Choose your words wisely

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."  This is one of the most misleading nursery rhymes of all-time.  Wikipedia says about the rhyme, "it persuades the child victim of name-calling to ignore the taunt, to refrain from physical retaliation and to remain calm and good-natured."  That's a great twist of the meaning in a world of butterflies and rainbows; however, reality says that words can hurt.

Words matter.  Not only the words we hear from a bully, but the words we hear on a regular basis from our loved ones as well as the ongoing self-talk inside our minds.  Words are either building-up and uplifting or tearing down and degrading.  Being careful and wise and word selection can be the difference in if we receive the good fortune of watching our children become the men and women they were created to be.  It can be the difference on if we ever reach our own full human and athletic potential or see our children achieve their goals.

Below are a few words that if used correctly at the right time can unpack potential as they tap into the power of choice.  How we talk to ourselves or to others does make a difference.  If we successfully speak to potential instead of problems, we empower instead of victimize (disempower) and both the process and outcome will be more enjoyable.

Sacrifice vs. Investment 

Sacrifice requires giving something up for someone or something else.  Investment means to put something into something in anticipation and hopes of getting more in return.  The greatest sacrifice of all-time was Jesus going to the cross.  I’m thankful for that important sacrifice.  We’re talking about sports here, not salvation, and in sports sacrifice has a negative connotation.  It sounds as if we’re missing out on something and it sounds like a victim mentality (as if what one is doing is something being done to them).  The rhetorical question on the back of the state qualifier t-shirt, “you’ve wondered if the sacrifice is worth it?” sounds cute, but misses the intent of choosing something better.  Our student-athletes are making investments.  They’re investing in their athletic success, academic careers, relationships, character development, etc.  By making investments, they’re trusting that the return will be bigger than what they initially invested or put in.  Eliminating the word sacrifice changes the outlook because kids are no longer missing out.  It becomes an important choice.  Choice and investment come from a place of power.  It’s a shift in the language of duty to the language of privilege.  It’s a game changer.

Pressure vs. Drive  

When used correctly, pressure can be a great motivating force.  After all, pressure is what turns coal into diamonds.  Pressure is also the reason many individuals choose to leave a sport they once loved.  This is another play on words because words have influence.  The best athletes in the entire world perform best on the biggest stage.  Sportscasters claim they thrive on pressure.  To many that’s what they see, however, the best don’t view pressure the same way others do.  It’s an external force that triggers and internal motivation to focus on what they can control and block out the distractions.  They get in the zone and become the best version of who they are in the competitive arena.   Being driven is not the same as handling pressure.  When parents tell their son/daughter to not let pressure get to them, they miss the opportunity for positive reinforcement.  Help him/her discover that drive inside and pressure won’t hold them down, it will help them shine like a diamond.  Additionally, I've heard several parents claim their child puts a lot of “pressure” on themselves.  Let’s just agree to say it a different way and recognize that drive.   He doesn’t put a of pressure on himself, he’s driven.

React vs. Respond

Reactions happen to you; responses are something you make happen.  During every moment that occurs, if one makes the choice to respond rather than react, the result is better.  The analogy my dad shared with me when I was in high school is that if you react to penicillin, it can be deadly, however, if you respond to it, it can save your life.  It’s that simple, and that scary.  The gap between reacting and responding can be the same as life and death.   Parents are removed from the action [on the mat], so there’s nothing that warrants a reaction.  Being in the middle of it all, we can lend more grace to student-athletes, especially when they’re children still learning how the world around them works.  Still, responding rather than reacting is the expectation.   A difficult loss or bad call by a referee, an awful decision, a significant setback or something disappointing will present the opportunity to choose to react or respond. 

These are only a few words that are examples of changing the conversation and looking at situations differently.  They’re about being positive on purpose instead of being negative by accident.  Other examples of choosing your words wisely is using setback instead of failure, disappointment instead of tragedy, challenge instead of difficulty, success instead of winning (or losing) – more on that one later.  Eliminate negative words like but…,  or phrases like it’s just that… and look at things through a much brighter point-of-view so you can see your son or daughter find a brand new passion for the sport of wrestling.

It’s about perspective and every word matters, so be intentional.  Are you interested in your son/daughter developing in a way that he/she sees problems in every opportunity or an opportunity in every problem?  Is the glass half full or half empty?  Come to think it, it doesn’t matter.  If there’s anything in the glass at all, there’s an opportunity for good.  

