Today's Athletes - A Blog Series

Every few months I try to write a small series of blogs that are related in substance and topic. A couple of these series' received a lot of attention. Others, not so much. This week I plan on sharing a few ideas about the sports culture - something I'm very passionate about. I'd like to focus specifically on the athletes.

I hear coaches, parents, teachers and other adults claim that athletes today "are different." They say today's kids (athletes) don't work hard, don't respect authority, etc. I don't believe kids are different, however, the pressures surrounding them are new. This creates a different culture that turns out athletes that are unlike generations before them.

Below is a borrowed list of what I see the typical athlete in 2012 looks like:

1. High sense of entitlement, low sense of gratitude
2. Always makes withdrawals, rarely makes deposits
3. Demands rights, forsakes responsibilities
4. Doesn't follow through on commitments
5. Thinks what they're dealing with is the biggest deal
6. Excuses their own issues, picks out faults of others
7. Talks so much, listens so little
8. Wants success, won't work for it

I will focus on each of the eight characteristics of today's athletes in my upcoming posts. I encourage readers to offer their insights and opinions in an attempt to steer the ship in the right direction.

Many of these characteristics, I believe, are a result of the "exceptional child" movement. As in, every child is exceptional and unique. This mindset says that children are born perfect and it's our duty to keep them that way when, in fact, every child is born imperfect and hard wired for struggle.

I do believe everyone is created with uniqueness and distinction in the image of God, so they have intrinsic value. I also believe that kids are just that...kids. They are not, and should not, be the center of the universe. When they are - at home or as a result of sports - you get individuals who fit into every category of the above list. Chances are, if every night at your household revolves around practice and game schedules, your son or daughter has become the center of your universe and they are on a path to become the typical athlete mentioned above. Hopefully we can create a dialogue that empowers parents to take the control of their families back from sports. It might require some difficult decisions, though.

Disclaimer: I certainly don't believe I have all of the answers on how to make a difference. I might not have any. I see a fundamental error in how we, as a sports culture, do what we do and I'm trying to be the change I want to see in the world. I'm inviting you to help me.

Dual Tournaments

This is an interesting time of year in the wrestling world. Tomorrow, the Junior Duals national tournament begins. Recently, the Cadet and Schoolboy national dual meet tournaments took place. Additionally, several dual meet tournaments are taking place across the state. Dual meet events have taken over the summer training and camp experiences. It's feeding a culture of athletes, parents and coaches whose primary interest is competition, not practice.

I've shared my distaste for the national dual meet tournaments with several other coaches and get the sense that many believe they're not necessary, they're "too much," and the timing is not conducive to being successful in Fargo. Why aren't we talking about it openly then?

I've had many conversations with coaches and parents about summer dual meet events hosted by high school and college programs and hear similar feedback to what I believe: that these events aren't making kids better wrestlers. Then why do those same coaches take their team? Why are we investing so much time and money into opportunities that aren't improving our wrestlers? Why can't we have this conversation?

Not enough coaches are asking the important questions in regards to summer dual events. Why are we going? Some say to build team chemistry. Is it working? Can that actually be measured? Or is it all just an illusion? Are teams that participate in dual tournaments improving? I mean, are they getting better? Is it money well spent? High school and college programs enjoy hosting dual tournaments because it's easy money (and they need it to help support a program, I get that). Is that why we're doing it?

On a national level, do the Cadet and Junior duals make sense? Is is wise to wrestle 20 matches in four days? Does this make kids better? Does it burn them up for the rest of the summer? Is it cost effective? Why do we do it? USA Wrestling and other organizations endorse it, is that reason enough for us to do it and does it benefit our wrestlers? Are we becoming a you-rah-rah team sport and are we supposed to develop superficial friendships through experiences like this?

I have a lot of questions about dual meet tournaments and it seems like I'm the only one asking them. When I do, I get answers that lead me to believe that I'm not alone on the potential harm of these events in June and July. Why aren't we talking about it at board meetings, on the forums, at tournaments, etc.?

"National" tournaments

If you've read any of my previous posts over the past few years, you're well aware of my thoughts on the direction of youth sports. I won't spend time today giving background for the reasons I believe what I believe, but I do want to make a point on "national" tournaments for youth athletes.

I've been around a large number of young athletes over the past few weeks at various camps and I'm conducting a little experiment. I'm simply asking random kids if they can define a few words for me. One of those words is "national." I have found that nearly every kid 10 years old and younger cannot accurately define the word. If they cannot define the word, certainly I have grounds to believe that they don't value "national" tournaments or understand their significance. Parents do. The kids are just interested in the water slides that follow the event.

