Japan Tour 2018 - Blog #1

Thursday, March 22, 2018

We made it to the other side of the world.  We’re currently spending some time in Shanghai, China on a long layover before we hop on our next flight to Osaka, Japan. 

Our Wednesday started out quite early.  We left River Falls at 6:00 AM and drove 6-hours to Chicago O’Hare for an afternoon flight.  After 15 hours in the air and 15 hours in time zone change, it will be over two days before we get to Japan.

This is the first international trip for most of our girls.  Ali and Macey have been overseas on wrestling trips, but it’s a first for the rest of them (Ashton, Allie, Gabby and Josie).  It is going to be a great trip as they get to experience what life is really like in a different country.  We’re going to Shigakkan University (Icho and Yoshida’s alma matter) and taking in a few days of training with our friend Ryoko Sakamoto and her club team.

I think it’s important for our girls to get a raw and real look at what our Japanese counterparts do and why they’re so successful.  Going to the World Championships and other international tournaments, it’s evident that Japan has things figured out and does things much differently than we do in the US.  It’s hard to capture what that “special ingredient” is in those settings, even though we have our ideas of how they do it.  Going into their normal everyday lives will gives us a much better feel and I believe it will help our girls re-foucs and zero in on the process to reach their desired outcome.  They all should come away from the trip more disciplined.

Our flight was a nice, predictable flight…for 2003.  Our entertainment systems were down, so no movies.  The WiFi didn’t work, so no catch-up back home.  It was “old fashioned” in the sense that we had to communicate face-to-face, play cards and…wait for it…get bored.  Who would have thought?  Personally, one of my goals for this week is to make sure everyone experiences a little boredom.  It is nearly extinct in our society today with the hustle and bustle and constant demands of a jam-packed schedule.

Being bored forces us to reflect and use some of our creative juices to get us through.  This is precisely the reason we didn’t get a hotel outside of the airport during our 15-hour, overnight layover.  We have to sit and look at each other.  Get into deep and meaningful conversations.  Find our way around a strange place.  Problem solve.  Nap in an uncomfortable place.  When all is said and done, the “boring” 30-plus hours of travel on the front end might be the most productive time of the entire trip.  At the very least, it should clear some of the clutter from our minds so we can get the most out of our time in Japan.

 

Words of Memory - Grandma Audrey

My name is Kevin Black.  I’m Audrey’s grandson.  My dad, David Black, is Audrey’s second son.  Dave and Gerry and grandchildren Alison, Emily, Sara, Stephanie, Tony, Amy, Joe, Brian, Kayla, your spouses; Mary, Kathy, Julie, Patti, all the Blacks, Bellums and Altons, Audrey had a remarkable life and left us wonderful memories, a meaningful legacy and lessons that have forged the character of everyone in here today.

I sat across from her one morning and she handed me a large envelope filled with a typed manuscript written by my grandpa.  She said she’s never been able to read it because she just cries.  “I found it after he died,” she said, referring to my Grandpa Don.  “I never even knew that he had written it.”  I did.  In fact, a few years ago my dad handed me a shoebox with the same manuscript.  “I cry every time I start it and cannot even see the pages,” she said with tears in her eyes.  I accepted it with a great sense of honor and responsibility.  It was hard for Grandma to read because it’s very painful and personal.  It’s the tragic yet courageous story of a family’s struggle with life and death as nephrosis strikes their family.  She didn’t stop to reflect and think about her situation.  She just kept moving forward.  Audrey wrote in terms of action.  She would rather show you than tell you.  She gave it to me wanting me to finish it and so here is that final chapter.

Over the past few years, Grandma Audrey asked me several times if I’d speak at her funeral, and here we are today.  I hope that I can capture the heart of Audrey and put into context how her life helped impact, influence and impart us with a vision to walk in humility, honor those around us and hope for something much bigger than our time on Earth and invest in others and love others when it’s both easy and hard whether they deserve it or not.

I met with Grandma in the mornings and would pull out my computer and ask her to share stories. I typed as fast as she talked.