You have the choice to respond to this message by engaging that inner drive so that you can make investments in a life much more exciting, positive and supportive for your student-athlete.  

What do I say when...?

One of the most common questions I receive from parents is "what do I say?"  

What do I say when he's not motivated?  What do I say when he loses?  What do I say when she won't open up?  These are important questions and rooted in a parent's genuine care and concern for their child.  Often times, the best answer to most of these questions is, "nothing."  Don't say anything.  Be there and be available, but more times than not, no words are required.  If you insist on saying something to announce your presence, simply stating, "I'm here if you need me" is sufficient.  Your son/daughter knows when mistakes are made, when the outcome is less than favorable and he/she is also aware when your questions are an attempt to point to the obvious.

What do I say when he/she loses?

This question presents several very interesting dynamics.  Often times it reveals that the outcome matters to the parents.  Of course, the outcome matters, but it should always matter more to the athlete than the parent.  What do you say when he/she wins?  Should the discourse really be any different?  Attitude and effort is what parents should value and presenting the feeling of performance-based acceptance is a slippery slope that all parents will do well to avoid.  

When a parent asks me this question, it’s tempting to answer with philosophical ideas, however, it’s important to answer the question directly while being sensitive to the question behind the question.  I have found that the best thing to say after a loss is, in fact, nothing.  What's more important is that you acknowledge that things didn't go the way the athlete had hoped or planned.  Don't project your displeasure of a loss on your child (again, make it about the attitude and effort).  He/she is allowed to be upset after a loss and may choose to withdraw for a while.  Respect that, let him/her go and be there when he/she comes out of that shell.  The coach will take care of the timing and encouraging him/her to move on.  Mom and Dad shouldn't, especially in front of other athletes or parents.  

My advice to dads is to give the proverbial head nod, wink or pat on the shoulder to let your son or daughter know you recognized what occurred and you'll be available when needed.  Moms, do your best not to absorb the emotional side of their defeat.  You don't have to carry that weight.  You can be sad, however, boys, in particular, need to figure out how to handle their own emotions.  Let them figure it out.

Don't say: The obligatory "good job" usually misses the mark because, in the moment, he/she thinks it was not a good job.  The same is true for other fillers like, "next time...," "you were soooo close," etc.  These show a lack of awareness and empathy.  Under no circumstances should you ever belittle or yell at your child or another athlete for losing.

What do I say when he/she seems unmotivated?

Motivation comes in all shapes and sizes.  A typical high school athlete goes in and out of being motivated.  When motivated, sometimes it's extrinsic and other times it's intrinsic.  Is he trying to impress his girlfriend or buddies?  Is she more interested in the friendships developing than performing?  It's a rare teenager who possesses a drive that fuels motivation at a high level on a routine basis.  Motivation is “purpose driven” and understanding why he/she is participating in the first place is a good start to understanding where he/she should fall on the motivation spectrum.  If you find yourself in a place asking why he/she seems unmotivated, it's possible that you've missed the big picture earlier on.  Before the season even begins, you should ask why he/she chose to participate in wrestling.  Ask what is motivating them.  Are they interested in improving?  You may even ask about their goals, however, you must be sensitive to how you project and how they receive that conversation.  Knowing these things in advance may alleviate the need to ask about their motivation.

Don’t say: Avoid the urge to use the word “we” when talking about your child’s sports career.  If a teenager is motivated by his parent’s desires, his/her career will be short and less than satisfactory.  We have big goals this year.  We’re planning on wrestling this weight class.  We have five pounds to go.  When a parent describes his son/daughter’s wrestling activities with the subject “we,” it is a red flag.

What do I say during matches?

This is athlete-specific and everyone has different ideas on what they want to hear from their parents in the heat of the moment.  Most studies have revealed that kids actually prefer their parents don’t say anything during their competitions.  Some like encouragement and others enjoy productive instruction.  No one likes negative criticism or humiliation.  I’ve heard parents and coaches justify their inappropriate behaviors by claiming kids like it and their kid responds well to being yelled at.  Kids don’t like being yelled at.  Period.

