Everyone gets a medal - the kid's fun run

Yesterday my two oldest boys participated in their very first kid's fun run.  It was a simple 1-kilometer jog around the park.  My wife had finished the "big kid's race" and while everyone waited for the awards to be given out, the event organizers led a little kid's race.

These type of kid's races are non-competitive and a lot of fun.  There's a mixture of intense focus, lollygagging and fearful tears.  My kids fell into the third category (Liz can identify), so we ran alongside them and it was an enjoyable family experience.  Both boys were surprised that it went from leisure running to hard work.  They embraced their sore legs and pressed on.  Welcome to racing.

At the beginning of the race, the marshall announced to all the children that everyone would receive a medal at the end.  As many of you know, this immediately made my skin crawl.  My five year old jumped up and down and made his own announcement, "Yay!  Everyone's a winner!"

I thought, "oh, great, three days of public school and everyone's a winner, everyone's happy because it's all about self-esteem, yada yada yada."  I avoided the opportunity to rebuke his claim because it clearly wasn't a teachable moment and he's only five.  Not everyone wins, especially in a race.  We could assert that "no one here is a loser" and I could live with that, but I digress.  More on that later.

And off they went.

As we approached the first turn, Micaiah (4 years old) was struck with panic as he shouted, "I have to go potty really, really, really badly!"  No problem.  We were in Glen Park and there are an extraordinary number of naturally placed boy's bathrooms.  I know because I grew up in that park.  We stopped near some trees and he quickly relieved himself and it was back at it.

After going down a short decline near the Swinging Bridge, they hit their first uphill climb.  Along with below freezing cold weather, hills were Liz's achilles heel in her cross country career.  She was right there with them and her coaching instincts kicked in and she encouraged them, "come on boys, this is the toughest part..."

We both laughed as she caught herself ready to push our kids.  There's a tricky line between encouragement and pushing.  She was far from approaching the line, however, we want to always be aware of the potential of our words and actions - good and bad.  We've had extensive conversations about the path we'd like to take as parents while our kids become involved in activities.  Encouraging and supportive is where we want to find ourselves.  We've seen parents cross the line with the best of intentions and we want to identify the line and set boundaries far from it.  This way, if we fall short of our standards, we don't cross that line.  Making that climb was a good example of this and our kids made it uphill unscathed.

As we hit the straight away, both boys complained about their legs being sore.  I'm sure they were as it was the longest they had ever run without stopping.  They've seen plenty of races finish, so they knew running all the way through the line was par for the course.  They both pushed through and crossed the line with about 100 spectators cheering them on.  The running culture is genuinely excited for everyone who finishes.  They're the most encouraging group of individuals in sports and it was nice to see our boys embrace it.  That's one of the "hooks" in these road races.

Now, for the elephant in the room...everyone who participated in the kid's race received a medal.  I've written extensively about my thoughts on the trophy generation, so I won't address it much.  Carole Mottaz, my fifth grade teacher, had a little bag full of plastic medals and she unceremoniously handed one to each kid after finishing.  It was no different than marathon finishers getting their medal.  It's not about the result, it's a reward for enduring the entire process.  It doesn't matter what place you came in.  It's about the effort, which I'm beginning to embrace more and more each day.

If the youth sports culture valued effort, it would evaluate it and reward it.  The root of evaluate is value.  If you don't evaluate it, you don't value it no matter how much you say that you do.  This is when parents get confused with their kids.  They say they want them to do their best and be their best, however, when asking the process questions of how things went they're looking for an outcome answer.

"How did you do on that test?" actually means "what grade did you get?"

"How did the game go?" actually means "did you win or lose?"

Our kids learn to answer these questions with the outcome.  How did you do?  I won.  How did the test go?  I got a B+.  This where the well-intended parents drift off course.  Don't assume your kid understands the difference.  Be intentional about how you say what you say so they hear what you want them to hear.

At four and five years old, the medals for finishing should be the same for the kid who finished first as for the kid who finished last because it's about the process of enjoying the race and finishing what was started.  There's value to this for the long haul.  Who cares if they won or lost?  No one.  Seriously, no one does, so it's important that we don't mistakingly elevate the importance and give value (or evaluate) to something that doesn't have value.  This includes a little kid's fun run...and making the traveling team...and youth state...and youth nationals...

Value attitude and effort now and when the outcome does matter, your kids will give their heart and soul in the process of pursuing their outcome goals.  That's what we want anyways, right?  Leave it all on the court, field, mat, etc. and if the outcome is favorable, it's a bonus.  You have to value the process first.