This is important to understand if we're in a position to develop athletes and hope to grow the sport of wrestling (or any other youth sport). I maintain that parents are driving youth sports and creating and taking advantage of opportunities based on what they want rather than what their kids need. In the end, it undermines the development and growth of their children.

We're losing sight of what's important - a healthy perspective. I had a little wrestler attend camp last weekend who was a total spitfire and physically ahead of the curve for his age. However, he wore sweatpants from Carter's. With young children of my own, I know that Carter's is a baby clothing store. That made it easy for me to maintain a healthy perspective with this little kid. He is still wearing clothing from a baby store, so he's probably not in a position to be wrestling at national tournaments (or even state or regional tournaments). This goes along with the kid who cannot put his own wrestling shoes on or tie them without Mom or Dad's help; he's probably not physically or mentally capable of learning complex wrestling skills and chain wrestling no matter how much his parents want him to.

Let's maintain a healthy perspective in youth sports and remember that they're children. Do we really need "national" tournaments for 6 year olds?

Ask questions

My oldest son, Isaiah, is in a stage of life that has him asking question after question. The word used most in his vocabulary is "why?" Of course, I encourage him to ask questions because they help him learn and us what is important to him.

I ask a lot of questions, too. I often ask others why others do what they do. I'm interested in their "story" and what motivates them. Leaders are learners and learners need to ask questions to understand how others view the world.

Our questions help us learn. They also communicate our values.

I distinctly recall my parents asking how events and school activities went. They communicated to me that they were interested in me being my best and doing my best. Their questions always revealed their values. They didn't ask what grade I had earned or if I won or lost. Often times, parents (and coaches) say they simply want their kids to give their best effort, but the questions they ask reveal otherwise. Did you win? Did you pass? What was the score? What grade did you get? These are questions that are focused on the outcome, not the process. They really have very little to do with giving the best effort. Kids can tell what their parents value based on the questions they ask.

Imagine for a moment that you receive a phone call from authorities explaining that there has been accident involving someone you love. Isn't the first thing that comes out of your mouth extremely important? Is everyone alright? How's the car? Both of these questions communicate your values and you had better get that right.

Listen to the questions you're asking and be sure they're the ones you want to ask. Think what is most important and ask questions that reflect your values, and ask a lot of questions.

Memorial Day Extended

I opened my inbox this morning to extended holiday sales. Banana Republic offered me 40% off a single item over the weekend and much to my surprise, they are recognizing the sale for one more day. Isn't it amazing how we extend the consumer opportunities of Memorial Day weekend, yet quickly move beyond the honor due to our fallen soldiers?

For as long as our society revels in sales and extended offers, I'm going to do my best to extend the real meaning of Memorial Day.

Almost 225,000 individuals lost their life during the American Civil War. 116,516 were killed in World War I from the US. 405,399 Americans were lost in World War II. Korea: over 36,000. In Vietnam, 58,209 died. 6,280 have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. According to Wikipedia, 1,343,812 American soldiers have paid the ultimate price for our freedom.

These numbers are difficult to comprehend. Attached to every single number is a family and a story. On Sunday, the keynote speaker presented the audience with the numbers above. Simultaneously, in the distance, a car alarm sounded for nearly five minutes. It was eerily ironic. Car alarms were significant decades ago. Now, as an alarm blares, we go about our daily business as if we weren't aware. In fact, we have conditioned our brains to shut out the sound of car alarms. These numbers have become like that car alarm. We tune out the sound and don't even look to see if anything harmful is taking place. Instead, on this day of honor and recognition, we take advantage of seasonal bargains at large retail chains.

Businesses have hi-jacked Memorial Day with deals and sales. Today, they attempted to extend their own glory into the work week. I'm taking it back for Memorial Day to honor those who deserve it.

The amount of honor you give is in relation to the amount of value you perceive. I value our servicemen. And you should, too. Everything is better when honor is there.

Thank you, Veterans.

The soldier who salutes the flag

An important tradition in my family is attending the Memorial Day service at the Greenwood Cemetery in River Falls. For as long as I can remember, I've sat in the same place under the same tall oak tree with my parents, grand parents and siblings. I might be mistaken, but I think this might actually be the 32nd consecutive year of my attendance. It was Isaiah's 4th.

Memorial Day is important to us because many of our relatives have served in the military. Both of my grandfathers were World War II veterans. Both have passed away and left a legacy of love for our country. Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. have also faithfully served our country.

