Words of Memory - Grandma Audrey

My name is Kevin Black.  I’m Audrey’s grandson.  My dad, David Black, is Audrey’s second son.  Dave and Gerry and grandchildren Alison, Emily, Sara, Stephanie, Tony, Amy, Joe, Brian, Kayla, your spouses; Mary, Kathy, Julie, Patti, all the Blacks, Bellums and Altons, Audrey had a remarkable life and left us wonderful memories, a meaningful legacy and lessons that have forged the character of everyone in here today.

I sat across from her one morning and she handed me a large envelope filled with a typed manuscript written by my grandpa.  She said she’s never been able to read it because she just cries.  “I found it after he died,” she said, referring to my Grandpa Don.  “I never even knew that he had written it.”  I did.  In fact, a few years ago my dad handed me a shoebox with the same manuscript.  “I cry every time I start it and cannot even see the pages,” she said with tears in her eyes.  I accepted it with a great sense of honor and responsibility.  It was hard for Grandma to read because it’s very painful and personal.  It’s the tragic yet courageous story of a family’s struggle with life and death as nephrosis strikes their family.  She didn’t stop to reflect and think about her situation.  She just kept moving forward.  Audrey wrote in terms of action.  She would rather show you than tell you.  She gave it to me wanting me to finish it and so here is that final chapter.

Over the past few years, Grandma Audrey asked me several times if I’d speak at her funeral, and here we are today.  I hope that I can capture the heart of Audrey and put into context how her life helped impact, influence and impart us with a vision to walk in humility, honor those around us and hope for something much bigger than our time on Earth and invest in others and love others when it’s both easy and hard whether they deserve it or not.

I met with Grandma in the mornings and would pull out my computer and ask her to share stories. I typed as fast as she talked.

One morning, she started by saying,

"We had all sorts of trouble.  Makes you wonder.  I don’t think I was a bad person.  Don wasn’t a bad person.  The person down the street was a drunk and didn’t take care of his children, yet we had all the trouble.  Makes you wonder what God is up to."

What was God up to?  What can we learn from the example Audrey set?  What can we learn about her, about ourselves, about God?

I shared a quote with our family after we buried Grandma next to 24 other Blacks and Bellums on that hill:

When it’s your time to die, it better be the only thing left you have do.  

Grandma didn’t have anything left to do.  She lived a meaningful and impactful life.  Her legacy stretches far and wide.  She had done all that she was called to do and then some.

It was a full and demanding 93 years and 5 months.  34,121 days…that’s a lot of carpe diems.  Almost 819,000 hours or 49,134, 240 minutes.  Surely, when she said “just a minute…,” she had a few to spare.  But she used every one of them.

There are three words describing Grandma that I’ve chosen today that I believe will help deposit something inside each of us so that we’ll never be the same.  Hope.  Humility.  Honor.

HOPE

Nephrosis dug itself into the family when Nancy was 3 years old.  Jimmy was diagnosed at age 6.  In 1968, Grandma gave a kidney to Jimmy.  He was only 14 years old.  It was the first time a mother had given a kidney to her son.  In her words, it "hardened the family and left them in extreme debt," yet she found hope to carry on.

My dad said he was always in awe of how tough she was emotionally.  When Gerry smashed his foot at 15, Grandpa Don broke down and said it's not fair having Jimmy being hospitalized and now Gerry hurt.  She simply said, "we don't expect fair.  We just need to do our best and keep the faith."

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

They decided to accept 5 kids in trouble and allow them to live in their home, work on their farm and go to school until they graduated high school.  They did it because they chose to believe there was something good that would come from it.  After 162 foster kids over 23 years, in spite of some very difficult times, the good outweighed the bad.

Sometimes we want validation for what we’re doing before we have faith or hope, but that validation only comes after.  It’s like Grandma was saying, “I’m going to do what I’m going to do and trust that the peace will follow.”

These were all opportunities to prove a promise.

Sometimes we’re so busy describing what we’re going through that we miss the opportunity to declare the praises of the one who brought us through it.  You don’t have to describe or explain every nuance of all the trials you go through.  Sometimes we expect God to protect us from stuff when he wants to use the stuff to prove His power in our lives.

The greatest temptation in life is to find your validation in a place other than God.  But hope is bigger than that.  Her life wasn’t about validation from others.  She had an Audience of One.

