I need help understanding the youth sports culture. I have a decent understanding of the youth wrestling scene and I can put my finger on most of the issues that are prohibiting the long term development of young athletes. Most of them include the short sightedness of parents. Read this sentence carefully: parents should absolutely be involved in the athletic endeavors of their children; however, this doesn’t mean they always know what’s best for them. Sport seems to be the only industry that allows, and even encourages, untrained individuals to be the “experts.”
I recently listened to two parents describe how well the football season went for each of their sons. They raved about the new direction of the youth football program. They were excited because their sons were in 3rd grade and they started tackling. In addition, the experience was vastly enhanced for Dad because, at that age, only parents were allowed to coach. You know, father-son bonding on the football field (sarcasm noted).
I did my best to listen and try to understand the excitement of the two parents, but there were too many red flags for me. I couldn’t get past them, so I’ll share a few of them.
Number 1: Is it really necessary for 3rd graders to play organized tackle football? Is it even safe? I mean, can children handle the impact? Does this “fast track” them to success? Because I’ve seen a number of highly successful football players who never played organized football until they were a member of a professional football team. I asked a few more questions and it became apparent to me that these youngsters practiced two times a week plus played one game on the weekend – for 9 weeks. This doesn’t make sense to me.
The NFL recently ended a fierce skirmish with the players and owners a few months ago. The player’s union basically said the season was too long and they were too susceptible to long term injuries, but didn’t have long term health benefits. These are physically developed, world class athletes; men, not children. NFL teams don’t even tackle three times a week, but 3rd graders do? It just doesn’t make sense.
Think on this notion for a moment: could it be possible that the concussion epidemic that has become so prevalent in sports today could be linked to the increased impact that athletes encounter as children? Just think about it. Is it possible? If it is we need to take caution at a very early age.
Number 2: When I was in youth sports, the mantra was always “safety first.” It was preached at every practice and throughout my physical education classes. Is safety really first? If I’m honest, it was actually frustrating for me as a young athlete, but I wasn’t the adult, was I? Safety must be the number one priority of parents and coaches. They MUST act like adults, not children.
I told these two parents that tackle football for 3rd graders scares me. It’s similar to my concerns with sports specialization. Young children aren’t physically ready for the repetitive stress on their underdeveloped bodies. As a result, athletes are experiencing serious overuse injuries at a very young age. It’s not healthy for children. Obviously, I wasn’t surprised that these two parents had never thought of the long term health ramifications of their shortsighted actions. I trust that they emphasize safety during practices and games; however, the real question is if they emphasize their safety years beyond those practices and games. It all sort of resembles the NFL Player’s Union, doesn’t it?
Number 3: Another aspect of the conversation that raised concern was the concept of only parents coaching. I understand youth sports depends on parents assuming these roles.
Side note: this just might preclude, by the way, that they’re too young…if Johnny can’t tie his own shoes and needs Daddy there, he’ll probably have difficulty understanding how to find the check down receiver when a blitz is coming.
Adamantly, I asked these parents if their children actually learned anything about playing football. They both quickly replied, almost in unison, “They had fun.” Clearly, that wasn’t my question. I asked if they learned how to play football. If our goal is to have fun, then let’s have fun. I completely identify with them on this notion. In fact, I agree whole-heartedly that these kids should have fun. Unabated, imaginative FUN. A parent-led football organization is significantly different than the football I remember being fun in third grade. We organized our own games on the school playground and in our backyards. In fact, every adult was hell bent on making sure we didn’t play “tackle.” We threw a Hail Mary on every play. That was fun. It’s no wonder I don’t see a group of children playing pick-up games at the park. How can learning cover 2 defense or how to run a halfback option pass be fun for anyone other than the halfback? We don’t need organized football led by parents to provide fun for kids. In fact, it’s actually stealing from them the creativity and genuine joy fostered in a pick-up game.
A few months ago, I wrote about a youth baseball game that I attended as a spectator. I was appalled by the lack of skill. I watched a pitcher throw the ball as hard as he could past underdeveloped hitters. That didn’t happen in the Sandlot because the objective was to have fun by playing the game. If the pitcher threw the ball past everyone, the kids in the field wouldn’t get to engage in the activity. We all held that pitcher accountable so everyone could play. Parents take away the fun by organizing it the pitcher’s goal becomes eliminating the possibility of the ball being put into play. That’s not much fun for the kid standing in right field.
All of a sudden, we trust parents to teach our youth athletes the intricacies of these great games. Are they qualified to teach skills, tactics and techniques effectively? Last time I checked, kids don’t need parents to instruct them how to have fun. And we don’t need parents assuming the expert role when they’re not.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Delusions of grandeur
I’ve been fired up, dare I say angry, since the Packers-Vikings game ended this weekend. I haven’t been able to shake it, so I’m going to write about it. Of course, I’m a die-hard Packers fan and would much rather see the Vikings lose football games than win them. So, after the Packers won in the Dome, it would make sense if I was overjoyed, but I wasn’t.
I’m tired of the antics that come from the Minnesota Vikings and it has nothing to do with my allegiance to the Green Bay Packers. I’m tired of them because they have a great effect on the people I see every day and, unfortunately, the Minnesota Vikings organization currently represents the American people more than the tradition of excellence that comes from the organization in Green Bay. The Vikings have set their standards on mediocrity and they revel in it. They applaud and champion complacency, and it’s not right. The proof was in the pudding on Sunday when their head coach decided to punt the ball to the Packers (the most prolific offense in football) with three minutes left, down by 6 points, instead of going all in and trying to win. Result: another second half collapse and one more notch in the loss column. The Vikings simply don’t play to win. So, guess what? They don’t win.
I’m upset with all of this because a professional organization, in the country for which I happen to live, has no expectations of excellence. They don’t strive to win. They don’t care if they lose. Their delusions of grandeur are unacceptable and I’m not going to be silent about it anymore. In fact, I went on a ten minute rant to my athletes at practice on Sunday night about it. I’m sick and tired of the Minnesota Vikings organization because they don’t care about success and there are too many impressionable young people watching.
To further this point, they started a rookie quarterback who made a few decent throws and looked good (even great) at times, however, he ended the day 13-32 with 219 yards, 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions (one of his completions was a surprise 79 yard pass on the first play of the game). He had an awful day as a quarterback, and lost the game, mind you, but the Vikings have found a way manipulate the truth to crown him the “next big thing” and the savior to their franchise. Why? Because he’s good looking? It’s pathetic and I can’t stand to see children and athletes that I work with buying this garbage. We have to have higher standards. If kids are going to look to professional athletes as role models, they need to see those professional athletes living standards of excellence.
I told my athletes that I expect excellence from them in every facet of their lives. We expect them to always do their best and be their best. I’m not interested in settling for mediocrity and have no intentions of not playing to win. I don’t care if they struggle in math or their teacher doesn’t like them, I expect them to be on the honor roll. If they’re going to be involved with what we’re doing, I expect them to treat others kindly and respect their parents and teachers. I expect them to follow rules and be an example to others. I expect their lives to exude excellence and force people to take notice; to stand out and be different and not settle for less than best or be complacent. The outcome is irrelevant if they play to win, leave it all on the field and go all in. Who they are today is important, but not as important as who they’re going to become. They need to expect to be “winners” – in life.
I’m tired of organizations, businesses, school districts, churches, and other groups of people championing mediocrity. I’m tired of the participation mindset that says everyone should feel good about themselves. I’m tired of parents accepting it from their children to preserve their self-esteem. I’m tired of coaches punting the ball to the best offense in the league when they have a chance to win and calling it a good day so they can crown their next hero. I’m tired of it and I won’t allow it in the lives of those who I work with…or those who read this blog.
The world desperately needs people who will stand up for what is good and right and strive for excellence in all areas of their life. Our organizations and businesses need leaders who have the courage to play to win while maintaining integrity.
I’m tired of the antics that come from the Minnesota Vikings and it has nothing to do with my allegiance to the Green Bay Packers. I’m tired of them because they have a great effect on the people I see every day and, unfortunately, the Minnesota Vikings organization currently represents the American people more than the tradition of excellence that comes from the organization in Green Bay. The Vikings have set their standards on mediocrity and they revel in it. They applaud and champion complacency, and it’s not right. The proof was in the pudding on Sunday when their head coach decided to punt the ball to the Packers (the most prolific offense in football) with three minutes left, down by 6 points, instead of going all in and trying to win. Result: another second half collapse and one more notch in the loss column. The Vikings simply don’t play to win. So, guess what? They don’t win.
I’m upset with all of this because a professional organization, in the country for which I happen to live, has no expectations of excellence. They don’t strive to win. They don’t care if they lose. Their delusions of grandeur are unacceptable and I’m not going to be silent about it anymore. In fact, I went on a ten minute rant to my athletes at practice on Sunday night about it. I’m sick and tired of the Minnesota Vikings organization because they don’t care about success and there are too many impressionable young people watching.