This American holiday has become many things. It marks the beginning of summer with a long weekend, picnics, great sales and other Memorial Day specials. Unfortunately, many of these annual celebrations have very little to do with what the holiday was intended to be.

After the American Civil War, Decoration Day was created to officially recognize the Union soldiers that fell during the Civil War. The term decoration day comes from the act of decorating graves with flowers, something my Grandma Audrey Black continues to do on this special day (and others). By the 20th century, this day had been used to honor all Americans who have died in all wars. It became a common celebration after World War II and the name was officially changed to "Memorial Day" in 1967. In 1968, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, which moved four holidays, including Memorial Day, from their traditional dates to a specified Monday in order to create a convenient three-day weekend. The change moved Memorial Day from it's traditional May 30 date to the last Monday in May.

Aside from a powerful keynote speaker, the moment that caught my eye during today's ceremony was during the Croix Chordsmen choir compilation of hymns representing each branch of the military. Servicemen from each branch appropriately stood at attention when their song was played. About ten chairs occupied by veterans sat alone beneath the American flag in front of the stage. When "The Army Goes Rolling Along" was sung, all of them quickly rose to their feet, stood proudly with their chest puffed out, head held high and saluted the flag. All, except for one gentleman. This old man labored hard to rise to his feet and suddenly fell back into his chair. He did the best he could to scoot his 90+ year old body to the front of the chair and grab a hold of the one next to him. He put all of his effort into raising to his feet, as if his life depended on it. I could sense him rushing to do so while his song played. He made it to his feet for a moment before all of the men became seated in unison.

It was subtle, and I might be one of the only people who noticed, however, I saw a man who had put his life on the line for my freedom when he was young and able bodied maintain the same commitment to the United States of America despite being only a remnant of the man that he once was. I was humbled and moved because in that moment, it was clear to me that he would do it all again. That's what Memorial Day is about.

We've lost our way as a nation many times, however, those who protect our freedoms have not.

It is the Soldier, not the minister, who has given us freedom of religion.
It is The Soldier, not the reporter,who has given us freedom of the press.
It is The Soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.
It is The Soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us freedom to demonstrate.
It is The Soldier, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the Soldier, not the politician, who has given us the right to vote.
It is The Soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag and whose coffin is draped by the flag who allows the protester to burn the flag.

The Soldier by Charles M. Province

Reflecting

It's been far too long since I've logged onto this blog page and threw down my ideas. I've missed it. Writing has always been an outlet for me. I have a lot of things going on inside of my head and getting them out helps me keep my thoughts organized and reflect.

Yesterday I gave a presentation at River Falls Meyer Middle School. It was a part of the Everest Project, a character development program and lesson on setting goals. My presentation was called "The Preamble to Greatness." Humility turned into honor, unleashing our potential and staying on the right "path" is the summary of the 70 minute conversation. From my perspective, it was quite successful.

I went through my Power Point three times, once with each grade (6th, 7th and 8th) and allowed for questions at the end. A 7th grade Language Arts teacher asked me to talk about "reflecting." I told her that I'm constantly reflecting, analyzing and evaluating everything I do. Actually, as I reflect, I often notice that I over-analyze things or evaluate myself and what I'm doing too much and miss the opportunity to live in the moment or appreciate what has unfolded.

She brought up reflecting in front of her students because she was having difficulty getting some of the boys to take part in the activity when she allowed time in class and encouraged them to do so. As a male, I can identify. What we hear when someone asks us to sit down and reflect is that we have to share our feelings. Boys, especially teenagers, get a little squirmy when they have to tell others what is going on inside. Naturally, they can express themselves with various physical outlets, but frankly, they're scared to talk (or write) about their feelings. That's not a valid reason for them to excuse themselves from the reflective process.

The blogosphere has provided an outlet for many people and it's a fantastic option for boys who might be afraid to share their feelings. It's great because it leaves a mark and impacts others. What this 7th grade teacher inspired me to do is help the athletes at Victory begin to blog. I've been actively encouraging them journal for years (journaling is the masculine way to keep a diary). I've provided numerous materials that facilitate the reflective process. Sometimes, it's like pulling teeth, though.

Tomorrow I will begin a new project with our most committed athletes. I have no idea what to expect, but like most of my ideas, of course I'm optimistic about the potential. I know what being transparent, reflecting and sharing my thoughts has done for me as a man and I'm confident it will do the same for a handful of our athletes.

I'll keep you updated!