Finite Games vs. Infinite Games

Simon Sirek rose to popularity in the business world with his TED Talk "How Great Leaders Inspire Action" based on his book Start With Why.  It transformed leadership across the world, including the sports world, starting with that central question: what's your why?  He followed it up by becoming one of the greatest motivational speakers in the world and writing his second book Leaders Eat Last.  

His most recent release is The Infinite Game.  He uses "game theory" as a way to describe impactful and long-term success in life, business, and elsewhere.

A finite game is defined as known players, fixed rules, and an agreed-upon objective.  Once the objective is reached, the game ends.  Most board games and sports operate this way.

An infinite game is defined as known and unknown players, the rules are changeable, and the objective is to perpetuate the game.  The goal of the game is to play in a way that allows you to keep playing.

When you pit a finite player against a finite player, the system is stable.  Baseball, for example, is stable. When you pit an infinite player versus an infinite player, the system is also stable.  The Cold War was stable because in an infinite game there are no winners or losers.  You cannot lose the game, so we work to keep the game in play.  

It's important to be clear on which type of game you are playing.  If you're in an infinite game and trying to win, you won't succeed, because there are no winners and losers.  In a finite game, you cannot do as you please because you'll get passed up (and lose).

In real life, the games we play are mostly infinite games.  Things like relationships, our health, education and most businesses.  However, much of the language we use in these areas is about competition, winning, being the best, being number one, etc.  How can you be number one when the standards aren't clearly defined?  So, we should be striving to build things that last rather than just trying to win.

Don't misunderstand this concept.  I love to win.  And winning is important, but only when score is kept and the outcome is clearly defined.  

In the wrestling room, learning new skills, understanding positions, etc. are infinite games.  

Live combat, matches, etc. are finite games.  

It's critical that we understand the difference and both partners are on the same page.  We grow frustrated quickly when trying to learn a new skill and our partner fights everything.  The same can be said when we have a very clear 6-minute live go and a wrestler stops to ask questions about a position.  As a coach, I need to be crystal clear about what type of "game" we're playing at all times.  While learning a skill, our partner needs to provide the pressure that leads to success instead of fighting back.  During a live go, a wrestler must hold their thought until the whistle blows before asking that question.  Practices go much smoother and more efficient when the players are all playing the same game.

For us, "play wrestling" and "sparring" are infinite games.  There's no score kept, so no one can win or lose.  The goal is, in fact, to keep wrestling and learn in new positions.  This can take the pressure off that athlete with a fixed mindset (see yesterday's post).  There should be no coaching or instruction during these times unless it's wrestler directed - innovate, create, take risks and keep wrestling.  

"Live" wrestling is straight forward: all wrestling rules apply and there is a clear winner and loser.  It's no hold's barred.  It's not a time to innovate or create if it's causing problems.  Implement sound strategy and tactics and stay on task.  Coaches should wield their whistle and voice their opinions to help motivate the correct attitudes.

Sirek didn't write Infinite Game with wrestling in mind, however, much of game theory can applied to our sport and how we train.  Success in operating a business with an infinite game mindset is to create longevity by drawing people into a just cause with a big vision of the future, treating others with respect and resting in the strength of leadership.  This also defines a successful wrestling program.

The Growth Mindset Thrives on Challenges

The Growth Mindset thrives on challenges.  This is critically important for the athlete who is willing to push beyond their comfort zone in order to be the best that he/she can be.  They know that failure is doesn't define them, so they're free to give it their all.  In fact, the outcome is secondary to the process when development is on the line.

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success is the result of the brilliant work by Carol Dweck.  She's a psychologist and researcher from Stanford and tackled the subject of belief systems, specifically how our beliefs, both conscious and unconscious, impact nearly all aspects of our lives.

I first heard about Mindset from a friend of mine who was a school administrator.  His team had read and discussed the book over that summer and he told me it was a complete game changer for him and his staff.  He shared a few revelations and I was hooked, so I bought the book on Amazon.  He was right, it's truly a game changer.

