Junior Worlds 2018 - Blog #6

Ok.

Well, I'm not sure where to start tonight.

I've really enjoyed writing updates throughout our trip, but this one is difficult.  I know there are a lot of people back home who are supporting these girls and hurting for them tonight.  We sincerely appreciate you.  I also believe I have a responsibility to keep our support system updated on my take from a heart wrenching evening in Slovakia.

I don't want to write anything tonight.  I just want to take a long shower and go to bed.  But those who have our backs need to be in the loop on this one because it's important that they understand this side of the journey, too.  So, I'm just going to share my thoughts journal-style tonight and do some free flow writing so you might not get many sharable quotes this time.

Twice within an hour, we fell short of what we came here to do.  I fell short to deliver on a couple of unspoken promises and that hurts a lot.  Ali and Macey have been preparing to win gold medals at this event.  Nothing else.  We didn't prepare for any setbacks, but now we have to deal with them.

Both of these girls have paid their dues, put in the time, made the investments and sacrifices.  They've worked hard, worked easy and worked smart.  They've been all over the world in order to put themselves in a position to win a gold medal at junior worlds.  They've spent over 12 months for this day and there have been several people and programs contributing to the process.  However, September 20, 2018 was not kind to us.

The takeaway?  No one deserves anything in this sport and, damn it, life's not fair.

I've heard coaches and motivators talk about making the commitment to excellence and athletes answering or responding with that cliche statement about how, "no one deserves this more than so-and-so."  Well, I'm here to tell you that's not true.  It's a bunch of entitled bull crap.  No one really deserves anything.  Terry Brands spoke to this in his FloFilms documentary.  In wrestling, you don't get what you deserve, you only get what you earn.

I talked about this during an interview on Trackwrestling tonight.  You have to remember, we're dealing with the best in the entire world kind of stuff here.  This is no joke.  We're not trying to win a conference title or a state championship.  Not taking anything away from those accomplishments, but those are small potatoes.  You can't fake your way into winning a gold medal at the world championships.  It just doesn't happen.  And never will.  There's no guarantee that success is waiting for you.  Ever.  There are several people doing everything that they can to prepare for the opportunity to win that gold medal.  And at the end of the day, they will only hand out one.

The standard is the best in the world.  That's 7.442 billion people.  This is a high stakes game.

What are the investments these two have made?  By the time they turned 17 and 18 years old, they had moved away from their families, sacrificed academic opportunities, invested in becoming the Total Athlete (body, mind and soul), lived clean lifestyles, adjusted diets and strength/conditioning programs and friend groups, traveled all over the globe and did everything within their entire being to become the best that they can be...and all of that only gives them the chance to reach their dreams.

I don't think the "rest of the world" understands what that means.  It looks differently for each of these girls, but they have literally done everything in pursuit of this goal.  Every. Thing. Only for the chance to reach it.

Isn't that a scary place to choose to live?  These girls put in a maximum amount of effort with no guaranteed return on their investment.  They bet the farm everyday.  They go all in.  Only so that they can have the opportunity to risk all of it.  There aren't many teenagers that can identify with this kind of life.

You cannot experience true satisfaction in reaching your goals unless you've dared so greatly that it might cost you everything in the pursuit of them.  However, it hurts so incredibly bad when you don't reach that goal.  The highs are high and the lows are low.

That's the real life that we're dealing with here, my friends.  And tonight our hearts are broken.

But it's worth it.  Because it's only in these moments that you gain the strength to persevere for the next opportunity and to be ready if the chance is there again.  Rising strong starts with accepting risk and being willing to fall time and time again (Brene Brown).  And it forces you to operate from a posture of humility and to gain a healthy perspective on the "big picture."

After all is said and done, it comes down to what God is doing in us and through us.  It always does.  Didn't we talk about that yesterday?  Things are sticky and teary, but our joy?  It's down in our hearts where it's always been.  That doesn't make the pain go away.  And the truth is, the hurt these girls are feeling tonight might never leave their hearts.  They might only gain tolerance for it and, if they're lucky and wise, be able to contextualize it some time down the road.

Big picture: we don't get what we deserve and I'm grateful for that.  Jesus suffered and died on a cross, taking upon Himself what we deserve.  "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all" - Isaiah 53:6

Big picture: life isn't fair (especially when awful calls don't go our way), and for that I'm thankful.  Fair?  We've made some ridiculous mistakes and it's not fair that God still sees me as pure and blameless, but that's my identity in Him.

So, I guess I'll end this stream of consciousness and try to get some sleep so we can give it one more push tomorrow to stand on that podium.  As I was writing, I listened over and over to one of my favorite songs of all-time, "Table for Two" by Caedmon's Call.  Here's how the song ends:

Well, this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
to the drink that I spilled on my shirt.
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden,
And you knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt.

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means.
And so I suppose I just need some peace,
Just to get me to sleep.