Year in review: that's what faith can do

The end of the year is a great time to look back at the progress you've made and the direction you're heading. I think this is a very useful exercise and and important evaluation strategy. Try it, you'll be surprised how much you accomplished this year.

My mission is about empowering and impacting a generation to change the world by being who they were created to be. I get to use wrestling as a tool to build into others. This year, I saw my areas of influence and territory increased. I believe this happened because of my faith in God. It's his faithfulness that makes Him worthy to be praised and he proved to be faithful once again. I'm being put in a position to lead emerging leaders to become better.

Here's a quick list, in no particular order, of my production from 2010 (these are finished products that can be measured and "delivered." The list doesn't include projects that are in the making):

* 12 high school state champions - We are far more interested in gaining character than we are in earning titles at Victory School of Wrestling. However, winning gives us influence. Last year, we saw 12 Victory athletes win high school state titles. This gives credibility to our mission. Winning gives us a license to do what we believe is best for the individual. We're changing lives. Each year, my goal is to see more state champions than the previous year. That is going to be a tall order for 2011.

* River Falls Baccalaureate Program - Giving a final challenge to the seniors at RFHS is what was asked of me, but I wanted to deposit something in them so they'd never be the same. God definitely used me that evening. I regularly have parents, students, teachers, etc. around town approach me about my speech. It opened a few new doors with businesses in town as well as with students (Fellowship of Christian Athletes).

* EMPOWERED - Our summer camps were extraordinarily successful in 2010. Our numbers weren't necessarily the highest they've ever been, but our impact was far greater than in the past. In 2010, I made it a point to be bold about my faith and we saw a number of athletes "cross the line of faith" and begin living the life they were created to live. The whole summer was out of this world and bigger than I had imagined. Our quote was, created for a purpose, guided by a passion, EMPOWERED by the Spirit of God.

* Lend Me Your Imagination - This blog has served many roles in my life. It's been an outlet for my ever-growing thoughts and ideas about faith, hope, love, sport and other things. It's been an avenue of transparency and a way to reach out to my family, athletes (and their parents), and many others in a rich and vibrant way. It's been successful in creating new dialogue and causing people to think on a different level. Plus, it's fun.

* Facebook - When used in the right way, social networking allows individuals to have access and connections that weren't possible 10 years ago. As a result, the collective work of minds can accomplish much more than one individual can. Facebook has been an interesting way for me to reach my athletes on their level and, in turn, has had a huge impact on me. I first joined Facebook for selfish reasons (to catch up with old friends, keep tabs on my athletes, see what others look like compared to 10 years ago and the list goes on), but I quickly realized that joining Facebook was advantageous for Victory and the many individuals that I can have a daily impact on. Status updates are a great way to inspire and motivates others. When I logged in to my profile a few years ago, I never imagined that I could share my faith as openly as I can and I never thought it would change lives like it has. This year I developed an interesting Facebook reputation that I'm now focused on maintaining.

* Black Bros 2.0 - The arrival of my second son, Micaiah, brought my life to a whole new dimension. We're created in God's image and our God is a creator and a cultivator. He is pleased when we're creating and cultivating here on earth. Raising a family has been an amazing experience and I'm told it keeps getting better. I just hope I can convince Liz to have more babies with me :) I love my family and my prayer for 2011 is, To lead them with strong hands, to stand up when they can't. Don't want to leave them hungry for love chasing things that I could give up. I'll show them I'm willing to fight and give them the best of my life so we can call this our home. Lord, lead me, cause I can't do this alone.

* Humility - Character traits don't fit into my category of measurable. However, I do feel that it's important to mention that I've put on "humility" this year in a way I never understood. The top 5 on my priority list doesn't change very often aside from a new family member or when I got married. This year, though, I decided to put a character trait - humility - number two on my list. It has changed my life, my marriage and my relationships. God has blessed me and my family over and over because of this simple act of submission to my number one priority: God. As it stands today, the top five are: 1. God, 2. Humility, 3. Liz, 4. Isaiah and Micaiah, 5. Family (Blacks and Reussers).

Take some time to reflect on all you've done this year. It's important to maintain progress and reflecting tells you if you are. After 2010, I'm certain 2011 is going to exceed my expectations. It's going to be exciting and I'm looking forward to being in the middle of a MOVE OF GOD.

In the name of tolerance

I've recently had some very good, thought-provoking discussion with family members over the holidays about a variety of controversial topics from politics to religion and life, in general. After investigating many new (and old) topics of debate, I became aware of our midunderstanding of the word tolerance in our culture.

The dictionary definition of tolerance is "a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own." The big term associated with tolerance is open-mindedness. I simply understand this to mean accepting others for who they are and what they believe.

I think what is most important to understand, though, is that you can ACCEPT someone without AFFIRMING them. You can be tolerant and remain true to a set of standards or convictions.