Because of this book, I've allowed small changes to positively impact my belief systems and how I see  myself and my role as a coach.  It's helped our athletes move in the direction of a growth mindset in order to maximize their development.  

I chose Mindset for my first post because I'm already very familiar with it.  On Blinkist, it's a quick listen that I enjoy from time to time.

The opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset.  Our mindset is created at a very young age (and can change over time).  A fixed mindset assumes that our character, intelligence, and creative ability are "fixed" and cannot be changed in any meaningful way and success comes as a result of those fixed qualities.  You either have "it" or you don't.  They believe talent is king and will only do the things that they're naturally gifted at.  The problem: talent doesn't always receive training.

The growth mindset believes that growth and development is possible and that individual will push their growth potential.  There's really no telling how how the ceiling is for an athlete with a growth mindset while a fixed mindset places a lid on growth potential because a fixed minded individual needs to protect their reputation or status quo.  

The fixed mindset seeks approval.  A growth mindset seeks development.

To the fixed mindset, failure is disaster.  With a growth mindset, it's an opportunity to grow.

Fixed mindsets avoid difficulties, growth mindsets relish them.

Dweck explains that we adapt our mindset from our roll models.  Parents often instill a certain mindset into their children by the time they turn three years old.  It's revealed in how small children play and solve problems.  The fixed mindset believes things are unchangeable and the growth mindset tries new ways.

I watch this play out in the wrestling room and I can quickly identify which mindset an athlete is working with.  What's unique is it can go back and forth, which makes it important for us as coaches to fan the flames of the growth mindset and squash the desires to resort back into a fixed mindset.

For example, when development is taking place and we're focused on an opportunity for growth (aka, a "weakness"...notice the language choice...), it's important that we don't emphasize the outcome.  Rather, we want to get submersed in the process and learn in the middle of those hardships or unfamiliar positions.  We encourage taking risks, being vulnerable and celebrate creativity and experimentation.  Sometimes we have to resist the urge to score/finish in hopes of improving in the process.  Often times, a growth mindset responds well to a practice scenario like this, but a fixed mindset struggles and wants to get to the end.  In fact, the fixed mindset will sometimes take short cuts to finish the hold or win the position or even abandon the objective of the drill entirely just to "win" and protect their reputation.

It's tricky because many times the one who has been to the top quickest (matured sooner, elite sooner, etc.) develops a fixed mindset completely on accident.  They win early and part of their identity is attached to early success because they heard from many other how great they are.  They have to protect what others have said and don't want to let down others with expectations or opinions (seeking approval of others).  It creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over.

I've seen a lot of successful athletes who believe they need to prove themselves during practice because every situation calls for a confirmation of their talent, reputation, personality, or character.  Every situation is evaluated:  Will I succeed or fail?  Will I look good or bad?  Will I be accepted or rejected?

Unfortunately for the athlete with the fixed mindset, we don't really provide the confirmation he/she is looking for.  Instead, we champion vulnerability, risk taking and the beauty of being comfortable with the uncomfortable.  We demand progress in the process and protecting a reputation or an opinion of one's self isn't a recipe for growth, development and sustained success. 

People with a fixed mindset obstruct their own development through their belief in innate talent and their fear of failure.  On the contrary, people with a growth mindset work hard and train hard to ultimately realize their potential to the fullest.  By confronting our own attitudes and ideas, we can develop a growth mindset.

A New Blog Project

It's been a minute since I've written a meaningful blog.  As I've said many times, I enjoy taking time to write-out my thoughts and share some insights with others.  I'm grateful for the feedback and support that I've received about this little space on the internet.  I wish I made more time for this.

With that said, I'm taking on a Lend Me Your Imagination project since the boys are back in school (for now...).  Last September, I mustered up as much energy as I could to write a new blog each day for 30 days.  This year, I'm going to use the highlights of several non-fiction books and apply them to our lives in the athletic world, specifically the wrestling community, each day throughout the month of September.

