More than just the ABC's

Summer has arrived and we're off to a fantastic start.  The weather has been incredible, my boys have been playing hard and we have enjoyed good company, food, relaxation and movies.  And we're only a few days into everything.  Everyone in my house is excited fort sun-kissed skin, long bike rides and fun activities, especially involving water (swimming, sprinklers, making puddles, playing in the rain, etc.).

During some of the much needed space from a rigorous schedule, it dawned on me that Isaiah, my 5-year old, experienced a lot in his first year of public school education.  There were many things that I expected him to learn in school, however, there were also some important things that never crossed my mind before this year.

Isaiah was in a class with 12 other students.  At Jacob's Ladder the class sizes are limited.  We didn't chose Jacob's Ladder because of this, though.  Our second son, Micaiah, was two doors down twice a week at preschool.  It was always joyful when I strolled into the hallway and had two kids running towards me from opposite directions.  It gave each of them a little extra comfort knowing their best friend was just down the hall.  We also developed important family connections and built friendships with parents who are in the exact same place as we are raising kids.  We're thankful for these friends because lot happened over those 9-months.

Our 4K-ers learned about letters and farm animals, how to spell their name and to share their favorite things - all in accordance with expectations and standards.  These precious children also learned about compassion, loss, grieving and what it means to be there for someone.  They gained a deeper understanding of family and love.  They knew how to be silly while understanding the importance of a hug.  The art projects became a sort of catharsis. When all was said and done, this class experienced grandparents passing away, the loss of one student's father to cancer, another father being deployed, divorce uprooting families and it happened during one of the worst winters on record.  They were literally stuck inside a 400-square foot space forced to work through the emotions that came with confusion, pain and struggle.  How was I to know that one year of school could teach our kids so much?  No wonder they all chose to pile into the elevator together after class each day.  That closeness became their reality.  No wonder Isaiah had moments when he melted down seconds after leaving our side.

Each mom and dad made time to hug their bambino before and after school each day a little longer than usual.  Students hugged each other during class, in the hallway and at the grocery store.  Some families were hit much harder than others, and I would never minimize that, however, in a sense we were all in this together because the kids were all in it together.  They stepped up for one another whether someone had a runny nose or was hurting badly after a tragedy.  They learned together and they started growing up together.

After Year One with kids in school, I realize how naive I am.  I can prepare my family for most of the things we see coming.  I can even lay a strong foundation that will help us deal with some of the things no one ever sees coming.  You never know what life is going to bring you, though, so you have to be ready for everything, even when some of those things are things no one should ever have to deal with.  It seems as if it might be a little more manageable as part of a community.

My five year old is...graduating...?

My oldest son is graduating.  This is a very special time, except it's not.  He's only five years old and he's graduating from 4-year old Kingergarten (4K).

4K was introduced in our community last year.  It's designed to help students learn how to interact in a learning environment.  It's funded by the school district, but not required.  There are state standards and standardized testing, however, it's more play-based than academic-based and I am thankful for that.  Basically, it's state funded preschool.  Others have suggested that it rose in popularity because, hey, free day care.  My fear is that the kindergarten I grew up with is now closer to first (or second) grade and pressure from parents wanting their kid to be the next prodigy results in more and more opportunities at younger ages -- that's another topic for another day, though.

I'm raising my kids in a culture of over-inflated senses of entitlement and self-esteem.  How someone feels is more important than how they do.  Being included is more valuable than measurable success.  It's a culture that has a delusion of what "elite" looks like.  There are several state tournaments for 10-year olds playing AAU basketball.  Mom and Dad buy an expensive soccer jersey and suddenly they're on an all-star team traveling thousands of miles, but when they get to high school they're not even good enough to play varsity on an average team.  Watered down varsity letters for every school activity...everyone's a winner...everyone deserves recognition...trophies...and the list goes on.  A graduation ceremony for every step of the educational experience falls in-line with these trends.  So, here we are.

I'm going to embrace this moment with my son because he's excited about it and his class has hyped it up quite a bit.  My wife is even trying to get away from work to watch the ceremony.  It's the last day of school and that's always worth celebrating.  I don't want to pretend that he accomplished something great, though, because he didn't.  We brought him to school each day and he finished because we didn't stop bringing him.  He didn't set his alarm or get himself to school.  He never pulled out homework when he got home.  He had a few responsibilities at school, like changing his name tag from the "home" to the "school" category and he sat on his square when the teacher asked him to, however, these are basic and minimum requirements of childhood for a five year old.  They're hardly worth recognizing with a ceremony.

