The answers I hear have become very predictable and they help me maintain a healthy perspective. I ask parents a version of the same questions, "why do you want your son/daughter to wrestle?" Sometimes I even ask them how they feel their son/daughter would answer the questions. I'm never surprised that many parents are on a different wavelength than their child.
I look into the eyes of many wrestlers and dig deeply to get to their core when asking why they do what they do. I want to know the individual's "purpose" in sport and life. I'm only moderately interested in his/her goals, yet many parents insist that they're doing "all of this" to help him reach his goals. I wonder if those who think we're not on the wrong path are actually listening to the hearts of the athletes - at all levels. Are we asking the right questions? Are the right people making the right choices?
I have an obligation to the sport of wrestling. And sometimes more is less. Parents deserve better. We shouldn't have non-experts making decisions about the direction and culture of sports.
"Plans are great. But missions are better. Missions survive when plans fail, and plans almost always fail." - Seth Godin
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Too much too soon
Is there a path that assures future success in sports? Many parents and coaches seem to believe that there is. They don’t have the expertise to determine on their own what the path is, so they have allowed the current sports culture to define it for them. Youth sports are telling parents that more is better. It resonates with them because they don’t want their kid to fall behind. It starts very early for parents. They measure their parenting by how quickly their sons and daughters crawl, talk and walk in comparison to others. If their child is behind, they do what they can make sure they catch the pack…then pass it. Youth sports attacks that soft spot in the hearts of parents and it corrupts them and the children suffer. Parents grab onto the notion presented by our current sports culture without carefully considering the future. Our organizations need to help parents to be more responsible with the path they choose.
USA Hockey has taken an extremely bold stance to change the culture of youth sports. They have unequivocally said that more is NOT better. Of course, they were instantly lambasted by an array of uneducated parents and coaches who had been drinking the Kool-Aid given to them by youth hockey. “More is definitely better,” they all thought. After all, they were just taking advantage of the opportunities USA Hockey was providing for them to develop future NHL stars. When the NHL finally jumped on board and supported USA Hockey, people started to listen. A few prominent professional hockey players were quoted saying that the typical youth hockey season is longer than the NHL season. Kids are playing more games than the professionals.
Parents have the dream of seeing their child play in the NHL, so they believe in the system that tells them they’ll arrive there soon enough. They don’t want their child to fall behind early in his career, so they embark on a sports journey, often times robbing him of his childhood and damaging important relationships, with the genuine hope that it will land him a roster spot on a NHL team. The problem is it’s not. It’s doing the exact opposite, unfortunately, and USA Hockey finally recognized it. They noticed that there has been a steady decline in American-born players in the NHL. They couldn’t put their finger on why until after extensive research, they concluded that the USA Hockey system was broken and kids were getting too much too soon. They eliminated the youngest age group national championships and parents lost their minds, but USA Hockey stood their ground, with the support of the NHL, and is trying to steer the ship in the right direction. Now, we need to get other sports to follow this trend.
Hockey is not alone. Nearly every sport has a youth system that has created a path to burnout. Too much too soon is certainly an issue in wrestling. Youth athletes are competing more than our highest level wrestlers. It’s not uncommon for a 5th grade wrestler to compete in over 100 matches in one season while our best senior-level wrestlers compete in 30 or less. We have it all backwards.
A step in the right direction is to understand the importance of development, not competition, at a young age. Youth athletes need to learn how to play the game before they actually engage in competition. I have adopted a philosophy for my club that requires youth wrestlers to have more practices than competitive matches in one season. This helps place the emphasis on learning the sport and all it has to offer and not on competition. The amount of competitions, which is far greater than the quality of practice time, is the catalyst to burnout.
When considering the guidelines that are in place at the high school and collegiate levels, you will see the backwards trend. The Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association (WIAA) places limits on the high school wrestling season. According to their rules, the 2011-12 wrestling season may begin on November 13 (beginning of Week 20) and end on March 3 (end of Week 35). This makes the season 111 actual days long. The WIAA mandates a day off every six consecutive days, or a minimum 16 days without practice or competition this year. Taking into account the 14 allowed competition dates and 5 postseason tournaments; teams are left with 75 days to practice. Obviously, in high school teams typically don’t practice on weekends or holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving, nor do they practice on certain hunting days and other random ones. The typical high school team practices around 65 times during a season. The top wrestlers are getting no less than 50 competitive matches under these guidelines.
Move into the NCAA Division 1 wrestling arena and guidelines permit a team to begin practice on October 10 (preseason) and conclude at the NCAA Championships on March 17th, or 162 days. They required team to take off one day, competition or practice, every calendar week (23 days). Take away the 16 competition dates and the post season tournament series and that leaves approximately 118 days. Teams cannot practice during finals week (7 days) or holidays (3 days). Then with random days off on weekends and training breaks, we’re looking at around 100 practices in a season. The top wrestlers have 30-40 competitive matches.
There are no regulations for younger athletes, but you can already see a trend with the two age levels mentioned above. Across the board, the average youth wrestling club begins in January and ends in March. Many youth athletes are practicing and competing far beyond the parameters set within their own community. If the average program is 13 weeks and practices are held two times per week most wrestlers’ competitive opportunities far out-weighs their practice time. In the Wisconsin Wrestling Federation tournament series alone, top athletes are competing in at least 20 competitive matches in the month of March. This doesn’t include the abundance of local youth tournaments that are offered on Saturday and Sunday every weekend during the season. It’s extremely difficult for young athletes to find enough opportunities to practice to keep up with the number of competitive matches they have.
The system is broken. The number of practices compared to competitive matches at the highest level (senior-level) heavily favors practices whereas the lowest level (youth) heavily favors competitive matches. In between, the trend is clear as the high school athlete sees 65 practices to 50 matches and collegiate athletes see 100 practices to 35 matches. It’s time to wake-up to reality because the athletes (and parents) who follow the ways of the youth sports culture are not around long enough to enjoy opportunities at the highest levels because they’re taking the opportunities offered at the lowest levels.
USA Hockey has taken an extremely bold stance to change the culture of youth sports. They have unequivocally said that more is NOT better. Of course, they were instantly lambasted by an array of uneducated parents and coaches who had been drinking the Kool-Aid given to them by youth hockey. “More is definitely better,” they all thought. After all, they were just taking advantage of the opportunities USA Hockey was providing for them to develop future NHL stars. When the NHL finally jumped on board and supported USA Hockey, people started to listen. A few prominent professional hockey players were quoted saying that the typical youth hockey season is longer than the NHL season. Kids are playing more games than the professionals.
Parents have the dream of seeing their child play in the NHL, so they believe in the system that tells them they’ll arrive there soon enough. They don’t want their child to fall behind early in his career, so they embark on a sports journey, often times robbing him of his childhood and damaging important relationships, with the genuine hope that it will land him a roster spot on a NHL team. The problem is it’s not. It’s doing the exact opposite, unfortunately, and USA Hockey finally recognized it. They noticed that there has been a steady decline in American-born players in the NHL. They couldn’t put their finger on why until after extensive research, they concluded that the USA Hockey system was broken and kids were getting too much too soon. They eliminated the youngest age group national championships and parents lost their minds, but USA Hockey stood their ground, with the support of the NHL, and is trying to steer the ship in the right direction. Now, we need to get other sports to follow this trend.
Hockey is not alone. Nearly every sport has a youth system that has created a path to burnout. Too much too soon is certainly an issue in wrestling. Youth athletes are competing more than our highest level wrestlers. It’s not uncommon for a 5th grade wrestler to compete in over 100 matches in one season while our best senior-level wrestlers compete in 30 or less. We have it all backwards.
A step in the right direction is to understand the importance of development, not competition, at a young age. Youth athletes need to learn how to play the game before they actually engage in competition. I have adopted a philosophy for my club that requires youth wrestlers to have more practices than competitive matches in one season. This helps place the emphasis on learning the sport and all it has to offer and not on competition. The amount of competitions, which is far greater than the quality of practice time, is the catalyst to burnout.
When considering the guidelines that are in place at the high school and collegiate levels, you will see the backwards trend. The Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association (WIAA) places limits on the high school wrestling season. According to their rules, the 2011-12 wrestling season may begin on November 13 (beginning of Week 20) and end on March 3 (end of Week 35). This makes the season 111 actual days long. The WIAA mandates a day off every six consecutive days, or a minimum 16 days without practice or competition this year. Taking into account the 14 allowed competition dates and 5 postseason tournaments; teams are left with 75 days to practice. Obviously, in high school teams typically don’t practice on weekends or holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving, nor do they practice on certain hunting days and other random ones. The typical high school team practices around 65 times during a season. The top wrestlers are getting no less than 50 competitive matches under these guidelines.
Move into the NCAA Division 1 wrestling arena and guidelines permit a team to begin practice on October 10 (preseason) and conclude at the NCAA Championships on March 17th, or 162 days. They required team to take off one day, competition or practice, every calendar week (23 days). Take away the 16 competition dates and the post season tournament series and that leaves approximately 118 days. Teams cannot practice during finals week (7 days) or holidays (3 days). Then with random days off on weekends and training breaks, we’re looking at around 100 practices in a season. The top wrestlers have 30-40 competitive matches.
There are no regulations for younger athletes, but you can already see a trend with the two age levels mentioned above. Across the board, the average youth wrestling club begins in January and ends in March. Many youth athletes are practicing and competing far beyond the parameters set within their own community. If the average program is 13 weeks and practices are held two times per week most wrestlers’ competitive opportunities far out-weighs their practice time. In the Wisconsin Wrestling Federation tournament series alone, top athletes are competing in at least 20 competitive matches in the month of March. This doesn’t include the abundance of local youth tournaments that are offered on Saturday and Sunday every weekend during the season. It’s extremely difficult for young athletes to find enough opportunities to practice to keep up with the number of competitive matches they have.
The system is broken. The number of practices compared to competitive matches at the highest level (senior-level) heavily favors practices whereas the lowest level (youth) heavily favors competitive matches. In between, the trend is clear as the high school athlete sees 65 practices to 50 matches and collegiate athletes see 100 practices to 35 matches. It’s time to wake-up to reality because the athletes (and parents) who follow the ways of the youth sports culture are not around long enough to enjoy opportunities at the highest levels because they’re taking the opportunities offered at the lowest levels.
