Game Changers #2 - Humility

I love the potential for growth and development that sport offers individuals. Many times, the growth and development that gets the most attention has to do with only two dimensions of the Total Athlete - the body and mind. However, I believe the third dimension (soul) is most important, but it receives the least amount of practice. The number one place sports gets it wrong is with teaching and embracing the character attribute humility.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking of yourself less. The sports culture tends to encourage the exact opposite - pride. Locker rooms are littered with quotes and signs referring to pride. Coaches instruct players that pride is an essential ingredient to success. Athletes, fans and parents can be seen wearing clothing with the word pride boasted across the chest or back as if pride is expected.

Humility and meekness are the antithesis of pride. When pride is all about self, humility is about others. Pride swanks in self-reliant strength, meekness takes joy in harnessing strength under the control of a Master. Pride tells an individual that he/she is a big deal, but he/she is not.

As a result, sports has become a vehicle that has schooled young athletes out of the Kingdom of God. The only thing God says disqualifies one from his Kingdom is pride. To enter the Kingdom, one must first be humble. Teaching our athletes about humility is not optional.

I champion the virtue of humility in my athletes for many reasons. The most important one, however, is so that they can put their pride aside for the Glory of God. If they're already Christ followers, humility is essential to spiritual growth. If they're still searching for truth on their faith journey, humility is crucial in order to cross the line of faith.

I occaisionally wear an O.C. Supertones t-shirt to practice. They're one of my favorite bands from college. Quoting a popular song of theirs, the back of my shirt says, "Let my pride fall down. I'm a little man." I love that reminder.

I strive to be humble. While communicating with athletes, parents or my own family, I try to put on humility, thinking of myself less and of others more. No one is above anything and we all have the capacity to be wrong and do wrong, so it's important for me to act and respond with a humble spirit.

Next to God, I have adopted humility as the second most important priority in my life, followed closely by my family. My prayer is this: "God, please allow me to be humble so you don't have to humble me."

Game Changers #1 - Education

I haven't been able to create a hierarchy of the events or moments that have made the most impact in my life. They all seem to have significant places. Without a doubt, towards the very top is education.

I'm not referring to my elementary, middle school, high school or college days as much as I am the days that have followed the times in the class room. I like to consider myself a life long learner and I'm constantly seeking wise council on decisions and watching others. Instead of trying to learn everything from one person, I try to learn one thing from every person. If I'm only learning from one person, I'm becoming a replica of someone else. God is a creator, not a duplicator, and He's provided others to help me become who I'm created to be.

As a wrestling coach, I search for opportunities to become more educated on a daily basis. I watch competitions and technique videos, read about training concepts and theories, listen to talks on leadership, focus on my personal faith journey and deliberately pick the brain of colleagues and other wise men and women. It doesn't happen by accident; it's all very intentional.

Being educated properly doesn't just happen to you, you have to make the choice to pursue it. Once you pursue it, you must act on it.

Does Fantasy Football really matter?

Tonight I will be attending a Fantasy Football draft "party." I don't know if the word party is the best noun available for what we'll be doing tonight. Neither is celebration or bash. It's more of a social gathering - like male bonding - but no one would dare call it that.

I'm actually kind of excited about playing Fantasy Football this year. I've played in the past and it's never turned out well for me. I'm too much of a homer and I draft players with my heart, not with my mind, which is I why I'm adamantly trying to trade-up to have the first pick in the draft so I can take Aaron Rodgers. I'm sure Rodgers will be available in my original #7 position, but I can't stand the anticipation in knowing that he could be someone else's team. I probably will lose all interest in this league if Rodgers isn't on my team. My best guess right now is that I'll have 4-5 Packers players on my roster, meaning I probably won't win this league because I'm too loyal. What's a Packers fan to do, though? It's my cross to bare cheering for the green and gold and I wouldn't have it any other way. Those who cheer for other teams can't identify. Only Packers fans understand.

The media has done a very good job marketing Fantasy Football. ESPN has programs devoted to it. Magazines, books and websites are created only for Fantasy Football. It's really very ridiculous if you think about, but at the same time, it's not. Human beings' souls crave for community and men are not exempt. Somehow, our culture has decided that it's macho or manly when a man avoids community, fellowship or commitment. I don't understand why. I think it has something to do with our society telling guys that they need to be consumers to be "men" (drink a lot of beer, sleep with a lot of women, drive cool cars and trucks, take as much as you can and stake your claim), but to be a man we need to be contributors.