One morning, she started by saying,

"We had all sorts of trouble.  Makes you wonder.  I don’t think I was a bad person.  Don wasn’t a bad person.  The person down the street was a drunk and didn’t take care of his children, yet we had all the trouble.  Makes you wonder what God is up to."

What was God up to?  What can we learn from the example Audrey set?  What can we learn about her, about ourselves, about God?

I shared a quote with our family after we buried Grandma next to 24 other Blacks and Bellums on that hill:

When it’s your time to die, it better be the only thing left you have do.  

Grandma didn’t have anything left to do.  She lived a meaningful and impactful life.  Her legacy stretches far and wide.  She had done all that she was called to do and then some.

It was a full and demanding 93 years and 5 months.  34,121 days…that’s a lot of carpe diems.  Almost 819,000 hours or 49,134, 240 minutes.  Surely, when she said “just a minute…,” she had a few to spare.  But she used every one of them.

There are three words describing Grandma that I’ve chosen today that I believe will help deposit something inside each of us so that we’ll never be the same.  Hope.  Humility.  Honor.

HOPE

Nephrosis dug itself into the family when Nancy was 3 years old.  Jimmy was diagnosed at age 6.  In 1968, Grandma gave a kidney to Jimmy.  He was only 14 years old.  It was the first time a mother had given a kidney to her son.  In her words, it "hardened the family and left them in extreme debt," yet she found hope to carry on.

My dad said he was always in awe of how tough she was emotionally.  When Gerry smashed his foot at 15, Grandpa Don broke down and said it's not fair having Jimmy being hospitalized and now Gerry hurt.  She simply said, "we don't expect fair.  We just need to do our best and keep the faith."

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

They decided to accept 5 kids in trouble and allow them to live in their home, work on their farm and go to school until they graduated high school.  They did it because they chose to believe there was something good that would come from it.  After 162 foster kids over 23 years, in spite of some very difficult times, the good outweighed the bad.

Sometimes we want validation for what we’re doing before we have faith or hope, but that validation only comes after.  It’s like Grandma was saying, “I’m going to do what I’m going to do and trust that the peace will follow.”

These were all opportunities to prove a promise.

Sometimes we’re so busy describing what we’re going through that we miss the opportunity to declare the praises of the one who brought us through it.  You don’t have to describe or explain every nuance of all the trials you go through.  Sometimes we expect God to protect us from stuff when he wants to use the stuff to prove His power in our lives.

The greatest temptation in life is to find your validation in a place other than God.  But hope is bigger than that.  Her life wasn’t about validation from others.  She had an Audience of One.

Hope is faith to believe in before (pause) what you will only understand after it happens.  Sometimes you have to ask yourself, can I believe it before I see it?  Can anything good come from this season?

HUMILITY

C.S. Lewis wrote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.”

Grandma lived a life marked distinctly by humility.  Since she passed, several people have shared how Grandma was the first person to welcome them to River Falls and they’ll never forget how she made them feel.  Jan McCutcheon, Sheila Vlack and Donna Miller, to name a few.  There are several people who have claimed rights to her and call her Grandma.  I think of the Lyle Bowes, Jim Wolfs, Phil Huggets and even Pauly and Randy Cudds who, without question, consider her part of their family. 

Marshall Olson was one of her childhood friends.  They were actually born only 4-days apart.  He became a doctor and moved to Los Angeles.  He called her at 4:00 AM about 20 years ago.  He was dying and he just had to call Audrey and let her know and say goodbye because she was the only person alive that had known him his entire life.  She said he died after talking to her. 

People really believed she loved them.

Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interested, but also to the interests of others."

The application of this would be when someone needs something, we supply that need even if we need it ourselves.  That is true humility.  Thinking more highly of others than self and putting their interests ahead of ours.  Just think of how she cared for Grandma Lu until she was almost 99 years old.  How she cared for her family, even when sick.  For people down on their luck through the food pantry and several other thankless and unseen acts of service.  Humility was personified in Grandma Audrey.  