Don't get me wrong, a graduation ceremony full of squirrely five year olds is going to be memorable.  Someone is bound to do something funny and [hopefully] inappropriate.  Moms will take pictures with their phones and post them on Facebook.  A couple will even try to organize the chaos, someone is bound to get frustrated and then everyone will go home and wrestle over the next big life decision: peanut butter and jelly or mac n' cheese.

Sure it's cute, but isn't this sending a message that kids are to be rewarded for mediocrity and what should be excepted?  Aren't we lowering the bar?  Is it necessary to have a ceremony for these little whipper snappers upon completion of 4K?  If it wasn't even scheduled, they wouldn't know the difference, but now that it's happening they will and they'll probably have another one next year after kindergarten, too.

Does sportsmanship matter?

Does sportsmanship really matter?  Seriously, does it matter?  Think about that question and how you answered it.

I suppose nearly everyone jumped in and immediately said, yes.  Or, better yet, shouted yes or absolutely, sportsmanship definitely matters.  Many of the personalities who read this blog would even argue that sportsmanship is more important than the outcome of competition.

Then why is that every week I look at our local newspaper, the outcomes and results of individuals and teams are championed while sportsmanship isn't even mentioned?  Why aren't people held accountable for poor sportsmanship?  Why do we give an over-abundance of medals and trophies for results and hardly any for what really matters?  Would we dare to keep an earned trophy from a child who demonstrated poor sportsmanship?  The thing we reward the most reveals what we value the most.   When spending time researching the priorities of the youth sports culture in my community and elsewhere, I'm hard pressed to find anything that publicly recognizes good sportsmanship.  Additionally, national, state and local organizations aren't taking a stand and promoting the value of good sportsmanship.  Most of those website don't even mention the word in their mission or vision.  So, is it realistic for me to believe that sportsmanship actually doesn't matter?

The mother of one of my athletes told me that a unsportsmanlike situation that occurred during a wrestling match was having a negative impact on her son.  Of course, she used it as a teachable moment to inform her son that sportsmanship does, in fact, matter.  It was an ugly scene that involved a father-coach, his son and his wife and my athlete happen to catch from the outside.  The dad was out-of-line and several people talked about the incident throughout the weekend.  Very little was done to hold the party accountable and, in the end, after a weekend of competition, the family left with a first place trophy and anticipation for the next event.  Several people learned from the situation, however, it's doubtful that the offenders did and I can expect to see another blow-up at a tournament in the near future.  The message that was unintentionally delivered is that sportsmanship does not matter.

One of my concerns is that poor sportsmanship was condoned because it would have been far too difficult to hold anyone accountable, especially a child, during that situation.  I understand that and empathize with those involved.  Who's responsibility was it to hold him accountable?  The tournament director, the referee, another coach, another parent?  Maybe all of them?  It's also concerning that the aforementioned father didn't have clear expectations on what type of behavior is appropriate and inappropriate.  It's difficult to hold someone to standards that aren't first clearly presented by his community, club, organization, tournament, etc.  My main concern, though, is the affect situations like this have on those around the situation or in the background who aren't directly involved.  They're the reason pro-action and action needs to take place.

Law enforcement would have been called and child services would have been notified if this occurred in any other public setting outside of the sports world.  Unfortunately, this type of behavior has come to be expected at youth sporting events and it's all together unhealthy.  People are quick to defend the offenders because they've been there themselves, know the individuals on a personal level, think a certain child can "handle it" or allow for this within the confines of sports.  We have to stop defending this type of behavior because it's wrong and it's unhealthy.  An individual might have a fast metabolism, be active, have great genetics and indulging in unhealthy food doesn't have an immediate effect on his/her outward appearance, but that doesn't mean the food is healthy.  Those who are at "ground zero" during these explosions may have developed tough skin and regular tournament goers may have become desensitized to the immediate impact of these actions, however, that doesn't change unhealthy to healthy.  The shrapnel flies far and impales itself in others leaving permanent emotional scars in onlookers like the mother mentioned earlier indicated.  Those are the most vulnerable in these situations because they don't get the explanation behind the scenes or the apology after being confronted.

Does sportsmanship matter?  If you believe it does, how should our sports culture handle an incident like this?  What can we do to be proactive?

