An indelible memory

Everyone has indelible memories.  For me, many of them involve sports.  Whether I was in attendance or participating in a competition, watching something on television or listening to it on the radio, there are several moments of greatness that I can recall exactly where I was and what I was feeling at the time.

Today, I experienced a new kind of indelible memory.

In the smallish community of River Falls, my high school wrestling accomplishments precede a lot of what I do even though I graduated almost twenty years ago.  After taking the reigns as head coach of the program two years ago, those old accomplishments seemed new again to several people.  There was "buzz" in town for wrestling.  It's fun walking down memory and, indeed, I'm proud of what I did in the RFHS singlet during those four years.

But, truth be told, those accomplishments also haunt me.  Not in the way most would think.  I'm confident in who I am and I can handle expectations.  I'm concerned about those expectations being passed on to my children.  Everyday someone asks me or my boys if they're already wrestling, if I'm teaching them moves, if they're going to be state champions...it's not an exaggeration.  They're 2, 4 and 6 years old.

They've been around wrestling a lot in their short lives and I've made it a point to not talk to them about my glory days.  Those four years had a significant impact on who I am today, however, being Daddy is much more than that.  Additionally, they've been around a lot of wrestlers with far greater accomplishments than mine, so I'm trusting that they'll have a healthy perspective when they start to figure things out.  That doesn't change that some people aren't afforded that breadth of understanding, though.  How will my boys handle all of it?

Well, today I found it.

My wrestling career continued beyond high school and I fell short of several goals.  I'd be lying if I said those losses and setbacks still didn't sting.  Many of them are the fuel for my coaching endeavors because my competitive career still lacks some closure.  I know many others who feel the same way, too.  Over time, small things have provided an illusion of such and some solace, but none more than a simple text message that my wife forwarded to me.  It was from one of our former babysitters who periodically spends time in Isaiah's kindergarten class.

Here's the text message:

Hi Liz, I just wanted to let you know what a great kid Isaiah is.  I sat at his table at school for a bit this morning, and Cullen, out of the blue, say, "Mrs. Leitch, can you believe that Kevin Black is Isaiah's dad?!"  Before I could say anything, Austin chimed in, "who is Kevin Black?" Cullen replied, "Only the best wrestler ever!" Austin being Austin said, "I really don't think he's the best wrestler ever," and Cullen said that Kevin was the best high school wrestler ever.  Austin, again doubting Cullen, so I told him that Kevin won every single match in high school for four years.  The whole time, Isaiah was listening, then said, "Well, my dad DID lose sometimes, just not his high school matches.  He just worked really, really hard and tried his best all the time."  Then he got back to working on his journal.  He didn't brag or argue, just told it like it is.  Hopefully the other boys at the table picked up on the lesson Isaiah taught them.

Try being Dad and having dry eyes after that.  If the only things my kids know about their dad's sports career, or any other career, is that he worked really, really hard and tried his best all the time, then all of it was worth-the-effort.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm very competitive and I was, and still am, driven to succeed, to win.  I hope my boys have a passion for excellence AND hate losing more than they love winning.  Of course, I want most for them to do their best and be their best, however, I also want them to be competitive because that matters, too.

But it's freeing for me to hear Isaiah's perspective on this subject, to know how he measures success and to see what he's learning from my wrestling pursuits.  How you do things matters more than what you accomplish.

During an interview as a senior in high school, I said this: "This isn't just about wrestling, this is about life, in general.  I'll take this for another 60 years into everything I do.  That's what all of the hard work is about."

After today, that comment in February of 1998 seemed prophetic.  I knew that what I was doing then was bigger than me now.  It was about more than my life.  I know that God created me to use my life in wrestling to make an impact in the lives of others for His glory.  It's almost like in that 15-minutes of fame I was talking about Isaiah.

Now, that is an indelible memory.