If Fantasy Football was called Fellowship Football or Friendship Football, no one would sign-up to play. Call it Fantasy and it becomes the land of make believe. Every man has fantasies, right? This time, the real fantasy actually isn't a fantasy at all, it's fact. Obviously, the whole coaching a make believe team is not real, but the fact that men crave fellowship and community is the single reason it has turned into such a large market in this country.

So, fittingly enough, I'll be going to our church for our Draft Party. We'll eat wings and pizza (duh, of course we will) and talk about a football fantasy world, but we will also be bonding and building meaningful friendships...don't tell anyone.

Stayin' busy?

"Are you stayin' busy?" This seems to be the most frequent question I receive from individuals who inquire about my involvement at Victory School of Wrestling. Many of them follow up this question with something along the lines of, "well, as long as you're staying busy..." or "all you can ask for is to be busy..." as if being busy is a good thing. In their eyes, being busy means that you're successful, but not in mine. I don't want to be busy, I want to be productive.

This mindset reveals a lot about the condition of our society and the culture of youth sports - in our case, youth wrestling. The busier we seem to be, the more successful we think we are. This couldn't be further from the truth. Parents sometimes believe that if their son/daughter practices more, they'll win more. Wrestle in more tournaments, in more states, and your son/daughter will have a bright future. Wrong, again.

Our young athletes are participating in sports and living their lives at an unsustainable pace. We call it normal to place children in positions with an abundance of stress and pressure. It's normal for a youth wrestler to compete in far more competitions than our top collegiate athletes. Kids have schedules that are over committing themselves to things that don't matter while sacrificing time for things that do matter. There is very little margin for error in the most important areas in the lives of young athletes.

Young athletes today fill their lives with things that don't matter, making the small things supreme things, like they never have before. I don't think it's as much their fault as it is their parents, though. There are so many opportunities for kids to become the best today (never mind the future), but there's no time for character or spiritual development.

Kids are quitting youth sports at alarming rates because they have no margin in their lives (I can't say that I blame them). Fun is replaced with expectations and pressure to succeed and development is replaced with immediate gratification.

Margin is the difference between our "load" and our "capacity." It's the amount available beyond what is necessary; the difference between what you have and what you need. It's enjoying what you're doing. It's having the emotional capacity to deal with problems when they come up. It's having a few nights a week with nothing on your schedule. It's extra time to invest in others; time to think, reflect, meditate or dream. It's being able to spend significant time with God. Margin is what most of us don't have because we're simply too busy. The irony is that the most significant things in life happen in the margin. It is time to fight against the pull of culture (see Ephesians 5:15-17 below).

Andy Stanley wrote a book called The Best Question Ever and he said the best question we can ask ourselves when we're making a decisions is, "is it wise?" Not is it right or do I have time or what is everyone else doing, but in light of future hopes and dreams, is it wise? Before you make a decision to add another practice, event or competition to yours or your child's schedule, do you ask if it's wise?

By possessing a "production mindset," we often miss the moment. We feel like if we don't have something on the schedule, then we're being unproductive or missing out on something that will push us to the next level or even provide a sense of fulfillment. We believe we have to be busy, but busy doesn't equal productivity. Busy doesn't mean important. Busy isn't meaningful. Just because you have time to do something doesn't mean you should.

We must learn, in courage and faith, to say "no" to many good things so that we can say "yes" to the best things. Too many good things quickly become the enemy of the best things. Is it wise? Do you (and your children) have time in your life for what really matters? Do you have margin? Don't let anyone else talk you out of what's most important.

Be very careful, then, how you live your life - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. - Ephesians 5:15-17

Some of the content above is taken from the series "Margin" by Craig Groeschel of LifeChurch.tv.

My version of coaching wrestling

The more wrestling opportunities that I'm a part of, the more I realize that the way I coach is different than most wrestling coaches. My personality is constructed in a way that encourages me to challenge the process. I'm confused by this at times because I fit into society very well and have friends and look "normal," but I'm quite different than most people I meet or associate with.