Love & Marriage (from Ingrid and Tony Black's wedding)

My brother got married in Denver, CO this past Saturday.  It was a great weekend with a ceremony that reflected Ingrid and Tony in a perfect way.  I had the privilege of performing the ceremony.  It was one of the greatest honors of my life and one of the most important responsibilities that I've had.

Below is the "Love & Marriage" message that I shared during the ceremony.  After the message, Ingrid and Tony exchanged vows and rings and then I pronounced them husband and wife and introduced them for the very first time as Ingrid and Tony Black.

W.H. Auden expressed it perfectly in one of his last books, A Certain World, where he wrote, “Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.”

What is the great difference between a romance and a marriage of which Auden speaks?  It’s the signing of that piece of paper, or walking through animal parts, or stomping on the glass, or jumping the broomstick, or whatever way a culture provides to make a solemn, public vow and commitment to which you are held accountable.

The commitment of marriage is what brings us here today.  Tony and Ingrid are both individuals who have made the decision to join their independent lives in order to create a brand new family unit.  They’re bringing into this marriage backgrounds, experiences and expectations.  Both come from families that value marriage.  Ingrid’s parents celebrated 30 years of marriage this past Monday.  Tony’s parents will celebrate 40 years of marriage next week.  (applause)

I’m sure both of these marriages have had ups and downs, failures and victories, heartache and elation and I am certain that both couples are composed of significantly different individuals today than they were on their own wedding days.  30 and 40 years later, the vows they made to one another have much deeper meaning and a sense of sincerity that could not possibly be realized when they said them decades ago.  Those promises made to each other have been put to the test and you have two wonderful examples of what a thriving marriage looks like.  But you’re not committing to replicating your parents’ marriages.  You’re forging your own path and creating your own story.

A wedding is not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.  A wedding is not a celebration of how loving you feel now – that can be safely assumed.  Rather, in a wedding you stand up before your family and friends and all the main institutions of society, and you promise to be loving, faithful and true to the other person in the future, regardless of internal feelings or external circumstances.  See, a successful marriage requires falling in love many times and always with the same person.

That might be somewhat misleading, though.  Falling in love sounds like it’s something that happens to you, that it’s out of your control.  Tony and Ingrid have communicated to me that they believe love is a choice, not simply a feeling.  Our emotions are not always under our control, but our actions are.  It is a mistake to think that you must feel love to give it.  If you stress the action of love over the feeling, you enhance and establish the feeling.   Our culture says that feelings of love are the basis for actions of love.  And of course that can be true.  But it is truer to say that actions of love can lead consistently to feelings of love.  Love between two people must not, in the end, be identified simply with emotion or merely with dutiful action.  Married love is a symbiotic, complex mixture of both.  Having said this, it is important to observe that of the two – emotion and action – it is the latter that we have the most control over.  It is the action of love that we can promise to maintain every day.  This is why marriage is not a 50/50 partnership agreement.  It is a 100%/100% commitment to each other.

Ingrid and Tony, marriage brings you into more intense proximity to one another than any other relationship can and will.  Therefore, very shortly once the two of you are married, you will begin to change in profound ways, and you can’t know ahead of time what those changes will be.  Ingrid, you don’t know, you can’t know, who Tony will actually be in the future until you two get there.   Tony, you’re marrying the totality of Ingrid, which means you are marrying the changes, not just the one, single, momentary version of Ingrid who walked down this aisle.  So, both of you will wake up every morning, sort of the same, but sort of new.  You’ll look at each other and introduce yourselves again and choose to love who you see.  You choose to love and that’s the only thing that will never change.

*Experts from The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller were the basis for this message.  It doesn't matter if you're single or married, I strongly encourage you to read it. 

Boys should learn how to fight

One of my athletes was disqualified in his final match at the national tournament last weekend.  It was his second loss during the event, so he was eliminated.  There were a few inconsistencies with how the situation was handled by the officials and coaches (myself included), but after the dust settled, I was proud of my athlete.  He was disqualified for crossing the line of what is and is not acceptable in the sport of wrestling.  He literally "went down swinging" and I am proud of him.

Sports operate within a set of rules and when an official exercises his/her responsibility to hold an individual accountable to them, justice is served.  Wrestling is unique, though.  As a one-on-one combative sport, it's like no other.  A wrestler is under a microscope and in the end, he is responsible for everything that happens inside that circle.  No one can help him.  No one can save him or bail him out.  He's all alone and essentially has to stand-up for what he believes in.