When it comes to my faith in God, I desire to be tolerant, or accepting of everyone. However, being tolerant doesn't necessarily mean that I must condone the actions of others if they are fundamentally at odds with what the Bible says. I can love the individual and not love what they do. It's an important distinction. Accepting the individual is not synonymous with affirming them. I think we all need to remember this. God is completely loving, but He is also completey just.

Noah, a herald of righteousness

God preserved Noah (2 Peter 2:5). He protects the righteous. Noah was a sinner like everyone else, but God found grace and favor for him (Genesis 6:8).

Today I read the story of Noah's Ark to my two year old son. Like many of us, he was enamored by all of the animals. Page after page, the Little Golden Book demonstrated pictures of animals entering the ark two-by-two. The story of Noah and the ark is one of my favorite children stories, but in the Bible it's not just a cute nursery rhyme. It's a story of a faith that is much larger than anything we can comprehend.

God told Noah to build a large boat with his family...in the middle of the desert. Everyone mocked him. Day after day Noah followed through and set out to do what God had created him for. Noah wasn't perfect, but he lived an extraordinary life of obedience and holiness. As a result, God preserved him. If you do what God has created you do in your life, He will preserve you, too.

I'm sure Noah had a lot of really bad days. People picked on him, laughed at him, and he likely lost friends over his commitment to God. People thought he was crazy. There were probably days when Noah woke up and wondered if what he was doing was worth it. There were probably days that he doubted God and doubted himself. There were probably days he wondered if he was actually doing what he was supposed to be doing because no one else bought in. He gave his life to preaching a message that no one believed and building a boat that no one would enter (except his family). He had "church" every week and no one came. He preached his whole life and had no converts. Then, after 100 years, the rain came.

As people who possess a passion for excellence, it might seem like we're Noah. We're just the odd ball, peculiar individual doing things that no one else seems interested in. People pick on us and think that what we're doing is a waste of time. They believe we're wasting our breath, cause, energy and money on things that don't matter.

If you're a Christ follower, the Bible says that God will deliver us, just as he delivered Noah. Just as Noah had no regrets, neither will we if we persevere in faith. God knows how to rescue the Godly from trials (2 Peter 2:9a).

How bad do you want it

Last night I was watching high school wrestling and I heard a belligerent father yelling at his son from the bleachers, "how bad do you want it?" This phrase always catches my attention.

First of all, the correct grammar is "how BADLY do you want it." For those who weren't paying attention in 9th grade Language Arts, adverbs end in -ly.

The biggest reason this phrase catches my attention is because I often wonder what the answer is. I can't remember a time that I used this myself, but I imagine the phrase is a rhetorical question and the intent is to go deeper than surface level to touch on the drive, motivation and/or will of the athlete. I don't think it ever comes across that way, though. What I interpret time and time again is that the individual yelling assumes the athlete simply doesn't care. And maybe he doesn't. And that's alright, I think. The first thing that comes to my mind is that the parent is too pushy or too hard on their child and the kid probably doesn't care because his dad is a jerk.

I would love to see a young athlete stand-up for himself and say as a matter of fact, "I care way more than you do." Not in a confrontational way, of course, but to put the adult who is out of line in his rightful place. Chances are the athlete does care and he should care a lot more than Dad does.

It's possible that not everyone wants "it" as badly as you think, though. Some people aren't very competitive and some parents have their priorities all messed up. I hope I never say this to an athlete or one of my kids the way I hear parents yelling from the bleachers. Certainly, I hope they try their best to be their best, but I don't expect everyone to want "it" as badly as I do and I'm certainly not in a place to make a judgement on how badly someone should want something. Additionally, this is a phrase that offers nothing productive to the athlete. I'm more interested in offering words of encouragement or statements that have meaning and build people up. This is a meaningless phrase only meant to belittle and tear people down. I don't care for that.

"Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips." - Psalm 141:3

Challenging the process and a new way to teach

I have a lot of ideas in my head. Sometimes, I get lost trying to understand all of them and don't always know where to focus my energy. Today I want share an idea with you that I recently stumbled upon. It might change the way you view education in the 21st Century. This idea is still under-developed and rooted in my obsession to “challenge the process,” so just roll with me on this one. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

To give you a little background, I constantly see myself challenging the process or the status quo. As a leader, I'm never satisfied with "the way things are" and I strive to constantly monitor progress and push for excellence. I believe leaders implement change, but not just for the sake of change; they do it with the purpose of finding the best practice. I want to see my athletes challenge the process, as well. I do my best to foster an environment that encourages it so they can become the best they can be.