Friday, November 4, 2011
The Art of Choosing
The ability to make choices is one of the most powerful qualities of a human being. We like the idea of choice because it empowers us. The choices we make, big and small, are critical to who we become. We’re in a position to make choices; however, it’s the choices that inevitably make us.
Making choices well and being able to make the correct choices is a skill that must be learned. Parents teach their children – directly and indirectly – how to make choices. Teachers, coaches, community members, spiritual leaders, television and many other factors contribute to the development of making choices.
In the United States, we love our choices. We have 500 channels on our television and over 10-pages in our menu booklet at Perkins. If you’re looking for a car, you can have the same one in five different colors. We have so many choices, in fact, that we have difficulty making them. If we don’t know how to make choices, our decision making process is foggy, at best. We have a greater responsibility in our country to teach individuals how to make choices because we value independence more than any other country in the world.
Of course, we make trivial choices, like the choosing between Coke and Pepsi, every day. We also make small choices that have the potential to turn into monumental decisions that can change the course of our lives and impact the world as we know it. And, obviously, there are big time decisions that are set before us and our choice carries a tremendous amount of weight and pressure.
Sheena Iyengar has been involved in a fantastic research project that explains more clearly how we make choices. She has written a book entitled The Art of Choosing and is featured on YouTube and TED Talks sharing her groundbreaking insights. I suggest you take time to hear what she has to say. What I found most interesting from a scientific viewpoint is that our brains cannot handle more than seven choices at the same time. Often times, even that’s too much for me.
Iyengar encourages individuals to determine what they want or need before they present themselves with a choice. I can relate to this: every time I went to the movie store undecided, it took me a very long time to actually choose a title. First, I had to narrow down a genre, then a style, then an actor or actress, then consider my mood and so-on. When I knew what I wanted, it was easy to walk into the store and choose the title. This makes sense when we pick out a movie, but how about when we choose a lifestyle or belief system or philosophy. Are we considering what we want or need before we present ourselves with choices? No. We actually don’t. Instead, we allow those choices to push us around and sway our decisions without considering ourselves first.
Here’s Iyengar secret: sit down and determine the five things you cannot live without. Having clarity about what is most important and what you prioritize will help you make the correct choices.
Making choices well and being able to make the correct choices is a skill that must be learned. Parents teach their children – directly and indirectly – how to make choices. Teachers, coaches, community members, spiritual leaders, television and many other factors contribute to the development of making choices.
In the United States, we love our choices. We have 500 channels on our television and over 10-pages in our menu booklet at Perkins. If you’re looking for a car, you can have the same one in five different colors. We have so many choices, in fact, that we have difficulty making them. If we don’t know how to make choices, our decision making process is foggy, at best. We have a greater responsibility in our country to teach individuals how to make choices because we value independence more than any other country in the world.
Of course, we make trivial choices, like the choosing between Coke and Pepsi, every day. We also make small choices that have the potential to turn into monumental decisions that can change the course of our lives and impact the world as we know it. And, obviously, there are big time decisions that are set before us and our choice carries a tremendous amount of weight and pressure.
Sheena Iyengar has been involved in a fantastic research project that explains more clearly how we make choices. She has written a book entitled The Art of Choosing and is featured on YouTube and TED Talks sharing her groundbreaking insights. I suggest you take time to hear what she has to say. What I found most interesting from a scientific viewpoint is that our brains cannot handle more than seven choices at the same time. Often times, even that’s too much for me.
Iyengar encourages individuals to determine what they want or need before they present themselves with a choice. I can relate to this: every time I went to the movie store undecided, it took me a very long time to actually choose a title. First, I had to narrow down a genre, then a style, then an actor or actress, then consider my mood and so-on. When I knew what I wanted, it was easy to walk into the store and choose the title. This makes sense when we pick out a movie, but how about when we choose a lifestyle or belief system or philosophy. Are we considering what we want or need before we present ourselves with choices? No. We actually don’t. Instead, we allow those choices to push us around and sway our decisions without considering ourselves first.
Here’s Iyengar secret: sit down and determine the five things you cannot live without. Having clarity about what is most important and what you prioritize will help you make the correct choices.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The Prodigy in Me
The thought that there’s a prodigy in each of us is very encouraging and empowering. And it’s true. Everyone is created with uniqueness and distinction to be great. We’re all prodigies. There’s a prodigy in me. There’s a prodigy in you. There is only one you that will ever live, so you have a responsibility to mankind to be that person you were created to be. We all have a purpose. This makes each of us extremely valuable.
I recently listened to a series entitled “The Prodigy in Me” from Elevation Church. It was a powerful series and very instrumental in the life of one of my athletes during an important moment. I’ve returned a number of times to portions of those sermons to be encouraged and reminded of this simple, yet bold, truth. There’s a prodigy in me, but it’s not about me.
I paraphrased a few memorable comments from the series below:
Prod-i-gy (noun) – a person, or especially a child or young person, having extraordinary talent or ability.
Isn’t it interesting that the dictionary singles out young people in this definition? We don’t have to convince our 7-year olds that they are creative. They just create. And then life and dumb people, and negligent parents and bad friends beat the prodigy out of you, but we’re all born with the image of God inside of us. Even if you don’t have a personal relationship with Christ, the Bible says that you are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26). And so sin fractures that image, sin distorts that image, but Christ came to reclaim that image and when he comes into your life he fills your life. So, the first definition of prodigy is extraordinary talent or ability.
A second definition is “a marvelous example” (usually followed by of). So, in our usage, a prodigy of God’s grace, or a prodigy of God’s mercy.
Number three: Something wonderful; a wonder. Number four: Something abnormal or monstrous. This definition is proof that, one way or another, we all fit the category (sarcasm). Number five (this is an archaic definition, but it’s worth mentioning): Something extraordinary regarded as of prophetic significance.
Say this out loud: “I’m a prodigy because God’s in me.” Come on, say it out loud.
I’m a prodigy because God’s in me. Now, that’s the key right there, because we don’t preach from the dictionary here; we preach from the Bible. A few more verses of scripture you should study if you want to learn about the gifts God has put inside of you, the potential, the calling that he’s put on your life, you can study the following:
Ephesians 4:7-8, where the Apostle Paul tells us, “but to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” Now, if it’s been given that means it’s a gift. And if it’s a gift, that means I can’t take credit for it. One thing that really trips me out is when someone is really good at something and they think that it’s all about them. What you need to realize about this series is this isn’t some self-help bull crap where I fill you full of a bunch of self-esteem. I’m trying to get you to understand Christ-esteem and to know that it’s God’s hand on you, God’s favor on you, God’s spirit in you, that creates hope for you. Christ has given us grace, then in verse 8, he says, “When he ascended on high, he led captives in his train and gave gifts to men.” And your gift was not given for you to sit on it, but so that you would re-gift it so that the world could see what Jesus looks like in you, through you, fighting for you. And it goes all the way on through verse 13.
1 Peter 4:10-11 says, “Each of us should use whatever gift he has received to serve others.” To serve others. The prodigy in me is not about me. It’s about others. The prodigy in you isn’t about you. It’s not about you, it doesn’t matter if these people like you or agree with you, it’s all about Jesus, it’s only about Jesus, and it’s always about Jesus. It’s given to serve others, “faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”
You can also look at two of the classic passages in the Bible, Romans 12:3-8 and 1 Corinthians 12, the entire chapter is all about the gifts God has placed inside of you for His glory.
Of course there’s a balance and there’s a flipside to everything. I’m talking about the prodigy in you, but we have to know a few foundational things and the reality of it is: Although there is a prodigy in everyone, no one is a prodigy at everything. You’re not that good. Maybe that’s the reminder that you needed today. Some of you feel unworthy of God’s love and He’s going to use this to lift you up to show you who you are in Jesus. Others of you are good and you know it. And you’ve lost sight of how much if it wasn’t for others and if it wasn’t for God’s forgiveness, you wouldn’t be here today.
Oswald Chambers says, “Every unguarded strength is a double weakness.” That’s why the same gift that God put inside of me, to make me passionate about preaching the Gospel, if it is abused (abnormally used, that’s what abused is: used for the wrong purpose), then I could be a pusher on the street using the same gift God has given to lead thousands to Jesus to try to sell drugs to children. So, in that way we would say every drug user is a misguided entrepreneur or preacher for God. And the most foundational thing you can understand is the prodigy in me is not about me; it’s not for me.
I recently listened to a series entitled “The Prodigy in Me” from Elevation Church. It was a powerful series and very instrumental in the life of one of my athletes during an important moment. I’ve returned a number of times to portions of those sermons to be encouraged and reminded of this simple, yet bold, truth. There’s a prodigy in me, but it’s not about me.
I paraphrased a few memorable comments from the series below:
Prod-i-gy (noun) – a person, or especially a child or young person, having extraordinary talent or ability.
Isn’t it interesting that the dictionary singles out young people in this definition? We don’t have to convince our 7-year olds that they are creative. They just create. And then life and dumb people, and negligent parents and bad friends beat the prodigy out of you, but we’re all born with the image of God inside of us. Even if you don’t have a personal relationship with Christ, the Bible says that you are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26). And so sin fractures that image, sin distorts that image, but Christ came to reclaim that image and when he comes into your life he fills your life. So, the first definition of prodigy is extraordinary talent or ability.
A second definition is “a marvelous example” (usually followed by of). So, in our usage, a prodigy of God’s grace, or a prodigy of God’s mercy.
Number three: Something wonderful; a wonder. Number four: Something abnormal or monstrous. This definition is proof that, one way or another, we all fit the category (sarcasm). Number five (this is an archaic definition, but it’s worth mentioning): Something extraordinary regarded as of prophetic significance.
Say this out loud: “I’m a prodigy because God’s in me.” Come on, say it out loud.