Everything I do in the sport of wrestling is carefully thought of in advance and done intentionally. This alone puts me in a different catergory than most wrestling coaches. I'm not one for doing things the way they've always been done just because they've always been done that way. I enjoy tradition, but I also like to know that I'm doing what is best in every situation. I like to ask why we do the things we do and often times I find that the traditional way of coaching wrestling is not the best way to do it.

Generally speaking, most coaches teach moves; I teach principles. Most coaches try to show athletes how to score points; I focus on controlling and winning positions. There are hundreds of matches taking place within every single wrestling match. I want my athletes to focus on the small "causes" that lead to successful "effects." Wrestling should be approached in a systematic way with small attacks that eventually may or may not lead to an opportunity for a committed attack (e.g., a "shot").

As a culture, wrestling is very bad at applying the scientific method. I enjoy formulating theories within the sport and testing them. If they don't work, I'm quick to try something else. If there are unique correlations, I build on them and continue asking why and formulating more theories that can be tested. For example, I notice that a very large percentage of state champions can successfully execute a round-off to a back flip (tuck or layout). So, I begin to wonder if teaching a round-off to a back flip is more valuable than teaching and arm bar. It's an idea to think about.

Something else that I notice and take initiative to change with my athletes is the lack of attention to the "easy work." As wrestlers, we understand hard work. We lead the sports world with being able to push ourselves hard, but we're not very good at doing easy work. We don't take enough time to stretch properly after practice because it will cut into our live wrestling opportunities. We don't take the time to drill positions well because it cuts into wrestling hard. I could go on and on with this one.

Wrestling coaches continuously watch the wrestlers around them instead of those above them. I choose to watch and study the highest levels of international wrestling and teach my youngest athletes the skills that work there. Our minds are lazy and will not expand if we don't look ahead. I'm shocked by how many youth coaches and high school coaches don't know who represented the US in the Olympics in 2008, or worse yet, even what styles are competed in the Olympics. I talk to middle school girl's basketball coaches and they know everything about the most recent Dream Team, but wrestling coaches don't know the top athletes in their sport. It creates a stagnant environment with very little room for growth.

At Victory School of Wrestling, I can assure you that we systematically go through the positions and experiment with new skills, tactics and positions. Ultimately, I want to teach the wrestlers how to wrestle, not just how to drill well and execute techniques in a fixed setting. They need to adapt to changes and be willing to put together one concept with another and continuously move forward (isn't that a perfect picture of life?). I want them to learn for themselves, not just repeat a system of moves (like a parrott). Everything we do is on purpose. Our wrestling style is very intentional, thoughtful and creative. We teach technique because it gives us a base, but we allow everyone to wrestle to their strengths.

I think I'm different right now, but I see a lot of other coaches who think the same and want to break out of the old mold. Sometimes they just don't understand that they can. There are endless opportunities when you become your own man/woman and coach athletes they way they need to be coached and begin to move away from doing things the way they've always been done.

Are you doing what you're created to do?

My previous blog post touched on two very important questions that one must constantly be wrestling with while "sharpening the ax." Are you doing what you're created to do and are you doing what you're created to do the way you're created to do it can be both be expanded on greatly, so my next two entries will go deeper on each question.

Am I doing what I was created to do?

I listened to a sermon by Erwin McManus called "Maximizing Your Strength" and he preached on Ecclesiastes 10:10. He said that he believes a lot of us live "accidental lives" - not lives that we've chosen or that we live on purpose, but lives that just sort of happen to us. We live life accidentally, not intentionally and the world around us shapes us.

You need to ask yourself if what you're doing is on purpose. Are you taking responsibility for your actions?

McManus continues saying that sometimes we take that Ecclesiastes 10:10 ax and just swing and swing and swing and live our lives, fulfilling responsibilities, choosing obscure goals and never stopping to ask ourselves the hard question: is this what I was created to do?

Sometimes we have what he called "creative envy," not living the life we were created to live. Instead, we're living the life someone else was created to live, but we want that life really bad. So we do everything we can to get that person's life, but just because you admire someones talent doesn't mean that you've acquired that talent. The reason we chose false dreams is because we don't have the confidence to believe that God created us for something that really matters as the person that we are.

What were you created to do? What's your calling? Everyone has a calling. What's your purpose on this earth? We all have a purpose.