We re-opened Victory School of Wrestling and have started our preseason training programs.  A major component to the success of our programs is the non-wrestling skills that our athletes acquire and the off-the-mat focus we place on training.  This project will allow for some of our new members to experience training as the Total Athlete - body, mind and soul - and it will give others an important look into the way we do things.

I'm going to use Blinkist to help me delve into many different books.  It's an app that summarizes non-fiction books by sharing something like the "Cliff's notes" (called "blinks").  The app includes champion authors like Brene Brown and Simon Sinek - two of my favorites.  The blinks highlight the main points and allow you to get through a book in less than 10 minutes.  Of course, they take out much of the story telling (Brene Brown's strongest quality as a writer) and get down to the nuts and bolts in an outline form.  Although very brief, they give me a lot of powerful material to implement into our training programs.  They also wet my pallet before choosing to dig into the entire book.

I've created a list of books that I'm going to review over the next month and apply each one to the scenarios of our lives/training.  You can expect something from the following titles:

• Mindset by Carol Dweck
• The Infinite Game by Simon Sinek
• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
• First Things First by Stephen R. Covey
• A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink
• What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast by Laura Vanderkam
• Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
• Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
• Creativity, Inc. by Ed Catmull
• Originals by Adam Grant

And several others.  If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

Are we ready to talk about youth sports yet?

On March 11th I met with the Superintendent of our school district to discuss the likelihood of indefinitely postponing the Wisconsin Wrestling Federation (WWF) Kid's Qualifier that was scheduled to take place at our high school on March 20-21.  Decisions were being made rapidly that week and information was changing by the minute.  The term "social distancing" hadn't been fully understood yet and the "flattening the curve" conversation was in its infancy.  Our school administration was hesitant to pull the trigger on an event that was over a week away because they had more pressing issues with events that immediate weekend.  Addressing future events wasn't on the table.  My dad (chairman of the WWF) agreed with administration that it would soon be the right decision to postpone in spite of the pressure from other board members who were pushing for the events to proceed.

Soon after that meeting, the NCAA announced that they were canceling the NCAA DIII Wrestling Championships.  Then came the Final Four basketball tournament and the NCAA DI NCAA Wrestling Championships that were set to take place at US Bank Stadium only 35 minutes away from.  The NBA, MLB and NCAA were all on hold.  Of course, the WWF State Tournament series was postponed as were all other "large gatherings," which included youth sports of all types.

That's where we still are today.

So, are we ready to have a conversation about the state of youth sports yet?  As you know, I'm full of opinions on this subject.  I'm actually shocked that there hasn't been an uprising of "soccer moms" and "hockey dads" (I'm not singling out any sports...don't miss the point).  Our entire economy has been affected and youth sports is big business in the United States.  There are also a lot of families who don't have much else outside of their sports communities.

Thankfully, many of the organizations and businesses who make a living off youth sports seem to have carried a healthy perspective with this shut-down.  This has served their members well because there's no other option.  They've been creative in reaching their athletes in various ways and a lot of great online content has become available.  In fact, it will likely usher in new opportunities for coaches and clubs to be involved with athletes.

It was time for our sports culture to hit the "pause" button and recognize that there is more to life than youth trophies and games.  It took a nationwide shut-down, though, because it wasn't going to happen on its own.  Parents have been forced to take a break from hustling from one practice to the next.  They would not have chosen to.  It's given kids the opportunity to get to bed a decent time.  Parents wouldn't have prioritized that.  In spite of this, there really haven't been status updates with rants about missing out on opportunities for their children to reach the next level or catch that elusive college scholarship or other misguided and uniformed motivations for the craziness.

That's good, right?

How long are we going to be okay with this, though?  Is this opening up a change to status quo?  Is the hectic scheduling and over-emphasizing youth games gone?  Will parents value down time for their children?

Or are youth organizations chomping at the bit to get the green light to do it all over again?  Will parents incorrectly assume that they've missed out and push hard to make-up for lost time?  Will organizations double down and increase their reach?  Are sports going to be forced to operate in other seasons, essentially eliminating "seasons" all together?