The big picture is this: you have to fight for your place in this sport; nothing is given to you.  You earn it with hard work, blood, sweat and sometimes tears.  Many people choose not to participate in our sport for this reason alone, however, it's crystal clear that the world needs more wrestlers.  We need people who will stand-up for what they believe is right in pressure situations and in front of others.  It starts with being confident in the preparation and training process.  At the minimum, this is what a wrestler stands for when the whistle blows and there's application beyond wrestling in all of it.  Wrestling is a perfect metaphor for life.  Believing in and standing-up for what you've practice for is fairly insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but once in a while someone is challenged beyond those means and it's in that moment we get to see if all the life lessons have actually made a difference.  Real learning doesn't mean clinging to the lessons.  It means absorbing everything you can and then trusting yourself to use what you know instantaneously, without thinking.  Instinctive, not impulsive. Quick, not hurried.  Knowing without a doubt that all the hours of work have created an unstoppable internal resource you can draw on in any situation.

I encourage my athletes to embrace the fighter spirit.  It's an instinct inside all of us.  It's natural and unlearned.  It's innate, especially in boys.  Of course, we need to operate within the bounds of the rules, but we should never tame that wild spirit.  Unfortunately, young boys are encouraged to suppress it time after time and when the opportunity to stand-up and fight for what really matters comes, they're afraid and ill-equipped to do so.  "Most people are the lion in the cage - safe, tame, predictable and waiting for something to happen.  We're born relentless and taught to relent.  There's a difference between training and taming.  You can train people to reach higher and be better and go further than they would on their own.  But taming means training them to be something less" (Relentless, Tim Grover).  We need individuals who have the courage to stand-up and fight for injustice, wrongdoings and challenges to their manhood.  It's no wonder bullies have so much power in today's schools.  We have made the victims powerless.  Fighting back is a natural instinct.  Leave it alone.

The scene from last weekend included two young men straining and struggling for success.  Tempers flared, tensions escalated and wrestling became very physical.  One pushed the envelope and the other pushed back.  They embraced the fight.  The adults outside the action had other ideas and tried to insert their authority, which turned the situation sour.  Then our opponent crossed the line (cheap shot) and my athlete stood his ground without hesitation.  Another individual had challenged his manhood and he stood up to him, face-to-face, toe-to-toe and effectively said, "you cannot and will not treat me this way."  I was proud of him.  He lost the match and we were all disappointed that his run had ended.  He was disqualified, however, if I had taken that moment to reprimand him according to the cultural pressures, I would have missed the opportunity to empower him.  I have the responsibility to teach him how to use his power with careful restraint, but I don't have the right to take it away from him by emasculating him.  He's a fighter and when a fight is inevitable, he must fight.  Always.

On the surface, all of this sounds barbaric because it is.  Boys identify with barbarians and warriors and fighters.  They dream of the opportunity to make a situation right.  They visualize scenes when they have to confront the "bad guy."  When their number gets called, they must be ready whether it's in a wrestling match, at school, in the workplace or at home.  They're created to stand-up and fight.

Don't misunderstand this.  I'm not suggesting we teach our boys to be reckless jerks and bullies and that violence is the answer.  I am suggesting that we encourage young boys to stand-up for themselves and others even when it's unpopular and they might face consequences.  This is a mark of manhood.  Unfortunately, there are far more avenues that are taking the fight out of young boys than there are honoring it.  We want our young boys to be meek, but we're teaching them to be weak.  Meekness is controlled strength.  Weakness is the lack of strength.  We can teach boys to control their instinct instead of taking it away from them.

A few years ago I played in a "non-competitive" co-ed soccer league.  It was supposed to be fun, but occasionally there was the token jukebox hero who didn't get the memo.  In our experience, those types were usually humbled in a safe and predictable way except one time.  There was a 6'4", 250 pound bulldozer who made a habit out of running over the much smaller females on our team.  The referee penalized him, his teammates told him to cool it, but it just wasn't sinking in.  We had exercised all of the tame approaches when he once again ran over one of our females and my brother snapped.  It was time.  His instincts took over.  He set the ball down and struck a heat seeking missile right into the back of the much larger opponent who was only a few feet away.  He followed it up with a face-to-face moment that caused the big man to shutter.  He turned and walked off the field to the surprise of his teammates and to the cheering of our team.  It may have seemed insignificant at the time, but it's an indelible memory to those involved.  I was proud of my brother and we have relived the moment several times since it occurred.  Why?  Because he unleashed the untamed beast and it was right.  He didn't even consider the size difference or what could have happened.  He acted swiftly and justly.  It was perfect.  It's part of what makes a man tick and we look for moments to be the hero in this capacity.  It's imperative that we don't take this from young boys.