11 Totally Rotten Things We Do That Are Ruining Athletes' Lives

I recently read an article online about the "terrible" things parents do their kids.  It was a satire piece that shared the insights of children and how they understand parenting styles to be mean, unfair, unreasonable, etc.  You know, the stereotypical tantrums that include, "you're stupid, I hate everyone, you're ruining my life..." or making your 15-year old shovel the driveway even though it will likely snow again.  One of my favorite bloggers used the idea as inspiration to confess and share the horrible wrongdoings of several coaches and how they're "ruining the lives" of athletes.  Both were great reads.

This led me to consider some of the things we (River Falls Wrestling) do that are sometimes misconstrued as "awful."  In nearly every example, it comes down to the fact that younger individuals sometimes struggle to see the big picture.  That's alright because it's how human nature works.  Adolescents and children are still growing and developing.  Adult have a responsibility to be the grown up and stay the course no matter how obscene the tantrum is.  Coaches have a responsibility to establish order and structure.  While leading young people, adults must act out of conviction and not convenience.

Okay, here we go:
*disclaimer: not all original ideas; some are repeats from the articles mentioned above...

1. We're so old fashioned that we tell high school boys that real men respect women.  This includes, but is not limited to, holding doors, speaking highly of and being protective of the opposite gender.  I know, it is 2015...
2. Can you believe it?  Our athletes are not allowed to lift weights unsupervised.  But how will they get the numbers they need to be college-ready?
3. Our coaches are such hard asses, seriously, we expect kids to be to practice on time.  Man, the audacity, especially considering they only have 45 minutes to get to another building and dressed in time after school.
4. We require wrestlers shower after practice.  Are you kidding me?  Whatever happened to free will?
5. We have a crazy rule that athletes need to attend practice the week before a meet.
6. Our athletes are not allowed to text during practice.  Or go on Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram or Snapchat.  How on Earth will their friends know if they're alright?  Where's the empathy, you might say.
7. If we catch our athletes cheating, we call them out.  If they break rules, we hold them accountable.  We don't turn our eye or pretend it didn't occur because it's easier...is this the United Soviet Socialist Republic, or what?
8. We actually communicate with our athletic trainer, so our athletes are not allowed to say she said something that she actually didn't say as a way out of hard work.  It's so deceiving, right?
9. We hold everyone to the same standards regardless of their ability level or gender.  No single athlete is bigger than the program.  No one is "special" even if his/her mom or dad says so.
10. Our wrestlers are told to make their bed every morning even though we're not their parents!  What right do we have?  If their lives are a mess, their training will be a mess.  Also, we want them to start their day by accomplishing something first thing in the morning.  That's all likely grounds for a lawsuit.
11. In our program, student-athletes are students first.  Not getting it done in the classroom?  Not allowed to wrestle.  Simple.

There are several other things that come as a surprise to our athletes as we interact with them daily.  Things like telling them to say "thank you" or "I love you" to Mom and Dad or that you only get out of athletics (and academics) what you put into them or the concept of cause-and-effect are a few.  It's fun to change the point-of-view to drive home the point: we're most concerned that our student-athletes do their best and be their best.  If their overall well-being is important to us, sometimes we're going to be unpopular.  And that's okay.

A letter for parents from the perspective of a youth wrestler

Dear Mom and Dad,

This weekend I will be participating in a big wrestling tournament.  I'm excited and nervous.  I know you are, too.  I'm excited and grateful for the opportunity, but I'm nervous because there's a lot of pressure on me this weekend.

Let's be honest, you're using vacation time at work, I'm getting out of school, the entire family is going...gas, food, hotel, admission, event t-shirt...that is a big financial commitment on my shoulders.  Our entire weekend is dependent upon ME.  I understand that's not the intention, but sometimes I feel that unintended pressure to perform.  So, please don't get anxious or upset if I make a mistake.  I hope you will accept me as I am.

Please understand that my performance this weekend does not define me.  Wrestling is a small part of my life, but it's not who I am.  It's fun, but it can also be difficult and scary at times.  Don't be surprised to find that I may respond in a manner that is uncharacteristic.  Sometimes I don't know how to handle my emotions, but don't worry, my misfortunes on the wrestling mat are not a reflection of your ability to be a good parent.  I simply ask that you take care to setting a good example for me by handling your own emotions, maintaining a healthy perspective and being there for me no matter what occurs.

