Manhood and motivation

I appreciate those who read the previous blog post about Manhood and the movies.  It has become one of the most viewed posts on this site and I appreciate the feedback.   I'm on a quest, if you will, and I'm searching hard to discover what real manhood is.  I owe it my children and my athletes to get it right and spur them on in the right direction.  It goes without saying, but it's also crucial for me to continue growing as a man.  Not so much for me as an individual, but for me as a husband, father, brother, friend, coach, etc.  

I've continually sought wise council and looked into what others have to say about manhood and I've looked into many different resources and publications.  Some have been helpful and insightful while others have not.  Generally speaking, I've discovered that one of the quintessential ingredients to manhood involves Biblical truth.  I'm not suggesting that an individual must hold a specific world view or adopt a new paradigm or profession of faith to be a man.  The truth (and Truth) is true whether you agree with it or not, believe in it, or are even aware of it at all.  Many of the resources on manhood that I'm inclined to agree with have a faith element to them, yet others elude to similar principles without emphasizing elements of faith.  One of the major principles of real manhood deals with motivation and purpose.

Why do we do what we do?  And why are we here?

These are questions that every man wrestles with in one way or the other.  For the purposes of defining manhood, the answers aren't as crucial as the ethereal process.  Those who honestly seek to answer both questions come up with versions of the answer: it's not all about me.

Real men have a healthy sense of purpose and their motivation is significant enough to impact them to act or move.

Many of the motivating factors that I heard growing up dealt with individual "happiness."  When it was time to make grown-up decisions, it was: go to the school that feels right - as long as you're "happy."  Date or marry the person that makes you "happy."  Need to choose a career path?  What will make you "happy?"  I recall a friend of mine in college who was in a dead end relationship.  It was clear to me at the time and I was inevitably right because it indeed ended.  I challenged him about it, but he rested on his mother's continual reassurance that it was alright as long he was "happy."  The politically correct way to avoid holding a guy responsible in a dead end relationship is by saying he doesn't need to find Mrs. Right right now, as long as he's happy it's all good.   Happiness seemed to be the motivation for many of the guys I grew up with.  Unfortunately, many of them are still trying to make themselves happy and have yet to contribute to society in a meaningful way.  Some are still single, some have foreclosed on [several] homes/property, some are still using others in their quest for happiness and most still haven't found it and appear to be unmotivated in their 30's.  The motivation of happiness isn't sustainable.  It leaves us short of what we were created for - to have an impact or leave the world better when we're gone than it was when we arrived.  There's more to your life than being happy.

Freelance writer Robert Brault said, "Never ask, 'what reason do I have to be happy?'  Instead, ask 'To what purpose can I attach my happiness."  Some argue that we have no purpose, however, the best seller's list is chock-full of books about the meaning/purpose of life.  A movie that involves a character without purpose won't make a splash at the box offices.  If there's no purpose to life, then what's the purpose of writing (and reading) about it?  If nothing else, the purpose of life is to have a life of purpose.  If your life isn't on purpose, then are you're living it by accident.

I know people that are in marriages, houses, career paths, etc. and they're living a life that, sort of, just happened to them.  They don't know how they got to where they were.  Their job was initially temporary as they were seeking "happiness" by living in the moment and, before they knew, life happened.  Accidentally.  It wasn't on purpose because they didn't live with purpose.  Their motivation to be happy was lackluster and they accidentally found themselves being someone other than what they expected of themselves.  They let themselves down.   And they let humanity down.  But...as long as they're happy...

Ultimately, I believe our maximum motivation comes from a life that is fully alive seeking to have an impact for the Glory of God.  I could list several passages from the Bible or quote Christian authors attesting to that claim.  However, below are few quotes from "secular" authors and resources that point to the principles of purpose and motivation (or passion) and, basically, that it's not all about me; and it's not all about you.




"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; that being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."  - George Bernard Shaw

"When he walks, he casts a shadow of purpose." - Terri Guillemets


"Men, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction and begin to bend." - Walter Savage Landor

"Great minds have purposes, others have wishes." - Washington Irving

"We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years, and justify our existence...on pain of liquidation." - Georg Bernard Shaw

"If you don't decide what your life is about, it defaults to what you spend your days doing." - Robert Brault

"An 'unemployed' existence is a worse negation of life than death itself." - Jose Ortega y Gasset