I've seen moments like this soccer game played out several times.  I've been in situations when I acted on instinct and it was the right thing to do.  I've also missed opportunities by staying inside the cage and I regret my inactivity.  These are important moments to the male gender.  Ask any man and they'll instantly be able to share a story of when he stood up and made things right or missed the opportunity to do so.  It's critical to our existence so take caution when you see it unfold.  You then have the choice to empower or reprimand.

Men, do you have story that immediately popped into your head while reading this?

World Cup Commentary - July 8, 2014

There has been a lot said about the World Cup this year.  Soccer faithful have been disappointed in the quality of play.  The traveling demands and schedules have perplexed several teams.  The FIFA plays favorites.  The American fans had hope, but in the end the US was snubbed in the round of 16 again.  Some are optimistic about the future of soccer in the US while others are down right frustrated with the tactical approach of the coach.  When are Americans going to stop being so naive?  When are the Brits going to stop being so arrogant?  When is the flopping going to stop?

I prioritize major sporting events so I've made sure to watch as much of the World Cup as possible.  I also watch the Olympics religiously and glue myself to the television for major championships like the Super Bowl, World Series, The Masters, Wimbledon, American Idol, etc.  It doesn't matter if I enjoy or understand the sport.  I appreciate watching the best in the world in any given field perform at the most opportune time under the highest stakes in front of a global audience.  I tune in for the outcome and sports relevance, however, I'm most interested in the game inside the game.  I look for what is happening behind the scenes.  I try to see the things the announcers don't talk about or the things that don't fit into statistical categories.  I want to put my thumb on that something that can't be described -- the intangibles that separate the good from the great and the memorable moments that make someone or something legendary.  I want that insider's look at history and how it unfolds.  I try to crawl inside the mind of superstars who transcend themselves above mankind for the duration of the contest.

Today was one of the most historic soccer games ever played.  In the storied history of the World Cup, it was one-of-kind.   The home team being shelled 7-1 is only part of the story.  Brazil had not suffered defeat on home soil since 1975 and Germany managed to score four of their goals in a six minute time span.  It was an extraordinarily lopsided event.  Brazil is a very good team, but they looked like amateurs against the well-oiled machine that was Germany.  The Germans played as a cohesive unit for 90 minutes while Brazil appeared disheveled from the start.

Highlights will be played over and over leading into the championship finals game on Sunday.  Commentary will not be light in critiquing the play of both teams and analyzing how it will affect them this weekend.  Germany had their foot on the gas pedal from beginning to end.  Brazil had moments that created chances, but their overall performance was lackluster, at best.  After watching the entire spectacle, there is a certain level of professionalism from both teams that seemed to go unnoticed and in the closing minutes of the game, there were a few things that caught my eye.

Oscar's late goal might have been a glimmer of light in Brazil's dark game, however, I was struck most by the reaction of German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer in that moment.  He didn't become one of the world's top goalies with an attitude of complacency and he was not happy that Brazil took away his shut out.  It was a terribly defended pass that set-up Oscar and Neuer vocalized to his teammates that taking a break, even when ahead 7-0, is completely unacceptable.  That moment might have a bigger impact on Germany if they are to win the World Cup than any of their seven goals today.  Neuer was not about to let a moment of accountability slip by.  That's the mark of a great leader.

Germany has a very talented and experienced roster and is not short on leadership.  Brazil, on the other hand, was completely void of leadership today.  There wasn't an individual who was able to rally the troops, put them on his back or inspire anyone.  Silva and Neymar score goals, but they also provide leadership.  That was sorely missed.  This game showed the stark contrast between the value of leadership (and team cohesion) and misguided talent working at it alone.  Germany has some tremendous athletes, but not like Brazil, USA or Ghana and they have dismantled each with teamwork, attention to detail and great execution.  That's what a championship team is made of.

I also took notice of the Brazilian fans and their emotional connection to their team and the to the sport they love.  They were crushed when they saw the writing on the wall.  After Germany went up 4-0, there was a camera shot of a little boy crying big crocodile tears into a large cup.  It broke my heart.  They showed many tears throughout the game.  Late in the game, though, the Brazilians started applauding Germany.  They were crushed, but they appreciated the effort of their counterparts and understood good soccer.  No matter the outcome, they had been witness to greatness on the pitch.  They were thankful for that.  Those who truly appreciate their sport understand the once in a lifetime moments and put their preferences aside to soak it in.