I’m a prodigy because God’s in me. Now, that’s the key right there, because we don’t preach from the dictionary here; we preach from the Bible. A few more verses of scripture you should study if you want to learn about the gifts God has put inside of you, the potential, the calling that he’s put on your life, you can study the following:
Ephesians 4:7-8, where the Apostle Paul tells us, “but to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.” Now, if it’s been given that means it’s a gift. And if it’s a gift, that means I can’t take credit for it. One thing that really trips me out is when someone is really good at something and they think that it’s all about them. What you need to realize about this series is this isn’t some self-help bull crap where I fill you full of a bunch of self-esteem. I’m trying to get you to understand Christ-esteem and to know that it’s God’s hand on you, God’s favor on you, God’s spirit in you, that creates hope for you. Christ has given us grace, then in verse 8, he says, “When he ascended on high, he led captives in his train and gave gifts to men.” And your gift was not given for you to sit on it, but so that you would re-gift it so that the world could see what Jesus looks like in you, through you, fighting for you. And it goes all the way on through verse 13.
1 Peter 4:10-11 says, “Each of us should use whatever gift he has received to serve others.” To serve others. The prodigy in me is not about me. It’s about others. The prodigy in you isn’t about you. It’s not about you, it doesn’t matter if these people like you or agree with you, it’s all about Jesus, it’s only about Jesus, and it’s always about Jesus. It’s given to serve others, “faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”
You can also look at two of the classic passages in the Bible, Romans 12:3-8 and 1 Corinthians 12, the entire chapter is all about the gifts God has placed inside of you for His glory.
Of course there’s a balance and there’s a flipside to everything. I’m talking about the prodigy in you, but we have to know a few foundational things and the reality of it is: Although there is a prodigy in everyone, no one is a prodigy at everything. You’re not that good. Maybe that’s the reminder that you needed today. Some of you feel unworthy of God’s love and He’s going to use this to lift you up to show you who you are in Jesus. Others of you are good and you know it. And you’ve lost sight of how much if it wasn’t for others and if it wasn’t for God’s forgiveness, you wouldn’t be here today.
Oswald Chambers says, “Every unguarded strength is a double weakness.” That’s why the same gift that God put inside of me, to make me passionate about preaching the Gospel, if it is abused (abnormally used, that’s what abused is: used for the wrong purpose), then I could be a pusher on the street using the same gift God has given to lead thousands to Jesus to try to sell drugs to children. So, in that way we would say every drug user is a misguided entrepreneur or preacher for God. And the most foundational thing you can understand is the prodigy in me is not about me; it’s not for me.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Untrained experts in youth sports
I need help understanding the youth sports culture. I have a decent understanding of the youth wrestling scene and I can put my finger on most of the issues that are prohibiting the long term development of young athletes. Most of them include the short sightedness of parents. Read this sentence carefully: parents should absolutely be involved in the athletic endeavors of their children; however, this doesn’t mean they always know what’s best for them. Sport seems to be the only industry that allows, and even encourages, untrained individuals to be the “experts.”
I recently listened to two parents describe how well the football season went for each of their sons. They raved about the new direction of the youth football program. They were excited because their sons were in 3rd grade and they started tackling. In addition, the experience was vastly enhanced for Dad because, at that age, only parents were allowed to coach. You know, father-son bonding on the football field (sarcasm noted).
I did my best to listen and try to understand the excitement of the two parents, but there were too many red flags for me. I couldn’t get past them, so I’ll share a few of them.
Number 1: Is it really necessary for 3rd graders to play organized tackle football? Is it even safe? I mean, can children handle the impact? Does this “fast track” them to success? Because I’ve seen a number of highly successful football players who never played organized football until they were a member of a professional football team. I asked a few more questions and it became apparent to me that these youngsters practiced two times a week plus played one game on the weekend – for 9 weeks. This doesn’t make sense to me.
The NFL recently ended a fierce skirmish with the players and owners a few months ago. The player’s union basically said the season was too long and they were too susceptible to long term injuries, but didn’t have long term health benefits. These are physically developed, world class athletes; men, not children. NFL teams don’t even tackle three times a week, but 3rd graders do? It just doesn’t make sense.
Think on this notion for a moment: could it be possible that the concussion epidemic that has become so prevalent in sports today could be linked to the increased impact that athletes encounter as children? Just think about it. Is it possible? If it is we need to take caution at a very early age.
Number 2: When I was in youth sports, the mantra was always “safety first.” It was preached at every practice and throughout my physical education classes. Is safety really first? If I’m honest, it was actually frustrating for me as a young athlete, but I wasn’t the adult, was I? Safety must be the number one priority of parents and coaches. They MUST act like adults, not children.
I told these two parents that tackle football for 3rd graders scares me. It’s similar to my concerns with sports specialization. Young children aren’t physically ready for the repetitive stress on their underdeveloped bodies. As a result, athletes are experiencing serious overuse injuries at a very young age. It’s not healthy for children. Obviously, I wasn’t surprised that these two parents had never thought of the long term health ramifications of their shortsighted actions. I trust that they emphasize safety during practices and games; however, the real question is if they emphasize their safety years beyond those practices and games. It all sort of resembles the NFL Player’s Union, doesn’t it?
Number 3: Another aspect of the conversation that raised concern was the concept of only parents coaching. I understand youth sports depends on parents assuming these roles.
Side note: this just might preclude, by the way, that they’re too young…if Johnny can’t tie his own shoes and needs Daddy there, he’ll probably have difficulty understanding how to find the check down receiver when a blitz is coming.
Adamantly, I asked these parents if their children actually learned anything about playing football. They both quickly replied, almost in unison, “They had fun.” Clearly, that wasn’t my question. I asked if they learned how to play football. If our goal is to have fun, then let’s have fun. I completely identify with them on this notion. In fact, I agree whole-heartedly that these kids should have fun. Unabated, imaginative FUN. A parent-led football organization is significantly different than the football I remember being fun in third grade. We organized our own games on the school playground and in our backyards. In fact, every adult was hell bent on making sure we didn’t play “tackle.” We threw a Hail Mary on every play. That was fun. It’s no wonder I don’t see a group of children playing pick-up games at the park. How can learning cover 2 defense or how to run a halfback option pass be fun for anyone other than the halfback? We don’t need organized football led by parents to provide fun for kids. In fact, it’s actually stealing from them the creativity and genuine joy fostered in a pick-up game.
A few months ago, I wrote about a youth baseball game that I attended as a spectator. I was appalled by the lack of skill. I watched a pitcher throw the ball as hard as he could past underdeveloped hitters. That didn’t happen in the Sandlot because the objective was to have fun by playing the game. If the pitcher threw the ball past everyone, the kids in the field wouldn’t get to engage in the activity. We all held that pitcher accountable so everyone could play. Parents take away the fun by organizing it the pitcher’s goal becomes eliminating the possibility of the ball being put into play. That’s not much fun for the kid standing in right field.
All of a sudden, we trust parents to teach our youth athletes the intricacies of these great games. Are they qualified to teach skills, tactics and techniques effectively? Last time I checked, kids don’t need parents to instruct them how to have fun. And we don’t need parents assuming the expert role when they’re not.
I recently listened to two parents describe how well the football season went for each of their sons. They raved about the new direction of the youth football program. They were excited because their sons were in 3rd grade and they started tackling. In addition, the experience was vastly enhanced for Dad because, at that age, only parents were allowed to coach. You know, father-son bonding on the football field (sarcasm noted).
I did my best to listen and try to understand the excitement of the two parents, but there were too many red flags for me. I couldn’t get past them, so I’ll share a few of them.
Number 1: Is it really necessary for 3rd graders to play organized tackle football? Is it even safe? I mean, can children handle the impact? Does this “fast track” them to success? Because I’ve seen a number of highly successful football players who never played organized football until they were a member of a professional football team. I asked a few more questions and it became apparent to me that these youngsters practiced two times a week plus played one game on the weekend – for 9 weeks. This doesn’t make sense to me.
The NFL recently ended a fierce skirmish with the players and owners a few months ago. The player’s union basically said the season was too long and they were too susceptible to long term injuries, but didn’t have long term health benefits. These are physically developed, world class athletes; men, not children. NFL teams don’t even tackle three times a week, but 3rd graders do? It just doesn’t make sense.
Think on this notion for a moment: could it be possible that the concussion epidemic that has become so prevalent in sports today could be linked to the increased impact that athletes encounter as children? Just think about it. Is it possible? If it is we need to take caution at a very early age.
Number 2: When I was in youth sports, the mantra was always “safety first.” It was preached at every practice and throughout my physical education classes. Is safety really first? If I’m honest, it was actually frustrating for me as a young athlete, but I wasn’t the adult, was I? Safety must be the number one priority of parents and coaches. They MUST act like adults, not children.
I told these two parents that tackle football for 3rd graders scares me. It’s similar to my concerns with sports specialization. Young children aren’t physically ready for the repetitive stress on their underdeveloped bodies. As a result, athletes are experiencing serious overuse injuries at a very young age. It’s not healthy for children. Obviously, I wasn’t surprised that these two parents had never thought of the long term health ramifications of their shortsighted actions. I trust that they emphasize safety during practices and games; however, the real question is if they emphasize their safety years beyond those practices and games. It all sort of resembles the NFL Player’s Union, doesn’t it?
Number 3: Another aspect of the conversation that raised concern was the concept of only parents coaching. I understand youth sports depends on parents assuming these roles.
Side note: this just might preclude, by the way, that they’re too young…if Johnny can’t tie his own shoes and needs Daddy there, he’ll probably have difficulty understanding how to find the check down receiver when a blitz is coming.
Adamantly, I asked these parents if their children actually learned anything about playing football. They both quickly replied, almost in unison, “They had fun.” Clearly, that wasn’t my question. I asked if they learned how to play football. If our goal is to have fun, then let’s have fun. I completely identify with them on this notion. In fact, I agree whole-heartedly that these kids should have fun. Unabated, imaginative FUN. A parent-led football organization is significantly different than the football I remember being fun in third grade. We organized our own games on the school playground and in our backyards. In fact, every adult was hell bent on making sure we didn’t play “tackle.” We threw a Hail Mary on every play. That was fun. It’s no wonder I don’t see a group of children playing pick-up games at the park. How can learning cover 2 defense or how to run a halfback option pass be fun for anyone other than the halfback? We don’t need organized football led by parents to provide fun for kids. In fact, it’s actually stealing from them the creativity and genuine joy fostered in a pick-up game.