To further this point, they started a rookie quarterback who made a few decent throws and looked good (even great) at times, however, he ended the day 13-32 with 219 yards, 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions (one of his completions was a surprise 79 yard pass on the first play of the game). He had an awful day as a quarterback, and lost the game, mind you, but the Vikings have found a way manipulate the truth to crown him the “next big thing” and the savior to their franchise. Why? Because he’s good looking? It’s pathetic and I can’t stand to see children and athletes that I work with buying this garbage. We have to have higher standards. If kids are going to look to professional athletes as role models, they need to see those professional athletes living standards of excellence.
I told my athletes that I expect excellence from them in every facet of their lives. We expect them to always do their best and be their best. I’m not interested in settling for mediocrity and have no intentions of not playing to win. I don’t care if they struggle in math or their teacher doesn’t like them, I expect them to be on the honor roll. If they’re going to be involved with what we’re doing, I expect them to treat others kindly and respect their parents and teachers. I expect them to follow rules and be an example to others. I expect their lives to exude excellence and force people to take notice; to stand out and be different and not settle for less than best or be complacent. The outcome is irrelevant if they play to win, leave it all on the field and go all in. Who they are today is important, but not as important as who they’re going to become. They need to expect to be “winners” – in life.
I’m tired of organizations, businesses, school districts, churches, and other groups of people championing mediocrity. I’m tired of the participation mindset that says everyone should feel good about themselves. I’m tired of parents accepting it from their children to preserve their self-esteem. I’m tired of coaches punting the ball to the best offense in the league when they have a chance to win and calling it a good day so they can crown their next hero. I’m tired of it and I won’t allow it in the lives of those who I work with…or those who read this blog.
The world desperately needs people who will stand up for what is good and right and strive for excellence in all areas of their life. Our organizations and businesses need leaders who have the courage to play to win while maintaining integrity.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Playing well during the social chaos at the Mall of America
One of our favorite places to go to as a family is the Mall of America. We usually walk around without an agenda. I thoroughly enjoy "people watching" and conducting my very own amateur social experiments. I always leave having gained great insight into how human beings act, respond and meander about their lives.
We generally spend a hefty amount of time at LEGOLand - Isaiah's favorite place in the mall. He picks the station with the fewest distractions, climbs on top of the table and sticks his feet in the mix of LEGOS while he focuses on building tower after tower. I love watching him put his mind to something and begin to realize the creative juices inside of him. LEGOLand is a lot of fun. With all of that said, I have this strange suspicion that there are definitely a set of very clear unwritten rules and guidelines that every child and parent must follow during their time creating miss-matched towers. Today, a 14-year old boy (I'm assuming he was 14 as he was bigger than me) had been carousing every station looking for specific pieces to bring to the fortress he was constructing.
Side note: I think said individual is already in breach of these rules, or code, if you will. When the intellectual capacity of the individual reaches the point of understanding there are certain pieces made by the LEGO Group needed to complete the latest recreation of Lancelot's castle, you've probably outgrown the LEGOLand play area in the Mall of America.
Compared to his counterparts, this boy looked like a giant - literally. And he walked up to the station occupied by my first born son and took the figurine that resembled a firefighter. Isaiah quickly reached for it, but he was too late. He said, "hey, I want that." The bully snapped back and said, "well, I'm using it." WHAT?!?!?!?
I thought to myself, did that just happen? After surveying the situation and looking at my 3-year old son crying and saying he wanted to firefighter, I concluded that, yes, it actually did just happen. An awkward teenage boy stole LEGOS from my 3-year child...WTF (censored)? Of course, I took the high road, even though I wanted to throw down under the shadow of Woody and the Hero-Bot 9000 and give this kid a "dirt nap," and did my best to create a teachable moment and explain to Isaiah the idea of conflict management and sharing. Whatever, he just wanted the firefighter. I should have told Isaiah that, at 3, he'd get more middle school girls than that kid, but I'm fresh off a few blogs that held me accountable on that one.
Thinking about those few blogs, I witnessed another great and teachable moment in Banana Republic. Isaiah took a liking to a mannequin in a brown skirt and bright orange sweater. Much to my surprise, he was trying to lift the skirt of the female mannequin and I joked, "Isaiah, you cannot do that until you're married." "But I want to play with her," he said. Of course, he wasn't thinking of anything sexual; he sincerely wanted to play. Feeding off the situation, I told him he has to first hold her hand if he wants things to go any further. He turned to Liz and said, "Mommy, I want her to hold me." Liz had enough and said, "Isaiah, she's not real and she doesn't even have a head." Exactly! Mom, welcome to the world of raising boys. Chivalry doesn't come naturally, we must teach our boys how to value women.
**********
Did you know the name 'LEGO' is an abbreviation of the two Danish words "leg godt", meaning "play well"? It’s been the name and ideal of the founder of LEGO Group, Kirk Kristiansen, since 1932. Today, Isaiah "played well" even if others didn't. Good for him.
We generally spend a hefty amount of time at LEGOLand - Isaiah's favorite place in the mall. He picks the station with the fewest distractions, climbs on top of the table and sticks his feet in the mix of LEGOS while he focuses on building tower after tower. I love watching him put his mind to something and begin to realize the creative juices inside of him. LEGOLand is a lot of fun. With all of that said, I have this strange suspicion that there are definitely a set of very clear unwritten rules and guidelines that every child and parent must follow during their time creating miss-matched towers. Today, a 14-year old boy (I'm assuming he was 14 as he was bigger than me) had been carousing every station looking for specific pieces to bring to the fortress he was constructing.
Side note: I think said individual is already in breach of these rules, or code, if you will. When the intellectual capacity of the individual reaches the point of understanding there are certain pieces made by the LEGO Group needed to complete the latest recreation of Lancelot's castle, you've probably outgrown the LEGOLand play area in the Mall of America.
Compared to his counterparts, this boy looked like a giant - literally. And he walked up to the station occupied by my first born son and took the figurine that resembled a firefighter. Isaiah quickly reached for it, but he was too late. He said, "hey, I want that." The bully snapped back and said, "well, I'm using it." WHAT?!?!?!?
I thought to myself, did that just happen? After surveying the situation and looking at my 3-year old son crying and saying he wanted to firefighter, I concluded that, yes, it actually did just happen. An awkward teenage boy stole LEGOS from my 3-year child...WTF (censored)? Of course, I took the high road, even though I wanted to throw down under the shadow of Woody and the Hero-Bot 9000 and give this kid a "dirt nap," and did my best to create a teachable moment and explain to Isaiah the idea of conflict management and sharing. Whatever, he just wanted the firefighter. I should have told Isaiah that, at 3, he'd get more middle school girls than that kid, but I'm fresh off a few blogs that held me accountable on that one.
Thinking about those few blogs, I witnessed another great and teachable moment in Banana Republic. Isaiah took a liking to a mannequin in a brown skirt and bright orange sweater. Much to my surprise, he was trying to lift the skirt of the female mannequin and I joked, "Isaiah, you cannot do that until you're married." "But I want to play with her," he said. Of course, he wasn't thinking of anything sexual; he sincerely wanted to play. Feeding off the situation, I told him he has to first hold her hand if he wants things to go any further. He turned to Liz and said, "Mommy, I want her to hold me." Liz had enough and said, "Isaiah, she's not real and she doesn't even have a head." Exactly! Mom, welcome to the world of raising boys. Chivalry doesn't come naturally, we must teach our boys how to value women.
**********
Did you know the name 'LEGO' is an abbreviation of the two Danish words "leg godt", meaning "play well"? It’s been the name and ideal of the founder of LEGO Group, Kirk Kristiansen, since 1932. Today, Isaiah "played well" even if others didn't. Good for him.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The non-negotiables
One of the best decisions and single most defining moments in my life happened when I was 19 years old. It was the last weekend in January during the new millennium – January 29, 2000, to be exact. I made the decision to pursue the greatest woman in the world. I did my homework on her and carefully selected Liz. I met her earlier in the school year at an Athletes in Action function and casually asked a few other runners about her. Then I watched her at an indoor track meet. When she made her second turn during the first lap of a 3,000 meter race, I was captivated by her stride and look of determination. Of course, she was beautiful so it made the decision easier. I turned to my friend, Clayton, and told him that I was going to marry “that girl.” And I did. It didn’t happen by chance or by fate, though. It came by way of a very intentional process. I was looking for love in all the right places and found it.