The greatest are the most humble because they are more likely to learn, to serve, and to not think too highly of themselves.  God cannot fill a person who is already full of themselves.

HONOR

As we continue to honor Audrey today, we also need to remember that honor was one of her core convictions.  It wasn’t just what she wanted to portray when things were going well, or when other people were looking, but it speaks to who she was at all times.  I think Grandma should be known for being honoring and honorable.

Honor was a value that, no matter the circumstances, remained non-negotiable.  She never missed a Memorial Day service, never missed an opportunity to thank a service member.  And that’s because the level of honor you give is determined by the amount of value you perceive. If you place a high value on human life, you will constantly be honoring others by loving and serving them.  To Grandma, there was nothing on this earth more valuable than people. 

Additionally, the level of value you receive is determined by the amount of honor you give. 

It just feels better to treat others well and to serve them.  It fills you up and satisfies your soul.

There’s a little parable in Matthew 13 when Jesus returns to his hometown and starts teaching and people were amazed.  They said, where did this man come from even though he’d been there his entire life.  Reading Grandma’s obituary gave a similar feeling.  All of us were amazed at what she had done, yet we were right alongside her the entire time and didn’t recognize it.  It’s like we take things for granted that are right in front us.  Grandma didn’t, though.  She had everything she needed in this small town.  She appreciated the little things and River Falls loved her for it. 

Her family legacy is quite literally cemented here in River Falls.  It’s hard to tell her story without the City of River Falls.  She was a staple of the community.  I’m 5^th generation here and I’m as proud of the Glen Park Pool as she was.  It was built by her father.  So was North Hall, the Lutheran Church and several other buildings in town, including this one that we’re in today in 1939. 

During the renovation of the old Ezekiel Lutheran Church several years ago, the church was supposed to be knocked down in a weekend.  It took more than a week.  Grandma told them her father built buildings to last and a weekend wasn’t enough time.  She said she’d drive past and laugh as the workers complained about “that damn Luberg cement.” 

Pastor Chris, you better not try to knock down this one.

I could go on and on describing how honoring and honorable she was.  The P.E.O. Sisterhood – female education and empowerment, Historical society, food pantry.  A faithful and committed spouse, devoted mother.

The last time I sat across from Grandma with my computer, she wasn’t doing well.  Monica from Adorray was there and asked her if she had slept in her chair or in her bed the night before.  She was nauseous, and her skin was very dry.  She said it felt like tissue paper.  “You know what?” she said.  “I talk to my kidney and thank it every morning.”  So profound, that little sentence was.  She was in her 40’s when she gave a kidney to Jimmy.  She lived 50 years with only one.  And, after all of that and all that she had been through, she still chose gratitude.

It kind of makes you wonder what God was up to, doesn’t it?  You see, I think He used Grandma’s life to demonstrate that sacrificial love, although painful and personal, comes with a promise and hope.

Just like the Apostle Paul’s final words the Philippians, I can see Grandma Audrey using this message as her final words to the River Fallsians:

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Amen.

National Girls and Women in Sports Day

Today is National Girls and Women in Sports Day, a national movement to celebrate the extraordinary achievements in girls' and women's sports and the positive influence athletic participation brings to their lives.   In the wrestling community, there is a call to wrestling groups to post photos, videos and stories on social media using the hashtags #NGWSD and #GirlsWrestle.

As a man in a male dominated sport, I'm not ashamed to proclaim that some of my heroes have, in fact, been women.  In life, sport and wrestling, I've welcomed the influence of many courageous women in my life.  From one of my first Olympic heroes (Karyn Bye) to the love of my life and better half (Liz (Reusser) Black) and even all the way back to my Grandma Audrey who passed away last week.  There have literally been hundreds of female athletes that I've brushed shoulders with who have greatly impacted my life.

