2014 Year In Review

Another year has come and gone.  As I get older, years seem to go by much quicker than they did when I was young.  Children and responsibilities make life much more interesting than it was when I was a teenager full of dreams for the future.  I still have a lot of dreams inside my head, however, as much of my time is spent looking back as it is looking forward.  I ponder on events that have passed and reflect on my activity daily in hopes of gaining important insight and valuable wisdom.  Finding a few minutes to myself to be quiet before God and reflective and introspective is something I cherish.  Below are a few reflections I have from 2014.

Investing in the lives of others is more important for my growth than it is for theirs.  I've had the opportunity to "mentor" a few people over the last ten years.  It's important that I help give back by sharing my experiences and what I've learned from being in similar life situations.  Not only is it important to those receiving the advice and input, but it's invaluable to the one handing it out.  This year, I looked forward to those weekly meetings because they were extremely rich in content and helped me grow in several areas as a man, husband and father.  Coaching young athletes provides several areas for me to invest in others as well, however, I'm the one learning the most in those relationships.

Things that matter don't happen accidentally.  Receiving the right kind of input requires being intentional.  I'm hard pressed to find time to read books, however, I take advantage of extended periods of solitude (airplanes, hotels, etc) to jam in as much as I can.  I also look for moments in the car when I can play a talk, book on tape or sermon series.  The scenario that I'm currently living in has me pouring a lot of myself out - coaching, parenting, etc. - and I need fill up.  It needs to be intentional, though.

A jigsaw puzzle is a great metaphor for life.  I love completing a puzzle and admiring the finished product, however, what happens in between dumping the pieces on the table and overlooking it when it's complete is a perfect picture of how successful people navigate life.  Laying a foundation for future success is how every puzzle maker begins the process by sorting pieces and building the edge. Throughout the experience, there are several times when things fall together with little effort while many more require patience and a change of perspective.  The ability to see a situation differently in the midst of a struggle is one of life's greatest challenges.  Spinning a puzzle piece around in my fingers helps me remember that my point-of-view is only one of many and in the end, there's only one way...referencing John 14:6, not a Sammy Hagar lyric.

When presented with the opportunity to choose your family, pick them every time.  I love my life because I'm able to put a few things on hold and spend a lot of time with my family.  My wife and I are extremely blessed to spend an abundance of time with each other and our children.  I've had to make some difficult decisions in order to make it a reality and I don't regret any of them.  I miss a few things about the life I had before children, but I've listened to hundreds of people older and much smarter and wiser than I am who said spend as much time with your children while they're young as you can.  In 2014, I lightened my load even more in order to spend more time with my family.  I understand my circumstances are different than most and many aren't afforded the same opportunities I've been blessed with.  Still, if you do get the chance to choose, choose your family.

Marriage is exciting and fun when you continually make it a priority.  This might be a quote by Captain Obvious, however, I'm shocked by how little attention couples actually give to their marriage.  There are a lot of great people with wonderful marriages who get by without consciously prioritizing it, however, studies show they might be one unprojected change or tragedy from separating.  Liz and I understand we each married another human being full of thoughts, expectations and opinions different than our own.  Each of us has a lifetime of baggage, too.  We committed to that person on our wedding day while making a promise to commit to who that person becomes in the future.  We want to navigate life together, however, we want our marriage to thrive, not just survive, in a selfish society that has stacked the deck against the institution of marriage.  10 months ago we completed the Love and Respect study by Emerson Eggerichs and it was a "game changer" for us.

Actions speak louder than words.  This is an important principle to live by, however, don't excuse that words matter as well.  Showing someone you love them is far more important that telling them, but if we strive to show them, it doesn't hurt to tell them, too.  It's irresponsible to assume the other person knows what you're thinking and feeling.  We must show others with actions (and use words to communicate).

My list of recommendations shrink year after year, however, I do suggest everyone in a coaching role spends some time exploring the notion of 3 Dimensional Coaching.  I'm also a big fan of Talent Code by Daniel Coyle and Relentless by Tim Glover.  I did some research on Vince Lombardi and he's a pretty important resource for coaches (even those who don't cheer for the Packers).  I attended the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit and plead with everyone who breathes to attend it in 2015 (August 6-7).  I was inspired by Pastor Choco (Wilfredo de Jesus) and enjoyed In The Gap.  It was relevant to my life and provided some historical context that excites a history nerd.  I receive an e-mail daily from Seth Godin.  His leadership expertise is priceless (actually, it's free).  I carve time in my schedule to listen to sermons by Steven Furtick, Matt Chandler and Andy Stanley.  I have a long list of others, including Louie Giglio, who never cease to blow my mind with Biblical truths.  I'm also excited about the impact Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck has had on the administration at River Falls High School.

