Well, let him do whatever he wants

Last night I received a text message from a friend who has three children under 7 years old and a fourth on the way.  He was recalling some of his experiences as a basketball player and was struggling with the thought of letting his own children go through some of the "dark times" that he did.  I could tell he was thinking deeply on the issue of whether or not to allow his children to play sports.

This is how I responded:

I think sports have great potential to teach important life skills and learn great life lessons.  Those rough times forge character with the right perspective and support.  When the joy and wonder of sports in encouraged, it's a great experience no matter the outcome.  I think the youth sports culture is driven by unhealthy perspectives from parents and coaches and it creates a lot of pressure for kids.  My suggestion is to be wise about what kind of organized sports they participate in based on coaches and programs who "get it."
...When our purpose in sport is greater than our goals, our pleasure throughout the sports experience is much greater.  When purpose and goals are one in the same, problems will always arise - usually with moral integrity or identity issues.

Several times I've shared how members of our community ask me if our young boys are wrestlers.  There's nothing underlying in those questions.  It's sincere curiosity and, most times, the cliche thing to say to a wrestling coach.  My answer is always predictable and I say something along lines of, "I don't know...we'll see..."  which is usually followed immediately by, "yeah, well, let them do whatever they want..."

That exchange is nauseatingly familiar to me and because it's rooted in innocence, I don't take the steps to engage in the next part of the discussion - letting my kids do whatever they want.  This is far from my modus operandi as a parent.  This should be obvious, however, it might be less obvious and even unacceptable in the sports communities.  I won't let my kids do whatever they want and I won't let my kids participate in whatever sport they want to.  Don't misunderstand me; I'm not advocating for my sport of choice or pressing my desires and interests on them.  In fact, I've never asked any of my kids if they'd like to wrestle.  They've asked me if they can come along and participate in youth practices.

What I am saying is that there are some sports opportunities that I believe I are not right for my kids, or any kid, to participate in.  Generally speaking, though, it's not that one sport creates more of an inherent risk than others or that any one specific sport is bad for kids.  What I am saying is that there are adults influencing some sports cultures that create an unhealthy environment for children.  In addition, there are opportunities piled on top of other opportunities and I would do well to make sure my children aren't spread too thin.  Those are experiences that I will do all I can to keep my children from.

I've seen parents go through several scenarios and situations involving sports and now, as a parent myself, I'm beginning to feel some of those pressures to get involved.  In the text message from my friend, he was expressing concern with this pressure.  But here's the deal: parents need to be firm and have the courage not to just go with the flow.  Well, everyone else is doing it...what a juvenile decision making process.  Just because I see my neighbors running themselves ragged taking their young child to different youth practices every single night of the week doesn't mean that I need to jump on that wagon.  Just because one of the most popular youth sports opportunities in our community attracts kids and parents who 'tolerate' poor coaching and an unhealthy culture doesn't mean that I need to sign my kids up for it, too.  Just because some parents are focused on the here and now doesn't mean I should ignore my conviction of long-term growth and development and overall well-being of my children.

Am I claiming to have all of this figured out?  No way.  Do I believe that some opportunities can be good for one and not for another?  Absolutely.  Is it, 'here we go again, someone telling me how to raise my kids...?'  Not even close.  All I'm advocating is that parents think deeply on matters surrounding youth sports and their children's involvement and make decisions out of conviction rather than convenience while considering the long-term implications from short-term decisions.

Sports, left to their own devices, are inherently fun.  Fun comes in many different shapes and sizes and is all across the spectrum for children in sports.  Still, no matter what, youth sports should always be focused on what children need and not what parents want.  Sometimes, those two things can co-exist, but sometimes they're mutually exclusive.