The number one female athlete in my life has been and always will be my wife Liz.  When she made the second turn during an indoor-mile in Madison on February 5, 2000, I knew that I was going to marry her.  It took me a few weeks to catch her, but once I did, her influence in my life has been greater than any other single human being.  A lot of my initial attractions to her were as a result of her pursuits in athletics as an All-American athlete at Wisconsin.  As a female who was afforded an opportunity to pursue her passions as an athlete, Liz was able to grow as a woman and continue to move towards her purpose in life.  Her example as a student-athlete and now as a professional and mother-of-three and wife-of-one have multiplied and built into the lives of many because of sports -- specifically women's sports.

The 2018 Winter Olympics begins in only a few days.  During the Opening Ceremonies, our community and school district will again be reminded of the joy we were able to share with one of our own in Karyn Bye in 1998.  She was a member of the gold medal winning women's hockey team from the US.  She donned the cover of a Wheaties box, Sports Illustrated and several other publications with the American flag draped over her shoulders.  One of my fondest memories from that indelible February month in 1998 was a simple phone call that Karyn made to me as I was preparing for the biggest moment in my high school wrestling career.  No one prompted her to do so and I will forever be grateful that she took time to remind a high school kid that our community had my back and she was proud of what I had done.   It also served as a profound "foreshadowing" to what could happen almost 20 years later.

In 2016, I was beyond honored to drape the flag over the shoulders of another American hero and first-time gold medal winner in Helen Maroulis after a historic win in Rio.  My relationship with Helen has been a rich one and the impact she's had on my life and my entire family cannot be summed up in words.  Similar to Karyn, her impact has always been bigger than a gold medal, though.  It's the several simple acts of kindness and humility that cement her into our lives.

There have been athletes that have left their mark in my life, far too many to name.  However, below are a few that immediately come to mind.

Alaina Berube was the first female wrestler to pick-up her life and move to River Falls, Wisconsin to train.  She had big goals and we jumped into competing and training at an elite level with very little experience.  She had an illustrious collegiate career, but women's wrestling was rapidly growing and becoming more advanced.  She took a chance on me as a coach and we learned a lot about life, wrestling, coaching and the world of Jon Lantz. :). She married Clay Anderson (Jon's nephew) and currently lives in the Twin Cities.

Rachael (Holthaus) Presler was the first female athlete to win an ASICS Junior National tittle in Fargo, ND in 2002.  She was a feisty little 95-pound blonde with big goals in life and wrestling.  When she moved to River Falls to take a stab at training while attending a traditional college, she had already been a resident athlete at the USOTC and spent a year in college in Canada.  Being closer to home was one of the reasons she picked us.  She held us to high standards and pushed the pace, which was huge for our club and my development as a coach.  A shoulder injury cut her wrestling career short and we still talk about what could have been.  She's still feisty, but more accomplished and even sharper. She's a forward focused lawyer and new mom.

Emily Harper was my first "recruit."  She had competed on the Wisconsin national teams in Fargo and she was quick to attend UW-RF and pursue our WCWA-endeavors as a club team.  A few other athletes came when she did, too, but our involvement in Emily's life was much more in depth than any of the others.  She was became part of our family and we went through thick and thin while she was here.  I'm proud of the way we accepted every part of who she was with no judgement.  Accountability?  Yes.  But always in a loving and empathetic way.  Emily is also a new mom.

Deanna (Rix) Betterman moved to River Falls as a last ditch effort to save a promising career.  She had made several not-so-great decisions that put her in hot water with many of our wrestling organizations.  She came here to get her life back in order and, in doing so, ended up moving herself into elite status as an athlete finishing as high as 5th in the world and making two consecutive world teams.  What's more important than her success on the mat is her success off the mat.  She married Joe Betterman and is an active wrestling mom.

Of course, there are many others.  Victoria Anthony, Emilie Boomsma, Justina DiStasio, Dr. Kristen Kells, Kim Martori, Kayla Miracle, Sally Roberts, Team Wisconsin, River Falls Women's Wrestling, etc.

Thank you for what you do and the trails that you're blazing.

Introducing River Falls Women's Wrestling

We're taking on a brand new project in River Falls this year.  It's been a work in progress for well over a year and has been taking flight since the beginning of the school year.

