Sportsmanship, Canadian Style

Over the last several years, I've had the opportunity to watch some great displays of sportsmanship within our sport.  The wrestling community does very well to highlight these important displays on forums and social media.  Maybe it's because the nature of our sport is so physically, emotionally and spiritually demanding, we're quick to honor others because we understand each other at the core.  Wrestling is also unique because those larger-than-life moments and superstars are very tangible.  We see them up close and know them personally.

One of my favorite moments of the year occurred at the WIAA State Wrestling Tournament when Zack Anglin stole the show on the North end of the Kohl Center.  For how impressive and inspirational his athletic accomplishments are, what makes him unique is bigger than his disabilities or overcoming them.  He's more of an impressive young man than he is an aspiring athlete.

At the World Championships in Las Vegas, there was an international sportsmanship that was global-sized taking place behind the curtains that many don't see.  Countries working together, sharing their stories and building genuine friendships in spite of religious of political differences and still trying to hammer one another in competition.  There were also indelible moments for me personally.  There's only one thing that I can imagine will top draping an American flag over the shoulders of one of my favorite people and I'll save that moment for 2016 in Rio. 

I could go on and on, however, a moment in time that has had a significant impact on me since it occurred took place North of the boarder at the Canadian Olympic Team Trials.  Most within the American wrestling community missed the incredible headline stories and wrestling action in Strathcona County on December 4-6.  I had a vested interest as I had been working with one of the athletes competing, so I watched closely online.  This event wasn't short on great displays of sportsmanship, which has always been my experience with Canadian wrestling events.  However, the one that everyone must know about happened towards the end of the finals when two training partners and dear friends squared off for the women's 48 KG spot.  Jasmine Mian and Genevieve Morrison both competed at the World Championships last year for Canada, but they were at different weights.  So, as teammates, they trained and sharpened one another.  Gen won a bronze medal in Vegas, which was a great moment for her and Team Canada.  At the Trials, Gen sat out until the finals and Jasmine climbed the ladder, beating a former world team member and a multiple-time world medalist, setting up the showdown of two wrestlers at the peak of their careers.

They battled hard and Mian won two straight bouts.  The fans understood the dynamic of these two competitors and I felt that tension through my computer screen a thousand miles away.  When the second match concluded, Dave Holland capture a picture for the ages that represents everything great and pure about Olympism and the sport of wrestling.  Two friends beat each other up in hopes of representing their country at the Olympic Games, but when the final whistle blew, only one could do so.  For both of them, their relationship was bigger than the outcome.   The frozen moment is history was incredible in its own right, however, what has transpired since it took place is what shows it was genuine.  Both have shared their version of the story on social media, blogs, interviews, etc. and only have admiration for the other.  It's refreshing when all of the things we hope wrestling teaches an individual is on full display on the biggest stage in the world.

My short explanation doesn't do justice to that moment.  Take the time to read about it from their perspectives.  Read Jasmine Mian's Blog, follow them on Twitter, etc.  They're great athletes and great human beings.

Well done, Jasmine and Gen.  The two of you are examples of what commitment, dedication, hard work and perseverance can get you in the sport of wrestling.  What's more is that your demonstration of honor, humility and integrity show us what living life at the highest level really looks like.  Character outlasts accomplishments and no matter the outcome, the human soul is always worth much more than gold because we're created in the image of God.

Youth sports the right way is countercultural

Two weeks ago I posted a couple of blogs that I knew would ruffle some feathers.  There's been a whirlwind of responses - both negative and positive.  Some relationship dynamics have noticeably changed.  Word has gotten back to me that others have brought up this topic in a variety of settings from board meetings to the dinner time.  It's not an easy conversation for many, however, breaking the ice is the important first step and I'm not afraid of losing popularity points by speaking the truth.  I've had my eyes opened to some great things I was not aware of and, even more, I'm convinced that the experts have the authority on this subject, not parents.