In our program, I prefer parents engage in a conversation off the mat with their child and directly ask what their son/daughter would like them to say during matches.  As a default, cheering is great, even if you don’t know what you’re talking about.  Clapping and saying, “let’s go!” at the beginning of the match is never wrong.  Encouragingly cheering is good for everyone.  Be wise and avoid placing unneeded and un-welcomed pressure on your child.

Don’t say: Negative comments should be avoided at all costs.  “Come on!”  “What were you thinking?”  “How bad to you want it?” also don’t help.  If the language you use during a match ends in a question mark, it’s likely non-productive.

These are only a few questions that parents have.  Most of the time, the questions are well-intended and sincere.  I encourage parents to dig deeper and find the question behind the question.  Is the place it’s coming from honest and legit?  Is it about the outcome, keeping up with the Jonses, trying to eliminate adversity for your child?

As a coach, I do my best to be open to all parental concerns and questions.  Active and involved parents are typically good parents.  I’m more concerned about the parents who don’t show an interest in their child.  Good parents should have conversations about the well-being of their son or daughter with coaches and teachers when there's concern.  They should be private in nature, without their child present and sometimes without his/her knowledge.  Healthy boundaries should be respected at all times.  Parents should be Mom and Dad, coaches should coach and the groups should compliment and support one another.

Why your teenager should wrestle (that has nothing to do with learning how to wrestle)

Wrestling season is just around the corner.  In our quaint community of River Falls, Wisconsin, our middle school wrestling season starts Monday.  The high school season will begin November 17th.  I spent the last two lunch hours in the high school commons enjoying teenage banter and looking for potential wrestling prospects.  I'll be the first to admit that wrestling is not for everyone, however, it's for far more than are represented in the yearly numbers put out by the National Federation of High Schools.

Last year, over 269,000 boys participated in high school wrestling in the United States from nearly 11,000 school-sponsored teams.  Additionally, close to 10,000 females participated in high school wrestling.  Of the many sports your son/daughter can participate in, wrestling is perhaps the most misrepresented, misunderstood and underrated.  The ratio of participation to public awareness is remarkably lopsided.  Each year hundreds of thousands of kids participate in the the sport, yet the average person knows very little about it.

Why would someone choose to wrestle?  For those entrenched in the sport, it's obvious.  The personal gains after the personal struggles gives a sense of achievement that is unparalleled in any other athletic endeavor.  It's less obvious to those who do not see the great strides an individual makes in confidence, self-awareness, work ethic, etc. because they don't witness or take part in that struggle, or as we like to say, the grind.

Why wrestle?

1. Overall Athletic Development

A very general, all encompassing argument to consider wrestling is the benefit of overall athletic development.  Every individual will become a better athlete by participating in wrestling.

Sports offer opportunities for children to improve strength, flexibility, coordination and provide a competitive and physical outlet while having fun.  They can be the catalyst to promoting an active and healthy lifestyle.  Most sports activities rely heavily on certain muscle groups and less on others.  Many focus primarily on pushing motions (leg/arm extension) such as throwing, hitting, kicking, jumping and running.  Sports science experts suggest that unilateral physical development (equal emphasis on all muscle groups) is especially important in young athletes.  Isolated movements over a long period of time increase the risk of injury and limits long-term foundational growth.

Wrestling is among the few sports that engage both pulling and pushing muscle groups.  It's the best sport for overall physical development because of the inter-relationship of biomotor abilities and flexibility coordination.  Individuals build many physical attributes simultaneously.  Wrestling improves strength, balance, speed and agility and does not specialize in specific movement patterns or biomotor abilities giving wrestlers significant gains in overall athletic development.  This inevitably makes kids better baseball, football, soccer players because of the increase in athleticism and body awareness.

Currently, there's a trend sweeping across high school sports that has sparked the interest of coaches to develop "better athletes."  They're recognizing that learning skills is easier for individuals with a solid athletic base and strong body awareness.  Strength training programs are shifting towards general athletic preparation and less on sports-specific strength training.  The new emphasis is on what an athlete can do with his/her own body and how quickly can he/she get from one point to the other by incorporating popular wellness activities like yoga and innovative strength training exercises using things like kettle bells, TRX, etc.  This philosophy has been common place in wrestling training for decades.   Today, successful strength training programs look more like a version of CrossFit than power lifting.  It's a significant paradigm shift and wrestling is ahead of the trend.

