Kids get it, parents don't

As part of my mission in youth sports, I aim to do what kids need instead of what parents want. This has been a very different approach to coaching youth sports. I stay this course no matter how many parents push back and ask for more. Additionally, I try to vocally lead the charge to do what's right with youth athletes in the wrestling community by writing, speaking and sharing ideas through many technological outlets because there is a lot of wrong taking place.

I initiated my own little experiment at a youth camp yesterday that is worth mentioning. The community that brought me in to do a camp had seen my philosophy on full display on YouTube and on our website, so they knew what they were getting. They wanted more of what is right in youth wrestling and less of what is wrong. They had been infiltrated with parents that had unhealthy perspectives and unrealistic expectations. I confronted those issues.

We engaged in a conversation at the end of camp that included 3rd-6th graders and a few parents. I do a little speech at the end of every camp and clinic and this time it was interactive and required a little audience participation. We talked about the three dimensions of the Total Athlete - body, mind and soul. We worked on the physical (body) aspect for two days, but hadn't talked about the other two. I asked a few questions to get them thinking. Even the 3rd graders were tracking with me. We talked about motivation, focus, desire, purpose and other big topics that get avoided.

Why do you do what you do? This is a question I ask kids about everything they do. It's a question of purpose and motivation. Why wrestling? Why sports? The kids answered with things such as, because they enjoyed the sport, they had fun, they love being active, etc. All were great answers. None of them included competition or winning and losing. Then I went deeper and asked them what they'd like to accomplish and what character traits they desire to gain through wrestling. The kids didn't understand what character was, which was interesting because some people tell me that's why they put their child in sports. I told them they could give me a one word answer about what they'd like to get out of wrestling. The answers blew my mind. They said respect, sportsmanship and humility! The 3rd graders got it! I asked the parents the same question and they answered with big words like commitment, dedication, teamwork, perseverance, etc. I respect these answers and believe those are also important character traits, but every one of the answers given by the parents leave more to be desired and can be used for very bad things. Some of the most committed and dedicated people in history have been some of worse in humanity (think Hitler, Bin Laden, etc. - they were extremely committed and dedicated). The traits the kids offered make the world a better a place. Genuine respect and humility can't be misused. Interesting, huh? The kids get it, but the parents don't.

The scary thing about youth sports is that we are teaching character, but we're not teaching what to do with it. Commitment and dedication alone aren't enough. Remember what Peter Parker's uncle told him? With great power comes great responsibility. This has never been more true in youth sports than today. Coaches and parents have great responsibility to teach these kids how to use these character traits to positively impact the world. These kids must learn the responsibility that comes with these "super powers," or character traits.

We can't let these children down. They need to be held to a high standard and they already know what it is. They're in it for the right reasons. Often times, Mom and Dad aren't. This is why we must do what the kids needs, not what the parents want.