When I say, "parents," I'm not talking about the 90-95% of parents who show up and drop their kid off at the door, sit in the stands and offer support or who are just taking advantage of the opportunities presented.  It's a much smaller percentage of parents in leadership roles and coaching positions who are making the big decisions on behalf of the other parents and their children.  I'm talking about the parents who are responsible, either by choice or by default, for the direction of our youth programs.  I'm concerned with the parents who think they know what it takes and are erroneously choosing their own opinions over the opinions of experts.

Who do I consider an expert in this subject matter?  First, I think pediatricians, sports medicine personnel, sports psychologists, sports science researchers and, in most cases, educators have a level of expertise that is greater than that of a parent of a youth athlete.  Second, I'm not claiming to be an expert in this field although some have credited me or discredited me in that attempt.  I'm making no suggestions that I'm an expert or know all considering youth sports.  On the contrary, I know very little.  However, I'm much more inclined to listen to the experts I mentioned above over the emotionally charged opinions of parents who are currently in the middle of the youth sports experience and controlling the direction of our programs.  That I would choose the listen to the expert opinion over a parent's opinion causes a great deal of tension.

The two biggest things I learned over the last two weeks are that after being involved in some capacity, many parents believe they have authority and expertise.  As if experience alone is enough to have influence on the next steps.  I also learned that this is very much a societal issue, not a sports issue.  Let me explain...

Over the last few weeks, my father and I built an extraordinary "treehouse" for my three kids.  We basically made a blueprint on the back of a napkin and trucked to Menards for supplies.  After a few snags at the beginning, once we started drilling it seemed like the fort took shape very quickly.  The result is one of the best treehouses I've seen, complete with a front porch, special kid's entrance, a bridge, garage, monkey bars and a No Trespassing sign.  I am not a carpenter and if you ask anyone close to me they'll quickly agree that hammers and nails are not designed for me, but those who have seen our fort are utterly impressed...except one guy who found it necessary to point out that the roof probably wasn't rated for snow load, or that a real carpenter would have used an impact driver.

Now, let's take my carpentry experience and use our youth sports logic to see how far it gets us.  The facts are: I had a lot of fun building this tree house and I was able to spend important quality time with my dad and with my kids.  It gave me a small break from the everyday stresses of life and I was able to pour energy into something that yielded great results.  Since it's been finished, I've had incredible memories sleeping in it, watching movies, etc.  It's also passed for being a tremendous architectural success.

No one can dispute these facts.  It's my reality and my back yard.  Do those facts alone give me the license or expertise to start building all over town?  Does one treehouse suggest I'm up-to-speed on all of the OSHA regulations and guidelines?  Have I even scratched the surface on how to properly build a treehouse or single-family home?  Should I be in line to build the next playground for our parks and rec department?  Of course not.  That's ridiculous.  I wasn't a carpenter before my experience and I'm no more of one after it.

Those of you suggesting I shouldn't put my expertise up against the likes of Lennar Corporation, for example, doesn't mean you're questioning my decisions or role as a parent.  No one is trying to tell me that I didn't enjoy building the tree house or that I shouldn't build another one in the future, right?  Maybe, just maybe, I don't have the construction market cornered after one treehouse.  My neighbor suggested that when I run power to the treehouse, I should include a ground fault.  That sounds like it makes sense, but it was far from being on my radar.  What else am I missing?  Are there more important health and safety steps?

My opinion in the construction world should hold far less weight than even the first year construction management student at a local state university.  Yet, using the youth sports logic, I have as much, and often more, to say about how we should build houses after my one treehouse compared to Lennar, who has built hundreds of thousands of homes (before you get into the "quality" of Lennar Homes, please see the big picture here).

Stay with me on this analogy...I might choose to take a few steps in my carpentry skills by adding on to our house or installing a bathroom in the basement.  At that point, it's important that I get a few professionals involved.  There will be building permit requirements, electrician needs, etc. and I'm legally obligated to do things a certain way to meet a variety of codes.