I was different than most college students at that time. I had begun to understand my faith and knew that God was going to do big things in and through me. I wasn’t living the college lifestyle many of my classmates and teammates were. I made the decision when I was young to “save myself” for marriage and put myself in the right environments to maintain that standard. In the meantime, I thoughtfully considered my dating standards and, with the assistance of a great mentor, articulated my non-negotiable standards for a wife. At the top of the list was a faith and understanding of Christ that placed God at top of her priority list. My faith was the most important part of my life and it was imperative that whoever I chose to date thought the same way. It wasn’t narrow-minded on my part, it was smart. What was top on priority couldn’t number 5 or 6 on the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. For me, when it came to this, not everyone deserved a chance. I made a decision that I was only going to date those who met my standards for a wife. Fortunately, it only took one.
You have a choice with who you date and you have a choice with the standards you use. Your standards can never be too high for your future spouse (they can be wrong – looks, money, etc. – but never too high). You must determine your non-negotiable standards immediately, no matter how old you are. Think deeply and write them down. Once they’re determined, follow them! Don’t enter into exclusive dating relationships with individuals that don’t meet your standards and, if at any time, the individual you are with demonstrates to you that he/she doesn’t possess one of the non-negotiables, it’s time to move on. It doesn’t matter if he has potential. If he doesn’t meet the standards, move on. I don’t care if she’s really good looking and comes from a great family. If she doesn’t meet the standards, move on. Don’t waste anyone’s time. This doesn’t mean that you throw in the towel every time someone annoys you. I’m talking about the few, specific non-negotiables. If they’re non-negotiable, you shouldn’t have to negotiate with yourself about him/her.
There are far too many people who live accidental lives. They find themselves in a situation or a relationship and they don’t know how they arrived in the place they are. It’s about taking responsibility for your life and the decisions you make. They were reluctant to take initiative and control of the decision making process and allowed things to happen that were less than best for their lives. They didn’t have the courage to go against what culture was saying and listen to what their heart was saying. They weren’t selective in who they chose to date. They let the date choose them. They were looking for love in all the wrong places.
On our wedding day, Liz gave me a beautiful letter that she had written. In it, she wrote, “you have nothing I can’t live with and everything I can’t live without.” She was looking for love in all the right places, too. She chose me. And I chose her. We’ve been married for over 8 years and we’ve had to work through many issues and problems. The dynamics of our relationship have changed with careers, children, mortgages, etc. Neither of us is perfect. However, it’s not about if the other is perfect or not, it’s that we’re perfect for each other.
I made a choice to pursue Liz 3,882 days ago and every day since I’ve made the same decision. Life is about making decisions and in the end, those decisions make you.
I was different than most college students at that time. I had begun to understand my faith and knew that God was going to do big things in and through me. I wasn’t living the college lifestyle many of my classmates and teammates were. I made the decision when I was young to “save myself” for marriage and put myself in the right environments to maintain that standard. In the meantime, I thoughtfully considered my dating standards and, with the assistance of a great mentor, articulated my non-negotiable standards for a wife. At the top of the list was a faith and understanding of Christ that placed God at top of her priority list. My faith was the most important part of my life and it was imperative that whoever I chose to date thought the same way. It wasn’t narrow-minded on my part, it was smart. What was top on priority couldn’t number 5 or 6 on the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. For me, when it came to this, not everyone deserved a chance. I made a decision that I was only going to date those who met my standards for a wife. Fortunately, it only took one.
You have a choice with who you date and you have a choice with the standards you use. Your standards can never be too high for your future spouse (they can be wrong – looks, money, etc. – but never too high). You must determine your non-negotiable standards immediately, no matter how old you are. Think deeply and write them down. Once they’re determined, follow them! Don’t enter into exclusive dating relationships with individuals that don’t meet your standards and, if at any time, the individual you are with demonstrates to you that he/she doesn’t possess one of the non-negotiables, it’s time to move on. It doesn’t matter if he has potential. If he doesn’t meet the standards, move on. I don’t care if she’s really good looking and comes from a great family. If she doesn’t meet the standards, move on. Don’t waste anyone’s time. This doesn’t mean that you throw in the towel every time someone annoys you. I’m talking about the few, specific non-negotiables. If they’re non-negotiable, you shouldn’t have to negotiate with yourself about him/her.
There are far too many people who live accidental lives. They find themselves in a situation or a relationship and they don’t know how they arrived in the place they are. It’s about taking responsibility for your life and the decisions you make. They were reluctant to take initiative and control of the decision making process and allowed things to happen that were less than best for their lives. They didn’t have the courage to go against what culture was saying and listen to what their heart was saying. They weren’t selective in who they chose to date. They let the date choose them. They were looking for love in all the wrong places.
On our wedding day, Liz gave me a beautiful letter that she had written. In it, she wrote, “you have nothing I can’t live with and everything I can’t live without.” She was looking for love in all the right places, too. She chose me. And I chose her. We’ve been married for over 8 years and we’ve had to work through many issues and problems. The dynamics of our relationship have changed with careers, children, mortgages, etc. Neither of us is perfect. However, it’s not about if the other is perfect or not, it’s that we’re perfect for each other.
I made a choice to pursue Liz 3,882 days ago and every day since I’ve made the same decision. Life is about making decisions and in the end, those decisions make you.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
What did you do in the offseason to get better?
This morning I'm writing directly to coaches. What did YOU do in the offseason to get better? Coaches expect their athletes to do a number of things in the offseason to be ready for the next, but are they willing to put in the extra time to become better themselves? In most cases, I would say, "no."
The number of good coaches in the sport of wrestling is on the decline and I would be as bold as to say that there are only a few "great" coaches left in our state. Sure, being in a leadership role with kids is special in and of itself, however, I'm tired of applauding "good intentions" and "meant well." It's time to expect more from our leaders. I just don't see enough coaches putting in the time necessary to become better coaches - or better men, husbands, fathers, etc. When these men were athletes, they understood the importance of doing the extra work and the little things right to succeed. Somehow, in those same men there's a disconnect when it comes to their role as coach. We expect excellence from our athletes, but not from our coaches. They're set on mediocrity and complacency. There are no prerequisites to coach. Continuing education is not mandatory. And, as a result, standards are essentially non-existent.
Yesterday I was a part of a new project in our state that was focused on raising standards of excellence. I had been talking to another coach about the condition of the coaches in Wisconsin and instead of waiting for someone else to do something about it, we did. We put together our state's first "Coaches Advancement Day." I was adamant about leaving the word "retreat" out of the title because we had no intentions of retreating; we want to advance. We had 12 successful wrestling coaches focusing on becoming better.
It's not an accident that these coaches have experienced great success; they're willing to put the time in to become better. I think it's fair to believe there are more than twelve coaches who want to get better, however, sadly, the same twelve individuals seem to take advantage of all of the opportunities.
As a coach, I'm postured as a learner. Trying to become the best I can be is very important to me, so I'm willing to do what it takes. It's time for more coaches to put in the same amount of time to improve as they expect from their athletes. Instructing a wrestler to attend a summer camp and not doing so as coach is unacceptable. There are many little things that can be done to improve.
Here is a small list of ideas for coaches. They're all very manageable. Coaches, you owe it to your athletes to improve. Get better or get left behind.
• Keep a journal
• Plan ahead
• Read a book (about leadership)
• Host or attend a summer wrestling camp
• Attend a coaching summit/clinic
• Find a mentor
• Watch the highest levels of wrestling on YouTube
• Use the buddy system – find another coach to share ideas with. Iron sharpens iron.
• Stay in shape
• Read articles (or books) about training athletes
• Breakdown video from previous seasons
• Challenge the status quo and think outside the box
• Study other coaches (including in other sports)
• Get to know your athletes and their parents
The number of good coaches in the sport of wrestling is on the decline and I would be as bold as to say that there are only a few "great" coaches left in our state. Sure, being in a leadership role with kids is special in and of itself, however, I'm tired of applauding "good intentions" and "meant well." It's time to expect more from our leaders. I just don't see enough coaches putting in the time necessary to become better coaches - or better men, husbands, fathers, etc. When these men were athletes, they understood the importance of doing the extra work and the little things right to succeed. Somehow, in those same men there's a disconnect when it comes to their role as coach. We expect excellence from our athletes, but not from our coaches. They're set on mediocrity and complacency. There are no prerequisites to coach. Continuing education is not mandatory. And, as a result, standards are essentially non-existent.
Yesterday I was a part of a new project in our state that was focused on raising standards of excellence. I had been talking to another coach about the condition of the coaches in Wisconsin and instead of waiting for someone else to do something about it, we did. We put together our state's first "Coaches Advancement Day." I was adamant about leaving the word "retreat" out of the title because we had no intentions of retreating; we want to advance. We had 12 successful wrestling coaches focusing on becoming better.
