I've been in the coaching business for a little over a decade. I'm not arrogant enough to claim that I've "seen it all," however, I've seen a number of things done by others that have caught my attention and make me do whatever I can to stay away from their mistakes. From the first time I assumed a coaching role, I knew that God created me to be involved in the lives of athletes. Additionally, I know that God has called me to be a Godly man and a father. I see these roles as "holy responsibilities" to God and I believe that my responsibilities as a father take priority over my responsibilities as a coach.
People ask me if I'm already teaching my sons how to wrestle. They ask it tongue-in-cheek, but I always take the opportunity to tell them that I want to be their dad, not their coach. Many individuals have handled both responsibilities at the same time equally well, however, I don't think I'm going to be one of those people. I want to treat my children differently than the rest. I want to single them out. I want them to get special favor from their parents. I don't want to be objective, I want to love them the way they deserve to be loved. I'm just being honest when I say that I don't think I can be both Dad and Coach to my sons. I want to be Dad.
Today, I had a parent explain to me that his son has enjoyed his time spent at Victory. The father was excited because he saw a new "spark" in his child. Then, he said that he'd been telling his son the same thing for five years and his son never grasped it. Then, one evening with me and the dad says his son thinks I hung the moon. These conversations are all too familiar and each time they make me sad. Children don't need coaches. They need dads. They don't want their father to be their coach. They want him to be Daddy.
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Great column Kevin! I am one of those fathers who has coached his son. I can say from experience that it is hard to do; at least for me it is. I struggle with the same issues you bring up and feel like I failed at it early on with my son as far as wrestling is concerned. It is almost impossible to separate the two once you start. I have doubts with anyone who says they can. Any conversation you have at home about wrestling can come off as you being coach and not Dad. Later on I asked Zac if he wanted me to quit coaching our team and just be Dad. He said no, he wanted me to continue.
ReplyDeleteI must admit there was part of me that wished he did want me to quit. He has handled our situation probably better than me but I often wonder how much better he could have been with a coach and a dad instead of a coachdad.
I was very pleased that he was now in high school and I could just sit in the stand and be “Dad” and have even told people that very same thing when asked if I missed being on the side of the mat with him. Now I find myself being drawn back in a little. Quite a few young men on his team have asked me to help them and even come up to practice to give pointers and see if I can help the team. They have a good coach but I love wrestling and coaching as well. I feel I have something to offer so I have done so. I spend the time in battle with myself. I fight the urge to go over to Zac and point out things to help him, knowing he is doing it wrong.
Just today he texed me and asked me to show him a few moves we had talked about regarding a video I had watched and to help him with leg riding up at practice. I must admit I am a little perplexed. Has he grown? Have I? Has letting go actually brought him a greater love for the sport and a greater drive to succeed? I am not sure but I want to be there for him.
My struggle continues but I will follow the path God has put before me.