Communication

Thank you to everyone who has followed this "blog series." I have received a lot of positive feedback and I'm eager to implement many of these ideas into my club. I hope you continue having conversations about topics like these. We do have the power to change the culture of youth sports and allow everyone to benefit from the advantages of competing in athletics.

This topic seems very anti-climatic as I conclude the 7 biggest issues is youth sports with the problem of communication. However, I believe this is a perfect place to end because communicating is what will keep these thoughts moving forward. We need to be proactive and clearly communicate our ideas at local youth club meetings, tournaments and everywhere else we go.

The problems in communication come from everyone involved in sports - coaches, parents, athletes, officials, spectators, etc. Individuals draw conclusions based on gossip, here say and simple assumptions. In sports, there needs to be a concrete way to make sure everyone is on the same page. We all need to communicate better.

The best way to assure that everyone understands each other is to be proactive, transparent and clear on expectations. I believe it's the coach's responsibility to take initiative on each of these. Outlining the team's philosophy, mission and expectations at a parent-athlete-coach meeting is the best place to start. It can't end there, though. The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished - George Bernad Shaw. Communication lines need to continuously be open and constantly happening. If the coach doesn't take on this responsibility, it's important that a parent kindly asks the coach what his/her expectations are.

Being proactive is addressing potential issues, conflicts and questions before they happen. It means putting into place principles that allow individuals and teams handle situations when they arise and to make decisions free from emotions. It's easy to hold others accountable when guidelines are clear.

Transparency is also an important component to communicating in sports. There are varying degrees of transparency and the individual needs to be comfortable with their amount. I always encourage coaches to share their coaching philosophy with parents and athletes. This way, parents are more supportive when decisions are made. It's also nice for parents to know the thought and effort that goes into those decisions. E-mails, websites, blogs, facebook, etc. are all great ways for coaches to show parents and athletes what's at the core of the decision making process, or who they are as people. To offer assistance, here is my Coaching Code of Ethics at Victory School of Wrestling. It's based on my coaching philosophy.

Expectations also need to be clear. What coaches expect of athletes and parents and what parents expect of coaches and athletes is extremely important if the season is going to go well. It's best to be upfront about expectations before the season begins. It's also valuable to know what athletes expect of coaches and parents. Most important is what each individual expects of themselves. All of this can be accomplished during a preseason meeting. If the meeting isn't satisfactory, surveys, journals, individual meetings and other ideas are also great steps to understanding expectations.

Communication is key in every relationship. Words are a great way to convey information and one can't forget the impact of non-verbal communication and actions. My dad always told me, "actions speak louder than words." All aspects of communication need to be consistent. Not only in what we say, but how we listen. Listening is part of communicating as well.



Quotes on communication:

"People do not care how much you know until they know much you care." - John Maxwell

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." - Stephen Covey

"To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well." - John Marshall

"Argument is the worst sort of communication." - Jonathan Swift

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

"Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing." - Rollo May

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." - Tony Robbins

"The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choices words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech." - Edwin Friedman