It's not an accident that these coaches have experienced great success; they're willing to put the time in to become better. I think it's fair to believe there are more than twelve coaches who want to get better, however, sadly, the same twelve individuals seem to take advantage of all of the opportunities.
As a coach, I'm postured as a learner. Trying to become the best I can be is very important to me, so I'm willing to do what it takes. It's time for more coaches to put in the same amount of time to improve as they expect from their athletes. Instructing a wrestler to attend a summer camp and not doing so as coach is unacceptable. There are many little things that can be done to improve.
Here is a small list of ideas for coaches. They're all very manageable. Coaches, you owe it to your athletes to improve. Get better or get left behind.
• Keep a journal
• Plan ahead
• Read a book (about leadership)
• Host or attend a summer wrestling camp
• Attend a coaching summit/clinic
• Find a mentor
• Watch the highest levels of wrestling on YouTube
• Use the buddy system – find another coach to share ideas with. Iron sharpens iron.
• Stay in shape
• Read articles (or books) about training athletes
• Breakdown video from previous seasons
• Challenge the status quo and think outside the box
• Study other coaches (including in other sports)
• Get to know your athletes and their parents
Monday, October 10, 2011
MMQB: Week 5
"You can't stop them. You can only hope to contain them." Stuart Jackson used to make a habit of saying this during Sports Center. It's the quote that was constantly ringing in my head last night during the Packers-Falcons game. The Falcons started the game perfectly - controlling the clock and keeping the Packers offense off the field. However, it was only a matter of time before Rodgers was able to pick apart the defense. I think Packers fans were a little greedy during the game last night, though. For me, it's refreshing to see the Packers are capable of winning "ugly," too. They're good. Really good.
The most exciting player of the weekend was Victor Cruz. The Giants wide receiver was unheard of before this season, but he makes acrobatic catches every weekend. Adrian Peterson did alright, too, but Calvin Johnson hasn't played yet. Drew Brees is the biggest superstar that nobody talks about. His numbers are almost as good as Brady, he's winning football games as well as anybody (except Rodgers) and he just put an entire team on his back and carried them to a win...again. I need to give Fred Jackson some props, too. Behind that young offensive line, he could rush for over 1,400 yards. And not-so-quietly, Jared Allen is playing like a Pro Bowler again.
Seriously, what's the deal with the Eagles? Michael Vick has seven interceptions and seven fumbles. I don't care how electrifying he is, that's a problem. The Eagles are a problem. Since Andy Reid is one of my favorite coaches, I haven't counted them out, but I'm getting very, very close. I heard separate interviews of both Reid and Vick. They both said they take the full responsibility for what's happening. To me, that doesn't make sense. Two people cannot be fully responsible, can they? I think they need to sort out who's in charge of the team (and Vick is not in charge). I just don't have much love for the entire NFC East right now. There isn't one team in that division that inspires me.
I have counted out John Candy and the Jets. They're a very good team, but they just keep losing. They can't afford to do that in their division. The Patriots are the Patriots and the Bills are for real. I don't think they can catch either of those teams and they can't rely on the other wild card spot with all of the surprising teams (Oakland, Tennessee, Cincinnati, etc.).
I'm sold on the Bills, Raiders and 49ers. I think all three teams will be in the playoffs. Jim Harbaugh knows what he's doing. He has Alex Smith looking like a Pro Bowl leader right now. And their defense is completely legit.
The Raiders played "inspired" yesterday, however, they're good enough to win games like that every week (except for when the go to Lambeau...). Al Davis was a pretty big deal to professional football. I enjoyed watching the pregame shows yesterday and hearing how he impacted some of the best personalities in the game. He was a key factor in integrating the AFL and NFL, the first to hire an African-American head coach, a Latino head coach and a female CEO. What a pioneer. Good for him.
Tim Tebow has arrived, much to the chagrin of Merrill Hodge on NFL Live. Well, he was at least put in the line-up. I'm not sure if he's arrived yet. He is a gamer, though. How can you not love this guy? I like that he was a superstar without playing. It goes to show that people do like high character players. He has set himself apart and God is using him. Now, we get to draw our conclusions of him based on how well (or poorly) he can throw a football. I'm not as optimistic about his skills as I am his character. He's still and gamer, though, and he's a winner.
I'm ashamed to write that I put Ben Roethlisberger on waivers in one of my fantasy leagues right before the weekend started. Good one, Kevin. I just finished writing that after week 4 last year, he was money. He was suspended then and in terms of fantasy impact, he might as well have been this year. Now he's rolling and I have Jason Campbell instead. Dang.
The most exciting player of the weekend was Victor Cruz. The Giants wide receiver was unheard of before this season, but he makes acrobatic catches every weekend. Adrian Peterson did alright, too, but Calvin Johnson hasn't played yet. Drew Brees is the biggest superstar that nobody talks about. His numbers are almost as good as Brady, he's winning football games as well as anybody (except Rodgers) and he just put an entire team on his back and carried them to a win...again. I need to give Fred Jackson some props, too. Behind that young offensive line, he could rush for over 1,400 yards. And not-so-quietly, Jared Allen is playing like a Pro Bowler again.
Seriously, what's the deal with the Eagles? Michael Vick has seven interceptions and seven fumbles. I don't care how electrifying he is, that's a problem. The Eagles are a problem. Since Andy Reid is one of my favorite coaches, I haven't counted them out, but I'm getting very, very close. I heard separate interviews of both Reid and Vick. They both said they take the full responsibility for what's happening. To me, that doesn't make sense. Two people cannot be fully responsible, can they? I think they need to sort out who's in charge of the team (and Vick is not in charge). I just don't have much love for the entire NFC East right now. There isn't one team in that division that inspires me.
I have counted out John Candy and the Jets. They're a very good team, but they just keep losing. They can't afford to do that in their division. The Patriots are the Patriots and the Bills are for real. I don't think they can catch either of those teams and they can't rely on the other wild card spot with all of the surprising teams (Oakland, Tennessee, Cincinnati, etc.).
I'm sold on the Bills, Raiders and 49ers. I think all three teams will be in the playoffs. Jim Harbaugh knows what he's doing. He has Alex Smith looking like a Pro Bowl leader right now. And their defense is completely legit.
The Raiders played "inspired" yesterday, however, they're good enough to win games like that every week (except for when the go to Lambeau...). Al Davis was a pretty big deal to professional football. I enjoyed watching the pregame shows yesterday and hearing how he impacted some of the best personalities in the game. He was a key factor in integrating the AFL and NFL, the first to hire an African-American head coach, a Latino head coach and a female CEO. What a pioneer. Good for him.
Tim Tebow has arrived, much to the chagrin of Merrill Hodge on NFL Live. Well, he was at least put in the line-up. I'm not sure if he's arrived yet. He is a gamer, though. How can you not love this guy? I like that he was a superstar without playing. It goes to show that people do like high character players. He has set himself apart and God is using him. Now, we get to draw our conclusions of him based on how well (or poorly) he can throw a football. I'm not as optimistic about his skills as I am his character. He's still and gamer, though, and he's a winner.
I'm ashamed to write that I put Ben Roethlisberger on waivers in one of my fantasy leagues right before the weekend started. Good one, Kevin. I just finished writing that after week 4 last year, he was money. He was suspended then and in terms of fantasy impact, he might as well have been this year. Now he's rolling and I have Jason Campbell instead. Dang.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Endure such opposition
I’ve been very adamant about speaking the truth in love to the next generation of men since I started working with high school athletes ten years ago. Most recently, I’ve been expressing frustrations and expectations on boys becoming men on this blog. I have been very firm about these responsibilities and, in light of the weight of these expectations; I also want to be a source of encouragement to these young men.
Teenagers face pressure to conform in countless ways. Many of them are unhealthy and unproductive, but they’re intriguing because they can sometimes be exciting and popular. Everyone desires to be accepted and, unfortunately, being part of “the crowd” temporarily meets that need. However, being part of the crowd is uninteresting and ordinary. It lacks uniqueness. It’s simply common. We need to strive to be uncommon. If everyone is doing it, it’s probably not worth doing. Nothing worth having or doing comes easily. Originality is a vital ingredient needed to become the man God created you to be. Your life should stick out and people should notice that you’re “different.” You have what it takes because you are exemplary and extraordinary. You need to be more weird because normal isn’t work. You are too valuable to be confined in the space of what everyone else is doing. Stand up and stand out!
It’s difficult to be the exception to society’s rules. Unquestionably, you’ll face persecution of various kinds. There are many great men that have gone before us who we can learn from. The late Steve Jobs is becoming immortalized for the way he approached life. One of his closest friends said of him during his final days, “Steve made choices…But for Steve, it was all about living life on his own terms and not wasting a moment with things he didn’t think were important. He was aware that his time on earth was limited. He wanted control of what he did with the choices that were left.” Jobs is the greatest innovator and leader in the past 20 years and he was determined to be unique, no matter how great the pressure was to conform. Without addressing specific pressures, in a sense, Jobs’ legacy captures the essence of what we’re going for here.