How does what Germany did today translate into individual sports?

More than just the ABC's

Summer has arrived and we're off to a fantastic start.  The weather has been incredible, my boys have been playing hard and we have enjoyed good company, food, relaxation and movies.  And we're only a few days into everything.  Everyone in my house is excited fort sun-kissed skin, long bike rides and fun activities, especially involving water (swimming, sprinklers, making puddles, playing in the rain, etc.).

During some of the much needed space from a rigorous schedule, it dawned on me that Isaiah, my 5-year old, experienced a lot in his first year of public school education.  There were many things that I expected him to learn in school, however, there were also some important things that never crossed my mind before this year.

Isaiah was in a class with 12 other students.  At Jacob's Ladder the class sizes are limited.  We didn't chose Jacob's Ladder because of this, though.  Our second son, Micaiah, was two doors down twice a week at preschool.  It was always joyful when I strolled into the hallway and had two kids running towards me from opposite directions.  It gave each of them a little extra comfort knowing their best friend was just down the hall.  We also developed important family connections and built friendships with parents who are in the exact same place as we are raising kids.  We're thankful for these friends because lot happened over those 9-months.

Our 4K-ers learned about letters and farm animals, how to spell their name and to share their favorite things - all in accordance with expectations and standards.  These precious children also learned about compassion, loss, grieving and what it means to be there for someone.  They gained a deeper understanding of family and love.  They knew how to be silly while understanding the importance of a hug.  The art projects became a sort of catharsis. When all was said and done, this class experienced grandparents passing away, the loss of one student's father to cancer, another father being deployed, divorce uprooting families and it happened during one of the worst winters on record.  They were literally stuck inside a 400-square foot space forced to work through the emotions that came with confusion, pain and struggle.  How was I to know that one year of school could teach our kids so much?  No wonder they all chose to pile into the elevator together after class each day.  That closeness became their reality.  No wonder Isaiah had moments when he melted down seconds after leaving our side.

Each mom and dad made time to hug their bambino before and after school each day a little longer than usual.  Students hugged each other during class, in the hallway and at the grocery store.  Some families were hit much harder than others, and I would never minimize that, however, in a sense we were all in this together because the kids were all in it together.  They stepped up for one another whether someone had a runny nose or was hurting badly after a tragedy.  They learned together and they started growing up together.

After Year One with kids in school, I realize how naive I am.  I can prepare my family for most of the things we see coming.  I can even lay a strong foundation that will help us deal with some of the things no one ever sees coming.  You never know what life is going to bring you, though, so you have to be ready for everything, even when some of those things are things no one should ever have to deal with.  It seems as if it might be a little more manageable as part of a community.

My five year old is...graduating...?

My oldest son is graduating.  This is a very special time, except it's not.  He's only five years old and he's graduating from 4-year old Kingergarten (4K).

4K was introduced in our community last year.  It's designed to help students learn how to interact in a learning environment.  It's funded by the school district, but not required.  There are state standards and standardized testing, however, it's more play-based than academic-based and I am thankful for that.  Basically, it's state funded preschool.  Others have suggested that it rose in popularity because, hey, free day care.  My fear is that the kindergarten I grew up with is now closer to first (or second) grade and pressure from parents wanting their kid to be the next prodigy results in more and more opportunities at younger ages -- that's another topic for another day, though.

I'm raising my kids in a culture of over-inflated senses of entitlement and self-esteem.  How someone feels is more important than how they do.  Being included is more valuable than measurable success.  It's a culture that has a delusion of what "elite" looks like.  There are several state tournaments for 10-year olds playing AAU basketball.  Mom and Dad buy an expensive soccer jersey and suddenly they're on an all-star team traveling thousands of miles, but when they get to high school they're not even good enough to play varsity on an average team.  Watered down varsity letters for every school activity...everyone's a winner...everyone deserves recognition...trophies...and the list goes on.  A graduation ceremony for every step of the educational experience falls in-line with these trends.  So, here we are.

I'm going to embrace this moment with my son because he's excited about it and his class has hyped it up quite a bit.  My wife is even trying to get away from work to watch the ceremony.  It's the last day of school and that's always worth celebrating.  I don't want to pretend that he accomplished something great, though, because he didn't.  We brought him to school each day and he finished because we didn't stop bringing him.  He didn't set his alarm or get himself to school.  He never pulled out homework when he got home.  He had a few responsibilities at school, like changing his name tag from the "home" to the "school" category and he sat on his square when the teacher asked him to, however, these are basic and minimum requirements of childhood for a five year old.  They're hardly worth recognizing with a ceremony.