The voice you believe will determine the future you experience

I'm a music fan and enjoy watching the biggest stars perform on stage.  I've been to a lot of concerts in my life.  Most of them were great and had me listening to the same music on repeat in the days that followed.  So, when it was announced that Miley Cyrus, one of the most relevant performers today, was coming to town, I rushed to purchase tickets.  Additionally, creating an opportunity for Liz and I to spend quality time together is high on our priority list.

Before you ask the obvious question, I'll answer it.  Why?  Why go to a Miley Cyrus concert and support her antics?  Aside from trying to indulge in an evening of good music, which was less than 1% of the reason why I chose Miley, I wanted to see what the hype was all about and what this generation of teenagers really sees up close.  I had remained open minded after her VMA performance and optimistic that she had a few things about the music industry figured out.  I wanted to give her a chance as an artist because she's clearly a very talented vocalist.   I also don't want to be a naive parent when my kids are teenagers and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be aware and informed on the pressures they'll face.  The Christian term is being "in the world, but not of the world" and I learned a lot.  Paying over $60 each to witness it first hand might not have been required, however, it shed a lot of light on this culture.  I was shocked how many young girls were in attendance.  Are those parents naive or just stupid?  The world/pop culture is stacked against respect, purity and wholesome entertainment and fun.  But I knew that.  I didn't need to go to a teenie bopper concert to be reminded of this.  I just didn't know how extreme it actually is, though.  I knew all of this intellectually, or in black and white.  Going to the concert put everything into vibrant technicolor.

There was vulgarity and weirdness, tasteless and inappropriate behaviors with even a few commendable musical selections.  She sang covers of Bob Dylan, Lana Del Ray and Outkast, which were incredible.  She does have an amazing voice.  She sang a version of "Jolene" that was amazing...until she adjusted the lyrics and called Jolene a "stupid f***ing b***."  I knew the dancing stuffed animals, twerking and drug references were going to be frequent.  I didn't expect her to use the F-word over 100 times, though.  There was a giant inflatable wolf that was entirely out of place (unlike the inflatable woman for "A Whole Lotta Rosie" by AC/DC).  It was just overall tacky.  I just didn't expect Miley Cyrus, a female, to be so degrading and disrespectful towards women.

Here's the scary part: this is normal!  Maybe not for you or me, but it's normal in high schools and, dare I say, middle schools.  Inappropriate vulgarity with very little self-respect, respect for others and respect for women is common place right now.  To think otherwise is not seeing the truth.  Again, this isn't an earth shattering report.  However, it's first time I've felt that general sentiment from a female performer performing in front of an audience full of females.  Sure, Miley Cyrus has leveraged her talents to make millions of dollars and, at the surface, that's commendable.  But she doesn't respect women.  Young girls craving to become women are her audience and they worship her.  They're the next generation of female business leaders, teachers and mothers and their role model doesn't respect them.  That's a problem.  I can't put my thumb on exactly where the disrespect lies, other than objectifying women.  Her message is to do whatever you want to do, regardless of what others think, and somehow that gives you power.  Guys have been disrespecting women on stage for hundreds of years and now we have girls doing it without remorse.  I saw 20,000 girls drink it in and love it.

Recently, I've talked to some parents of teenagers who have struggled to understand their son or daughter's atrocious behavior.  There's been enough instances that I think most parents are in the dark with what teenagers are exposed to.  They have instant access to unlimited information, and it's nearly impossible to filter it in order protect their innocent minds and hearts.  Parents might be naive, but their children certainly are not.  We sat behind two teenage girls.  I guessed them to be 13 or 14 years old.  They were dressed modestly, which wasn't the norm.  It looked like Mom and Dad took an interest in how they looked when they walked out the door, which indicated that they might respect Mom and Dad's opinion.  There was a plethora of disgusting clothing choices, but these girls looked wholesome and sweet in an ocean of girls who looked much less innocent.  During the entire show, these little sweethearts stood still.  Motionless.  Arms crossed with frightful eyes.   The picture was a masterpiece that captured everything that is wrong with the scene.  Those two little girls had lost their innocence.  What's next for them?  What is their perception of reality?  How do they view women and what does respect mean to them?  How do they now see themselves?  As a result, will they make bad decisions that will leave them victimized?  Will they tell their parents how the evening made them feel?  Are they listening to lies that spewed out of Miley Cyrus's mouth?  How many more lies will they hear and listen to?  Every time you believe a lie [about who you are], something inside dies.

