Female athletes must trust you before they listen to you

The leadership mantra, "they must know how much you care before they care how much know" has never been more true than when I begin working with a female athlete. Females must develop a level of trust before they allow you to have influence in their life. This holds true in many aspects of life, especially in sports.

I wish I had an abundance of references and creative analogies for you on this topic, but I don't. However, I have experienced it time and time again. I serve as the head women's wrestling coach for the New York Athletic Club. The NYAC sponsors athletes from all over the US and when we come together for various tournaments, I assume the role as coach. It's a difficult position for me to be in because I don't work with all of them on an individual basis, but I'm expected to sit in their corner. I know enough about wrestling and communicating to offer assistance and instruction while they're competing, however, it's not until I have the opportunity to work with them as individuals and develop a healthy athlete-coach relationship that I feel like I'm making a difference.

Conversely, I've seen female athletes shut down and act uncharacteristically when a man (or woman) they don't trust sits in their corner. They become flustered more easily and lose focus on the task at hand because they're most concerned about the coach and wonder why they're with them. At times, what is communicated by the athlete is a lack of appreciation or disrespect when it is simply a lack of trust.

There is generally a disconnect in this area for men. In most cases, women tend to value relationship over athletic success--even at the highest levels--while men may be inclined to be less interested in the relational progress than potential success. Additionally, if someone can help the male athlete achieve that success, they have a keen sense to be selective and pull from the coach the information necessary to help them reach that success. Women, however, need to first trust the coach before they are willing to accept their input. Because they value relationship, they want to feel like their coach has their back no matter what happens on the mat. By slipping into their corner without first establishing trust, the coach forces the female athlete to believe her acceptance is based solely on performance. After all, that is all their relationship is built upon at that time. This is why it's crucial for a coach to earn the trust of the female athlete.

When a female athlete trusts that her coach will be there for her no matter what the outcome, she can compete with the confidence that her coach will help her achieve her goals.