This is where we run into the area of concern in youth sports.  It's not the mom or dad who raised his/her hand and coached the U8 team this year.  It's never the parent who was asked to be the secretary on the board of directors.

It's the parent who bypasses the "codes" and asserts his/her opinion over expert opinion based solely on his/her personal experience.

There are several resources readily available online for every youth sports league and organization to follow.  Blue prints clearly laid out by national governing bodies who have already done the research.  Movements like Changing the Game Project and 3 Dimensional Coaching that provide development materials for coaches and leaders free of charge.  Professional coaches like Mike Matheney and leadership experts like Tim Elmore and Coach O who help by offering expert opinions.  Famous doctors like Dr. James Andrews and Dr. Istvan Balyi provide mountains of research and evidence to be able to suggest best practices.  US Soccer and USA Hockey, for example, have long-term athlete development models in place for youth programs across the country.

Parents in positions of influence and leadership in youth sports organizations have a distinct responsibility to do their homework on the subject matter.  Parents who are not in these roles have an even greater responsibility to ask those in charge how they're incorporating long-term athlete development principles and for concrete examples of their plan in action producing the desired results.  The leaders should be equipped and prepared to answer questions with scientific evidence rather that anecdotal evidence.  Believe it or not, there's a very large silent majority who wants better.  It's time for them to hold leaders accountable and ask those pressing questions.

It might not be quite that easy, though.  Some of the pressure within the youth sports scene is the result of broader societal norms than it is unique to sports.

Last week, we scheduled "Pumpkin Day," a family tradition that is all about pumpkins - pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin chili, pumpkin salsa, selecting and carving pumpkins, etc.  It's supposed to be fun for the kids...except after our fourth year of the event, it's become too much of an event for them to enjoy the simplicity of carving pumpkins.  This year, we searched online for the perfect pumpkin patch that had a corn maze and a movie theatre in a silo.  It was 30 minutes away and after some kicking and screaming, we got all of the boys in the van (behind schedule).  We had to stop at Caribou for mom and dad, which led to an additional bathroom stop on the way, and by the time we arrived at the pumpkin patch, it was clear that, up to that point, the day had been about mom and dad and not the kids.  I could hear grandparents in my head asking what the heck we were doing.  Why did we have to drive 30 minutes to get pumpkins?  Why does everything need to be such a spectacle?  Why can't we just get pumpkins at the grocery store, go home and carve them?  Why can't Pumpkin Day be about pumpkins?  Well, rain arrived 45 minutes into our pumpkin patch adventure and, as you might suspect, our boys had lost interest in Pumpkin Day.  They wanted to go home and we didn't get around to carving pumpkins or eating seeds that day.  There was just too much going on.

And it all hit me: this is normal in our society today.  Completely by accident and out of good, honest intentions, Pumpkin Day became too much of a spectacle.  So does so much of what our kids are doing.  My wife and I were quick to defend our decisions by saying things like, "well, I just thought that..." and "it would be really fun for the kids if..." while ignoring the facts.  It wasn't really about the pumpkins at all.  It was about mom and dad trying to make the pumpkins more than what they are and, as a result, our kids weren't interested in the pumpkins anymore.  This is the way of parenting in 2015 and it's driving the youth sports culture.  It's not unique to sports.  It's the way it is everywhere you find a child and a parent.  In the end, we blame kids for not being tough like they were 30 years ago or for being interested in the wrong things or for being "quitters" when, often times, parents micromanage the bejeezus out of things that should be so simple.  We should almost come to expect kids to be disinterested.

Creating and establishing youth sports programs that are focused on what kids need instead of what parents want is countercultural, however, it can and should be done.  It's time to ask the hard questions.  It's time to expect better.

Why can't we just have a discussion on what's best?