By looking into the lives of prominent characters in the Bible, we gain even more insight into the correct decision making process. Many of them faced death and persecution for standing up for what was right. High school presents us with pressures, obviously, but our lives aren’t on the line. Certainly, you can cope with not being invited to the next party when you decide to stand up to your buddies who want to go down the wrong path. Certainly, you’re strong enough to handle the “wrath” of the captain on your football team when you refuse to tolerate him degrading women. Certainly, you can put your popularity on the line to protect that helpless freshman your team insists on relentlessly picking on day after day. Certainly, you can endure the teasing from others when you decide to pursue purity and honor women by not having sex until your married. When you make difficult decisions, you will be ridiculed. When you’re exceptional, others will do all they can to bring you back down to their level.
When you feel attacked by classmates and teammates, take heart in knowing that it will make you stronger for the journey to become a man. I’ve been there and it can be hard to say, “No” and stand up for what is right. The rewards are great; however, don’t just take my word for it. If you will endure and not lose heart, God promises us that it’s worth it. Sure, it will get difficult, but He will provide the “extra” strength to preserve. This all leads to maturity.
Here are few passages that will provide you with encouragement to do what is right.
Teenagers face pressure to conform in countless ways. Many of them are unhealthy and unproductive, but they’re intriguing because they can sometimes be exciting and popular. Everyone desires to be accepted and, unfortunately, being part of “the crowd” temporarily meets that need. However, being part of the crowd is uninteresting and ordinary. It lacks uniqueness. It’s simply common. We need to strive to be uncommon. If everyone is doing it, it’s probably not worth doing. Nothing worth having or doing comes easily. Originality is a vital ingredient needed to become the man God created you to be. Your life should stick out and people should notice that you’re “different.” You have what it takes because you are exemplary and extraordinary. You need to be more weird because normal isn’t work. You are too valuable to be confined in the space of what everyone else is doing. Stand up and stand out!
It’s difficult to be the exception to society’s rules. Unquestionably, you’ll face persecution of various kinds. There are many great men that have gone before us who we can learn from. The late Steve Jobs is becoming immortalized for the way he approached life. One of his closest friends said of him during his final days, “Steve made choices…But for Steve, it was all about living life on his own terms and not wasting a moment with things he didn’t think were important. He was aware that his time on earth was limited. He wanted control of what he did with the choices that were left.” Jobs is the greatest innovator and leader in the past 20 years and he was determined to be unique, no matter how great the pressure was to conform. Without addressing specific pressures, in a sense, Jobs’ legacy captures the essence of what we’re going for here.
By looking into the lives of prominent characters in the Bible, we gain even more insight into the correct decision making process. Many of them faced death and persecution for standing up for what was right. High school presents us with pressures, obviously, but our lives aren’t on the line. Certainly, you can cope with not being invited to the next party when you decide to stand up to your buddies who want to go down the wrong path. Certainly, you’re strong enough to handle the “wrath” of the captain on your football team when you refuse to tolerate him degrading women. Certainly, you can put your popularity on the line to protect that helpless freshman your team insists on relentlessly picking on day after day. Certainly, you can endure the teasing from others when you decide to pursue purity and honor women by not having sex until your married. When you make difficult decisions, you will be ridiculed. When you’re exceptional, others will do all they can to bring you back down to their level.
When you feel attacked by classmates and teammates, take heart in knowing that it will make you stronger for the journey to become a man. I’ve been there and it can be hard to say, “No” and stand up for what is right. The rewards are great; however, don’t just take my word for it. If you will endure and not lose heart, God promises us that it’s worth it. Sure, it will get difficult, but He will provide the “extra” strength to preserve. This all leads to maturity.
Here are few passages that will provide you with encouragement to do what is right.
“Consider it pure joy, brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be made mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” – 1 Corinthians 4:7-10
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” – Hebrews 12:1-3
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Be that kind of man
Yesterday I wrote a blog about how young men need to treat women. It’s one of the best blogs I’ve written. Courteous courtship needs to be addressed and I received a lot of feedback indicating that we don’t discuss it enough. So, here I am with round two.
I painted a clear picture for our boys on how to treat women and almost immediately this morning, I came across the following Facebook status that impacted me in a variety of ways.
When I saw this post in my news feed, I “liked” it immediately. However, I was embarrassed to read the derogatory comments written moments after it was posted. Like vulchers, guys fed on the heartless and lifeless comments. They thought they were funny, but they instantly revealed how childish and foolish they are. They were nothing less than offensive and then to see individuals had liked the comments made me sick. I have zero tolerance for this type of behavior and these guys need to be exposed for the dirt bags they are.
Not surprisingly, a plethora of females liked the status and tried their best to show they didn’t appreciate the comments, but it only added fuel to the fire. There weren’t any men who had the courage to stand-up and tell these guys they were out of line, either. A woman was sharing her heart, telling the world what she truly desires, and guys mocked and disrespected her for it. This is utterly pathetic. Rhetorically speaking, how stupid can you be guys? Oh yeah, and in somewhat of a related note, most of those guys are single and not getting any closer to having a woman actually like them. Shocking, huh? If one of these guys had previously been successful in tricking a girl into liking him, I hope she dumped him today.
Clearly, daughters do need to learn these differences because, apparently, we can't trust men to know them or to take them seriously.
I didn’t want to share any of the inappropriate comments because I don’t want to glorify them or the idiot guys that posted/liked them; however, it’s important for everyone to know what we’re working with here and how far away from chivalry many are. We’re working with a lot of childish and chauvinist loser guys who also qualify as stupid. Below are a few comments I saw on Facebook and online in response to this quote. If they don’t make your skin crawl, YOU are part of the problem. If you’re not willing to stand-up to and rebuke individuals or groups who endorse the following statements, particularly if you’re a man, YOU are part of the problem.
•“Men want a woman that can make sandwiches and clean the kitchen…now that’s a woman that will get ‘love.’” Followed by, “don’t forget backrubs.”
•“Why can’t men be God’s gift to women?”
•“Fathers, you’ve have your daughters for 18 years, it’s our time now!”
Remember, this only a microcosm to what I saw in response to this quote. Most of the problem is that guys actually believe these things. They think they’re God’s gift to the world. However, another part of the problem is that there seems to be a lack of courage in others to be bold and stand-up for what’s right. I’d enjoy the opportunity to eliminate these losers from existence, but here’s my burden: I do have hope for them because they are still the image and glory of God according to 1 Corinthians 11:7. They have every ingredient needed to be real men; they just need accountability, direction and guidance. They might also need to get slapped in the face and be the subject of a public roasting before they come around. Actually, what they need might even be more severe than that. I just hope and pray that a sweet little girl wrestling with acceptance and self-image issues while becoming a woman doesn’t waste her time with him until he’s legitimately living out his potential as a man.
We do need to teach our daughters the difference. It has to start when our daughters are very young. We need to teach them that boys who push them down, pull their hair and hit them on the school playground do this because they’re mean, not because they like our daughters. We need to teach our sons the difference, as well.
To the men of Victory, stand-up and fight the good fight. With bold conviction, unswervingly tell those guys they’re wrong. Courageously stand out and be a man. Separate yourself from this behavior. It’s never cool to be chauvinist, even if you’re in the locker room or at your buddy’s house. I guarantee it won’t be easy and it will likely be unpopular, but it’s the right thing to do. It’s never wrong to do what’s right. Be the change you want to see in the world.
I painted a clear picture for our boys on how to treat women and almost immediately this morning, I came across the following Facebook status that impacted me in a variety of ways.
We need to teach our daughters the difference between a man who FLATTERS her, and a man who COMPLIMENTS her.
A man who SPENDS money on her, and a man who INVESTS in her.
A man who views her as PROPERTY and a man who views her PROPERLY.
A man who LUSTS after her and a man who LOVES her.
A man who believes he is God's gift to women, and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man.
And then teach our sons to be that kind of man
When I saw this post in my news feed, I “liked” it immediately. However, I was embarrassed to read the derogatory comments written moments after it was posted. Like vulchers, guys fed on the heartless and lifeless comments. They thought they were funny, but they instantly revealed how childish and foolish they are. They were nothing less than offensive and then to see individuals had liked the comments made me sick. I have zero tolerance for this type of behavior and these guys need to be exposed for the dirt bags they are.