For several years, I've said that we are a part of a youth sports system that is broken.  It replaces development with short cuts to success at young ages.  Our youth athletes are getting too much, too soon.  And, frankly, the lives of several families revolve around the sports calendar of their elementary aged children.  As we've seen, sports can be taken from us at a moments notice for many reasons.  Our identity should never be sports.

Here's your opportunity people.  This is when you can make things right.  Or, at least, consider what is right.

Are leaders looking at this shut down as a possible avenue to improve our product?  Are parents willing to "put their foot down" and resist the unreasonable demands of their children's involvement? Once and for all, are we willing to do what is best for children or will we continue doing what parents want?

What do you think?

Victory: Connecting the Future and the Past

The word is out.  We're re-opening Victory School of Wrestling this summer and we're really excited about the future.  These are strange times in the lives of everyone in the US, and we're not minimizing the severity of our current scenario, however, we're optimistic about what's ahead for us while serving the wrestling community once again.

We've shared pictures on social media of the progress that's taking place at our new location at 660 N. Main St. in River Falls.  Locals know it as the "Roen Building," which housed Roen Ford dealership and, most recently, Bernard's Auto.  Patrick Traynor purchased the building and has begun remodeling it.  We're grateful for the opportunity to share the space with his wife's eye clinic.

This week, Derek Miller, Jens and Jon Lantz and myself represented Victory and we did our part in some crucial demolition to prepare for the next steps.  In the process, Derek's dedication was put to the test and he passed.  With a front mounted jack hammer, he went to work on a small brick corner room that ended up being nothing short of a "bomb shelter."  He also attacked a small set of stairs.

In those moments of struggle, Victory 2.0 connected with some interesting history.

Here's the backstory:

My Grandma Audrey left an incredible legacy in River Falls and I love being associated with many of her "pay-it-forward" acts of service.  She passed away over two years ago and I was honored to speak at her funeral.  That day, I shared an important story about how proud she was of her father's imprint on our little community.  He was a foreman and constructed several landmarks in town, including churches, office buildings, and most notably the Glen Park Pool, which was built as a part of FDR's Civil Works Administration during the Great Depression.  I met with my grandma once a week and soaked up as many stories as I could while focusing on documenting her journey through life.  She often boasted of her father's craftsmanship and how his cement was the best that was ever mixed.  She really believed it, and many poor souls would eventually come to believe it as well.

When the Ezekiel Lutheran Church went through a renovation project in the late 80's, she was appalled that their leadership was certain that they'd be able to knock down the old sanctuary during one weekend.  I remember watching that gigantic wrecking ball crash into the walls and the steeple coming down, but it didn't take a weekend.  As Audrey recalled, it took them over two weeks to knock down what was made from that "Damn Luberg Cement!"  She said it was a great feeling to drive by and watch those construction works struggle because they were so certain it would come down easily.  Not her dad's work.  She said she would watch from the car and laugh out loud.

Well, that story has sort of come full circle in our newest Victory School of Wrestling adventure as we embarked on that challenge to remove that small room in the back corner of the old Roen building.

Derek spent over 10 hours of uninterrupted jack hammering on Tuesday to get the 12-inch poured cement ceiling down.  There was so much rebar...and a few swear words.

It all made sense this morning when my dad told me that Grandpa Luberg and Harley Roen were great friends and in 1968 he built that addition.  My great grandfather actually built the area that will be our permanent wrestling space.  How cool is that?  I know it took longer to remove that little room than it did to build it!

In the midst of all of the anxiety and confusion happening in the world, an indelible memory took place for me that connected our future to the history of River Falls and my family.  I know Grandma Audrey would be all wound-up over what is taking place in the world right now.  She would have had several opinions about COVID-19, politics, end times prophesies, and people.  She always had opinions about people.

She would have taken a few minutes to see what her grandson was up to by ordering my dad to drive her down to the building.  She would have sat in the car and quietly observed a few grown men fumbling over the rubble.

Her head would be shaking and she would have waved her finger at Jon and Derek's expletives.  And she would have laughed.

"That Damn Luberg Cement."  Audrey would have gotten a kick out of it.