Challenging the process isn’t a call to challenge authority; it’s quite the contrary. Challenging the process is often interpreted as challenging someone's authority because people take things personally, even when they’re not personal. Before challenging the process, one must first appreciate that everything put in place was put there because it accomplished something important at the time. At Victory, my athletes need to learn to do what we want them to do the way we want them to do it, but at the same time, have some context in which they can question all of it. This requires humility from all sides. We need to be open-minded when pursuing new ideas and also be able to admit when a new idea isn’t worth pursuing.

With the ability to challenge the process, our mission and vision is permanent, but our model is temporary. How we approach things is up for grabs. In the wrestling world, there are certain aspects that are permanent (like staying in good position), but our approach to success is ever-changing. We don’t prescribe a cookie cutter style or approach to technique. Through challenging the process and experimentation, athletes take ownership of their training and they’re EMPOWERED to do what is best in each scenario and situation. It’s never my responsibility to micro-manage their athletic endeavors. We need to present wide ranging principles so they can apply them according to their strengths during each practice. They need to determine what is best on their own (with guidance).

Here’s why all of this is important (this is the idea that I’d like to share with you):

We are all part of a system or set of systems and sometimes we need to break free from them. The reality is my athletes are preparing themselves for jobs in the real world that don't even exist right now. Education is invaluable, but they may very well be employed in something entirely different than their chosen field of educational study. I have many friends who completed their education only to find themselves in a career that didn't exist 10 years ago. Today's generation doesn't need to comply to a prescribed system; they need to be creative, innovative and passionate. They need to challenge the process and it's paramount that I create an environment for my athletes to do this. I encourage it and teach people how to do it because chances are, 10-20 years from now, they are going to be working in an industry that doesn't even exist yet and they will need to function outside of the current system(s).

I believe Victory School of Wrestling is an example of this idea. My job didn't exist 10 years ago. Wrestling schools were nothing more than dreams. Nearly every single person believed what I'm doing wasn't possible. It took a lot of creativity, innovation and passion to move from a dream to a reality. Now I have the unique opportunity to impact a generation that has the potential to change the world and we plan on being THE change we want to see in the world.



"So, leaders must challenge the process precisely because any system will unconsciously conspire to maintain the status quo and prevent change." – The Leadership Challenge by James Kouzes and Barry Posner.

The Purple Cow

Best selling author and marketing guru Seth Godin wrote a book that has helped redefine marketing in today's business world. Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable is about standing out. I often think about what makes Victory School of Wrestling stand out. How have we created a "Purple Cow."

This important book claims that the key to success is to find a way to stand out--to be the purple cow in a field of black and white Holsteins. The essence of the Purple Cow is to make your product or service remarkable to a specific niche target market group. Being remarkable makes your product or service worth talking about. The old marketing and advertising methods no longer work. The new rule is to create remarkable products or services that the right people (those you identified as your target market) seek out.

I hear athletes and parents say to me on a regular basis that they hear great things about Victory. This is encouraging, especially if I'm following the Purple Cow model. It's important that I make Victory exciting enough that athletes and parents tell others about it. In fact, I aim to make it something they cannot keep themselves from talking to others about.

What makes us different, though? In addition to providing athletes and parents something they cannot get anywhere else, Victory is unique because I, as the owner/operator, have embraced my own uniqueness and have made our program fit with who I am. I've been around a lot of great coaches and tremendous programs, and I have used bits and pieces of each of them, but I haven't lost sight of who I am and what I was created to do. This is sort of the "behind the scenes" aspect, though.

To the public, the difference is in our approach to build the Total Athlete - body, mind and soul. What's great is I believe we have the ability to teach the body and mind as well, if not better, than any other program in the country. What's more, is we focus on the third dimension as much as the other two. We're about building up Godly men and women with sound character who are equipped and ready to change an entire generation. In order to do this, I have to me (and trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit). I cannot try to be somebody else. I was created for this moment, in this move of God to be uniquely me. God doesn't want me to be someone else or try to be another coach. If He did, he would have placed that person in the lives of these athletes, but he didn't. He put me here. So, with a humble spirit and following hard after God, I need to be me. That's the first part of this Purple Cow. The second part is our athletes have to be themselves, too.

Thirdly, although closely linked to the above, we don't play follow the leader. We're different. We challenge the process while maintaining a clear self-awareness. Instead of building self-esteem, we're building self-respect. We're building up humble, meek and courageous leaders who aren't afraid to do what's right and respect authority. This seems to be the biggest thing missing from youth sports, so when we provide it, we become unique.

Our Purple Cow stems from a truly meaningful strategic plan with a lot of foresight and innovation. It's not rocket science, though. Our "secret" is in how we approach life and we're not ashamed to admit that it's based on the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

There is something that is different about what we do. Something people see as uniquely Victory. Our Purple Cow is Jesus.

Serve others by working

This weekend I shared a leadership idea with my athletes that has the potential to help them become great leaders on their high school teams. I encouraged them to be servant-leaders by using their gifts and talents to serve others.

