I might be out of my jurisdiction here. Still, I have a responsibility as a leader of young men and as a wrestling coach, of all things, to demonstrate, encourage and teach the idea of courteous courtship, or “chivalry.” Obviously, I have made mistakes in relationships and still do; however, I have stood up against culture and actively sought to treat women with respect. We’re in an awful place when this behavior is unique. Young boys in the midst of becoming men aren’t properly instructed on how to treat a lady. They live in a world where more marriages fail than survive and very few of those that survive actually thrive. When it comes to the dating world, they’re left to their own devices. I can’t blame them for following the ways of the world when it’s all they see and hear.
Popular culture is doing its best to kill chivalry and strip boys of these virtues. Almost as if chivalry and equality can’t exist at the same time. I watched the movie Easy A with Emma Stone last year and was heartbroken when she said,
“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boom box outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”
It’s not John Hughes’ responsibility to personify chivalry. It’s the responsibility of every man. Women want to be pursued and rescued. And men want to be the rescuer. These are soul cravings unique to each gender. Why do I believe this? Because the Bible told me so.
Speaking directly to men, Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This means you are to lay down your life for her life. It’s sacrificial and unconditional love. Perfect. A movie that exemplifies this type of love is Robin Hood: Men of Thieves. Unfortunately, most of this new generation hasn’t seen it, or even heard of it, but I still tell every one of my athletes to watch it in order to assure they become the right kind of man. The theme song “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams tells it all. In 1991, it spent 16 weeks at number one because everyone identified with the lyrics: “I would die for you…” Robin of Locksley said it with absolute conviction to Maid Marion and he won her heart. It communicated the longing inside of every woman to be cherished, honored and pursued and it revealed the chivalrous virtues each man possesses. Notice that the lyrics only make sense when a man sings them. That’s because men are called to give up their lives for a woman. Women aren’t called to do the same.
Another movie that demonstrates this attitude of chivalry is Last of the Mohicans. This is another movie you won’t find in Redbox so most teenagers skip this one, too. Not at Victory, though. It’s another one I push on high school boys because it demonstrates chivalry in a bold way. There’s a beautiful scene in a water fall when the main character Hawkeye lays it all on the line for Cora after she tells him to save himself and he says, “You be strong. You survive…you stay alive. No matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes. No matter how far. I will find you.” I get chills every time I watch this scene because of the message a man delivers to a woman. He’s saying unequivocally, without hesitation, that she is worth pursuing while risking his own life. Of course she is to the manliest of men.
There’s a lot to digest in what I’ve shared so far, however, these boys need to see chivalry played out. They need higher standards because most of them are currently falling short in the high school and college “dating game.” They’re not bringing to the table the basics of courteous courtship. They’re not acting like real men. Perhaps they’re trying to prove that they’re not stuck in old-fashioned social conventions. Or perhaps they’re supremely bewildered about what is expected of them while they’re on a date.
Men of Victory, consider these to be the most basic rules for dating…Take a shower and dress nicely – each date should be treated as a special occasion and baggy jeans with holes and an American Eagle t-shirt don’t say anything special at all. Open all doors and hold them for her, even if she says you don’t need to wait on her, you do. Refrain from the physical temptations and get to know her for who she is inside her soul, not outside. Pay attention to her, listen to her and be exclusively hers – there’s no need to text your buddy the play-by-play or update your status while in the theater. When you’re around your boys with her, cherish and protect her, you’re not ashamed of her, and when she’s not with you, speak highly of her never being degrading. Tell your parents about her and include them in the story so you can share the experience with those closest to you while securing needed accountability. These are the basic building blocks to living out chivalry and a courteous courtship. These are expected of you.
I’m tired of loser boyfriends who put themselves first in relationships. It’s a privilege to honor a woman and, as a man, it’s your responsibility to do it. If you’re going to be a loser boyfriend, do it by yourself. Don’t break the heart of a sweet girl in the process. You can be a loser by yourself. She deserves better and, obviously, you don’t deserve her. Making a woman feel inadequate is not cool. It never was and never will be. Lift her up and treat her feel like a princess. Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess. As a man, God is the King of your heart, but she is the queen of your heart. Honor her. Respect her. Cherish her. Hold her heart and guard it as if your life depends on it, because it does. You should lay down your life before you put down her heart.
Follow this link to see the video for Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo
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So true, great blog Kevin!
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