Over the last seven years, I've used this space to share my opinions on a myriad of topics.  For the past five years, most of my blogs have focused on youth sports.  Things get heated very quickly when an opinion challenges the status quo.  People become territorial and are easily offended.  The moment it's taken personal, rationale is thrown out the window and emotions control the discourse.

In the youth sports realm, healthy debate and discussion are becoming more and more out of bounds.  Sports science is often replaced with personal preferences.  People avoid facts and statistics when it doesn't fit into their narrative.  Experts are ignored because groups of parents assemble and have a much louder voice and stronger presence.

Why can't we just have a discussion on what's best?

We've nearly lost our ability to debate with the determination of finding a solution.  Our government certainly hasn't set a good example.  It's become an expectation for politicians to adhere to their side without hearing the other side.  Politics, in general, have never been as polarizing in this country as they are today.

Debate was one of the single most important dynamics to the way of life for our Founding Fathers.  It's what originally made America great.  Prominent personalities published their debates in journals and newspapers and we still read them today.  We study the intricacies of their thought process in "The Federalist Papers" and other important documents that seem irrelevant today.  Our Founding Fathers didn't agree on everything - they actually didn't agree on much - and their debates were very public.  They were extraordinary in their ability to critically think about how their existence would impact the future.

Today, it seems as if we're predisposed to "take our ball and go home" if someone challenges us with a difficult question.  Sometimes answering is way above our pay grade, so we resort to shifting the blame and accusing the one asking the question of something unrelated to the question.  We don't read the entire article because we make up our mind before hearing what they have to say.  We don't engage in civil discourse because we're constantly offended and more interested in defending our decisions or positions than having conversations on what is best and what we'll leave behind for the next generation.

I wonder how the Founding Fathers would engage in conversations today.  Facebook seems to have as much street cred as the Center for Disease Control.  Many prefer reading the news from Huffington Post or The Blaze because it tells them what they want to hear (if you read the angle that fits your political preferences).  We have no interest in another way of thinking.

In sports, we seem to be trapped in a crazy cycle with an abundance of opportunity, but very little option.  Every week I read an article that outlines big concerns with the current system, yet youth organizations plow forward thinking only of this week or, if we're lucky, this year.  Why can't we get the 15 years down the road conversations?  What is the path?  What is the plan?  Who is taking them there?

Why can't we have those discussions without being negatively received?  Why don't sports experts, doctors, scientists, etc. who dedicate their entire life and well-being to research and data regarding participation in sports have more to say about what is healthy in sports than a carpenter, mechanic, salesman, etc. who moonlights as a youth coach?

The youth sports scene is out-of-control.  One cannot rationally say otherwise.  Of course, there are several great things in youth sports and your son or daughter might be full of smiles.  That doesn't change that, collectively and generally, it's a broken system.

It's necessary that we allow for important, meaningful and worthwhile conversations about what is taking place.  That's the starting place to making productive changes that lead to the best experiences.

St. Francis of Assisi said, "start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

Well, let him do whatever he wants

Last night I received a text message from a friend who has three children under 7 years old and a fourth on the way.  He was recalling some of his experiences as a basketball player and was struggling with the thought of letting his own children go through some of the "dark times" that he did.  I could tell he was thinking deeply on the issue of whether or not to allow his children to play sports.

This is how I responded:

I think sports have great potential to teach important life skills and learn great life lessons.  Those rough times forge character with the right perspective and support.  When the joy and wonder of sports in encouraged, it's a great experience no matter the outcome.  I think the youth sports culture is driven by unhealthy perspectives from parents and coaches and it creates a lot of pressure for kids.  My suggestion is to be wise about what kind of organized sports they participate in based on coaches and programs who "get it."
...When our purpose in sport is greater than our goals, our pleasure throughout the sports experience is much greater.  When purpose and goals are one in the same, problems will always arise - usually with moral integrity or identity issues.