Not only should parents consider wrestling for their children because of the athletic benefits, coaches who desire to see better athletes should recommend it during their off-season.  Unfortunately, many well-intended athletes are afraid of wrestling because of the physical demands because it does incorporate every muscle group and is both an aerobic and anaerobic exercise.  Overall athletic development isn't easy.

2. Wrestling develops leaders

In a society that is craving for quality leadership, coaches value the potential that sports have to develop leaders.  Every sport shapes and molds leaders, however, studies show that former athletes who competed in individual sports exhibit increased levels of discipline, communication and accomplished-based skills.  Other studies show that these athletes also have higher levels of emotional intelligence, higher levels of self-esteem and self-respect and are better at managing other people.  These attributes of great leadership can be acquired by participating in wrestling.  Over 25% of all U.S. Presidents have wrestled.  Numerous CEO's, Fortune 500 founders and business leaders have also wrestled.  There are several articles and references that highlight the positive impact high school wrestlers have in the work place.

The River Falls wrestling program is built on what we've coined the "Four Pillars."  We create an environment that is intentional about teaching student-athletes how to reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously and expect the greater reward/have a transcendent cause.  These four components applied directly to the sport of wrestling result in on-the-mat success.  What's more important is that our student-athletes leave RFHS ready to change the world for good.  Wrestling is the ultimate metaphor of life.  Life has the ability to put you on your back and wrestling teaches you how to get off your back.

River Falls Wrestling's core values of humility, accountability, self-respect, leadership, citizenship, discipline, sportsmanship and integrity shine in our sport brighter than any other athletic opportunity.  As a one-on-one combative sport, the athlete stands alone in the circle left to his/her own devices.  He/she must figure it out.  Not only is that an experience that is both humbling and empowering at the same time, it's accountability at its best in the sports world.  Being a successful leader requires this confident humility (humility without confidence is weakness; confidence without humility is arrogance).  Great leaders must be willing stand alone and make important decisions on the principles of right and wrong.  Wrestling reveals strengths and weaknesses and it takes a focused discipline to make improvements.  To be successful one must know exactly who they are.  When you know who you are, you know what to do.

3. Wrestling teaches you how to see the "big picture."

Scientists have proven that there is no center of the universe, therefore, you cannot be it.  The world actually revolves around the sun, not you.  This can be a difficult realization for young students.  Through their developing lenses, it appears as if much of life does indeed start and stop on their watch.  It's part of the human condition.

It's important that student-athletes are able to recognize that they're a tiny, finite speck on this planet, and being very ordinary, they have an extraordinary capacity for greatness and the opportunity to positively impact those around them.  Becoming the man or woman you were created to be can be a daunting task if you're unable to take the necessary steps on the correct path.

Sports provide several teachable moments in goal setting and working fervently towards accomplishing them, however, studies show that 80% of the population does not have goals.  This is particularly troubling considering over half of the high school students in the US play sports (7.6 million in 2010-11).   Which sports are actually teaching student-athletes how to set goals?  Wrestling has an uncanny sense of developing intrinsically motivated individuals.  Wrestling is far from a glamour sport.  It's not popular.  There's no professional league and very few outside the sport understand it.  The fan following is considerably lower than other fan-friendly sports, and on top of all of it, it's difficult to do casually.  One can put a basketball hoop in their driveway, kick a soccer ball against a garage door or go swimming at the hotel.  Outside of organized team practices, it's difficult to wrestle on a whim, not to mention the need for a partner.  These are definitely hurdles to becoming a top-tier revenue producing sport, but they're also the secret ingredient that allows for individuals to be intentional about their involvement and motivation.  Extrinsically motivating an athlete with fame and fortune just isn't an option in wrestling.  Attention to the internal drive and self-improvement is our biggest selling point.  It's difficult to motivate unmotivated people.  You can fan their fire, but you can't give them your spark.  Wrestlers are motivated individuals who know how to set goals.

I hope I was able to shed some light on what happens inside the wrestling world.  There are a lot of individuals outside the community who make decisions about what wrestling has to offer based on misconceptions.  Wrestling is for EVERYONE and wrestlers come in all shapes and sizes.  It's one of the most widely represented sports in the world comprised of nearly every single people group from hundreds of countries.  Yet, many parents and student-athletes are afraid of the sport because it's mysteriously unfamiliar.  Come check us out and see the benefits beyond learning how to wrestle that this great sport has to offer.

