Picnic in the park

"Oh!  Penguins?  I didn't know they make penguins."  This is what I hear while I spread out a queen-sized comforter littered with flowers under a big shade tree.  We're on a picnic in the park.

Periodically, I like to write about the intriguing sub-culture of daytime parenting.  It's a unique world chockfull of stereotypes and happenings the rest of the world is completely unaware of.

As we settle in, two moms on a play date discuss the evolving topic of cheddar flavored snack crackers.  Penguins?  That's right, it's no longer just miniature goldfish on the shelves.  You could assemble a snack cracker zoo with the abundance of options available today.  This doesn't even include other phenomenal choices like the Spider-Man or Scrabble shapes made by Cheez-It. 

There's a lot to consider when shopping for snack crackers.  Are they made with real cheddar?  Do they have partially hydrogenated oils?  Is a form of sugar in the ingredients list?  Are they organic?  Does my child even like bunnies or fish or penguins?  Enriched white or whole wheat flour?  Is enriched flour even real?  Is it a hoax?  Is it bad for my kids?  Is it bad for me?  When is Kashi going to make snack crackers?  By the way, you can find the penguins at Walgreens under the Nice! brand, just in case the zoo sounds appealing. 

Daytime parenting is vastly rich in many categories, including quality of life.  After all, you have the opportunity to watch your kids learn and grow day-by-day, hour-by-hour.  It's not extraordinarily rich in deep and meaningful conversations, though.  It's not as intellectually stimulating as, say, just about anything else.  But that's not what counts.  Comparing and contrasting the diets of your children generally tops the conversational list for buzzing mothers around lunchtime at every location.

"Do you want to go on here?  Do you want to go on the 'duck butt,'" my four year old says to his brother as he invites him to ride the spring-loaded teeter-totter.  The seat looks exactly like the lower half of a yellow duck, probably on purpose.  A few of the mothers aren't as impressed with the metaphor as I am, though.  In fact, they seem appalled by the potty mouth on my sweet little boy (OMG, did I say potty in front of her kids..?).  Almost instantly, my two-year old is falling off the duck butt and making a fuss.  I thought it would be best to let him figure it out, but one of the helicopter moms felt compelled to save his life in dramatic fashion.  Her play date starred at me through her over-sized sunglasses in utter disapproval.  She was the same one with the penguins.  They have 0 trans fats, you know?  Clearly she's favored to win the highly touted parenting award today.  I'm in last place, tied with the elderly woman watching her grandson eat sand.  My boys had Capri Sun, for crying out loud.  Even though the packaging says 100% juice, Im pretty sure that disqualified me today.   She congregates with with two other women and I'm pretty sure they're discussing a route for an intervention, but instead I overhear them talking about how one of their little girls lost her plastic ring in the sand.

Meanwhile, Isaiah is making friends with a few kids.  That seems to be his modus operandi in public places.  He's an extraverted social butterfly.  He's trying to explain to another dad that you can climb up either side of the ladder.  He should have been explaining that white linen pants are never a good idea at the park.  He's wearing a t-shirt that says "Burrito."  It's an interesting combination and makes me wish River Falls had a Chipotle.  Isaiah keeps talking and talking and Burrito keeps ignoring and ignoring.  I wanted to tell him to listen to the kid.  My kid.  It was like he was trying to show his little girl what it looks like to not talk to strangers.  He's heeding his own advice on that one.  Isaiah's not phased.  He moves on.

The general theme on days like this is every parent at the park should win a prize for spending the day with their kiddos and there is definitely no top parent award no matter how badly some strive for that title.  Remember Big Sungalsses?  The one with the judgmental stares and unrealistically healthy snacks?  Well, her "gemstone" of a son started wreaking havoc on the jungle gym.  He was the biggest one of the 10-15 kids and made a habit out of pushing his brother down in the sand.  When it was "her turn" and all the parents looked to see how she handled disciplinary issues, I'm not making any judgments.  I don't need to, she's noticeably embarrassed.  I'm sure she wants all of us to think this is uncharacteristic of her son, but I know it's not.  Let's be real, he's a 6-year old boy.

Hey, Burrito found the ring.  I guess he will talk to strangers if the right situation presents itself.

It was plenty warm and around 1:00.  The children's happy hour has turned into crabby corner.  When the majority of parents begin dreaming of their own happy hour, it's time to go.  Nap time.  Dora the Explorer Applesauce Squeezers anyone?  I think so...they're "all natural."  Read the package.