Not surprisingly, a plethora of females liked the status and tried their best to show they didn’t appreciate the comments, but it only added fuel to the fire. There weren’t any men who had the courage to stand-up and tell these guys they were out of line, either. A woman was sharing her heart, telling the world what she truly desires, and guys mocked and disrespected her for it. This is utterly pathetic. Rhetorically speaking, how stupid can you be guys? Oh yeah, and in somewhat of a related note, most of those guys are single and not getting any closer to having a woman actually like them. Shocking, huh? If one of these guys had previously been successful in tricking a girl into liking him, I hope she dumped him today.
Clearly, daughters do need to learn these differences because, apparently, we can't trust men to know them or to take them seriously.
I didn’t want to share any of the inappropriate comments because I don’t want to glorify them or the idiot guys that posted/liked them; however, it’s important for everyone to know what we’re working with here and how far away from chivalry many are. We’re working with a lot of childish and chauvinist loser guys who also qualify as stupid. Below are a few comments I saw on Facebook and online in response to this quote. If they don’t make your skin crawl, YOU are part of the problem. If you’re not willing to stand-up to and rebuke individuals or groups who endorse the following statements, particularly if you’re a man, YOU are part of the problem.
•“Men want a woman that can make sandwiches and clean the kitchen…now that’s a woman that will get ‘love.’” Followed by, “don’t forget backrubs.”
•“Why can’t men be God’s gift to women?”
•“Fathers, you’ve have your daughters for 18 years, it’s our time now!”
Remember, this only a microcosm to what I saw in response to this quote. Most of the problem is that guys actually believe these things. They think they’re God’s gift to the world. However, another part of the problem is that there seems to be a lack of courage in others to be bold and stand-up for what’s right. I’d enjoy the opportunity to eliminate these losers from existence, but here’s my burden: I do have hope for them because they are still the image and glory of God according to 1 Corinthians 11:7. They have every ingredient needed to be real men; they just need accountability, direction and guidance. They might also need to get slapped in the face and be the subject of a public roasting before they come around. Actually, what they need might even be more severe than that. I just hope and pray that a sweet little girl wrestling with acceptance and self-image issues while becoming a woman doesn’t waste her time with him until he’s legitimately living out his potential as a man.
We do need to teach our daughters the difference. It has to start when our daughters are very young. We need to teach them that boys who push them down, pull their hair and hit them on the school playground do this because they’re mean, not because they like our daughters. We need to teach our sons the difference, as well.
To the men of Victory, stand-up and fight the good fight. With bold conviction, unswervingly tell those guys they’re wrong. Courageously stand out and be a man. Separate yourself from this behavior. It’s never cool to be chauvinist, even if you’re in the locker room or at your buddy’s house. I guarantee it won’t be easy and it will likely be unpopular, but it’s the right thing to do. It’s never wrong to do what’s right. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Courteous courtship
I received a lot of feedback from my previous post about raising standards and expecting boys to become men. It encouraged me to expand on a few of the ideas that real men stand for. I slid the word chivalry in yesterday and I know it caught people’s attention. Whenever we discuss the subject of chivalry, there are three words at the forefront of most minds: chivalry is dead. Chivalry might be dormant, but it certainly isn’t dead. It’s in the hearts of everyone because we’re created in the image of God. The code of chivalry stands for hope, kindness, respect, integrity and courage and it’s time to reclaim these virtues. Every man needs a beauty to rescue and every woman wants to be that beauty. To the men of Victory, you are being summoned to be a knight in shimmering armor.
I might be out of my jurisdiction here. Still, I have a responsibility as a leader of young men and as a wrestling coach, of all things, to demonstrate, encourage and teach the idea of courteous courtship, or “chivalry.” Obviously, I have made mistakes in relationships and still do; however, I have stood up against culture and actively sought to treat women with respect. We’re in an awful place when this behavior is unique. Young boys in the midst of becoming men aren’t properly instructed on how to treat a lady. They live in a world where more marriages fail than survive and very few of those that survive actually thrive. When it comes to the dating world, they’re left to their own devices. I can’t blame them for following the ways of the world when it’s all they see and hear.
Popular culture is doing its best to kill chivalry and strip boys of these virtues. Almost as if chivalry and equality can’t exist at the same time. I watched the movie Easy A with Emma Stone last year and was heartbroken when she said,
It’s not John Hughes’ responsibility to personify chivalry. It’s the responsibility of every man. Women want to be pursued and rescued. And men want to be the rescuer. These are soul cravings unique to each gender. Why do I believe this? Because the Bible told me so.
Speaking directly to men, Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This means you are to lay down your life for her life. It’s sacrificial and unconditional love. Perfect. A movie that exemplifies this type of love is Robin Hood: Men of Thieves. Unfortunately, most of this new generation hasn’t seen it, or even heard of it, but I still tell every one of my athletes to watch it in order to assure they become the right kind of man. The theme song “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams tells it all. In 1991, it spent 16 weeks at number one because everyone identified with the lyrics: “I would die for you…” Robin of Locksley said it with absolute conviction to Maid Marion and he won her heart. It communicated the longing inside of every woman to be cherished, honored and pursued and it revealed the chivalrous virtues each man possesses. Notice that the lyrics only make sense when a man sings them. That’s because men are called to give up their lives for a woman. Women aren’t called to do the same.
Another movie that demonstrates this attitude of chivalry is Last of the Mohicans. This is another movie you won’t find in Redbox so most teenagers skip this one, too. Not at Victory, though. It’s another one I push on high school boys because it demonstrates chivalry in a bold way. There’s a beautiful scene in a water fall when the main character Hawkeye lays it all on the line for Cora after she tells him to save himself and he says, “You be strong. You survive…you stay alive. No matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes. No matter how far. I will find you.” I get chills every time I watch this scene because of the message a man delivers to a woman. He’s saying unequivocally, without hesitation, that she is worth pursuing while risking his own life. Of course she is to the manliest of men.
There’s a lot to digest in what I’ve shared so far, however, these boys need to see chivalry played out. They need higher standards because most of them are currently falling short in the high school and college “dating game.” They’re not bringing to the table the basics of courteous courtship. They’re not acting like real men. Perhaps they’re trying to prove that they’re not stuck in old-fashioned social conventions. Or perhaps they’re supremely bewildered about what is expected of them while they’re on a date.
Men of Victory, consider these to be the most basic rules for dating…Take a shower and dress nicely – each date should be treated as a special occasion and baggy jeans with holes and an American Eagle t-shirt don’t say anything special at all. Open all doors and hold them for her, even if she says you don’t need to wait on her, you do. Refrain from the physical temptations and get to know her for who she is inside her soul, not outside. Pay attention to her, listen to her and be exclusively hers – there’s no need to text your buddy the play-by-play or update your status while in the theater. When you’re around your boys with her, cherish and protect her, you’re not ashamed of her, and when she’s not with you, speak highly of her never being degrading. Tell your parents about her and include them in the story so you can share the experience with those closest to you while securing needed accountability. These are the basic building blocks to living out chivalry and a courteous courtship. These are expected of you.
I’m tired of loser boyfriends who put themselves first in relationships. It’s a privilege to honor a woman and, as a man, it’s your responsibility to do it. If you’re going to be a loser boyfriend, do it by yourself. Don’t break the heart of a sweet girl in the process. You can be a loser by yourself. She deserves better and, obviously, you don’t deserve her. Making a woman feel inadequate is not cool. It never was and never will be. Lift her up and treat her feel like a princess. Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess. As a man, God is the King of your heart, but she is the queen of your heart. Honor her. Respect her. Cherish her. Hold her heart and guard it as if your life depends on it, because it does. You should lay down your life before you put down her heart.
Follow this link to see the video for Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo
I might be out of my jurisdiction here. Still, I have a responsibility as a leader of young men and as a wrestling coach, of all things, to demonstrate, encourage and teach the idea of courteous courtship, or “chivalry.” Obviously, I have made mistakes in relationships and still do; however, I have stood up against culture and actively sought to treat women with respect. We’re in an awful place when this behavior is unique. Young boys in the midst of becoming men aren’t properly instructed on how to treat a lady. They live in a world where more marriages fail than survive and very few of those that survive actually thrive. When it comes to the dating world, they’re left to their own devices. I can’t blame them for following the ways of the world when it’s all they see and hear.
Popular culture is doing its best to kill chivalry and strip boys of these virtues. Almost as if chivalry and equality can’t exist at the same time. I watched the movie Easy A with Emma Stone last year and was heartbroken when she said,
“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boom box outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”
It’s not John Hughes’ responsibility to personify chivalry. It’s the responsibility of every man. Women want to be pursued and rescued. And men want to be the rescuer. These are soul cravings unique to each gender. Why do I believe this? Because the Bible told me so.