Remember that all children do not learn to walk and talk at the same age; nor do they learn wrestling tactics and techniques at the same rate.  We're all in development stages and growing and learning.  Please do not compare me to my brothers, sisters or friends, because I am unique to this world.  Be realistic in setting my goals.  I need to be challenged, but not pushed beyond my ability.  I need to taste success and I also need time to "smell the roses" while I am still a child.  I enjoy youth wrestling right now, but I want to love the sport if I'm still participating in high school and beyond.

Before I wrestle, the thing I desire most to hear from you is, "have fun!"  When I finish, I'd like a high five or a hug.  I'm constantly longing to hear you say you're proud of me and that you love watching me compete.  Sometimes what you don't say is much louder than all of your words combined.  I'm pretty smart.  I'm not easily fooled.  You have to mean it when you say it.  Don't assume I automatically know how you feel about me.  It's not intuitive for a child and in every situation I'm delicately looking for you to reinforce it.  Do your best and you'll be sure to see me do my best.

The truth is, I'm far more concerned with making you happy than I am with winning any tournament.  Being accepted and unconditionally loved by you is the most important thing in my life right now.  I hope I win all of my matches and get to stand on the top of the podium, but I hope you will treat me the same if I don't.

Love,

Your Youth Wrestler

The gig is up, Marshawn

Marshawn Lynch is in the spotlight once again for trying to mock the media by answering questions with the same answer.  If most sports fans are being honest, they greatly anticipated the Super Bowl media day just to see what Lynch would do.  The NFL warned him over and over and made [empty] threats regarding his interaction, but he remained true to character.

According to those who support his antics, the character of Marshawn Lynch and Marshawn Lynch's character are mutually exclusive.  A few weeks ago, I didn't blink an eye at them.  I even thought they were funny for a couple of weeks, however, now I'm having difficulty not drawing my own conclusions.

My disclaimer should be obvious, but I'll state it anyways: I don't know Marshawn Lynch on a personal level (duh).  I've never seen him "behind the scenes."  I don't know what he lives for, plays for or stands for.  I'm actually pretty clueless when it comes to the man.  I am, however, quite aware of what he has projected from his platform of an NFL superstar.  For the individual who wears the #24 jersey for the Seattle Seahawks, I'd like to say, "the gig is up."  It's old.  It's annoying.  It's time for something new.  You have now become destructive.

I had a shred of empathy for him when he chose to snub the media the first few times, but not at the Super Bowl.  He has a professional responsibility to the media on "media day."  It made sense that he was upset with how the media projected him as a "thug," but not after being fined a second time for grabbing his crotch in celebration.  The media speculating that he's being selfish was officially removed yesterday when he very clearly made this all about him.

I'll throw him a bone when he says he's just looking out for himself, yada yada yada, however, at some point someone needs to tell him that this isn't all about him.  Actually, I don't really care about him.  I care about the young athletes looking up to him believing that this is acceptable and trendy and cute.  His teammates, his team, his fans, etc. are afraid to hold him accountable.  Why?  Because he's an emotional introvert?  I don't know.  The NFL is trying to hold him accountable, but it's a complete waste of their time.  Maybe they should just leave him alone, but I don't think so.  One man cannot be bigger than the institution.  Discipline cannot just cease to exist when it becomes difficult.

The current generation of teenagers have grown up in a culture that lacks respect for authority.  Sure, there have been some crappy leaders and some of them have had awful experiences, however, when you step foot inside a school today, you'll see an apathy for authority and rules that didn't exist 10 years ago.  What concerns me most about the media circus that Marshawn Lynch is a part of is it glorifies that lack of respect for authority.  It indirectly gives kids permission to do whatever they want.  It's narcissism at its finest.  It's an individual making a clear and concise decision to not follow rules.  Who the man is behind closed doors or what he does for this or that charity is irrelevant.  I know, don't hate the player, hate the game.  Well, in this case, there's only one person playing the game and if he was thinking about anything bigger than himself, I think he'd "get it."