Have you ever participated in a strength finder or type indicator test in hopes of finding your strengths? Isn't it funny how you can take a strength finder and not become any stronger? That's because these tests are designed to find tendencies, which is more like potential. It's not a strength until you fill the gap between potential and competency and skill. That range between talent and skill is discipline and that's what is needed to take all of your gifts and talents (potential) and harness and sharpen them so the ax works best.

We live in a culture of unreached potential. I meet a lot of people with potential who never become potent. When we reach our potential, life becomes easier (we don't become lazy) because we're in our "sweet spot" and doing what we were created to. To reach our potential it takes four steps and you must 1.) work hard; 2.) work hard at what comes easy; 3.) work hard until it's hardly work; and 4.) work hard at what matters most. When we can harness all of the great things God has given us, we begin to affect the world in a way that has the greatest affect that we can have.

If you fall into a category of working hard and not making progress, this is for you. Ecclesiastes 10:10 says we need to work smart by sharpening the ax. However, sometimes we don't have a sharpened ax because we live a frantic life. We don't stop long enough to ask the important questions of life. Is your life an accident or did you choose this life? Are you doing what you're called to or doing what you just felt "in to" in life? A lot of people feel like their life happened to them rather than choosing their life. Take ownership over your life.

Ask yourself, am I doing what I'm created to do? Not what anyone else wants me to do. Not what all the social pressures want me to do. Not what all the past momentum in my life seems to demand what I should do.

When you look back on your life and someone asks how you got doing that for the past 15 years are you going to say it just sort of happened? Or will you take responsibility for your life?

It's so terrifying to actually follow God into the future; it's much easier to cling to God in the past. If you want your ax to be sharp you need to ask if this is what I'm created to do. Is this the life that I chose? Have I chosen this path on purpose or am I just like drift wood floating down a river being taken where it's going?

Be courageous and do what you were created to do. Be bold and confident in who you are. If you take that step you can rest in the promise that God will indeed equip you to do all that you were created to do. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" - Ephesians 2:10.

Work harder or work smarter

Tomorrow my life is going to change forever. At 7:15am, Liz will be going in for a scheduled c-section and we will welcome our second son into the world. I'm nervous for that moment because in an instant, our lives will never be the same as they are now. I'm very excited to be a father to another child as it is probably the most significant role I will play in my life. Leading up to the day has forced me to sit back and re-evaluate the direction of my life. I've been asking myself if I'm doing what I was created to do and am I doing it the way I was created to do it.

In the Book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon shares with us some wonderful insights on how to live out our purpose in life and maximize our strength. Solomon is described as the wisest man who has ever lived and he shares an important proverb in Ecclesiastes 10:10. He says:

If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.

Three thousand years ago Solomon was saying what still rings true today - you can either work harder or work smarter.

By doing the same thing the same way over and over we become exhausted. As a result, we apply more strength and get less and less. We get stuck focusing on the product or outcome and get lost in the way we do it. What we all need is the discipline to step back and reflect on the way we're doing it. Are we actually doing what we should be doing, the way we should be doing it for the reasons we should be doing them? Are you doing what you're created to do?

Stop and reflect to be sure your ax is sharp. Use wisdom to succeed. Take a step away and re-sharpen. What you were created for today could be different tomorrow. God might be calling you from what you used to do to what you ought to do. "Are you doing what you're created to do" isn't a permanent question because you're constantly changing and progressing. Sometimes you just to have put the ax down and ask again, "is this what I'm supposed to be doing in this moment, in this time. Is this my calling in life?"

Not only should you ask yourself are you doing what you're created to do, but are you doing it the way you're created to do it? This is where we don't pull back and sharpen. We don't take enough time for self-reflection. There's a certain way unique to you to do what you're called to do, but you have to have courage to be willing to explore and discover who you are. There's creative beauty inside of you, but it's not enough just to know what you were created to do, you have to begin to discover how you were created to do it. The great danger is to live a life of monotony and sameness rather than discovering uniqueness.

Tomorrow is going to be one of the most important days of my life. What's more important is what I do after the arrival of my second child. Before tomorrow comes, I need to ask myself today if I'm developing the skills necessary to be the best at what I do to do the best at whatever I do? Because we were never created to do what we do at a lower quality than the best that we are; the best that we have. We're all called to a high price to develop the skills for success in whatever field, whatever endeavor or whatever journey we choose.

Am I doing what I was created to do and am I doing it the way I was created to do it?