Why kids quit sports and how parents should respond

Today, the only thing that we participate in more than sports is going to school, and that’s required by law.  We read about sports and watch them on television more than anything else.  However, kids aren’t sticking around and participating long enough to enjoy the many long-term benefits of them.

Overall participation in athletics is on the decline.  Despite what our intuition says when we drive by the sports fields on Saturday morning, the statistics are conclusive.  High school football, for example, fell 2.3% last year nationwide while players 8 years old or younger increased by 10.2%.  Increasing numbers in youth sports doesn’t automatically lead to growth at more mature levels. In most sports, more little kids means less big kids.  It’s not a hunch; it’s a statistical fact.

Combined participation in the four most-popular US team sports – basketball, soccer, baseball and football – fell among boys and girls aged 6 through 17 by roughly 4% over the last five years.  During that time, the population of 6-to-17 year olds in the US fell only 0.6%, according to the US Census.

Michael Bergeron, Executive Director of the National Youth Sports Health and Safety Institute said in a recent article, “We have to be aware of single sport specialization, overuse, overworking kids searching for the elite athletes; all of these things are causing kids to leave youth sport and not return.”  Why should the youth sports culture listen to him, though, right?

In the United States, the FDA takes responsibility for knowing everything about our food and drugs, as the EPA does with the environment.  There’s no agency or organization that monitors sports either as a central part of American childhood or as an industry.  We’re the only civilized country in the world without something equivalent to a Ministry of Sport (Canada).  As a result, we’re left with a Wild West of local and regional organizations chock full of well-intended parents and coaches who don’t know who to listen, what to do or where to look for guidance, so they continue to shoot from the hip with the next game or tournament fueling their decisions.   There is a mountain of sports science research, statistical data and professional opinion that suggests our current system is completely out of whack.

We can do our best to discuss this topic with objectivity, however, my experience has taught me that there is too much emotion to enter into a rational decision making process that is best for children, coaches and parents all at the same time.  As it stands, the culture is driven by the desires of parents and money.  Make someone a youth board president and suddenly he’s an expert.  When someone raises their hand, they’re put in a place of leadership.  Still, some are willing to engage in the conversation no matter how little traction it gets in hopes of steering the ship onto the right course.  This isn’t that conversation, though.  Not right now, at least.

So, here we are. 

Statistics say that 75% of children participating in sports will no longer participate by the age of 12.  Between the ages of 14 and 15, there’s additional 26% drop in kids who play at least one sport even casually.   There’s a very high statistical chance that your son or daughter will fall into this category, so what should you do?

Why are children walking away from sports they once loved?

• A child’s joy and wonder in sports is replaced by organization and micromanaging by adults.
• Over-emphasis on winning as the objective results in increased pressure
• Stress on high performance that translates into longer hours of practice, longer seasons and specialization at an early age.
•  A high demand from several activities simultaneously that eliminates margin – the space between load and limit.
•  Children starting in youth sports at younger ages leads to some simply growing bored with a sport after a number of years.
• Lack of training for youth coaches and frustration of kids who take orders from well-intentioned but misguided coaches.

 The number one reason children choose to leave a sport is they’re not having fun.  Every survey reveals this.  As high as 40% of children list not having fun as a primary reason, yet adults are hell-bent on making the competitive experience the focus.  Health problems or injuries, not getting along with coaches or teammates, not experiencing improvement and the need to focus on school are other reasons that rank high throughout several surveys of youth athletes.

In a recent conversation with seven adults whose children are in youth sports, their responses to this subject were: “that’s life,” “they have to learn to deal with it,” “they have to learn sometime,” “sports is survival of the fittest,” “sports are supposed to be tough,” “I don’t want to raise quitters,” and on-and-on.  We were talking about their own children between the ages of 7 and 10.  The reality is, many adults wouldn’t, and shouldn’t, put up with these feelings at work.  They’d look for a different place of employment, but they expect their children to push through them in activities that are supposed to be fun.

What should YOU do?  As a parent, how can you help your son or daughter work through some of the struggles sports presents so they remain involved when they’re emotionally and intellectually capable to grasp the “good stuff”?  What should you do if your child is considering quitting?

• If you’re not attending your son/daughter’s competitions, start immediately.  Everyone understands the demands of life can be difficult to juggle, however, children NEED support from their parents.  Be there.  Watch them.  Tell them you enjoy watching them.  Their schedule is available well in advance.  Choose them over your friends.  Choose to watch a wrestling match, even if it’s a long drive from home, instead of watching that episode of your favorite show.  Bring their brothers and sisters, too.
• Talk to your child.  Have a conversation with him/her.  It’s staggering how many parents are on a completely different page than their child when it comes to their athletic endeavors.  Don’t assume you know.  Ask how it’s going.  Listen to their answers.  Don’t try to fix, offer solutions or blame others.  Hear their heart.
• Talk to other parents (with caution).  Get their opinion.  Hold each other accountable to being good parents rather than trying to be mediocre coaches. 
• Talk to the coach.  Be proactive while remaining professional.  Respect boundaries.  Discussing X’s and O’s with a coach isn’t important.  Instead, ask the coach more meaningful questions that can be answered with sustenance.  Ask for his/her opinion, what he/she enjoys about your son/daughter or what the plan is.
• Make what your son/daughter is doing relevant.  Get to know your son/daughter on a deeper level while you get to know more about what he/she is doing.  Use technology, empower him/her, etc.
• Let them decide to no longer participate.  Obviously, there’s a negative stigma with quitting.  Change the discourse.  Not everyone who chooses to leave a sport that's not for them is a quitter.  If he/she doesn’t want to participate any longer, don’t make him/her do it.  Help with the decision making process (even if you really want to see your son participate on varsity someday).  Make it about the growth process.  With every decision, there are ramifications and repercussions.  If we want sports to be about teaching important life skills, then making well-informed and rational decisions is worth it.

 We’re one week from the start of the high school wrestling season.  Excitement is high and we’re ready to get in the practice room.  As the season progresses, things can become difficult.  In Wisconsin, the weather cuts like a knife, Christmas break changes the pace of life and the grind of January takes it toll on everyone.  Just like we prepare for all of these things, we need to prepare for the emotional rollercoaster our children will go through while being involved in high school sports.