Marshawn Lynch is a terrific American football player.  He is Beast Mode personified.  His teammates love him and he does great things for the city of Seattle, but I no longer respect his platform because he has abused it.  He's setting the example that he believes he's the center of the universe and I have a problem with that.  Wouldn't it be great to see an athletes and teenagers who understand they're not the center and it's not all about them?  There are rights and wrongs even if we don't like them.  There are certain things you "just do."  I know that's not politically correct and it's conservative and corny, but the progressive idea that you can do whatever you want, believe whatever you want and act however you want whenever you feel like it is all kinds of bad.  It's bad for our society, but specifically, it's bad for kids and it's bad for sports.

2014 Year In Review

Another year has come and gone.  As I get older, years seem to go by much quicker than they did when I was young.  Children and responsibilities make life much more interesting than it was when I was a teenager full of dreams for the future.  I still have a lot of dreams inside my head, however, as much of my time is spent looking back as it is looking forward.  I ponder on events that have passed and reflect on my activity daily in hopes of gaining important insight and valuable wisdom.  Finding a few minutes to myself to be quiet before God and reflective and introspective is something I cherish.  Below are a few reflections I have from 2014.

Investing in the lives of others is more important for my growth than it is for theirs.  I've had the opportunity to "mentor" a few people over the last ten years.  It's important that I help give back by sharing my experiences and what I've learned from being in similar life situations.  Not only is it important to those receiving the advice and input, but it's invaluable to the one handing it out.  This year, I looked forward to those weekly meetings because they were extremely rich in content and helped me grow in several areas as a man, husband and father.  Coaching young athletes provides several areas for me to invest in others as well, however, I'm the one learning the most in those relationships.

Things that matter don't happen accidentally.  Receiving the right kind of input requires being intentional.  I'm hard pressed to find time to read books, however, I take advantage of extended periods of solitude (airplanes, hotels, etc) to jam in as much as I can.  I also look for moments in the car when I can play a talk, book on tape or sermon series.  The scenario that I'm currently living in has me pouring a lot of myself out - coaching, parenting, etc. - and I need fill up.  It needs to be intentional, though.

A jigsaw puzzle is a great metaphor for life.  I love completing a puzzle and admiring the finished product, however, what happens in between dumping the pieces on the table and overlooking it when it's complete is a perfect picture of how successful people navigate life.  Laying a foundation for future success is how every puzzle maker begins the process by sorting pieces and building the edge. Throughout the experience, there are several times when things fall together with little effort while many more require patience and a change of perspective.  The ability to see a situation differently in the midst of a struggle is one of life's greatest challenges.  Spinning a puzzle piece around in my fingers helps me remember that my point-of-view is only one of many and in the end, there's only one way...referencing John 14:6, not a Sammy Hagar lyric.

When presented with the opportunity to choose your family, pick them every time.  I love my life because I'm able to put a few things on hold and spend a lot of time with my family.  My wife and I are extremely blessed to spend an abundance of time with each other and our children.  I've had to make some difficult decisions in order to make it a reality and I don't regret any of them.  I miss a few things about the life I had before children, but I've listened to hundreds of people older and much smarter and wiser than I am who said spend as much time with your children while they're young as you can.  In 2014, I lightened my load even more in order to spend more time with my family.  I understand my circumstances are different than most and many aren't afforded the same opportunities I've been blessed with.  Still, if you do get the chance to choose, choose your family.

Marriage is exciting and fun when you continually make it a priority.  This might be a quote by Captain Obvious, however, I'm shocked by how little attention couples actually give to their marriage.  There are a lot of great people with wonderful marriages who get by without consciously prioritizing it, however, studies show they might be one unprojected change or tragedy from separating.  Liz and I understand we each married another human being full of thoughts, expectations and opinions different than our own.  Each of us has a lifetime of baggage, too.  We committed to that person on our wedding day while making a promise to commit to who that person becomes in the future.  We want to navigate life together, however, we want our marriage to thrive, not just survive, in a selfish society that has stacked the deck against the institution of marriage.  10 months ago we completed the Love and Respect study by Emerson Eggerichs and it was a "game changer" for us.