"More enduringly that any other sport, wrestling teaches self-control and pride.  Some have wrestled without great skill - none have wrestled without pride." - Dan Gable

Everyone gets a medal - the kid's fun run

Yesterday my two oldest boys participated in their very first kid's fun run.  It was a simple 1-kilometer jog around the park.  My wife had finished the "big kid's race" and while everyone waited for the awards to be given out, the event organizers led a little kid's race.

These type of kid's races are non-competitive and a lot of fun.  There's a mixture of intense focus, lollygagging and fearful tears.  My kids fell into the third category (Liz can identify), so we ran alongside them and it was an enjoyable family experience.  Both boys were surprised that it went from leisure running to hard work.  They embraced their sore legs and pressed on.  Welcome to racing.

At the beginning of the race, the marshall announced to all the children that everyone would receive a medal at the end.  As many of you know, this immediately made my skin crawl.  My five year old jumped up and down and made his own announcement, "Yay!  Everyone's a winner!"

I thought, "oh, great, three days of public school and everyone's a winner, everyone's happy because it's all about self-esteem, yada yada yada."  I avoided the opportunity to rebuke his claim because it clearly wasn't a teachable moment and he's only five.  Not everyone wins, especially in a race.  We could assert that "no one here is a loser" and I could live with that, but I digress.  More on that later.

And off they went.

As we approached the first turn, Micaiah (4 years old) was struck with panic as he shouted, "I have to go potty really, really, really badly!"  No problem.  We were in Glen Park and there are an extraordinary number of naturally placed boy's bathrooms.  I know because I grew up in that park.  We stopped near some trees and he quickly relieved himself and it was back at it.

After going down a short decline near the Swinging Bridge, they hit their first uphill climb.  Along with below freezing cold weather, hills were Liz's achilles heel in her cross country career.  She was right there with them and her coaching instincts kicked in and she encouraged them, "come on boys, this is the toughest part..."

We both laughed as she caught herself ready to push our kids.  There's a tricky line between encouragement and pushing.  She was far from approaching the line, however, we want to always be aware of the potential of our words and actions - good and bad.  We've had extensive conversations about the path we'd like to take as parents while our kids become involved in activities.  Encouraging and supportive is where we want to find ourselves.  We've seen parents cross the line with the best of intentions and we want to identify the line and set boundaries far from it.  This way, if we fall short of our standards, we don't cross that line.  Making that climb was a good example of this and our kids made it uphill unscathed.

As we hit the straight away, both boys complained about their legs being sore.  I'm sure they were as it was the longest they had ever run without stopping.  They've seen plenty of races finish, so they knew running all the way through the line was par for the course.  They both pushed through and crossed the line with about 100 spectators cheering them on.  The running culture is genuinely excited for everyone who finishes.  They're the most encouraging group of individuals in sports and it was nice to see our boys embrace it.  That's one of the "hooks" in these road races.

Now, for the elephant in the room...everyone who participated in the kid's race received a medal.  I've written extensively about my thoughts on the trophy generation, so I won't address it much.  Carole Mottaz, my fifth grade teacher, had a little bag full of plastic medals and she unceremoniously handed one to each kid after finishing.  It was no different than marathon finishers getting their medal.  It's not about the result, it's a reward for enduring the entire process.  It doesn't matter what place you came in.  It's about the effort, which I'm beginning to embrace more and more each day.

If the youth sports culture valued effort, it would evaluate it and reward it.  The root of evaluate is value.  If you don't evaluate it, you don't value it no matter how much you say that you do.  This is when parents get confused with their kids.  They say they want them to do their best and be their best, however, when asking the process questions of how things went they're looking for an outcome answer.

"How did you do on that test?" actually means "what grade did you get?"

"How did the game go?" actually means "did you win or lose?"

Our kids learn to answer these questions with the outcome.  How did you do?  I won.  How did the test go?  I got a B+.  This where the well-intended parents drift off course.  Don't assume your kid understands the difference.  Be intentional about how you say what you say so they hear what you want them to hear.