Speaking directly to men, Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This means you are to lay down your life for her life. It’s sacrificial and unconditional love. Perfect. A movie that exemplifies this type of love is Robin Hood: Men of Thieves. Unfortunately, most of this new generation hasn’t seen it, or even heard of it, but I still tell every one of my athletes to watch it in order to assure they become the right kind of man. The theme song “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams tells it all. In 1991, it spent 16 weeks at number one because everyone identified with the lyrics: “I would die for you…” Robin of Locksley said it with absolute conviction to Maid Marion and he won her heart. It communicated the longing inside of every woman to be cherished, honored and pursued and it revealed the chivalrous virtues each man possesses. Notice that the lyrics only make sense when a man sings them. That’s because men are called to give up their lives for a woman. Women aren’t called to do the same.
Another movie that demonstrates this attitude of chivalry is Last of the Mohicans. This is another movie you won’t find in Redbox so most teenagers skip this one, too. Not at Victory, though. It’s another one I push on high school boys because it demonstrates chivalry in a bold way. There’s a beautiful scene in a water fall when the main character Hawkeye lays it all on the line for Cora after she tells him to save himself and he says, “You be strong. You survive…you stay alive. No matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes. No matter how far. I will find you.” I get chills every time I watch this scene because of the message a man delivers to a woman. He’s saying unequivocally, without hesitation, that she is worth pursuing while risking his own life. Of course she is to the manliest of men.
There’s a lot to digest in what I’ve shared so far, however, these boys need to see chivalry played out. They need higher standards because most of them are currently falling short in the high school and college “dating game.” They’re not bringing to the table the basics of courteous courtship. They’re not acting like real men. Perhaps they’re trying to prove that they’re not stuck in old-fashioned social conventions. Or perhaps they’re supremely bewildered about what is expected of them while they’re on a date.
Men of Victory, consider these to be the most basic rules for dating…Take a shower and dress nicely – each date should be treated as a special occasion and baggy jeans with holes and an American Eagle t-shirt don’t say anything special at all. Open all doors and hold them for her, even if she says you don’t need to wait on her, you do. Refrain from the physical temptations and get to know her for who she is inside her soul, not outside. Pay attention to her, listen to her and be exclusively hers – there’s no need to text your buddy the play-by-play or update your status while in the theater. When you’re around your boys with her, cherish and protect her, you’re not ashamed of her, and when she’s not with you, speak highly of her never being degrading. Tell your parents about her and include them in the story so you can share the experience with those closest to you while securing needed accountability. These are the basic building blocks to living out chivalry and a courteous courtship. These are expected of you.
I’m tired of loser boyfriends who put themselves first in relationships. It’s a privilege to honor a woman and, as a man, it’s your responsibility to do it. If you’re going to be a loser boyfriend, do it by yourself. Don’t break the heart of a sweet girl in the process. You can be a loser by yourself. She deserves better and, obviously, you don’t deserve her. Making a woman feel inadequate is not cool. It never was and never will be. Lift her up and treat her feel like a princess. Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess. As a man, God is the King of your heart, but she is the queen of your heart. Honor her. Respect her. Cherish her. Hold her heart and guard it as if your life depends on it, because it does. You should lay down your life before you put down her heart.
Follow this link to see the video for Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo
Monday, October 3, 2011
Calling boys to be men: higher standards
At the Twin Cities Marathon yesterday, between mile 24 and 25, the Minnesota Vikings had a large blow-up Vikings football player, five cheerleaders and Viktor the mascot. Viktor came up to my son, Isaiah, who was wearing a Packers hat, and tried to give him a high-five. Pushing the stroller, I didn't slow down enough for Isaiah to connect and he left him hanging. Cute little Isaiah turned around and said, "Daddy, did you see that guy?" I quickly replied, "No! I didn't see him and we don't talk to those guys." I'm a Packers fan and we don't mingle with the enemy's mascot. When you're a Black (last name), you cheer for the Packers - and against the Vikings - that's just the way it is.
I believe in the promise of Proverbs 22:6 - "train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." There are certain things we do and don't do as Blacks. They were trained in me at a young age and I'm doing the same to my children. This little story was the perfect introduction to something that I've been holding on to for quite some time. I'm going to apply it directly to those who participate in the opportunities at Victory School of Wrestling. It's time to call these boys to a higher standard of living. It's time for them to be men.
We live in a culture that tells young boys often to "be a man." The problem is, they hear this message, but don't get a clear vision for what real manhood looks like. As a result, they buy what the culture is selling them on what it means to be a man. So, we're left with a generation of boys who fall short of the basic standards for their life's direction.
Society tells them that men are consumers (buy and accumulate toys, success, women, etc.) when, in fact, real men are contributors. I get angry every time I see a beer commercial during a football game make the bold claim that drinking a their brand makes you a man. Want to be a man? Then drink Miller Lite. According to their commercials, it's plain and simple. And you should never cry when saying goodbye to the woman you love. This is what our culture tells these young boys. And they buy it. Not only is it disingenuous, it's completely false.
Being a man is about accepting responsibility, rejecting passivity, leading courageously, expecting the greater reward * and being a contributor to our society, not a consumer. Being a man is about setting high standards and keeping them no matter what your buddies say or our society tells us. As men, we need to stand for the things of God, not the things of television and pop culture, and there are things that we should always stand against. We should always stand against the idea that disrespecting women is acceptable. It's not! Men cherish women and respect them simply because they are a woman. We should always stand against compromise and injustice, as if it's part of our rights of passage to bully and haze others. It's not! Men treat others kindly. We should always stand against the attitude that we have it all figured out and our parents, elders and those in authority don't understand what we're going through and they need to leave us alone. Men appreciate those who have gone before them. When you're a MAN, you just don't do certain things.
I'm calling those at Victory, and everyone, for that matter, to stand-up and live a life of higher standards. We must stand for honesty, integrity, respect, chivalry and much more than what we see today. I don't have to look very long on Facebook to see that some of our young men are standing for the wrong things. It's unacceptable and it's time to be the change in the world that we want to see.
To those of you who are influenced by what we do at Victory, consider this your warning. We won't tolerate this any longer. Much the same as Isaiah will grow to understand that, as a Black, there are just certain things we do and don't do; Victory athletes, there are also certain things we do and don't do. It's that simple. We're raising the bar. It's non-negotiable and we will produce men with much higher standards than world offers.
* - reference: Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis
I believe in the promise of Proverbs 22:6 - "train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." There are certain things we do and don't do as Blacks. They were trained in me at a young age and I'm doing the same to my children. This little story was the perfect introduction to something that I've been holding on to for quite some time. I'm going to apply it directly to those who participate in the opportunities at Victory School of Wrestling. It's time to call these boys to a higher standard of living. It's time for them to be men.
We live in a culture that tells young boys often to "be a man." The problem is, they hear this message, but don't get a clear vision for what real manhood looks like. As a result, they buy what the culture is selling them on what it means to be a man. So, we're left with a generation of boys who fall short of the basic standards for their life's direction.
Society tells them that men are consumers (buy and accumulate toys, success, women, etc.) when, in fact, real men are contributors. I get angry every time I see a beer commercial during a football game make the bold claim that drinking a their brand makes you a man. Want to be a man? Then drink Miller Lite. According to their commercials, it's plain and simple. And you should never cry when saying goodbye to the woman you love. This is what our culture tells these young boys. And they buy it. Not only is it disingenuous, it's completely false.
Being a man is about accepting responsibility, rejecting passivity, leading courageously, expecting the greater reward * and being a contributor to our society, not a consumer. Being a man is about setting high standards and keeping them no matter what your buddies say or our society tells us. As men, we need to stand for the things of God, not the things of television and pop culture, and there are things that we should always stand against. We should always stand against the idea that disrespecting women is acceptable. It's not! Men cherish women and respect them simply because they are a woman. We should always stand against compromise and injustice, as if it's part of our rights of passage to bully and haze others. It's not! Men treat others kindly. We should always stand against the attitude that we have it all figured out and our parents, elders and those in authority don't understand what we're going through and they need to leave us alone. Men appreciate those who have gone before them. When you're a MAN, you just don't do certain things.
I'm calling those at Victory, and everyone, for that matter, to stand-up and live a life of higher standards. We must stand for honesty, integrity, respect, chivalry and much more than what we see today. I don't have to look very long on Facebook to see that some of our young men are standing for the wrong things. It's unacceptable and it's time to be the change in the world that we want to see.
To those of you who are influenced by what we do at Victory, consider this your warning. We won't tolerate this any longer. Much the same as Isaiah will grow to understand that, as a Black, there are just certain things we do and don't do; Victory athletes, there are also certain things we do and don't do. It's that simple. We're raising the bar. It's non-negotiable and we will produce men with much higher standards than world offers.
* - reference: Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis
MMQB: Week 4
A Monday Morning Quarterback (MMQB) - A person who criticizes or passes judgement with benefit of hindsight.