Actions speak louder than words.  This is an important principle to live by, however, don't excuse that words matter as well.  Showing someone you love them is far more important that telling them, but if we strive to show them, it doesn't hurt to tell them, too.  It's irresponsible to assume the other person knows what you're thinking and feeling.  We must show others with actions (and use words to communicate).

My list of recommendations shrink year after year, however, I do suggest everyone in a coaching role spends some time exploring the notion of 3 Dimensional Coaching.  I'm also a big fan of Talent Code by Daniel Coyle and Relentless by Tim Glover.  I did some research on Vince Lombardi and he's a pretty important resource for coaches (even those who don't cheer for the Packers).  I attended the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit and plead with everyone who breathes to attend it in 2015 (August 6-7).  I was inspired by Pastor Choco (Wilfredo de Jesus) and enjoyed In The Gap.  It was relevant to my life and provided some historical context that excites a history nerd.  I receive an e-mail daily from Seth Godin.  His leadership expertise is priceless (actually, it's free).  I carve time in my schedule to listen to sermons by Steven Furtick, Matt Chandler and Andy Stanley.  I have a long list of others, including Louie Giglio, who never cease to blow my mind with Biblical truths.  I'm also excited about the impact Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck has had on the administration at River Falls High School.

Tom Brady said what?

The Packers beat the Patriots yesterday in a hard fought game with a playoff-type atmosphere.  It was nationally televised as the Game of the Week.  In a hard fought game with a playoff-type atmosphere, it's not the 26-21 win by Green Bay that is stealing the headlines.  Instead, it's Tom Brady, the Patriots star quarterback, who was shown on separate occasions using explicit profanity on the sidelines as he expressed frustration.  The NFL will likely fine him a hefty amount for the outbursts (Rex Ryan was fined $100,000 for his dirty word).

The real reason so many are commenting on Facebook, Twitter and in the blogoshphere today about a superstar coming unhinged is because Tom Brady cares.  He gives a damn.  He's passionate about what he does, expects success and doesn't take well to losing.  Shouldn't this attitude be expected of every professional player across the world (and amateur players, for that matter)?  Shouldn't we expect a never-say-die attitude outside of sports, too?  The NFL has a lot of individuals who are more concerned with a paycheck than they are with excellence and justifiably receive a lot of flack for it.  Tom Brady is not one of those players.  He is compensated very nicely, too, by the way.

In no way am I about to condone the behavior or language of Brady, but here's the reality...  Tom Brady is an extremely focused individual.  He's more disciplined than 99% of the world's population.  He's a great football player, is ultra competitive and has a huge platform that he leverages very well.  When he's on the football field, the world around him disappears.  He's in the zone.  The rest of the population cannot begin to comprehend how detail-oriented, precise and intense the time he spends on the field actually is.  Is it healthy?  I don't know; that's not the conversation.  Does this excuse his explosion?  Not at all, but this is his reality.  What happens inside the arena of sports is not always family friendly.  CBS should know better.  They should be carrying the brunt of the criticism today.

Is it okay for Tom Brady to use profanities?  I suppose it is even if I choose to use other words even when frustrated.  It's his prerogative.  Should he be held accountable by the NFL?  Probably.   Was Tom Brady a good role model?  Definitely.  Is he still a good role model?  Of course.  Do other players curse during football games?  Duh.  Is Tom Brady the first person to use profanities during a nationally televised game?  Come on, let's not be so dramatic, of course not.  Is it alright for me make judgements of Tom Brady's behavior (or other professional athletes)?  Sure it is and probably not.  Should CBS have replayed his frustrations?  Absolutely not.

Today, Monday Morning Quarterbacks like me are making outlandish claims that Brady is an arrogant sore loser.  A cry baby.  An elitist.  That he should take the loss like a man (as if manhood is somehow linked to this).  Well, maybe...just maybe...this mentality is why he has more Super Bowl rings than anyone else in football.  It's probably why he has become one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time despite being an average college football player.  He should be a sore loser.  I love coaching sore losers.  I'd like an entire team of them.