Miley is heralded as being innovative, creative, independent and sexy - all traits that little girls are longing for.  She's not any of those things.  Deception does its best work in areas of vulnerability.  An entire generation of girls are being deceived by the loudest female voice of this decade.  They "think" this is what it means to be woman.

I don't regret going to this concert at all.  I'm actually glad I went.  I also don't feel like I compromised any of my values or standards (because I was with Liz).  I feel like it was a fortunate slap in my face to wake up to what pop culture is and what messages our children are receiving.  How do we get an entire generation of girls to believe they're accepted, cherished, loved and valuable?  How do we get them to listen to right voices?

"The voice you believe will determine the future you experience." - Steven Furtick

What a journey this has been: women's wrestling in the US

Seeing Terry Steiner on the podium holding that large 3^rd place team trophy was a special moment.  No one was satisfied with a bronze finish at the World Championships in Budapest; we left a couple of medals there, that’s for sure.  However, it is rewarding for everyone involved in this program to see the fruits of our labor.  Alyssa Lampe, Elena Pirzkhova and Adeline Gray all won bronze medals, Victoria Anthony nearly missed being in the finals finishing 5^th, Helen Maroulis was 7^th and Alli Ragan and Veronica Carlson were also in the hunt for a medal.

Terry was my coach at Wisconsin when he received phone calls from Mitch Hull and Rich Bender asking him to take a new position at USA Wrestling in 2001.  It was announced that the International Olympic Committee would add women’s freestyle wrestling to the program.  USAW needed a coach and Terry was the only choice.  When he accepted the position and told our team, I remember all of us were very confused about why he would leave a Big Ten team who had just finished in the top 10 in the NCAA in back-to-back years to coach girls.  Many of us had a negative attitude towards women’s wrestling for a variety of reasons, but he told us that he asked himself why he coaches and he concluded that his purpose to help transform lives through wrestling wasn’t gender specific.  That was a defining moment in my life.  I became intrigued by what was Terry was doing.  In 2003, the World Championships were held in New York and I had to opportunity to attend (as a spectator).

I saw a US team of women competing with one common goal – to win a team title.  Terry had inherited a team of athletes and coaches and things started to resemble a “team.”  They finished second in front of a home crowd and many people, for the first time, believed in women’s wrestling.  I was one of them.  I approached Terry after the tournament and told him I was all in.  He was a significant person in my life when he was at Wisconsin and I was inspired what he was doing.  I told him I’d do whatever I could to help him achieve his goals.  As a fresh college graduate, I didn’t know that he would believe in me almost as much as I believed in him.  He took my up on my offer immediately by sending me to China with a group of 14 and 15 year old girls.

I started going on tours with the girls and coaching at a variety of developmental and national team camps.  USA Wrestling added assistant coach Vladimir Izboinikov and he perfectly complimented Terry and his vision.  Coach Izzy was able to organize a comprehensive development plan that included identifying talent and developing them as a team in anticipation of building a program that would win that elusive team world title.  He put in place a group of volunteer coaches that each had his/her own unique style and it all meshed together perfectly.  This was the first year every member of the US World Team was a part of that development model.  All seven girls have an abundance of age-level international experience.  Each one of them has won a medal at the junior and/or university world championships.  With all of them between the ages of 21 and 25, this was our youngest team ever, but it was also the most experienced.  This is exactly what the plan was designed to do.

Terry standing on the podium represented much more than a bronze medal.  It represented the fruit of a 10-year plan.  It represented patience, persistence and consistency.  It’s also a lightning bolt of confidence to this program and for the girls.  The principle of the harvest is simple: you reap what you sow.  We planted the seed, watered and cultivated it and are ready for the harvest.  In agriculture, it’s easy to trust this principle, but with the human element of emotions and individual choice, it’s much more difficult to do so.  We’re getting close, though.  It was as if Terry standing on the podium was a proverbial ear of corn on a stalk assuring us that we are, indeed, going to have that bumper crop we anticipated when we planted those seeds years ago.  Now it comes down to timing and remaining patient as we actively wait for the crop to become ripe.  That ripening is the only piece of the puzzle left and it happens as these athletes begin to believe in themselves.  They need to see themselves as the best team in the world before it happens.

You cannot script it much better, can you?  Next year, the World Championships are in Tashkent, Uzbekistan.  We have a year to watch this crop of athletes develop and mature.  In 2015, the World Championships will be on our turf, in Las Vegas.  In 2003, the American wrestling community ordained Terry in his role and he’ll be able to show them over 10 years later what happens when you develop a plan and follow it; the principle of the harvest.  Going into the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio, Team USA will be, without question, the best women’s wrestling country on the planet.