Several times I've shared how members of our community ask me if our young boys are wrestlers.  There's nothing underlying in those questions.  It's sincere curiosity and, most times, the cliche thing to say to a wrestling coach.  My answer is always predictable and I say something along lines of, "I don't know...we'll see..."  which is usually followed immediately by, "yeah, well, let them do whatever they want..."

That exchange is nauseatingly familiar to me and because it's rooted in innocence, I don't take the steps to engage in the next part of the discussion - letting my kids do whatever they want.  This is far from my modus operandi as a parent.  This should be obvious, however, it might be less obvious and even unacceptable in the sports communities.  I won't let my kids do whatever they want and I won't let my kids participate in whatever sport they want to.  Don't misunderstand me; I'm not advocating for my sport of choice or pressing my desires and interests on them.  In fact, I've never asked any of my kids if they'd like to wrestle.  They've asked me if they can come along and participate in youth practices.

What I am saying is that there are some sports opportunities that I believe I are not right for my kids, or any kid, to participate in.  Generally speaking, though, it's not that one sport creates more of an inherent risk than others or that any one specific sport is bad for kids.  What I am saying is that there are adults influencing some sports cultures that create an unhealthy environment for children.  In addition, there are opportunities piled on top of other opportunities and I would do well to make sure my children aren't spread too thin.  Those are experiences that I will do all I can to keep my children from.

I've seen parents go through several scenarios and situations involving sports and now, as a parent myself, I'm beginning to feel some of those pressures to get involved.  In the text message from my friend, he was expressing concern with this pressure.  But here's the deal: parents need to be firm and have the courage not to just go with the flow.  Well, everyone else is doing it...what a juvenile decision making process.  Just because I see my neighbors running themselves ragged taking their young child to different youth practices every single night of the week doesn't mean that I need to jump on that wagon.  Just because one of the most popular youth sports opportunities in our community attracts kids and parents who 'tolerate' poor coaching and an unhealthy culture doesn't mean that I need to sign my kids up for it, too.  Just because some parents are focused on the here and now doesn't mean I should ignore my conviction of long-term growth and development and overall well-being of my children.

Am I claiming to have all of this figured out?  No way.  Do I believe that some opportunities can be good for one and not for another?  Absolutely.  Is it, 'here we go again, someone telling me how to raise my kids...?'  Not even close.  All I'm advocating is that parents think deeply on matters surrounding youth sports and their children's involvement and make decisions out of conviction rather than convenience while considering the long-term implications from short-term decisions.

Sports, left to their own devices, are inherently fun.  Fun comes in many different shapes and sizes and is all across the spectrum for children in sports.  Still, no matter what, youth sports should always be focused on what children need and not what parents want.  Sometimes, those two things can co-exist, but sometimes they're mutually exclusive.

An indelible memory

Everyone has indelible memories.  For me, many of them involve sports.  Whether I was in attendance or participating in a competition, watching something on television or listening to it on the radio, there are several moments of greatness that I can recall exactly where I was and what I was feeling at the time.

Today, I experienced a new kind of indelible memory.

In the smallish community of River Falls, my high school wrestling accomplishments precede a lot of what I do even though I graduated almost twenty years ago.  After taking the reigns as head coach of the program two years ago, those old accomplishments seemed new again to several people.  There was "buzz" in town for wrestling.  It's fun walking down memory and, indeed, I'm proud of what I did in the RFHS singlet during those four years.

But, truth be told, those accomplishments also haunt me.  Not in the way most would think.  I'm confident in who I am and I can handle expectations.  I'm concerned about those expectations being passed on to my children.  Everyday someone asks me or my boys if they're already wrestling, if I'm teaching them moves, if they're going to be state champions...it's not an exaggeration.  They're 2, 4 and 6 years old.