A few months ago, I wrote about a youth baseball game that I attended as a spectator. I was appalled by the lack of skill. I watched a pitcher throw the ball as hard as he could past underdeveloped hitters. That didn’t happen in the Sandlot because the objective was to have fun by playing the game. If the pitcher threw the ball past everyone, the kids in the field wouldn’t get to engage in the activity. We all held that pitcher accountable so everyone could play. Parents take away the fun by organizing it the pitcher’s goal becomes eliminating the possibility of the ball being put into play. That’s not much fun for the kid standing in right field.
All of a sudden, we trust parents to teach our youth athletes the intricacies of these great games. Are they qualified to teach skills, tactics and techniques effectively? Last time I checked, kids don’t need parents to instruct them how to have fun. And we don’t need parents assuming the expert role when they’re not.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Delusions of grandeur
I’ve been fired up, dare I say angry, since the Packers-Vikings game ended this weekend. I haven’t been able to shake it, so I’m going to write about it. Of course, I’m a die-hard Packers fan and would much rather see the Vikings lose football games than win them. So, after the Packers won in the Dome, it would make sense if I was overjoyed, but I wasn’t.
I’m tired of the antics that come from the Minnesota Vikings and it has nothing to do with my allegiance to the Green Bay Packers. I’m tired of them because they have a great effect on the people I see every day and, unfortunately, the Minnesota Vikings organization currently represents the American people more than the tradition of excellence that comes from the organization in Green Bay. The Vikings have set their standards on mediocrity and they revel in it. They applaud and champion complacency, and it’s not right. The proof was in the pudding on Sunday when their head coach decided to punt the ball to the Packers (the most prolific offense in football) with three minutes left, down by 6 points, instead of going all in and trying to win. Result: another second half collapse and one more notch in the loss column. The Vikings simply don’t play to win. So, guess what? They don’t win.
I’m upset with all of this because a professional organization, in the country for which I happen to live, has no expectations of excellence. They don’t strive to win. They don’t care if they lose. Their delusions of grandeur are unacceptable and I’m not going to be silent about it anymore. In fact, I went on a ten minute rant to my athletes at practice on Sunday night about it. I’m sick and tired of the Minnesota Vikings organization because they don’t care about success and there are too many impressionable young people watching.
To further this point, they started a rookie quarterback who made a few decent throws and looked good (even great) at times, however, he ended the day 13-32 with 219 yards, 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions (one of his completions was a surprise 79 yard pass on the first play of the game). He had an awful day as a quarterback, and lost the game, mind you, but the Vikings have found a way manipulate the truth to crown him the “next big thing” and the savior to their franchise. Why? Because he’s good looking? It’s pathetic and I can’t stand to see children and athletes that I work with buying this garbage. We have to have higher standards. If kids are going to look to professional athletes as role models, they need to see those professional athletes living standards of excellence.
I told my athletes that I expect excellence from them in every facet of their lives. We expect them to always do their best and be their best. I’m not interested in settling for mediocrity and have no intentions of not playing to win. I don’t care if they struggle in math or their teacher doesn’t like them, I expect them to be on the honor roll. If they’re going to be involved with what we’re doing, I expect them to treat others kindly and respect their parents and teachers. I expect them to follow rules and be an example to others. I expect their lives to exude excellence and force people to take notice; to stand out and be different and not settle for less than best or be complacent. The outcome is irrelevant if they play to win, leave it all on the field and go all in. Who they are today is important, but not as important as who they’re going to become. They need to expect to be “winners” – in life.
I’m tired of organizations, businesses, school districts, churches, and other groups of people championing mediocrity. I’m tired of the participation mindset that says everyone should feel good about themselves. I’m tired of parents accepting it from their children to preserve their self-esteem. I’m tired of coaches punting the ball to the best offense in the league when they have a chance to win and calling it a good day so they can crown their next hero. I’m tired of it and I won’t allow it in the lives of those who I work with…or those who read this blog.
The world desperately needs people who will stand up for what is good and right and strive for excellence in all areas of their life. Our organizations and businesses need leaders who have the courage to play to win while maintaining integrity.
I’m tired of the antics that come from the Minnesota Vikings and it has nothing to do with my allegiance to the Green Bay Packers. I’m tired of them because they have a great effect on the people I see every day and, unfortunately, the Minnesota Vikings organization currently represents the American people more than the tradition of excellence that comes from the organization in Green Bay. The Vikings have set their standards on mediocrity and they revel in it. They applaud and champion complacency, and it’s not right. The proof was in the pudding on Sunday when their head coach decided to punt the ball to the Packers (the most prolific offense in football) with three minutes left, down by 6 points, instead of going all in and trying to win. Result: another second half collapse and one more notch in the loss column. The Vikings simply don’t play to win. So, guess what? They don’t win.
I’m upset with all of this because a professional organization, in the country for which I happen to live, has no expectations of excellence. They don’t strive to win. They don’t care if they lose. Their delusions of grandeur are unacceptable and I’m not going to be silent about it anymore. In fact, I went on a ten minute rant to my athletes at practice on Sunday night about it. I’m sick and tired of the Minnesota Vikings organization because they don’t care about success and there are too many impressionable young people watching.
To further this point, they started a rookie quarterback who made a few decent throws and looked good (even great) at times, however, he ended the day 13-32 with 219 yards, 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions (one of his completions was a surprise 79 yard pass on the first play of the game). He had an awful day as a quarterback, and lost the game, mind you, but the Vikings have found a way manipulate the truth to crown him the “next big thing” and the savior to their franchise. Why? Because he’s good looking? It’s pathetic and I can’t stand to see children and athletes that I work with buying this garbage. We have to have higher standards. If kids are going to look to professional athletes as role models, they need to see those professional athletes living standards of excellence.
I told my athletes that I expect excellence from them in every facet of their lives. We expect them to always do their best and be their best. I’m not interested in settling for mediocrity and have no intentions of not playing to win. I don’t care if they struggle in math or their teacher doesn’t like them, I expect them to be on the honor roll. If they’re going to be involved with what we’re doing, I expect them to treat others kindly and respect their parents and teachers. I expect them to follow rules and be an example to others. I expect their lives to exude excellence and force people to take notice; to stand out and be different and not settle for less than best or be complacent. The outcome is irrelevant if they play to win, leave it all on the field and go all in. Who they are today is important, but not as important as who they’re going to become. They need to expect to be “winners” – in life.
I’m tired of organizations, businesses, school districts, churches, and other groups of people championing mediocrity. I’m tired of the participation mindset that says everyone should feel good about themselves. I’m tired of parents accepting it from their children to preserve their self-esteem. I’m tired of coaches punting the ball to the best offense in the league when they have a chance to win and calling it a good day so they can crown their next hero. I’m tired of it and I won’t allow it in the lives of those who I work with…or those who read this blog.
The world desperately needs people who will stand up for what is good and right and strive for excellence in all areas of their life. Our organizations and businesses need leaders who have the courage to play to win while maintaining integrity.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Playing well during the social chaos at the Mall of America
One of our favorite places to go to as a family is the Mall of America. We usually walk around without an agenda. I thoroughly enjoy "people watching" and conducting my very own amateur social experiments. I always leave having gained great insight into how human beings act, respond and meander about their lives.
We generally spend a hefty amount of time at LEGOLand - Isaiah's favorite place in the mall. He picks the station with the fewest distractions, climbs on top of the table and sticks his feet in the mix of LEGOS while he focuses on building tower after tower. I love watching him put his mind to something and begin to realize the creative juices inside of him. LEGOLand is a lot of fun. With all of that said, I have this strange suspicion that there are definitely a set of very clear unwritten rules and guidelines that every child and parent must follow during their time creating miss-matched towers. Today, a 14-year old boy (I'm assuming he was 14 as he was bigger than me) had been carousing every station looking for specific pieces to bring to the fortress he was constructing.
Side note: I think said individual is already in breach of these rules, or code, if you will. When the intellectual capacity of the individual reaches the point of understanding there are certain pieces made by the LEGO Group needed to complete the latest recreation of Lancelot's castle, you've probably outgrown the LEGOLand play area in the Mall of America.
Compared to his counterparts, this boy looked like a giant - literally. And he walked up to the station occupied by my first born son and took the figurine that resembled a firefighter. Isaiah quickly reached for it, but he was too late. He said, "hey, I want that." The bully snapped back and said, "well, I'm using it." WHAT?!?!?!?
I thought to myself, did that just happen? After surveying the situation and looking at my 3-year old son crying and saying he wanted to firefighter, I concluded that, yes, it actually did just happen. An awkward teenage boy stole LEGOS from my 3-year child...WTF (censored)? Of course, I took the high road, even though I wanted to throw down under the shadow of Woody and the Hero-Bot 9000 and give this kid a "dirt nap," and did my best to create a teachable moment and explain to Isaiah the idea of conflict management and sharing. Whatever, he just wanted the firefighter. I should have told Isaiah that, at 3, he'd get more middle school girls than that kid, but I'm fresh off a few blogs that held me accountable on that one.
Thinking about those few blogs, I witnessed another great and teachable moment in Banana Republic. Isaiah took a liking to a mannequin in a brown skirt and bright orange sweater. Much to my surprise, he was trying to lift the skirt of the female mannequin and I joked, "Isaiah, you cannot do that until you're married." "But I want to play with her," he said. Of course, he wasn't thinking of anything sexual; he sincerely wanted to play. Feeding off the situation, I told him he has to first hold her hand if he wants things to go any further. He turned to Liz and said, "Mommy, I want her to hold me." Liz had enough and said, "Isaiah, she's not real and she doesn't even have a head." Exactly! Mom, welcome to the world of raising boys. Chivalry doesn't come naturally, we must teach our boys how to value women.
**********
Did you know the name 'LEGO' is an abbreviation of the two Danish words "leg godt", meaning "play well"? It’s been the name and ideal of the founder of LEGO Group, Kirk Kristiansen, since 1932. Today, Isaiah "played well" even if others didn't. Good for him.
We generally spend a hefty amount of time at LEGOLand - Isaiah's favorite place in the mall. He picks the station with the fewest distractions, climbs on top of the table and sticks his feet in the mix of LEGOS while he focuses on building tower after tower. I love watching him put his mind to something and begin to realize the creative juices inside of him. LEGOLand is a lot of fun. With all of that said, I have this strange suspicion that there are definitely a set of very clear unwritten rules and guidelines that every child and parent must follow during their time creating miss-matched towers. Today, a 14-year old boy (I'm assuming he was 14 as he was bigger than me) had been carousing every station looking for specific pieces to bring to the fortress he was constructing.