Hope is faith to believe in before (pause) what you will only understand after it happens.  Sometimes you have to ask yourself, can I believe it before I see it?  Can anything good come from this season?

HUMILITY

C.S. Lewis wrote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.”

Grandma lived a life marked distinctly by humility.  Since she passed, several people have shared how Grandma was the first person to welcome them to River Falls and they’ll never forget how she made them feel.  Jan McCutcheon, Sheila Vlack and Donna Miller, to name a few.  There are several people who have claimed rights to her and call her Grandma.  I think of the Lyle Bowes, Jim Wolfs, Phil Huggets and even Pauly and Randy Cudds who, without question, consider her part of their family. 

Marshall Olson was one of her childhood friends.  They were actually born only 4-days apart.  He became a doctor and moved to Los Angeles.  He called her at 4:00 AM about 20 years ago.  He was dying and he just had to call Audrey and let her know and say goodbye because she was the only person alive that had known him his entire life.  She said he died after talking to her. 

People really believed she loved them.

Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interested, but also to the interests of others."

The application of this would be when someone needs something, we supply that need even if we need it ourselves.  That is true humility.  Thinking more highly of others than self and putting their interests ahead of ours.  Just think of how she cared for Grandma Lu until she was almost 99 years old.  How she cared for her family, even when sick.  For people down on their luck through the food pantry and several other thankless and unseen acts of service.  Humility was personified in Grandma Audrey.  

The greatest are the most humble because they are more likely to learn, to serve, and to not think too highly of themselves.  God cannot fill a person who is already full of themselves.

HONOR

As we continue to honor Audrey today, we also need to remember that honor was one of her core convictions.  It wasn’t just what she wanted to portray when things were going well, or when other people were looking, but it speaks to who she was at all times.  I think Grandma should be known for being honoring and honorable.

Honor was a value that, no matter the circumstances, remained non-negotiable.  She never missed a Memorial Day service, never missed an opportunity to thank a service member.  And that’s because the level of honor you give is determined by the amount of value you perceive. If you place a high value on human life, you will constantly be honoring others by loving and serving them.  To Grandma, there was nothing on this earth more valuable than people. 

Additionally, the level of value you receive is determined by the amount of honor you give. 

It just feels better to treat others well and to serve them.  It fills you up and satisfies your soul.

There’s a little parable in Matthew 13 when Jesus returns to his hometown and starts teaching and people were amazed.  They said, where did this man come from even though he’d been there his entire life.  Reading Grandma’s obituary gave a similar feeling.  All of us were amazed at what she had done, yet we were right alongside her the entire time and didn’t recognize it.  It’s like we take things for granted that are right in front us.  Grandma didn’t, though.  She had everything she needed in this small town.  She appreciated the little things and River Falls loved her for it. 

Her family legacy is quite literally cemented here in River Falls.  It’s hard to tell her story without the City of River Falls.  She was a staple of the community.  I’m 5^th generation here and I’m as proud of the Glen Park Pool as she was.  It was built by her father.  So was North Hall, the Lutheran Church and several other buildings in town, including this one that we’re in today in 1939. 

During the renovation of the old Ezekiel Lutheran Church several years ago, the church was supposed to be knocked down in a weekend.  It took more than a week.  Grandma told them her father built buildings to last and a weekend wasn’t enough time.  She said she’d drive past and laugh as the workers complained about “that damn Luberg cement.” 

Pastor Chris, you better not try to knock down this one.

I could go on and on describing how honoring and honorable she was.  The P.E.O. Sisterhood – female education and empowerment, Historical society, food pantry.  A faithful and committed spouse, devoted mother.

The last time I sat across from Grandma with my computer, she wasn’t doing well.  Monica from Adorray was there and asked her if she had slept in her chair or in her bed the night before.  She was nauseous, and her skin was very dry.  She said it felt like tissue paper.  “You know what?” she said.  “I talk to my kidney and thank it every morning.”  So profound, that little sentence was.  She was in her 40’s when she gave a kidney to Jimmy.  She lived 50 years with only one.  And, after all of that and all that she had been through, she still chose gratitude.

It kind of makes you wonder what God was up to, doesn’t it?  You see, I think He used Grandma’s life to demonstrate that sacrificial love, although painful and personal, comes with a promise and hope.

Just like the Apostle Paul’s final words the Philippians, I can see Grandma Audrey using this message as her final words to the River Fallsians:

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Amen.