They've been around wrestling a lot in their short lives and I've made it a point to not talk to them about my glory days.  Those four years had a significant impact on who I am today, however, being Daddy is much more than that.  Additionally, they've been around a lot of wrestlers with far greater accomplishments than mine, so I'm trusting that they'll have a healthy perspective when they start to figure things out.  That doesn't change that some people aren't afforded that breadth of understanding, though.  How will my boys handle all of it?

Well, today I found it.

My wrestling career continued beyond high school and I fell short of several goals.  I'd be lying if I said those losses and setbacks still didn't sting.  Many of them are the fuel for my coaching endeavors because my competitive career still lacks some closure.  I know many others who feel the same way, too.  Over time, small things have provided an illusion of such and some solace, but none more than a simple text message that my wife forwarded to me.  It was from one of our former babysitters who periodically spends time in Isaiah's kindergarten class.

Here's the text message:

Hi Liz, I just wanted to let you know what a great kid Isaiah is.  I sat at his table at school for a bit this morning, and Cullen, out of the blue, say, "Mrs. Leitch, can you believe that Kevin Black is Isaiah's dad?!"  Before I could say anything, Austin chimed in, "who is Kevin Black?" Cullen replied, "Only the best wrestler ever!" Austin being Austin said, "I really don't think he's the best wrestler ever," and Cullen said that Kevin was the best high school wrestler ever.  Austin, again doubting Cullen, so I told him that Kevin won every single match in high school for four years.  The whole time, Isaiah was listening, then said, "Well, my dad DID lose sometimes, just not his high school matches.  He just worked really, really hard and tried his best all the time."  Then he got back to working on his journal.  He didn't brag or argue, just told it like it is.  Hopefully the other boys at the table picked up on the lesson Isaiah taught them.

Try being Dad and having dry eyes after that.  If the only things my kids know about their dad's sports career, or any other career, is that he worked really, really hard and tried his best all the time, then all of it was worth-the-effort.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm very competitive and I was, and still am, driven to succeed, to win.  I hope my boys have a passion for excellence AND hate losing more than they love winning.  Of course, I want most for them to do their best and be their best, however, I also want them to be competitive because that matters, too.

But it's freeing for me to hear Isaiah's perspective on this subject, to know how he measures success and to see what he's learning from my wrestling pursuits.  How you do things matters more than what you accomplish.

During an interview as a senior in high school, I said this: "This isn't just about wrestling, this is about life, in general.  I'll take this for another 60 years into everything I do.  That's what all of the hard work is about."

After today, that comment in February of 1998 seemed prophetic.  I knew that what I was doing then was bigger than me now.  It was about more than my life.  I know that God created me to use my life in wrestling to make an impact in the lives of others for His glory.  It's almost like in that 15-minutes of fame I was talking about Isaiah.

Now, that is an indelible memory.

11 Totally Rotten Things We Do That Are Ruining Athletes' Lives

I recently read an article online about the "terrible" things parents do their kids.  It was a satire piece that shared the insights of children and how they understand parenting styles to be mean, unfair, unreasonable, etc.  You know, the stereotypical tantrums that include, "you're stupid, I hate everyone, you're ruining my life..." or making your 15-year old shovel the driveway even though it will likely snow again.  One of my favorite bloggers used the idea as inspiration to confess and share the horrible wrongdoings of several coaches and how they're "ruining the lives" of athletes.  Both were great reads.

This led me to consider some of the things we (River Falls Wrestling) do that are sometimes misconstrued as "awful."  In nearly every example, it comes down to the fact that younger individuals sometimes struggle to see the big picture.  That's alright because it's how human nature works.  Adolescents and children are still growing and developing.  Adult have a responsibility to be the grown up and stay the course no matter how obscene the tantrum is.  Coaches have a responsibility to establish order and structure.  While leading young people, adults must act out of conviction and not convenience.

Okay, here we go:
*disclaimer: not all original ideas; some are repeats from the articles mentioned above...