Last year, one of my female athletes experienced an abundance of adversity in her training schedule.  She had big goals for the 2016-17 season that included winning a gold medal at the World Championships (after a bronze in 2016) and training at the Olympic Training Center for an extended period of time all while doing her entire class load online to free up space for training and traveling.  After a few setbacks and procedure changes left her with no place to train by January (of 2017), we were forced "punt" and spent the rest of the year scrambling for quality training and much needed structure.  To say that all of the uncertainty had an impact on her would be an understatement.  So, without hesitation, we laid the foundation for something better.  In September, she made a permanent move to River Falls along with 5 other athletes with similar goals and talent levels.

With an abundance of help from the River Falls School District, we were able to help all 6 students enroll at River Falls High School with the understanding that each of them will have several demands that are above and beyond a traditional high school student.  The administration was quick to find innovative ways to meet the needs of each student-athlete while keeping them immersed in the social settings of being high school students.  We looked at several options involving online school and all believed having these students around other students in order to give them the complete high school experience was best.

I've been around a lot of great people and great moments at RFHS, however, the big picture mindset and willingness to "go for it" with this project is the most proud I have ever been of my alma mater.

We brought together high achieving, high character individuals with aspirations of winning gold medals and created a training environment that is second to none in our country.  This group has an extensive collection of world-level medals, national championship plaques and All-American awards.  Additionally, they're exceptional students and great young women who have already made a huge impact in our community.  We're also very fortunate to bring in other top junior and senior-level talent that add value to the overall project.

From a training standpoint, the objectives are very clear.  We wanted to bring some of the top 14-17 year old athletes in the country together to train.  Most of them have been the only female on male teams and haven't trained with other top-level females aside from a handful of training camps.  These girls are learning how train at a high level together AND do life together at a high level.

It's the first time they've been on a year-round training program that is specific to their needs and competition schedule.  It's also the first time they've been a part of a program that focuses on the Total Athlete - body, mind and soul.  In addition to the physical training (comprehensive technique development, athlete-specific strength and conditioning programs, etc.), we have a vested interest in developing their mind and spirit in very intentional ways.  Our goals are centered on gold medals, but our purpose is about becoming whole hearted and knowing that we're worth far more than gold (medals).

Our preseason training is coming to a close and the (boy's) high school wrestling season is just around the corner.  Our female athletes will be training right alongside the high school boy's team.  Each of our girls have experienced a lot of firsts in the last two-plus months being in an entirely new environment - new family, friends, home, routine, etc. - and have handled it extraordinarily well.  They're familiar with the grind of a high school season and are ready to excel in that comfort zone.

Now that we're established and swiftly moving forward, we're ready to share our process with the world, so stay tuned for more updates.  If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact us.

Tour Across America Blog #6

We just finished our final workout of the trip – a 30-minute conditioner in the hotel pool.  At the conclusion of the workout we had a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest.  We started immediately following some squat jumps and then tried again and again and again.  As we got further from the squat jumps, each athlete was able to hold their breath longer and longer.  We talked about controlling our breathing in a wrestling match and slowing our heart rate in order to stay focused and in control.  It was an exercise on mental toughness.  The pool was a great place to drive that point home.  On the long bus ride home, we’ll watch a video with David Blaine (magician) explaining how he held his breath for over 17 minutes.

Mental toughness is the ability to stay focused on the task at hand no matter what occurs.  It’s not physical toughness or emotional toughness.  The 10-year old on the playground who falls off the monkey bars and breaks his arm and doesn’t cry is not demonstrating mental toughness.  He might be physically tough.  Both are important, however, mental toughness is something we can develop and leads to sustainable success, consistency and discipline. 

Terry touched on this at the end of practice yesterday, too.  He used the illustration of understanding the one thing we all have in common is time.  How we use it is up to each individual.  Being mentally strong will lead to getting the most out of the time we do have.  It was a good lesson for our student-athletes. 

This trip was time well spent and I’m confident that everyone in our group will look at the time they’re given and be a little more intentional about using it well.