Tom Brady said what?

The Packers beat the Patriots yesterday in a hard fought game with a playoff-type atmosphere.  It was nationally televised as the Game of the Week.  In a hard fought game with a playoff-type atmosphere, it's not the 26-21 win by Green Bay that is stealing the headlines.  Instead, it's Tom Brady, the Patriots star quarterback, who was shown on separate occasions using explicit profanity on the sidelines as he expressed frustration.  The NFL will likely fine him a hefty amount for the outbursts (Rex Ryan was fined $100,000 for his dirty word).

The real reason so many are commenting on Facebook, Twitter and in the blogoshphere today about a superstar coming unhinged is because Tom Brady cares.  He gives a damn.  He's passionate about what he does, expects success and doesn't take well to losing.  Shouldn't this attitude be expected of every professional player across the world (and amateur players, for that matter)?  Shouldn't we expect a never-say-die attitude outside of sports, too?  The NFL has a lot of individuals who are more concerned with a paycheck than they are with excellence and justifiably receive a lot of flack for it.  Tom Brady is not one of those players.  He is compensated very nicely, too, by the way.

In no way am I about to condone the behavior or language of Brady, but here's the reality...  Tom Brady is an extremely focused individual.  He's more disciplined than 99% of the world's population.  He's a great football player, is ultra competitive and has a huge platform that he leverages very well.  When he's on the football field, the world around him disappears.  He's in the zone.  The rest of the population cannot begin to comprehend how detail-oriented, precise and intense the time he spends on the field actually is.  Is it healthy?  I don't know; that's not the conversation.  Does this excuse his explosion?  Not at all, but this is his reality.  What happens inside the arena of sports is not always family friendly.  CBS should know better.  They should be carrying the brunt of the criticism today.

Is it okay for Tom Brady to use profanities?  I suppose it is even if I choose to use other words even when frustrated.  It's his prerogative.  Should he be held accountable by the NFL?  Probably.   Was Tom Brady a good role model?  Definitely.  Is he still a good role model?  Of course.  Do other players curse during football games?  Duh.  Is Tom Brady the first person to use profanities during a nationally televised game?  Come on, let's not be so dramatic, of course not.  Is it alright for me make judgements of Tom Brady's behavior (or other professional athletes)?  Sure it is and probably not.  Should CBS have replayed his frustrations?  Absolutely not.

Today, Monday Morning Quarterbacks like me are making outlandish claims that Brady is an arrogant sore loser.  A cry baby.  An elitist.  That he should take the loss like a man (as if manhood is somehow linked to this).  Well, maybe...just maybe...this mentality is why he has more Super Bowl rings than anyone else in football.  It's probably why he has become one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time despite being an average college football player.  He should be a sore loser.  I love coaching sore losers.  I'd like an entire team of them.

As an athlete, I lost my cool a time or two.  I'm not proud of those moments.  I learned from a few of them, was justified in a couple, didn't affect a single person in most, regret some, forgot about others and no matter what they looked like, life moved on and I wasn't the center of the universe for any of them.  As a coach, I've acted out-of-line and been approached by athletes, parents, coaches and officials in an attempt to correct my behavior or tell me that they were disappointed in me.  I've acted in an unsportsmanlike way and those moments have happened as a result of anger, frustration, corruption and poor judgement.  I've second guessed my responses several times.  In everyone of those moments, I had the good fortune to be able to live the moment only in the moment.  There were no replays and no one wrote about my character online.

Fine.  What's the point of me writing something about what Tom Brady said?  It's to use the situation as a teachable moment.  You never know who's watching and exactly when they're watching.  Tom Brady doesn't have the CBS broadcast playing on the sidelines.  He doesn't see what we see.  He didn't know he was being filmed at those vulnerable moments and CBS has a professional responsibility to make sure those moments don't get into my living room.  We shouldn't expect to be included in what happens on the sidelines or between the hashes.  Still, it doesn't matter because you never know who's watching...no matter who you are.  That's what character education is all about.  Character is who you are when no one is watching, and guess what?  There could always be someone watching, especially during a nationally televised contest, but also within your home, at work or school or anywhere.  Is it too much to expect others to be on their best behavior while affording grace to those who "lose it"?

Remember what Uncle Ben said?  "With great power comes great responsibility."  We all have the power to make a positive impact on others and you never know when those opportunities are taking place.