As an athlete, I lost my cool a time or two.  I'm not proud of those moments.  I learned from a few of them, was justified in a couple, didn't affect a single person in most, regret some, forgot about others and no matter what they looked like, life moved on and I wasn't the center of the universe for any of them.  As a coach, I've acted out-of-line and been approached by athletes, parents, coaches and officials in an attempt to correct my behavior or tell me that they were disappointed in me.  I've acted in an unsportsmanlike way and those moments have happened as a result of anger, frustration, corruption and poor judgement.  I've second guessed my responses several times.  In everyone of those moments, I had the good fortune to be able to live the moment only in the moment.  There were no replays and no one wrote about my character online.

Fine.  What's the point of me writing something about what Tom Brady said?  It's to use the situation as a teachable moment.  You never know who's watching and exactly when they're watching.  Tom Brady doesn't have the CBS broadcast playing on the sidelines.  He doesn't see what we see.  He didn't know he was being filmed at those vulnerable moments and CBS has a professional responsibility to make sure those moments don't get into my living room.  We shouldn't expect to be included in what happens on the sidelines or between the hashes.  Still, it doesn't matter because you never know who's watching...no matter who you are.  That's what character education is all about.  Character is who you are when no one is watching, and guess what?  There could always be someone watching, especially during a nationally televised contest, but also within your home, at work or school or anywhere.  Is it too much to expect others to be on their best behavior while affording grace to those who "lose it"?

Remember what Uncle Ben said?  "With great power comes great responsibility."  We all have the power to make a positive impact on others and you never know when those opportunities are taking place.

What we learned from parent-led conversation starters

At the parent-athlete-coach meeting that we hosted prior to the start of the wrestling season, we challenged the parents to take initiative in engaging in healthy conversations with their children.  I had been writing about productive communication between parents and student-athletes for a month leading into the season, so we took proactive measures to help the parents in our program talk to their children.  Parents were given conversation starters and encouraged to share a few of the things they discovered in the process.  It turned out to be a great exercise that produced favorable results.  It helped me to know our athletes better (which is a priority to all coaches).  The information they choose to share with Mom and Dad is usually different than what they choose to share with Coach.  I was able to get an insight into some family dynamics, too.

1. Would you say I'm better at giving compliments or criticizing?
2. Would you say I'm a bad, okay or good listener?
3. What's the most fun thing we've ever done together?
4. Share with your son/daughter who your childhood hero was (and why).
5. Share with your son/daughter about a teacher who had a positive impact on you.
6. Why have you signed up for wrestling?
7. What would you like to accomplish and/or get out of this wrestling season?

The results
So, what were the results?  According to kids, most parents criticize more than compliment, don't always listen very well and aren't aware that the simple things in life are often the most fun.  Parents enjoyed the opportunity to share important pieces of their childhood.  In the e-mail responses, it was clear that this energized the parents.

Breaking it down
Compliments or criticism?
Looking into this further, some of the results are slightly misleading.  What kid wouldn't say their parents tend to criticize more than compliment, right?  In some cases, if an individual is quick to say their mom or dad offers more compliments, it's possible that they're seldom held accountable.  After all, we tend to hear and see the negative much more loudly and vividly than the positive.  Some of us are awful at receiving constructive criticism while others are awful at accepting compliments.  The answers to the first question might not tell us the entire discourse.

Focusing on our marriage, my wife and I discussed these questions.  We were shocked that neither of us could correctly recall when the last time either of us had complimented the other.  We both feel like we have a healthy relationship and communicate very well.  This convicted me and I took it as a challenge to offer my wife more compliments.  She deserves them and I have a responsibility to look for those moments where she shines so that I can quickly recognize her.  We shouldn't be quick to offer false hope by complimenting children when it's unwarranted, however, there are plenty of great opportunities that pass us by.  There is power in praise.  You should be praising kids four times as often as you are correcting them.

