High sense of entitlement, low sense of gratitude

This first topic - high sense of entitlement, low sense of gratitude - shapes the entire discourse on this subject. It's first on the list because it's most evident and most powerful. Additionally, it's not unique to athletics and is more so a result of child rearing than it is of the sports culture. However, the sports culture magnifies and multiplies the sentiment of entitlement coupled with a lack of gratitude. We're trained to be takers instead of givers and the sports culture rewards it.

Family psychologist John Rosemond penned the book Parenting By the Book and answers questions by parents on his website, rosemond.com. He explains Generation E's sense of entitlement like this:

When I began writing this column in 1976, I never thought parents would ever ask me for advice concerning problems with young adult children, and for many years they did not.

Over the past 10 years or so, however, as the pigeons of what I call Postmodern Psychological Parenting have come home to roost, more and more parents have asked me what to do about children (and they are most definitely still children) in their twenties and even thirties still living at home, still expecting their parents to solve their problems, and still acting irresponsibly.

For 40 years and counting, American parents have raised children in a manner that emphasizes feelings over rational thought and good citizenship.

With rare exception, post-1960’s “experts” encouraged parents to focus on the “inner child,” allow their children to express feelings freely, and cultivate high self-esteem.

In the home and America’s public schools, training children to think straight and prepare them for responsible adulthoods took a back seat to helping them feel good about themselves and protecting them from failure and disappointment.

The result is Generation E — self-absorbed young adults who have a high sense of entitlement and low regard for others...

...I know you would say you love your son, but let me challenge you: Love is doing for someone what they need, not what they want.

Years ago, the Wall Street Journal did a feature on "Trophy Kids" entering the workplace. They used the term "millennial generation" to describe individuals born between 1980 and 2001. The millennials were coddled by their parents and nurtured with a strong sense of entitlement.

In an article from October, 2008, Gretchen Neels, a Boston-based consultant, described a time when she was coaching a group of college students for job interviews and she asked them how they believe employers view them. She gave them a clue, telling them that the word she was looking for begins with the letter "e." One young man shouted out, "excellent." Other students chimed in with "enthusiastic" and "energetic." Not even close. The correct answer, she said, is "entitled." "Huh?" the students responded, surprised and even hurt to think that managers are offended by their highfalutin opinions of themselves.

This generation was treated so delicately that many schoolteachers stopped grading papers and tests in harsh-looking red ink. Some managers have seen millennials break down in tears after a negative performance review and even quit their jobs. "They like the constant positive reinforcement, but don't always take suggestions for improvement well," says Steve Canale, recruiting manager at General Electric Co. In performance evaluations, "it's still important to give the good, the bad and the ugly, but with a more positive emphasis."

Entitlement not only enters the workplace in the adult world, it enters the sports culture in the world of children. As a coach, do I have a responsibility to confront entitlement head-on? Should I aim to teach youth athletes about self-respect instead of self-esteem? I think so.

Kids come into our building with the belief that they're deserving or entitled to certain privileges. As a general rule, the more a parent is around (hovering), the more entitled, or exempt from the rules, the young athletes seem to believe they are. They are predisposed to believe their involvement is a right rather than a unique opportunity.

Unfortunately, I have to lay out our expectations of respect because, quite frankly, it's a foreign concept to a group of young athletes. We operate with high standards and have a few rituals that combat their sense of entitlement immediately. One seemingly small tradition is "having a seat" along the wall before and after practice. We share announcements and explain the expectations for each practice at the beginning and talk about life lessons at the end. It's a simple act of obedience that goes unnoticed for many who have been a part of Victory for an extended period of time, however, nearly every first time athlete notices and possesses an uncomfortable posture. Occasionally, an individual will have his own agenda and won't sit against the wall and we have to tell him that everyone must do so. What we're basically communication is, "you're not entitled here." It also signifies a beginning and an end to what we're doing. When we're finished, everyone shakes hands as an act of sportsmanship.

It's amazing how a simple gesture of sportsmanship creates a sense of gratitude. Individuals are humbled and I hear a lot of "thank you's" on the way out the door. I also make a point to thank them for coming. Practicing gratitude creates a grateful heart. I'm much more interested in working with a group of grateful athletes than I am with entitled ones, so we emphasize gratitude.