Choose your words wisely

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."  This is one of the most misleading nursery rhymes of all-time.  Wikipedia says about the rhyme, "it persuades the child victim of name-calling to ignore the taunt, to refrain from physical retaliation and to remain calm and good-natured."  That's a great twist of the meaning in a world of butterflies and rainbows; however, reality says that words can hurt.

Words matter.  Not only the words we hear from a bully, but the words we hear on a regular basis from our loved ones as well as the ongoing self-talk inside our minds.  Words are either building-up and uplifting or tearing down and degrading.  Being careful and wise and word selection can be the difference in if we receive the good fortune of watching our children become the men and women they were created to be.  It can be the difference on if we ever reach our own full human and athletic potential or see our children achieve their goals.

Below are a few words that if used correctly at the right time can unpack potential as they tap into the power of choice.  How we talk to ourselves or to others does make a difference.  If we successfully speak to potential instead of problems, we empower instead of victimize (disempower) and both the process and outcome will be more enjoyable.

Sacrifice vs. Investment 

Sacrifice requires giving something up for someone or something else.  Investment means to put something into something in anticipation and hopes of getting more in return.  The greatest sacrifice of all-time was Jesus going to the cross.  I’m thankful for that important sacrifice.  We’re talking about sports here, not salvation, and in sports sacrifice has a negative connotation.  It sounds as if we’re missing out on something and it sounds like a victim mentality (as if what one is doing is something being done to them).  The rhetorical question on the back of the state qualifier t-shirt, “you’ve wondered if the sacrifice is worth it?” sounds cute, but misses the intent of choosing something better.  Our student-athletes are making investments.  They’re investing in their athletic success, academic careers, relationships, character development, etc.  By making investments, they’re trusting that the return will be bigger than what they initially invested or put in.  Eliminating the word sacrifice changes the outlook because kids are no longer missing out.  It becomes an important choice.  Choice and investment come from a place of power.  It’s a shift in the language of duty to the language of privilege.  It’s a game changer.

Pressure vs. Drive  

When used correctly, pressure can be a great motivating force.  After all, pressure is what turns coal into diamonds.  Pressure is also the reason many individuals choose to leave a sport they once loved.  This is another play on words because words have influence.  The best athletes in the entire world perform best on the biggest stage.  Sportscasters claim they thrive on pressure.  To many that’s what they see, however, the best don’t view pressure the same way others do.  It’s an external force that triggers and internal motivation to focus on what they can control and block out the distractions.  They get in the zone and become the best version of who they are in the competitive arena.   Being driven is not the same as handling pressure.  When parents tell their son/daughter to not let pressure get to them, they miss the opportunity for positive reinforcement.  Help him/her discover that drive inside and pressure won’t hold them down, it will help them shine like a diamond.  Additionally, I've heard several parents claim their child puts a lot of “pressure” on themselves.  Let’s just agree to say it a different way and recognize that drive.   He doesn’t put a of pressure on himself, he’s driven.

React vs. Respond

Reactions happen to you; responses are something you make happen.  During every moment that occurs, if one makes the choice to respond rather than react, the result is better.  The analogy my dad shared with me when I was in high school is that if you react to penicillin, it can be deadly, however, if you respond to it, it can save your life.  It’s that simple, and that scary.  The gap between reacting and responding can be the same as life and death.   Parents are removed from the action [on the mat], so there’s nothing that warrants a reaction.  Being in the middle of it all, we can lend more grace to student-athletes, especially when they’re children still learning how the world around them works.  Still, responding rather than reacting is the expectation.   A difficult loss or bad call by a referee, an awful decision, a significant setback or something disappointing will present the opportunity to choose to react or respond. 

These are only a few words that are examples of changing the conversation and looking at situations differently.  They’re about being positive on purpose instead of being negative by accident.  Other examples of choosing your words wisely is using setback instead of failure, disappointment instead of tragedy, challenge instead of difficulty, success instead of winning (or losing) – more on that one later.  Eliminate negative words like but…,  or phrases like it’s just that… and look at things through a much brighter point-of-view so you can see your son or daughter find a brand new passion for the sport of wrestling.

It’s about perspective and every word matters, so be intentional.  Are you interested in your son/daughter developing in a way that he/she sees problems in every opportunity or an opportunity in every problem?  Is the glass half full or half empty?  Come to think it, it doesn’t matter.  If there’s anything in the glass at all, there’s an opportunity for good.  

You have the choice to respond to this message by engaging that inner drive so that you can make investments in a life much more exciting, positive and supportive for your student-athlete.