Side note: I think said individual is already in breach of these rules, or code, if you will. When the intellectual capacity of the individual reaches the point of understanding there are certain pieces made by the LEGO Group needed to complete the latest recreation of Lancelot's castle, you've probably outgrown the LEGOLand play area in the Mall of America.
Compared to his counterparts, this boy looked like a giant - literally. And he walked up to the station occupied by my first born son and took the figurine that resembled a firefighter. Isaiah quickly reached for it, but he was too late. He said, "hey, I want that." The bully snapped back and said, "well, I'm using it." WHAT?!?!?!?
I thought to myself, did that just happen? After surveying the situation and looking at my 3-year old son crying and saying he wanted to firefighter, I concluded that, yes, it actually did just happen. An awkward teenage boy stole LEGOS from my 3-year child...WTF (censored)? Of course, I took the high road, even though I wanted to throw down under the shadow of Woody and the Hero-Bot 9000 and give this kid a "dirt nap," and did my best to create a teachable moment and explain to Isaiah the idea of conflict management and sharing. Whatever, he just wanted the firefighter. I should have told Isaiah that, at 3, he'd get more middle school girls than that kid, but I'm fresh off a few blogs that held me accountable on that one.
Thinking about those few blogs, I witnessed another great and teachable moment in Banana Republic. Isaiah took a liking to a mannequin in a brown skirt and bright orange sweater. Much to my surprise, he was trying to lift the skirt of the female mannequin and I joked, "Isaiah, you cannot do that until you're married." "But I want to play with her," he said. Of course, he wasn't thinking of anything sexual; he sincerely wanted to play. Feeding off the situation, I told him he has to first hold her hand if he wants things to go any further. He turned to Liz and said, "Mommy, I want her to hold me." Liz had enough and said, "Isaiah, she's not real and she doesn't even have a head." Exactly! Mom, welcome to the world of raising boys. Chivalry doesn't come naturally, we must teach our boys how to value women.
**********
Did you know the name 'LEGO' is an abbreviation of the two Danish words "leg godt", meaning "play well"? It’s been the name and ideal of the founder of LEGO Group, Kirk Kristiansen, since 1932. Today, Isaiah "played well" even if others didn't. Good for him.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The non-negotiables
One of the best decisions and single most defining moments in my life happened when I was 19 years old. It was the last weekend in January during the new millennium – January 29, 2000, to be exact. I made the decision to pursue the greatest woman in the world. I did my homework on her and carefully selected Liz. I met her earlier in the school year at an Athletes in Action function and casually asked a few other runners about her. Then I watched her at an indoor track meet. When she made her second turn during the first lap of a 3,000 meter race, I was captivated by her stride and look of determination. Of course, she was beautiful so it made the decision easier. I turned to my friend, Clayton, and told him that I was going to marry “that girl.” And I did. It didn’t happen by chance or by fate, though. It came by way of a very intentional process. I was looking for love in all the right places and found it.
I was different than most college students at that time. I had begun to understand my faith and knew that God was going to do big things in and through me. I wasn’t living the college lifestyle many of my classmates and teammates were. I made the decision when I was young to “save myself” for marriage and put myself in the right environments to maintain that standard. In the meantime, I thoughtfully considered my dating standards and, with the assistance of a great mentor, articulated my non-negotiable standards for a wife. At the top of the list was a faith and understanding of Christ that placed God at top of her priority list. My faith was the most important part of my life and it was imperative that whoever I chose to date thought the same way. It wasn’t narrow-minded on my part, it was smart. What was top on priority couldn’t number 5 or 6 on the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. For me, when it came to this, not everyone deserved a chance. I made a decision that I was only going to date those who met my standards for a wife. Fortunately, it only took one.
You have a choice with who you date and you have a choice with the standards you use. Your standards can never be too high for your future spouse (they can be wrong – looks, money, etc. – but never too high). You must determine your non-negotiable standards immediately, no matter how old you are. Think deeply and write them down. Once they’re determined, follow them! Don’t enter into exclusive dating relationships with individuals that don’t meet your standards and, if at any time, the individual you are with demonstrates to you that he/she doesn’t possess one of the non-negotiables, it’s time to move on. It doesn’t matter if he has potential. If he doesn’t meet the standards, move on. I don’t care if she’s really good looking and comes from a great family. If she doesn’t meet the standards, move on. Don’t waste anyone’s time. This doesn’t mean that you throw in the towel every time someone annoys you. I’m talking about the few, specific non-negotiables. If they’re non-negotiable, you shouldn’t have to negotiate with yourself about him/her.
There are far too many people who live accidental lives. They find themselves in a situation or a relationship and they don’t know how they arrived in the place they are. It’s about taking responsibility for your life and the decisions you make. They were reluctant to take initiative and control of the decision making process and allowed things to happen that were less than best for their lives. They didn’t have the courage to go against what culture was saying and listen to what their heart was saying. They weren’t selective in who they chose to date. They let the date choose them. They were looking for love in all the wrong places.
On our wedding day, Liz gave me a beautiful letter that she had written. In it, she wrote, “you have nothing I can’t live with and everything I can’t live without.” She was looking for love in all the right places, too. She chose me. And I chose her. We’ve been married for over 8 years and we’ve had to work through many issues and problems. The dynamics of our relationship have changed with careers, children, mortgages, etc. Neither of us is perfect. However, it’s not about if the other is perfect or not, it’s that we’re perfect for each other.
I made a choice to pursue Liz 3,882 days ago and every day since I’ve made the same decision. Life is about making decisions and in the end, those decisions make you.
I was different than most college students at that time. I had begun to understand my faith and knew that God was going to do big things in and through me. I wasn’t living the college lifestyle many of my classmates and teammates were. I made the decision when I was young to “save myself” for marriage and put myself in the right environments to maintain that standard. In the meantime, I thoughtfully considered my dating standards and, with the assistance of a great mentor, articulated my non-negotiable standards for a wife. At the top of the list was a faith and understanding of Christ that placed God at top of her priority list. My faith was the most important part of my life and it was imperative that whoever I chose to date thought the same way. It wasn’t narrow-minded on my part, it was smart. What was top on priority couldn’t number 5 or 6 on the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. For me, when it came to this, not everyone deserved a chance. I made a decision that I was only going to date those who met my standards for a wife. Fortunately, it only took one.
You have a choice with who you date and you have a choice with the standards you use. Your standards can never be too high for your future spouse (they can be wrong – looks, money, etc. – but never too high). You must determine your non-negotiable standards immediately, no matter how old you are. Think deeply and write them down. Once they’re determined, follow them! Don’t enter into exclusive dating relationships with individuals that don’t meet your standards and, if at any time, the individual you are with demonstrates to you that he/she doesn’t possess one of the non-negotiables, it’s time to move on. It doesn’t matter if he has potential. If he doesn’t meet the standards, move on. I don’t care if she’s really good looking and comes from a great family. If she doesn’t meet the standards, move on. Don’t waste anyone’s time. This doesn’t mean that you throw in the towel every time someone annoys you. I’m talking about the few, specific non-negotiables. If they’re non-negotiable, you shouldn’t have to negotiate with yourself about him/her.
There are far too many people who live accidental lives. They find themselves in a situation or a relationship and they don’t know how they arrived in the place they are. It’s about taking responsibility for your life and the decisions you make. They were reluctant to take initiative and control of the decision making process and allowed things to happen that were less than best for their lives. They didn’t have the courage to go against what culture was saying and listen to what their heart was saying. They weren’t selective in who they chose to date. They let the date choose them. They were looking for love in all the wrong places.
On our wedding day, Liz gave me a beautiful letter that she had written. In it, she wrote, “you have nothing I can’t live with and everything I can’t live without.” She was looking for love in all the right places, too. She chose me. And I chose her. We’ve been married for over 8 years and we’ve had to work through many issues and problems. The dynamics of our relationship have changed with careers, children, mortgages, etc. Neither of us is perfect. However, it’s not about if the other is perfect or not, it’s that we’re perfect for each other.
I made a choice to pursue Liz 3,882 days ago and every day since I’ve made the same decision. Life is about making decisions and in the end, those decisions make you.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
What did you do in the offseason to get better?
This morning I'm writing directly to coaches. What did YOU do in the offseason to get better? Coaches expect their athletes to do a number of things in the offseason to be ready for the next, but are they willing to put in the extra time to become better themselves? In most cases, I would say, "no."
The number of good coaches in the sport of wrestling is on the decline and I would be as bold as to say that there are only a few "great" coaches left in our state. Sure, being in a leadership role with kids is special in and of itself, however, I'm tired of applauding "good intentions" and "meant well." It's time to expect more from our leaders. I just don't see enough coaches putting in the time necessary to become better coaches - or better men, husbands, fathers, etc. When these men were athletes, they understood the importance of doing the extra work and the little things right to succeed. Somehow, in those same men there's a disconnect when it comes to their role as coach. We expect excellence from our athletes, but not from our coaches. They're set on mediocrity and complacency. There are no prerequisites to coach. Continuing education is not mandatory. And, as a result, standards are essentially non-existent.
Yesterday I was a part of a new project in our state that was focused on raising standards of excellence. I had been talking to another coach about the condition of the coaches in Wisconsin and instead of waiting for someone else to do something about it, we did. We put together our state's first "Coaches Advancement Day." I was adamant about leaving the word "retreat" out of the title because we had no intentions of retreating; we want to advance. We had 12 successful wrestling coaches focusing on becoming better.
It's not an accident that these coaches have experienced great success; they're willing to put the time in to become better. I think it's fair to believe there are more than twelve coaches who want to get better, however, sadly, the same twelve individuals seem to take advantage of all of the opportunities.
As a coach, I'm postured as a learner. Trying to become the best I can be is very important to me, so I'm willing to do what it takes. It's time for more coaches to put in the same amount of time to improve as they expect from their athletes. Instructing a wrestler to attend a summer camp and not doing so as coach is unacceptable. There are many little things that can be done to improve.
Here is a small list of ideas for coaches. They're all very manageable. Coaches, you owe it to your athletes to improve. Get better or get left behind.