At four and five years old, the medals for finishing should be the same for the kid who finished first as for the kid who finished last because it's about the process of enjoying the race and finishing what was started.  There's value to this for the long haul.  Who cares if they won or lost?  No one.  Seriously, no one does, so it's important that we don't mistakingly elevate the importance and give value (or evaluate) to something that doesn't have value.  This includes a little kid's fun run...and making the traveling team...and youth state...and youth nationals...

Value attitude and effort now and when the outcome does matter, your kids will give their heart and soul in the process of pursuing their outcome goals.  That's what we want anyways, right?  Leave it all on the court, field, mat, etc. and if the outcome is favorable, it's a bonus.  You have to value the process first.

Love & Marriage (from Ingrid and Tony Black's wedding)

My brother got married in Denver, CO this past Saturday.  It was a great weekend with a ceremony that reflected Ingrid and Tony in a perfect way.  I had the privilege of performing the ceremony.  It was one of the greatest honors of my life and one of the most important responsibilities that I've had.

Below is the "Love & Marriage" message that I shared during the ceremony.  After the message, Ingrid and Tony exchanged vows and rings and then I pronounced them husband and wife and introduced them for the very first time as Ingrid and Tony Black.

W.H. Auden expressed it perfectly in one of his last books, A Certain World, where he wrote, “Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.”

What is the great difference between a romance and a marriage of which Auden speaks?  It’s the signing of that piece of paper, or walking through animal parts, or stomping on the glass, or jumping the broomstick, or whatever way a culture provides to make a solemn, public vow and commitment to which you are held accountable.

The commitment of marriage is what brings us here today.  Tony and Ingrid are both individuals who have made the decision to join their independent lives in order to create a brand new family unit.  They’re bringing into this marriage backgrounds, experiences and expectations.  Both come from families that value marriage.  Ingrid’s parents celebrated 30 years of marriage this past Monday.  Tony’s parents will celebrate 40 years of marriage next week.  (applause)

I’m sure both of these marriages have had ups and downs, failures and victories, heartache and elation and I am certain that both couples are composed of significantly different individuals today than they were on their own wedding days.  30 and 40 years later, the vows they made to one another have much deeper meaning and a sense of sincerity that could not possibly be realized when they said them decades ago.  Those promises made to each other have been put to the test and you have two wonderful examples of what a thriving marriage looks like.  But you’re not committing to replicating your parents’ marriages.  You’re forging your own path and creating your own story.

A wedding is not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.  A wedding is not a celebration of how loving you feel now – that can be safely assumed.  Rather, in a wedding you stand up before your family and friends and all the main institutions of society, and you promise to be loving, faithful and true to the other person in the future, regardless of internal feelings or external circumstances.  See, a successful marriage requires falling in love many times and always with the same person.

That might be somewhat misleading, though.  Falling in love sounds like it’s something that happens to you, that it’s out of your control.  Tony and Ingrid have communicated to me that they believe love is a choice, not simply a feeling.  Our emotions are not always under our control, but our actions are.  It is a mistake to think that you must feel love to give it.  If you stress the action of love over the feeling, you enhance and establish the feeling.   Our culture says that feelings of love are the basis for actions of love.  And of course that can be true.  But it is truer to say that actions of love can lead consistently to feelings of love.  Love between two people must not, in the end, be identified simply with emotion or merely with dutiful action.  Married love is a symbiotic, complex mixture of both.  Having said this, it is important to observe that of the two – emotion and action – it is the latter that we have the most control over.  It is the action of love that we can promise to maintain every day.  This is why marriage is not a 50/50 partnership agreement.  It is a 100%/100% commitment to each other.

Ingrid and Tony, marriage brings you into more intense proximity to one another than any other relationship can and will.  Therefore, very shortly once the two of you are married, you will begin to change in profound ways, and you can’t know ahead of time what those changes will be.  Ingrid, you don’t know, you can’t know, who Tony will actually be in the future until you two get there.   Tony, you’re marrying the totality of Ingrid, which means you are marrying the changes, not just the one, single, momentary version of Ingrid who walked down this aisle.  So, both of you will wake up every morning, sort of the same, but sort of new.  You’ll look at each other and introduce yourselves again and choose to love who you see.  You choose to love and that’s the only thing that will never change.

*Experts from The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller were the basis for this message.  It doesn't matter if you're single or married, I strongly encourage you to read it.