Bad, okay or good listener?
These results also revealed that our listening skills can use some attention.  We all have several distractions that we're dealing with moment-by-moment.  The piece that was most revealing was to hear parents was defending themselves when their son or daughter said they don't listen well.  I'm quite certain none of them wanted to hear they were bad listeners.  I'm also certain that immediately going on the defense is evidence of not listening very well.  Sometimes, our children just want to be heard and their home should be a safe place for this.  If we ask them a question, we must allow for them to have a voice and speak their mind.  Some of their answers will surprise us, some will encourage or inspire and still some might even hurt.  Empowering them to have a voice is more valuable than our temporary feelings - good or bad.  The ultimate challenge in this moment is to hear his or her heart in the matter and be a reflective listener.

Most fun?
If you're like me, most of the memorable moments of your childhood didn't take place at a tournament or in a classroom.  There are indelible memories from my sports career, without a doubt, however, when thinking about the most fun I had with my family my mind immediately goes to getting outside the wake on a tube, water parks, snow forts, bike ramps, derbies in the garage, cucumber boats, road trips in a rusty van, the Green Bay Packers, etc.  As an individual, I'm proud of my accomplishments in the sports world, as are my parents and siblings, but they're actually a small part of my life (and my family is entrenched in wrestling as much as any other family in the country).

Sports are important, but not that important.  If you don't believe me, ask your child what the most fun they've ever had with you is.  If he/she answers that participation in a tournament is the most fun they've had, he/she might be missing out on being a kid.

Heroes and teachers?
Several of our parents had never found the opportunity to share with their children about what made them come alive as a youngster.  The important people, the heroes, the role models, the people that helped you become who you are today are complete strangers to your kids.  Why?  They were once important to you and in some cases, still are.  Don't be afraid to be an example to your kids who are also looking to others as role models.  They have big dreams and big goals, just like you did.  They're looking to others for inspiration and motivation.  They want someone to emulate.  As parents, we can have a part by teaching them who is good to follow and who is not.  We have experience in the subject area, don't we?  Create teachable moments by enlightening your son or daughter about your past and who you were as a teenager.  Every student-athlete today would do well to learn a little more about how important figures of the 60's, 70's and 80's had a direct impact on people - Martin Luther King, Jr., John Wayne, Jane Goodall, Walter Payton, Michael Jordan, Ronald Reagan, John Lennon, and Julia Child, to name a few.

Why wrestling?  What does your son/daughter want to get out of the sport?
These are important questions for everyone involved to understand so we're all on the same page.  As a coach, it's important for me to know why these student-athletes are showing up for practice and what they'd like to get out of their involvement.  It's counterproductive to expect a team member to be all in when, in fact, he's not interested in that.  Of course I want to help him arrive at a place of commitment to excellence, but that looks different for each person.  We want to be welcoming to everyone, meeting them where they're at, while still demanding excellence.  In high school wrestling, someone can reach his full potential without ever winning a wrestling match while someone else can win every match and never reach his potential.  Our team might have both extremes and everything in between.  Our coaching staff has high expectation for each athlete and we encourage them to expect more than others think is possible.

Parents should expect their child to be their best and do their best.  The rest is up to the child.  There's a big difference between wanting what's best for your kids and wanting them to be the best.  Wanting what's best for your kids is about the child.  Wanting them to be the best is about the parent's expectations.  You should expect that you'll struggle with some unfilled expectations in your child's life until you stop expecting all of them to be fulfilled.  If you haven't asked these questions of your wrestler, you best do so quickly and get on the same page.  Your expectations need be aligned with their expectations so you can be a source of encouragement and support.

Life Application
In this constantly correcting, constantly evaluating pressure-filled world with countless distractions, there has to be space for acceptance.  Space for awareness and space for presence.  Space where time isn't measured in tenths of a second, but in how long it takes to complete a puzzle.  If there's one thing we can all take away from this it's that sometimes the best of us cannot be measured in wins or losses.  Instead, often times it's about being present in the moment.  Make some space in your life to be "all in" with your children, free from distractions and pressures.   Go, and create memories.