• Keep a journal
• Plan ahead
• Read a book (about leadership)
• Host or attend a summer wrestling camp
• Attend a coaching summit/clinic
• Find a mentor
• Watch the highest levels of wrestling on YouTube
• Use the buddy system – find another coach to share ideas with. Iron sharpens iron.
• Stay in shape
• Read articles (or books) about training athletes
• Breakdown video from previous seasons
• Challenge the status quo and think outside the box
• Study other coaches (including in other sports)
• Get to know your athletes and their parents
The number of good coaches in the sport of wrestling is on the decline and I would be as bold as to say that there are only a few "great" coaches left in our state. Sure, being in a leadership role with kids is special in and of itself, however, I'm tired of applauding "good intentions" and "meant well." It's time to expect more from our leaders. I just don't see enough coaches putting in the time necessary to become better coaches - or better men, husbands, fathers, etc. When these men were athletes, they understood the importance of doing the extra work and the little things right to succeed. Somehow, in those same men there's a disconnect when it comes to their role as coach. We expect excellence from our athletes, but not from our coaches. They're set on mediocrity and complacency. There are no prerequisites to coach. Continuing education is not mandatory. And, as a result, standards are essentially non-existent.
Yesterday I was a part of a new project in our state that was focused on raising standards of excellence. I had been talking to another coach about the condition of the coaches in Wisconsin and instead of waiting for someone else to do something about it, we did. We put together our state's first "Coaches Advancement Day." I was adamant about leaving the word "retreat" out of the title because we had no intentions of retreating; we want to advance. We had 12 successful wrestling coaches focusing on becoming better.
It's not an accident that these coaches have experienced great success; they're willing to put the time in to become better. I think it's fair to believe there are more than twelve coaches who want to get better, however, sadly, the same twelve individuals seem to take advantage of all of the opportunities.
As a coach, I'm postured as a learner. Trying to become the best I can be is very important to me, so I'm willing to do what it takes. It's time for more coaches to put in the same amount of time to improve as they expect from their athletes. Instructing a wrestler to attend a summer camp and not doing so as coach is unacceptable. There are many little things that can be done to improve.
Here is a small list of ideas for coaches. They're all very manageable. Coaches, you owe it to your athletes to improve. Get better or get left behind.
• Keep a journal
• Plan ahead
• Read a book (about leadership)
• Host or attend a summer wrestling camp
• Attend a coaching summit/clinic
• Find a mentor
• Watch the highest levels of wrestling on YouTube
• Use the buddy system – find another coach to share ideas with. Iron sharpens iron.
• Stay in shape
• Read articles (or books) about training athletes
• Breakdown video from previous seasons
• Challenge the status quo and think outside the box
• Study other coaches (including in other sports)
• Get to know your athletes and their parents
Monday, October 10, 2011
MMQB: Week 5
"You can't stop them. You can only hope to contain them." Stuart Jackson used to make a habit of saying this during Sports Center. It's the quote that was constantly ringing in my head last night during the Packers-Falcons game. The Falcons started the game perfectly - controlling the clock and keeping the Packers offense off the field. However, it was only a matter of time before Rodgers was able to pick apart the defense. I think Packers fans were a little greedy during the game last night, though. For me, it's refreshing to see the Packers are capable of winning "ugly," too. They're good. Really good.
The most exciting player of the weekend was Victor Cruz. The Giants wide receiver was unheard of before this season, but he makes acrobatic catches every weekend. Adrian Peterson did alright, too, but Calvin Johnson hasn't played yet. Drew Brees is the biggest superstar that nobody talks about. His numbers are almost as good as Brady, he's winning football games as well as anybody (except Rodgers) and he just put an entire team on his back and carried them to a win...again. I need to give Fred Jackson some props, too. Behind that young offensive line, he could rush for over 1,400 yards. And not-so-quietly, Jared Allen is playing like a Pro Bowler again.
Seriously, what's the deal with the Eagles? Michael Vick has seven interceptions and seven fumbles. I don't care how electrifying he is, that's a problem. The Eagles are a problem. Since Andy Reid is one of my favorite coaches, I haven't counted them out, but I'm getting very, very close. I heard separate interviews of both Reid and Vick. They both said they take the full responsibility for what's happening. To me, that doesn't make sense. Two people cannot be fully responsible, can they? I think they need to sort out who's in charge of the team (and Vick is not in charge). I just don't have much love for the entire NFC East right now. There isn't one team in that division that inspires me.
I have counted out John Candy and the Jets. They're a very good team, but they just keep losing. They can't afford to do that in their division. The Patriots are the Patriots and the Bills are for real. I don't think they can catch either of those teams and they can't rely on the other wild card spot with all of the surprising teams (Oakland, Tennessee, Cincinnati, etc.).
I'm sold on the Bills, Raiders and 49ers. I think all three teams will be in the playoffs. Jim Harbaugh knows what he's doing. He has Alex Smith looking like a Pro Bowl leader right now. And their defense is completely legit.
The Raiders played "inspired" yesterday, however, they're good enough to win games like that every week (except for when the go to Lambeau...). Al Davis was a pretty big deal to professional football. I enjoyed watching the pregame shows yesterday and hearing how he impacted some of the best personalities in the game. He was a key factor in integrating the AFL and NFL, the first to hire an African-American head coach, a Latino head coach and a female CEO. What a pioneer. Good for him.
Tim Tebow has arrived, much to the chagrin of Merrill Hodge on NFL Live. Well, he was at least put in the line-up. I'm not sure if he's arrived yet. He is a gamer, though. How can you not love this guy? I like that he was a superstar without playing. It goes to show that people do like high character players. He has set himself apart and God is using him. Now, we get to draw our conclusions of him based on how well (or poorly) he can throw a football. I'm not as optimistic about his skills as I am his character. He's still and gamer, though, and he's a winner.
I'm ashamed to write that I put Ben Roethlisberger on waivers in one of my fantasy leagues right before the weekend started. Good one, Kevin. I just finished writing that after week 4 last year, he was money. He was suspended then and in terms of fantasy impact, he might as well have been this year. Now he's rolling and I have Jason Campbell instead. Dang.
The most exciting player of the weekend was Victor Cruz. The Giants wide receiver was unheard of before this season, but he makes acrobatic catches every weekend. Adrian Peterson did alright, too, but Calvin Johnson hasn't played yet. Drew Brees is the biggest superstar that nobody talks about. His numbers are almost as good as Brady, he's winning football games as well as anybody (except Rodgers) and he just put an entire team on his back and carried them to a win...again. I need to give Fred Jackson some props, too. Behind that young offensive line, he could rush for over 1,400 yards. And not-so-quietly, Jared Allen is playing like a Pro Bowler again.
Seriously, what's the deal with the Eagles? Michael Vick has seven interceptions and seven fumbles. I don't care how electrifying he is, that's a problem. The Eagles are a problem. Since Andy Reid is one of my favorite coaches, I haven't counted them out, but I'm getting very, very close. I heard separate interviews of both Reid and Vick. They both said they take the full responsibility for what's happening. To me, that doesn't make sense. Two people cannot be fully responsible, can they? I think they need to sort out who's in charge of the team (and Vick is not in charge). I just don't have much love for the entire NFC East right now. There isn't one team in that division that inspires me.
I have counted out John Candy and the Jets. They're a very good team, but they just keep losing. They can't afford to do that in their division. The Patriots are the Patriots and the Bills are for real. I don't think they can catch either of those teams and they can't rely on the other wild card spot with all of the surprising teams (Oakland, Tennessee, Cincinnati, etc.).
I'm sold on the Bills, Raiders and 49ers. I think all three teams will be in the playoffs. Jim Harbaugh knows what he's doing. He has Alex Smith looking like a Pro Bowl leader right now. And their defense is completely legit.
The Raiders played "inspired" yesterday, however, they're good enough to win games like that every week (except for when the go to Lambeau...). Al Davis was a pretty big deal to professional football. I enjoyed watching the pregame shows yesterday and hearing how he impacted some of the best personalities in the game. He was a key factor in integrating the AFL and NFL, the first to hire an African-American head coach, a Latino head coach and a female CEO. What a pioneer. Good for him.
Tim Tebow has arrived, much to the chagrin of Merrill Hodge on NFL Live. Well, he was at least put in the line-up. I'm not sure if he's arrived yet. He is a gamer, though. How can you not love this guy? I like that he was a superstar without playing. It goes to show that people do like high character players. He has set himself apart and God is using him. Now, we get to draw our conclusions of him based on how well (or poorly) he can throw a football. I'm not as optimistic about his skills as I am his character. He's still and gamer, though, and he's a winner.
I'm ashamed to write that I put Ben Roethlisberger on waivers in one of my fantasy leagues right before the weekend started. Good one, Kevin. I just finished writing that after week 4 last year, he was money. He was suspended then and in terms of fantasy impact, he might as well have been this year. Now he's rolling and I have Jason Campbell instead. Dang.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Endure such opposition
I’ve been very adamant about speaking the truth in love to the next generation of men since I started working with high school athletes ten years ago. Most recently, I’ve been expressing frustrations and expectations on boys becoming men on this blog. I have been very firm about these responsibilities and, in light of the weight of these expectations; I also want to be a source of encouragement to these young men.
Teenagers face pressure to conform in countless ways. Many of them are unhealthy and unproductive, but they’re intriguing because they can sometimes be exciting and popular. Everyone desires to be accepted and, unfortunately, being part of “the crowd” temporarily meets that need. However, being part of the crowd is uninteresting and ordinary. It lacks uniqueness. It’s simply common. We need to strive to be uncommon. If everyone is doing it, it’s probably not worth doing. Nothing worth having or doing comes easily. Originality is a vital ingredient needed to become the man God created you to be. Your life should stick out and people should notice that you’re “different.” You have what it takes because you are exemplary and extraordinary. You need to be more weird because normal isn’t work. You are too valuable to be confined in the space of what everyone else is doing. Stand up and stand out!