One more day to go

We’re in the arena and ready to begin our final day of competition.  We won one medal last night (Elena – bronze) and find ourselves in the top 3 as a team.  Japan has already secured another team title.  A solid finish today can leave us satisfied, however, as a program our expectations are high and we’ll be a little unsettled no matter what.

Sports teach us a lot about life and reveal a lot about ourselves.  Judging athletes on their performances alone often dehumanizes the effort and process that takes place to get to where they are.   Many things take place behind the scenes and these athletes cannot afford to take anything for granted.  Everyone dreams of enjoying a well-deserved and earned medal, however, few are willing to endure the adversity required to get to this place.  As always, there were plenty of bumps in the road for each athlete and watching them handle setbacks and learn from each experience is the most valuable piece of my involvement on the team.  Ironically, there are athletes who do everything absolutely right leading into this opportunity, yet fall short of their goals while some exceed expectations despite letting a few things slide along the way.   Either way, evaluating the outcome in relation to the process is where learning takes place.

The outcome of the event was less than desirable for Helen and Alli and they both felt the sting of defeat deep in their hearts.  There was a pile of setbacks for each of them that could have been used as an “out” several times during training camps and the tournament.  They likely would have been legitimate, too.  Neither of them did, though.  They fought to stay positive and sometimes became emotional, but they never shifted their focus and controlled what they could control.  They didn’t give themselves an out.  Both competed hard.

While debriefing with Helen, she shared her insights and what she learned from the week.  She impresses me in a brand new way each tournament no matter if it’s good or bad.  Her perspective on wrestling and life makes it easy to cheer for her and her ability to adapt, grow and learn is an inspiration to me.

Highs and Lows: Day 3 at the Worlds

Last night was one of those evenings that everyone experiences in high level competitive arenas.  The highs were high and the lows were low.  Dealing with the roller coaster of emotions is something you must learn to take in stride otherwise sports will eat you alive.

Team USA had an overall impressive performance on day 3 of the tournament finally winning some medals.  Jordan Burroughs won his third consecutive gold medal and improved his undefeated winning streak to 65 international matches.  Alyssa earned her second straight bronze medal and Vicki finished 5^th (in her first senior world championships up a weight class).  The results on paper don’t tell the entire story.

The 3^rd consecutive gold medal by Burroughs is one of the greatest feats in American wrestling history.  Knowing he did it on a broken ankle makes it legendary.  Rumors were flying over the past few weeks that he hurt his ankle during training, but no one knew how badly.  We did a short morning workout outside of the hotel and Burroughs’s fiancé hung around and watched.  She shared with us that Jordan had broken his ankle, had surgery on it and now has five screws and a plate.  She said it was a “God healing.”  Knowing this bit of information, it was plain for me to see that he adjusted his entire style throughout the day and turned out one of the guttiest performances I have ever seen.  The highs were really high.

And for the lows…Vicki finishing 5^th in the world is no small feat.  It’s a great accomplishment added to a lengthy resume.  With that said, it doesn’t feel right at the moment.  She was ahead 6-0 in the semi-finals and working towards securing a place in the championship finals, which would have guaranteed her no less than a silver medal, when one miniscule mental break turned into a catastrophe.  She was caught and pinned by her Mongolian opponent and knocked back into a 3^rd place bout and was defeated by a tough North Korean wrestler.  It was crushing and a $25,000 error (the Living the Dream medal fund awards $10,000 to US athletes who earn a bronze medal, $25,000 for silver and $50,000 for gold in non-Olympic years).  Ouch!

Today is a new day, though.  I’m sure there will be highs and lows; there always is.  It’s wrestling.  We have a great line-up competing on this, the fourth day of the event.  Helen Maroulis, Alli Ragan and Elena Pirozkova.  We’re “expecting great success” today – that’s how the Eastern Europeans say it in English.  Helen won a silver medal last year and Elena won a gold medal, so we have our strongest group on the mat.  Tomorrow we finish as a team with Veronica Carlson and Adeline Gray.

If you’ve read previous posts of mine, especially those from wrestling events, you know that Helen is near and dear to us.  She’s that once-in-a-lifetime athlete coaches talk about.  It happens to be her birthday, too.  Fittingly, she shares her special day with Isaiah, who turns 5 today.   What makes it great, though, is she knows it’s not her day.  It belongs to God.  ALL this for a KING!