1. We're so old fashioned that we tell high school boys that real men respect women.  This includes, but is not limited to, holding doors, speaking highly of and being protective of the opposite gender.  I know, it is 2015...
2. Can you believe it?  Our athletes are not allowed to lift weights unsupervised.  But how will they get the numbers they need to be college-ready?
3. Our coaches are such hard asses, seriously, we expect kids to be to practice on time.  Man, the audacity, especially considering they only have 45 minutes to get to another building and dressed in time after school.
4. We require wrestlers shower after practice.  Are you kidding me?  Whatever happened to free will?
5. We have a crazy rule that athletes need to attend practice the week before a meet.
6. Our athletes are not allowed to text during practice.  Or go on Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram or Snapchat.  How on Earth will their friends know if they're alright?  Where's the empathy, you might say.
7. If we catch our athletes cheating, we call them out.  If they break rules, we hold them accountable.  We don't turn our eye or pretend it didn't occur because it's easier...is this the United Soviet Socialist Republic, or what?
8. We actually communicate with our athletic trainer, so our athletes are not allowed to say she said something that she actually didn't say as a way out of hard work.  It's so deceiving, right?
9. We hold everyone to the same standards regardless of their ability level or gender.  No single athlete is bigger than the program.  No one is "special" even if his/her mom or dad says so.
10. Our wrestlers are told to make their bed every morning even though we're not their parents!  What right do we have?  If their lives are a mess, their training will be a mess.  Also, we want them to start their day by accomplishing something first thing in the morning.  That's all likely grounds for a lawsuit.
11. In our program, student-athletes are students first.  Not getting it done in the classroom?  Not allowed to wrestle.  Simple.

There are several other things that come as a surprise to our athletes as we interact with them daily.  Things like telling them to say "thank you" or "I love you" to Mom and Dad or that you only get out of athletics (and academics) what you put into them or the concept of cause-and-effect are a few.  It's fun to change the point-of-view to drive home the point: we're most concerned that our student-athletes do their best and be their best.  If their overall well-being is important to us, sometimes we're going to be unpopular.  And that's okay.

A letter for parents from the perspective of a youth wrestler

Dear Mom and Dad,

This weekend I will be participating in a big wrestling tournament.  I'm excited and nervous.  I know you are, too.  I'm excited and grateful for the opportunity, but I'm nervous because there's a lot of pressure on me this weekend.

Let's be honest, you're using vacation time at work, I'm getting out of school, the entire family is going...gas, food, hotel, admission, event t-shirt...that is a big financial commitment on my shoulders.  Our entire weekend is dependent upon ME.  I understand that's not the intention, but sometimes I feel that unintended pressure to perform.  So, please don't get anxious or upset if I make a mistake.  I hope you will accept me as I am.

Please understand that my performance this weekend does not define me.  Wrestling is a small part of my life, but it's not who I am.  It's fun, but it can also be difficult and scary at times.  Don't be surprised to find that I may respond in a manner that is uncharacteristic.  Sometimes I don't know how to handle my emotions, but don't worry, my misfortunes on the wrestling mat are not a reflection of your ability to be a good parent.  I simply ask that you take care to setting a good example for me by handling your own emotions, maintaining a healthy perspective and being there for me no matter what occurs.

Remember that all children do not learn to walk and talk at the same age; nor do they learn wrestling tactics and techniques at the same rate.  We're all in development stages and growing and learning.  Please do not compare me to my brothers, sisters or friends, because I am unique to this world.  Be realistic in setting my goals.  I need to be challenged, but not pushed beyond my ability.  I need to taste success and I also need time to "smell the roses" while I am still a child.  I enjoy youth wrestling right now, but I want to love the sport if I'm still participating in high school and beyond.

Before I wrestle, the thing I desire most to hear from you is, "have fun!"  When I finish, I'd like a high five or a hug.  I'm constantly longing to hear you say you're proud of me and that you love watching me compete.  Sometimes what you don't say is much louder than all of your words combined.  I'm pretty smart.  I'm not easily fooled.  You have to mean it when you say it.  Don't assume I automatically know how you feel about me.  It's not intuitive for a child and in every situation I'm delicately looking for you to reinforce it.  Do your best and you'll be sure to see me do my best.