It’s difficult to be the exception to society’s rules. Unquestionably, you’ll face persecution of various kinds. There are many great men that have gone before us who we can learn from. The late Steve Jobs is becoming immortalized for the way he approached life. One of his closest friends said of him during his final days, “Steve made choices…But for Steve, it was all about living life on his own terms and not wasting a moment with things he didn’t think were important. He was aware that his time on earth was limited. He wanted control of what he did with the choices that were left.” Jobs is the greatest innovator and leader in the past 20 years and he was determined to be unique, no matter how great the pressure was to conform. Without addressing specific pressures, in a sense, Jobs’ legacy captures the essence of what we’re going for here.
By looking into the lives of prominent characters in the Bible, we gain even more insight into the correct decision making process. Many of them faced death and persecution for standing up for what was right. High school presents us with pressures, obviously, but our lives aren’t on the line. Certainly, you can cope with not being invited to the next party when you decide to stand up to your buddies who want to go down the wrong path. Certainly, you’re strong enough to handle the “wrath” of the captain on your football team when you refuse to tolerate him degrading women. Certainly, you can put your popularity on the line to protect that helpless freshman your team insists on relentlessly picking on day after day. Certainly, you can endure the teasing from others when you decide to pursue purity and honor women by not having sex until your married. When you make difficult decisions, you will be ridiculed. When you’re exceptional, others will do all they can to bring you back down to their level.
When you feel attacked by classmates and teammates, take heart in knowing that it will make you stronger for the journey to become a man. I’ve been there and it can be hard to say, “No” and stand up for what is right. The rewards are great; however, don’t just take my word for it. If you will endure and not lose heart, God promises us that it’s worth it. Sure, it will get difficult, but He will provide the “extra” strength to preserve. This all leads to maturity.
Here are few passages that will provide you with encouragement to do what is right.
Teenagers face pressure to conform in countless ways. Many of them are unhealthy and unproductive, but they’re intriguing because they can sometimes be exciting and popular. Everyone desires to be accepted and, unfortunately, being part of “the crowd” temporarily meets that need. However, being part of the crowd is uninteresting and ordinary. It lacks uniqueness. It’s simply common. We need to strive to be uncommon. If everyone is doing it, it’s probably not worth doing. Nothing worth having or doing comes easily. Originality is a vital ingredient needed to become the man God created you to be. Your life should stick out and people should notice that you’re “different.” You have what it takes because you are exemplary and extraordinary. You need to be more weird because normal isn’t work. You are too valuable to be confined in the space of what everyone else is doing. Stand up and stand out!
It’s difficult to be the exception to society’s rules. Unquestionably, you’ll face persecution of various kinds. There are many great men that have gone before us who we can learn from. The late Steve Jobs is becoming immortalized for the way he approached life. One of his closest friends said of him during his final days, “Steve made choices…But for Steve, it was all about living life on his own terms and not wasting a moment with things he didn’t think were important. He was aware that his time on earth was limited. He wanted control of what he did with the choices that were left.” Jobs is the greatest innovator and leader in the past 20 years and he was determined to be unique, no matter how great the pressure was to conform. Without addressing specific pressures, in a sense, Jobs’ legacy captures the essence of what we’re going for here.
By looking into the lives of prominent characters in the Bible, we gain even more insight into the correct decision making process. Many of them faced death and persecution for standing up for what was right. High school presents us with pressures, obviously, but our lives aren’t on the line. Certainly, you can cope with not being invited to the next party when you decide to stand up to your buddies who want to go down the wrong path. Certainly, you’re strong enough to handle the “wrath” of the captain on your football team when you refuse to tolerate him degrading women. Certainly, you can put your popularity on the line to protect that helpless freshman your team insists on relentlessly picking on day after day. Certainly, you can endure the teasing from others when you decide to pursue purity and honor women by not having sex until your married. When you make difficult decisions, you will be ridiculed. When you’re exceptional, others will do all they can to bring you back down to their level.
When you feel attacked by classmates and teammates, take heart in knowing that it will make you stronger for the journey to become a man. I’ve been there and it can be hard to say, “No” and stand up for what is right. The rewards are great; however, don’t just take my word for it. If you will endure and not lose heart, God promises us that it’s worth it. Sure, it will get difficult, but He will provide the “extra” strength to preserve. This all leads to maturity.
Here are few passages that will provide you with encouragement to do what is right.
“Consider it pure joy, brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be made mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” – 1 Corinthians 4:7-10
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” – Hebrews 12:1-3
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Be that kind of man
Yesterday I wrote a blog about how young men need to treat women. It’s one of the best blogs I’ve written. Courteous courtship needs to be addressed and I received a lot of feedback indicating that we don’t discuss it enough. So, here I am with round two.
I painted a clear picture for our boys on how to treat women and almost immediately this morning, I came across the following Facebook status that impacted me in a variety of ways.
When I saw this post in my news feed, I “liked” it immediately. However, I was embarrassed to read the derogatory comments written moments after it was posted. Like vulchers, guys fed on the heartless and lifeless comments. They thought they were funny, but they instantly revealed how childish and foolish they are. They were nothing less than offensive and then to see individuals had liked the comments made me sick. I have zero tolerance for this type of behavior and these guys need to be exposed for the dirt bags they are.
Not surprisingly, a plethora of females liked the status and tried their best to show they didn’t appreciate the comments, but it only added fuel to the fire. There weren’t any men who had the courage to stand-up and tell these guys they were out of line, either. A woman was sharing her heart, telling the world what she truly desires, and guys mocked and disrespected her for it. This is utterly pathetic. Rhetorically speaking, how stupid can you be guys? Oh yeah, and in somewhat of a related note, most of those guys are single and not getting any closer to having a woman actually like them. Shocking, huh? If one of these guys had previously been successful in tricking a girl into liking him, I hope she dumped him today.
Clearly, daughters do need to learn these differences because, apparently, we can't trust men to know them or to take them seriously.
I didn’t want to share any of the inappropriate comments because I don’t want to glorify them or the idiot guys that posted/liked them; however, it’s important for everyone to know what we’re working with here and how far away from chivalry many are. We’re working with a lot of childish and chauvinist loser guys who also qualify as stupid. Below are a few comments I saw on Facebook and online in response to this quote. If they don’t make your skin crawl, YOU are part of the problem. If you’re not willing to stand-up to and rebuke individuals or groups who endorse the following statements, particularly if you’re a man, YOU are part of the problem.
•“Men want a woman that can make sandwiches and clean the kitchen…now that’s a woman that will get ‘love.’” Followed by, “don’t forget backrubs.”
•“Why can’t men be God’s gift to women?”
•“Fathers, you’ve have your daughters for 18 years, it’s our time now!”
Remember, this only a microcosm to what I saw in response to this quote. Most of the problem is that guys actually believe these things. They think they’re God’s gift to the world. However, another part of the problem is that there seems to be a lack of courage in others to be bold and stand-up for what’s right. I’d enjoy the opportunity to eliminate these losers from existence, but here’s my burden: I do have hope for them because they are still the image and glory of God according to 1 Corinthians 11:7. They have every ingredient needed to be real men; they just need accountability, direction and guidance. They might also need to get slapped in the face and be the subject of a public roasting before they come around. Actually, what they need might even be more severe than that. I just hope and pray that a sweet little girl wrestling with acceptance and self-image issues while becoming a woman doesn’t waste her time with him until he’s legitimately living out his potential as a man.
We do need to teach our daughters the difference. It has to start when our daughters are very young. We need to teach them that boys who push them down, pull their hair and hit them on the school playground do this because they’re mean, not because they like our daughters. We need to teach our sons the difference, as well.
To the men of Victory, stand-up and fight the good fight. With bold conviction, unswervingly tell those guys they’re wrong. Courageously stand out and be a man. Separate yourself from this behavior. It’s never cool to be chauvinist, even if you’re in the locker room or at your buddy’s house. I guarantee it won’t be easy and it will likely be unpopular, but it’s the right thing to do. It’s never wrong to do what’s right. Be the change you want to see in the world.
I painted a clear picture for our boys on how to treat women and almost immediately this morning, I came across the following Facebook status that impacted me in a variety of ways.
We need to teach our daughters the difference between a man who FLATTERS her, and a man who COMPLIMENTS her.
A man who SPENDS money on her, and a man who INVESTS in her.
A man who views her as PROPERTY and a man who views her PROPERLY.
A man who LUSTS after her and a man who LOVES her.
A man who believes he is God's gift to women, and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man.
And then teach our sons to be that kind of man
When I saw this post in my news feed, I “liked” it immediately. However, I was embarrassed to read the derogatory comments written moments after it was posted. Like vulchers, guys fed on the heartless and lifeless comments. They thought they were funny, but they instantly revealed how childish and foolish they are. They were nothing less than offensive and then to see individuals had liked the comments made me sick. I have zero tolerance for this type of behavior and these guys need to be exposed for the dirt bags they are.
Not surprisingly, a plethora of females liked the status and tried their best to show they didn’t appreciate the comments, but it only added fuel to the fire. There weren’t any men who had the courage to stand-up and tell these guys they were out of line, either. A woman was sharing her heart, telling the world what she truly desires, and guys mocked and disrespected her for it. This is utterly pathetic. Rhetorically speaking, how stupid can you be guys? Oh yeah, and in somewhat of a related note, most of those guys are single and not getting any closer to having a woman actually like them. Shocking, huh? If one of these guys had previously been successful in tricking a girl into liking him, I hope she dumped him today.
Clearly, daughters do need to learn these differences because, apparently, we can't trust men to know them or to take them seriously.
I didn’t want to share any of the inappropriate comments because I don’t want to glorify them or the idiot guys that posted/liked them; however, it’s important for everyone to know what we’re working with here and how far away from chivalry many are. We’re working with a lot of childish and chauvinist loser guys who also qualify as stupid. Below are a few comments I saw on Facebook and online in response to this quote. If they don’t make your skin crawl, YOU are part of the problem. If you’re not willing to stand-up to and rebuke individuals or groups who endorse the following statements, particularly if you’re a man, YOU are part of the problem.
•“Men want a woman that can make sandwiches and clean the kitchen…now that’s a woman that will get ‘love.’” Followed by, “don’t forget backrubs.”
•“Why can’t men be God’s gift to women?”
•“Fathers, you’ve have your daughters for 18 years, it’s our time now!”