Don't get me wrong, a graduation ceremony full of squirrely five year olds is going to be memorable.  Someone is bound to do something funny and [hopefully] inappropriate.  Moms will take pictures with their phones and post them on Facebook.  A couple will even try to organize the chaos, someone is bound to get frustrated and then everyone will go home and wrestle over the next big life decision: peanut butter and jelly or mac n' cheese.

Sure it's cute, but isn't this sending a message that kids are to be rewarded for mediocrity and what should be excepted?  Aren't we lowering the bar?  Is it necessary to have a ceremony for these little whipper snappers upon completion of 4K?  If it wasn't even scheduled, they wouldn't know the difference, but now that it's happening they will and they'll probably have another one next year after kindergarten, too.

Does sportsmanship matter?

Does sportsmanship really matter?  Seriously, does it matter?  Think about that question and how you answered it.

I suppose nearly everyone jumped in and immediately said, yes.  Or, better yet, shouted yes or absolutely, sportsmanship definitely matters.  Many of the personalities who read this blog would even argue that sportsmanship is more important than the outcome of competition.

Then why is that every week I look at our local newspaper, the outcomes and results of individuals and teams are championed while sportsmanship isn't even mentioned?  Why aren't people held accountable for poor sportsmanship?  Why do we give an over-abundance of medals and trophies for results and hardly any for what really matters?  Would we dare to keep an earned trophy from a child who demonstrated poor sportsmanship?  The thing we reward the most reveals what we value the most.   When spending time researching the priorities of the youth sports culture in my community and elsewhere, I'm hard pressed to find anything that publicly recognizes good sportsmanship.  Additionally, national, state and local organizations aren't taking a stand and promoting the value of good sportsmanship.  Most of those website don't even mention the word in their mission or vision.  So, is it realistic for me to believe that sportsmanship actually doesn't matter?

The mother of one of my athletes told me that a unsportsmanlike situation that occurred during a wrestling match was having a negative impact on her son.  Of course, she used it as a teachable moment to inform her son that sportsmanship does, in fact, matter.  It was an ugly scene that involved a father-coach, his son and his wife and my athlete happen to catch from the outside.  The dad was out-of-line and several people talked about the incident throughout the weekend.  Very little was done to hold the party accountable and, in the end, after a weekend of competition, the family left with a first place trophy and anticipation for the next event.  Several people learned from the situation, however, it's doubtful that the offenders did and I can expect to see another blow-up at a tournament in the near future.  The message that was unintentionally delivered is that sportsmanship does not matter.

One of my concerns is that poor sportsmanship was condoned because it would have been far too difficult to hold anyone accountable, especially a child, during that situation.  I understand that and empathize with those involved.  Who's responsibility was it to hold him accountable?  The tournament director, the referee, another coach, another parent?  Maybe all of them?  It's also concerning that the aforementioned father didn't have clear expectations on what type of behavior is appropriate and inappropriate.  It's difficult to hold someone to standards that aren't first clearly presented by his community, club, organization, tournament, etc.  My main concern, though, is the affect situations like this have on those around the situation or in the background who aren't directly involved.  They're the reason pro-action and action needs to take place.

Law enforcement would have been called and child services would have been notified if this occurred in any other public setting outside of the sports world.  Unfortunately, this type of behavior has come to be expected at youth sporting events and it's all together unhealthy.  People are quick to defend the offenders because they've been there themselves, know the individuals on a personal level, think a certain child can "handle it" or allow for this within the confines of sports.  We have to stop defending this type of behavior because it's wrong and it's unhealthy.  An individual might have a fast metabolism, be active, have great genetics and indulging in unhealthy food doesn't have an immediate effect on his/her outward appearance, but that doesn't mean the food is healthy.  Those who are at "ground zero" during these explosions may have developed tough skin and regular tournament goers may have become desensitized to the immediate impact of these actions, however, that doesn't change unhealthy to healthy.  The shrapnel flies far and impales itself in others leaving permanent emotional scars in onlookers like the mother mentioned earlier indicated.  Those are the most vulnerable in these situations because they don't get the explanation behind the scenes or the apology after being confronted.

Does sportsmanship matter?  If you believe it does, how should our sports culture handle an incident like this?  What can we do to be proactive?