Welcome to the second installment of the Monday Morning Quarterback. Week 4 is in the books and things are becoming interesting. Obviously, my interest is primarily the NFC North and story lines there are very rich right now. The Packers and Lions are the only undefeated teams in the NFL. They've done it in completely different ways. The Packers have dominated their opponents while the Lions have shown a never-say-die attitude and come from behind to win games in exciting ways. I'm still not sold on them as a team, but I am sold on Calvin Johnson. Wow! That guy is amazing. He might be the best player in the NFL right now for anyone not named Aaron Rodgers. He's that good.
Aaron Rodgers might very well be playing the best football in the history of the NFL. I know, it's a bold statement, but he is nearly flawless. What I like most about him is he makes defenses pay for mistakes. He's like a shark who smells blood and goes for the kill. I've been asked by people how to beat the Packers right now and the only thing I can think of is a team would have to be perfect on defense. Seriously, perfect. I don't know if that's possible. The game in Atlanta next week is going to be fun.
I saw something during the Packers game beyond the score and statistics that I think is worth mentioning. It was 48-17 and the game was well out of hand so the back-up quarterback for the Packers, Matt Flynn, was in the game. He overthrew Randall Cobb on 3rd and long and came to the sidelines to Mike McCarthy. Coach McCarthy was noticeably angry about the mistake and let Flynn know. It was great to see that McCarthy demands excellence from everyone in the gold helmet, even the second team offense. He has raised the bar and his team has standards that are on a different plane right now.
Alright, just so you know I didn't miss it...the Viking lost again. You know I'm not losing sleep over this. I'm actually enjoying it very much. They had another half time lead and fell apart to what I thought was the 2nd or 3rd worst team in the NFL (Chiefs). There are a couple of awful teams this year, but none with the talent of the Vikings (Peterson, Allen, etc.). They have some real superstars and it just simply doesn't matter at this point. I like Leslie Fraser as a man and identify with his lifestyle and faith commitment so it kind of pains me to say that I don't think he's a very good leader (right now, at least). Is his job in jeopardy? I think so.
The Philadelphia Eagles are still America's Dream Team. They're 1-3. Michael Vick played out of his mind and they still lost. I don't know if it's realistic to expect them to recover from this mini-recession that they're in. In fact, they might experience another recession before this "administration's" responsibilities are over. I'm sure they will look to players from other teams to help fix their problems.
The Jets are 2-2...whoop dee doo. Why do the prominent football media outlets love these guys so much? I don't want to hear Rex Ryan on the sidelines or after games anymore. Win when it matters, then I'll care what you have to say. Quit telling me how great you are; show me. I wish John Candy was still alive because he would play Rex Ryan splendidly in a movie or SNL skit.
How about the Titans? Or the 49ers? Or even the Redskins? Nobody expected much from these teams, but they're figuring out a few things about winning football games. The 49ers have a very good defense, don't they? The addition of Matt Hasselbeck in Tennessee has been a God-send for the Titans. If he can figure out how to use Chris Johnson they'll hang with the Texans until the end. How does Vince Young feel right now - ouch.
Last year, the Steelers put things together at the right time to make it to the Super Bowl, so I'm not going to be very critical of their ugly start. I just expected a lot from them right away. Last year, their first four games were awful because Ben Roethlisberger wasn't in the line-up, which made me ask if he was in the line-up for the first four games this year. He has been there, but hasn't been there. He might as well not have been playing because he hasn't been Big Ben. I know this because he's on one of my fantasy teams. So is Rashard Meandenhall...what the heck is his deal? The best thing the Steelers have is Mike Tomlin, so they'll be alright.
I think the Dolphins are in the driver's seat for Andrew Luck. Sorry to the Vikings fans who want Luck before experiencing the Ponder-era (which isn't far from beginning...and ending). They just can't get anything to go their way. I remember when the Packers beat the Vikings and Cardinals in the final two games of the season in 1988 to finish 4-12 and lose the first pick. They took one of the biggest busts of all-time in Tony Mandrich with the 2nd pick. I have a sense something similar will happen with the Vikings. I'm going to start looking for "can't miss" prospects who the Vikings will surely miss on. I enjoy their misery.
Oh, and to the Broncos fans, Tim Tebow isn't the answer right now. There isn't an answer at the moment, however, Von Miller is going to be special.
Of course I didn't start Cam Newton against the Bears in one of my leagues. Oops.
Welcome to the second installment of the Monday Morning Quarterback. Week 4 is in the books and things are becoming interesting. Obviously, my interest is primarily the NFC North and story lines there are very rich right now. The Packers and Lions are the only undefeated teams in the NFL. They've done it in completely different ways. The Packers have dominated their opponents while the Lions have shown a never-say-die attitude and come from behind to win games in exciting ways. I'm still not sold on them as a team, but I am sold on Calvin Johnson. Wow! That guy is amazing. He might be the best player in the NFL right now for anyone not named Aaron Rodgers. He's that good.
Aaron Rodgers might very well be playing the best football in the history of the NFL. I know, it's a bold statement, but he is nearly flawless. What I like most about him is he makes defenses pay for mistakes. He's like a shark who smells blood and goes for the kill. I've been asked by people how to beat the Packers right now and the only thing I can think of is a team would have to be perfect on defense. Seriously, perfect. I don't know if that's possible. The game in Atlanta next week is going to be fun.
I saw something during the Packers game beyond the score and statistics that I think is worth mentioning. It was 48-17 and the game was well out of hand so the back-up quarterback for the Packers, Matt Flynn, was in the game. He overthrew Randall Cobb on 3rd and long and came to the sidelines to Mike McCarthy. Coach McCarthy was noticeably angry about the mistake and let Flynn know. It was great to see that McCarthy demands excellence from everyone in the gold helmet, even the second team offense. He has raised the bar and his team has standards that are on a different plane right now.
Alright, just so you know I didn't miss it...the Viking lost again. You know I'm not losing sleep over this. I'm actually enjoying it very much. They had another half time lead and fell apart to what I thought was the 2nd or 3rd worst team in the NFL (Chiefs). There are a couple of awful teams this year, but none with the talent of the Vikings (Peterson, Allen, etc.). They have some real superstars and it just simply doesn't matter at this point. I like Leslie Fraser as a man and identify with his lifestyle and faith commitment so it kind of pains me to say that I don't think he's a very good leader (right now, at least). Is his job in jeopardy? I think so.
The Philadelphia Eagles are still America's Dream Team. They're 1-3. Michael Vick played out of his mind and they still lost. I don't know if it's realistic to expect them to recover from this mini-recession that they're in. In fact, they might experience another recession before this "administration's" responsibilities are over. I'm sure they will look to players from other teams to help fix their problems.
The Jets are 2-2...whoop dee doo. Why do the prominent football media outlets love these guys so much? I don't want to hear Rex Ryan on the sidelines or after games anymore. Win when it matters, then I'll care what you have to say. Quit telling me how great you are; show me. I wish John Candy was still alive because he would play Rex Ryan splendidly in a movie or SNL skit.
How about the Titans? Or the 49ers? Or even the Redskins? Nobody expected much from these teams, but they're figuring out a few things about winning football games. The 49ers have a very good defense, don't they? The addition of Matt Hasselbeck in Tennessee has been a God-send for the Titans. If he can figure out how to use Chris Johnson they'll hang with the Texans until the end. How does Vince Young feel right now - ouch.
Last year, the Steelers put things together at the right time to make it to the Super Bowl, so I'm not going to be very critical of their ugly start. I just expected a lot from them right away. Last year, their first four games were awful because Ben Roethlisberger wasn't in the line-up, which made me ask if he was in the line-up for the first four games this year. He has been there, but hasn't been there. He might as well not have been playing because he hasn't been Big Ben. I know this because he's on one of my fantasy teams. So is Rashard Meandenhall...what the heck is his deal? The best thing the Steelers have is Mike Tomlin, so they'll be alright.
I think the Dolphins are in the driver's seat for Andrew Luck. Sorry to the Vikings fans who want Luck before experiencing the Ponder-era (which isn't far from beginning...and ending). They just can't get anything to go their way. I remember when the Packers beat the Vikings and Cardinals in the final two games of the season in 1988 to finish 4-12 and lose the first pick. They took one of the biggest busts of all-time in Tony Mandrich with the 2nd pick. I have a sense something similar will happen with the Vikings. I'm going to start looking for "can't miss" prospects who the Vikings will surely miss on. I enjoy their misery.
Oh, and to the Broncos fans, Tim Tebow isn't the answer right now. There isn't an answer at the moment, however, Von Miller is going to be special.
Of course I didn't start Cam Newton against the Bears in one of my leagues. Oops.