Remember, this only a microcosm to what I saw in response to this quote. Most of the problem is that guys actually believe these things. They think they’re God’s gift to the world. However, another part of the problem is that there seems to be a lack of courage in others to be bold and stand-up for what’s right. I’d enjoy the opportunity to eliminate these losers from existence, but here’s my burden: I do have hope for them because they are still the image and glory of God according to 1 Corinthians 11:7. They have every ingredient needed to be real men; they just need accountability, direction and guidance. They might also need to get slapped in the face and be the subject of a public roasting before they come around. Actually, what they need might even be more severe than that. I just hope and pray that a sweet little girl wrestling with acceptance and self-image issues while becoming a woman doesn’t waste her time with him until he’s legitimately living out his potential as a man.
We do need to teach our daughters the difference. It has to start when our daughters are very young. We need to teach them that boys who push them down, pull their hair and hit them on the school playground do this because they’re mean, not because they like our daughters. We need to teach our sons the difference, as well.
To the men of Victory, stand-up and fight the good fight. With bold conviction, unswervingly tell those guys they’re wrong. Courageously stand out and be a man. Separate yourself from this behavior. It’s never cool to be chauvinist, even if you’re in the locker room or at your buddy’s house. I guarantee it won’t be easy and it will likely be unpopular, but it’s the right thing to do. It’s never wrong to do what’s right. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Courteous courtship
I received a lot of feedback from my previous post about raising standards and expecting boys to become men. It encouraged me to expand on a few of the ideas that real men stand for. I slid the word chivalry in yesterday and I know it caught people’s attention. Whenever we discuss the subject of chivalry, there are three words at the forefront of most minds: chivalry is dead. Chivalry might be dormant, but it certainly isn’t dead. It’s in the hearts of everyone because we’re created in the image of God. The code of chivalry stands for hope, kindness, respect, integrity and courage and it’s time to reclaim these virtues. Every man needs a beauty to rescue and every woman wants to be that beauty. To the men of Victory, you are being summoned to be a knight in shimmering armor.
I might be out of my jurisdiction here. Still, I have a responsibility as a leader of young men and as a wrestling coach, of all things, to demonstrate, encourage and teach the idea of courteous courtship, or “chivalry.” Obviously, I have made mistakes in relationships and still do; however, I have stood up against culture and actively sought to treat women with respect. We’re in an awful place when this behavior is unique. Young boys in the midst of becoming men aren’t properly instructed on how to treat a lady. They live in a world where more marriages fail than survive and very few of those that survive actually thrive. When it comes to the dating world, they’re left to their own devices. I can’t blame them for following the ways of the world when it’s all they see and hear.
Popular culture is doing its best to kill chivalry and strip boys of these virtues. Almost as if chivalry and equality can’t exist at the same time. I watched the movie Easy A with Emma Stone last year and was heartbroken when she said,
It’s not John Hughes’ responsibility to personify chivalry. It’s the responsibility of every man. Women want to be pursued and rescued. And men want to be the rescuer. These are soul cravings unique to each gender. Why do I believe this? Because the Bible told me so.
Speaking directly to men, Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This means you are to lay down your life for her life. It’s sacrificial and unconditional love. Perfect. A movie that exemplifies this type of love is Robin Hood: Men of Thieves. Unfortunately, most of this new generation hasn’t seen it, or even heard of it, but I still tell every one of my athletes to watch it in order to assure they become the right kind of man. The theme song “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams tells it all. In 1991, it spent 16 weeks at number one because everyone identified with the lyrics: “I would die for you…” Robin of Locksley said it with absolute conviction to Maid Marion and he won her heart. It communicated the longing inside of every woman to be cherished, honored and pursued and it revealed the chivalrous virtues each man possesses. Notice that the lyrics only make sense when a man sings them. That’s because men are called to give up their lives for a woman. Women aren’t called to do the same.
Another movie that demonstrates this attitude of chivalry is Last of the Mohicans. This is another movie you won’t find in Redbox so most teenagers skip this one, too. Not at Victory, though. It’s another one I push on high school boys because it demonstrates chivalry in a bold way. There’s a beautiful scene in a water fall when the main character Hawkeye lays it all on the line for Cora after she tells him to save himself and he says, “You be strong. You survive…you stay alive. No matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes. No matter how far. I will find you.” I get chills every time I watch this scene because of the message a man delivers to a woman. He’s saying unequivocally, without hesitation, that she is worth pursuing while risking his own life. Of course she is to the manliest of men.
There’s a lot to digest in what I’ve shared so far, however, these boys need to see chivalry played out. They need higher standards because most of them are currently falling short in the high school and college “dating game.” They’re not bringing to the table the basics of courteous courtship. They’re not acting like real men. Perhaps they’re trying to prove that they’re not stuck in old-fashioned social conventions. Or perhaps they’re supremely bewildered about what is expected of them while they’re on a date.
Men of Victory, consider these to be the most basic rules for dating…Take a shower and dress nicely – each date should be treated as a special occasion and baggy jeans with holes and an American Eagle t-shirt don’t say anything special at all. Open all doors and hold them for her, even if she says you don’t need to wait on her, you do. Refrain from the physical temptations and get to know her for who she is inside her soul, not outside. Pay attention to her, listen to her and be exclusively hers – there’s no need to text your buddy the play-by-play or update your status while in the theater. When you’re around your boys with her, cherish and protect her, you’re not ashamed of her, and when she’s not with you, speak highly of her never being degrading. Tell your parents about her and include them in the story so you can share the experience with those closest to you while securing needed accountability. These are the basic building blocks to living out chivalry and a courteous courtship. These are expected of you.
I’m tired of loser boyfriends who put themselves first in relationships. It’s a privilege to honor a woman and, as a man, it’s your responsibility to do it. If you’re going to be a loser boyfriend, do it by yourself. Don’t break the heart of a sweet girl in the process. You can be a loser by yourself. She deserves better and, obviously, you don’t deserve her. Making a woman feel inadequate is not cool. It never was and never will be. Lift her up and treat her feel like a princess. Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess. As a man, God is the King of your heart, but she is the queen of your heart. Honor her. Respect her. Cherish her. Hold her heart and guard it as if your life depends on it, because it does. You should lay down your life before you put down her heart.
Follow this link to see the video for Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo
I might be out of my jurisdiction here. Still, I have a responsibility as a leader of young men and as a wrestling coach, of all things, to demonstrate, encourage and teach the idea of courteous courtship, or “chivalry.” Obviously, I have made mistakes in relationships and still do; however, I have stood up against culture and actively sought to treat women with respect. We’re in an awful place when this behavior is unique. Young boys in the midst of becoming men aren’t properly instructed on how to treat a lady. They live in a world where more marriages fail than survive and very few of those that survive actually thrive. When it comes to the dating world, they’re left to their own devices. I can’t blame them for following the ways of the world when it’s all they see and hear.
Popular culture is doing its best to kill chivalry and strip boys of these virtues. Almost as if chivalry and equality can’t exist at the same time. I watched the movie Easy A with Emma Stone last year and was heartbroken when she said,
“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boom box outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”
It’s not John Hughes’ responsibility to personify chivalry. It’s the responsibility of every man. Women want to be pursued and rescued. And men want to be the rescuer. These are soul cravings unique to each gender. Why do I believe this? Because the Bible told me so.
Speaking directly to men, Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This means you are to lay down your life for her life. It’s sacrificial and unconditional love. Perfect. A movie that exemplifies this type of love is Robin Hood: Men of Thieves. Unfortunately, most of this new generation hasn’t seen it, or even heard of it, but I still tell every one of my athletes to watch it in order to assure they become the right kind of man. The theme song “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams tells it all. In 1991, it spent 16 weeks at number one because everyone identified with the lyrics: “I would die for you…” Robin of Locksley said it with absolute conviction to Maid Marion and he won her heart. It communicated the longing inside of every woman to be cherished, honored and pursued and it revealed the chivalrous virtues each man possesses. Notice that the lyrics only make sense when a man sings them. That’s because men are called to give up their lives for a woman. Women aren’t called to do the same.
Another movie that demonstrates this attitude of chivalry is Last of the Mohicans. This is another movie you won’t find in Redbox so most teenagers skip this one, too. Not at Victory, though. It’s another one I push on high school boys because it demonstrates chivalry in a bold way. There’s a beautiful scene in a water fall when the main character Hawkeye lays it all on the line for Cora after she tells him to save himself and he says, “You be strong. You survive…you stay alive. No matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes. No matter how far. I will find you.” I get chills every time I watch this scene because of the message a man delivers to a woman. He’s saying unequivocally, without hesitation, that she is worth pursuing while risking his own life. Of course she is to the manliest of men.
There’s a lot to digest in what I’ve shared so far, however, these boys need to see chivalry played out. They need higher standards because most of them are currently falling short in the high school and college “dating game.” They’re not bringing to the table the basics of courteous courtship. They’re not acting like real men. Perhaps they’re trying to prove that they’re not stuck in old-fashioned social conventions. Or perhaps they’re supremely bewildered about what is expected of them while they’re on a date.
Men of Victory, consider these to be the most basic rules for dating…Take a shower and dress nicely – each date should be treated as a special occasion and baggy jeans with holes and an American Eagle t-shirt don’t say anything special at all. Open all doors and hold them for her, even if she says you don’t need to wait on her, you do. Refrain from the physical temptations and get to know her for who she is inside her soul, not outside. Pay attention to her, listen to her and be exclusively hers – there’s no need to text your buddy the play-by-play or update your status while in the theater. When you’re around your boys with her, cherish and protect her, you’re not ashamed of her, and when she’s not with you, speak highly of her never being degrading. Tell your parents about her and include them in the story so you can share the experience with those closest to you while securing needed accountability. These are the basic building blocks to living out chivalry and a courteous courtship. These are expected of you.
I’m tired of loser boyfriends who put themselves first in relationships. It’s a privilege to honor a woman and, as a man, it’s your responsibility to do it. If you’re going to be a loser boyfriend, do it by yourself. Don’t break the heart of a sweet girl in the process. You can be a loser by yourself. She deserves better and, obviously, you don’t deserve her. Making a woman feel inadequate is not cool. It never was and never will be. Lift her up and treat her feel like a princess. Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess. As a man, God is the King of your heart, but she is the queen of your heart. Honor her. Respect her. Cherish her. Hold her heart and guard it as if your life depends on it, because it does. You should lay down your life before you put down her heart.
Follow this link to see the video for Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo
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