Overzealous Parents

The overzealous parent. You've seen him. In fact, as soon as you read "overzealous parent," you probably formulated an image in your mind of one. You know, the guy who lives vicariously through his child because he never reached his dreams and he's hell bent on his kid achieving what he never did. Or the mom who doesn't understand the sport, but screams at the top of her lungs whenever her kid is in the spotlight as if her life depended on it. Both are spectacles at sporting events and both are destroying youth sports.

I appreciate when parents are genuinely excited for their children and I'm always thankful to see a mother or father love their child and care for them deeply. Our society needs more parents who raise their children this way. We don't need anymore parents creating problems because of the way they act.

These parents harm youth sports because they scare people. Children are afraid of their unjust wrath and other parents fear they physically, mentally or emotionally will hurt their kids. They're unapproachable and confrontational, making it nearly impossible to hold them accountable. I've heard many stories of kids quitting sports because these parents. I've also heard of parents not permitting their kids to participate because of them. Not only are they affecting the number of participants, they're having a drastically negative impact on the experience of those who do participate.

The problem with the overzealous parent is an issue of perspective. The best way to combat this issue to be sure everyone with a clipboard and in the stands has a healthy perspective on youth sports. Perspective, simply put, is the capacity to view things in their true relation and relative importance.

Sports should be used as a metaphor to teach life lessons and parents shouldn't be exempt from the educational opportunities. Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. We need to be clear about our objectives and pay attention to what counts most -- helping these children become great men and women someday.

The best way to make sure we keep these parents in check is by having a coach-parent-athlete meeting. Ideally, this meeting would be held by the coach, but it can also be arranged by a parent or group of parents. The purpose of the meeting is to discuss the main objectives of the season and make sure everyone is on the same page. During this meeting, it's important to talk about the expectations of everyone involved -- coaches, parents and athletes -- and develop high standards of sportsmanship. The behavior of parents is important so they don't torpedo the experience for the kids. Be proactive.

When I was in 3rd grade, my father had a moment that isn't proudly displayed on his mantle. I was competing in a local youth wrestling tournament and the young high school official didn't have a complete grasp on the rules. My opponent performed an illegal hold and my dad came unglued. He made a scene as he reprimanded the official. After all, he was right, the official wasn't aware of what was happening, but the way it happened was a problem.

Another parent from our youth club pulled my dad aside with a very calm demeanor. He explained that he understood why my dad was upset, so my dad felt like he had done well to confront the official. Then, the other parent asked my dad to take off his River Falls Wrestling shirt because he didn't represent the character that the program wanted to promote. It was a very humbling experience for my dad. If that other parent wouldn't have held him accountable to the club standards, more negative experiences may have happened and I may not have been involved in the sport much longer. There's always a lot at stake when we're dealing with children.

There's no room for overzealous parents in youth sports. High standards and accountability can help assure everyone is on the same page. It's not about the parents, but they still have a place in the sport to grow and learn, just like our children. But in the end, it's about the children.