The truth is, I'm far more concerned with making you happy than I am with winning any tournament.  Being accepted and unconditionally loved by you is the most important thing in my life right now.  I hope I win all of my matches and get to stand on the top of the podium, but I hope you will treat me the same if I don't.

Love,

Your Youth Wrestler

The gig is up, Marshawn

Marshawn Lynch is in the spotlight once again for trying to mock the media by answering questions with the same answer.  If most sports fans are being honest, they greatly anticipated the Super Bowl media day just to see what Lynch would do.  The NFL warned him over and over and made [empty] threats regarding his interaction, but he remained true to character.

According to those who support his antics, the character of Marshawn Lynch and Marshawn Lynch's character are mutually exclusive.  A few weeks ago, I didn't blink an eye at them.  I even thought they were funny for a couple of weeks, however, now I'm having difficulty not drawing my own conclusions.

My disclaimer should be obvious, but I'll state it anyways: I don't know Marshawn Lynch on a personal level (duh).  I've never seen him "behind the scenes."  I don't know what he lives for, plays for or stands for.  I'm actually pretty clueless when it comes to the man.  I am, however, quite aware of what he has projected from his platform of an NFL superstar.  For the individual who wears the #24 jersey for the Seattle Seahawks, I'd like to say, "the gig is up."  It's old.  It's annoying.  It's time for something new.  You have now become destructive.

I had a shred of empathy for him when he chose to snub the media the first few times, but not at the Super Bowl.  He has a professional responsibility to the media on "media day."  It made sense that he was upset with how the media projected him as a "thug," but not after being fined a second time for grabbing his crotch in celebration.  The media speculating that he's being selfish was officially removed yesterday when he very clearly made this all about him.

I'll throw him a bone when he says he's just looking out for himself, yada yada yada, however, at some point someone needs to tell him that this isn't all about him.  Actually, I don't really care about him.  I care about the young athletes looking up to him believing that this is acceptable and trendy and cute.  His teammates, his team, his fans, etc. are afraid to hold him accountable.  Why?  Because he's an emotional introvert?  I don't know.  The NFL is trying to hold him accountable, but it's a complete waste of their time.  Maybe they should just leave him alone, but I don't think so.  One man cannot be bigger than the institution.  Discipline cannot just cease to exist when it becomes difficult.

The current generation of teenagers have grown up in a culture that lacks respect for authority.  Sure, there have been some crappy leaders and some of them have had awful experiences, however, when you step foot inside a school today, you'll see an apathy for authority and rules that didn't exist 10 years ago.  What concerns me most about the media circus that Marshawn Lynch is a part of is it glorifies that lack of respect for authority.  It indirectly gives kids permission to do whatever they want.  It's narcissism at its finest.  It's an individual making a clear and concise decision to not follow rules.  Who the man is behind closed doors or what he does for this or that charity is irrelevant.  I know, don't hate the player, hate the game.  Well, in this case, there's only one person playing the game and if he was thinking about anything bigger than himself, I think he'd "get it."

Marshawn Lynch is a terrific American football player.  He is Beast Mode personified.  His teammates love him and he does great things for the city of Seattle, but I no longer respect his platform because he has abused it.  He's setting the example that he believes he's the center of the universe and I have a problem with that.  Wouldn't it be great to see an athletes and teenagers who understand they're not the center and it's not all about them?  There are rights and wrongs even if we don't like them.  There are certain things you "just do."  I know that's not politically correct and it's conservative and corny, but the progressive idea that you can do whatever you want, believe whatever you want and act however you want whenever you feel like it is all kinds of bad.  It's bad for our society, but specifically, it's bad for kids and it's bad for sports.