Our society is postured in a way that motivates us to work so that we can be served. Instead, we need to serve others by working. It's not about making money so people can wait on us. We should be waiting on others. The idea is not to work to be served by others, but to serve others by working.

The most important aspect to leadership and creating more influence is in serving others. The servant-leader wants to serve first. By serving, he can become a leader because his top concern is caring for the needs of others. The people he leads grow as individuals and while being served, become healthier, wiser and more likely to become who they were created to be.

The challenge to my athletes was simple. Ask, "how can I help?" and mean it. How can you help on your team, at school, at home, at work, etc.?

Servant-leadership can only be acquired through humility - the greatest character trait that one can seek.

"But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant.
- Luke 22:36 (NLT)

Is patience a virtue?

In 1377, William Langland wrote the allegorical narrative Piers Plowman. From this piece came a very popular proverb: patience is a virtue. The ability to wait for something without excessive frustration is a valuable character trait. It's similar to the Latin, Maxima enim..patientia virtus (Patience is the greatest virtue) and the French, Patience est une grand vertu (Patience is a great value).

Personally, I don't believe patience alone is the greatest virtue (I believe humility is), but it is rightfully a very desirable character trait that individuals have sought after over the course of history. This is why I thought it was important to mention that I spent the weekend in New York City and was shocked by the lack of patience that I saw so proudly on display.

I admit, I don't identify with the hustle and bustle and fast lifestyle that it takes to survive on Wall St. or to live in Manhattan. I'm a Midwesterner who enjoys the slower pace that the East Coast lacks. I don't think this is reason for the lack of patience that I witnessed this weekend, though.

I could list numerous examples, but I think I will stick to one in particular: elevators. I choose not to ride elevators for a variety of reasons, but I was literally forced to this weekend in New York City. I was shocked by the lack of patience that individuals exercise while riding up and down. Before they even stepped foot on the elevator, I saw individuals repeatedly pushing the "up" or "down" button in the lobby as if they didn't notice the obvious light that indicated that it had already been pushed by someone, in most cases, themselves. I gave a pass for this because there are circumstances that force the elevator to take more time than usual.

Watching people exit and enter elevators became and interesting social experiment for me, too. I didn't see the manners that I thought everyone learned from their grandmother as an infant. Let others get off before you get on. Seems pretty reasonable, especially if you live in a culture that depends on elevators. I didn't concern myself with this "phenomenon" much, either. I mean, I can't change the entire culture in NYC much like I can't explain to people in Moscow the concept of a single file line.

The thing that got me the most was that little button at the bottom of the menu of buttons - the "close door" button. I saw people abuse this button and push it as if their life depended on it. It was so noticeable, that I thought I would research the difference this most-popular button actually makes. I went online to find a few answers, but there was nothing definitive. I was surprised to see some claims that the button actually wasn't wired to anything. It was simply there to give passengers the illusion of control. The lift control mechanisms decide when the doors should actually shut according to their programmed cycles. Others claimed it actually does work. One writer who had "evidence" for the importance of pushing the close door button said the door in his building will close in five seconds after pushing any button, but will close in only three seconds after pushing the close door button. He saves close to two seconds in an amazing display of impatience.

Is patience a virtue? The elevator illustration might be an impractical example, but where else do we experience a lack of patience that is just as ridiculous when we break it down? Traffic lights, buffering videos, microwaves, mobile phones, etc. are all pieces of technology that drastically make for more time, but somehow rob us of our patience. The elevator might be insignificant, but is that lack of patience rolling over to other, more important, areas of our lives? I think so.

Blissfully bouncing through the terminal

I’m on my way to New York City for the annual NYAC wrestling tournament. I’ve been attending this event as an athlete and coach for the past five years. Not that I frequent the Big Apple much, but I have to admit that I’m not a huge fan of the city. It’s too big and there’s just too much hustle and bustle for my liking. Even though I’ve been open about my dislike for the New York, I want to change my perspective and offer some optimism as I take on this adventure.

I’m not going to shower the East Coast with praise. Instead, I’m going to write about my optimism while traveling by air. Isn’t it strange how something amazing like air flight can turn into one of the most dreadful experiences of one’s life? If you think about it, we often take things that were created to be great and make them miserable. To be blunt, I think it has to do with our entitled, self-centered, narcissistic life style (sorry if that was harsh). Honestly, think about it…

I’m going to New York City and it’s going to take me three and a half hours to get there. That’s incredible. I can pull out my computer and write about my experience while it’s happening. That’s amazing. Last weekend I was in San Diego and this weekend I will be in New York – coast to coast in one week. That’s astounding. If I was in a car, this would take weeks. If this was over a hundred years ago, this would take months (and my wheel would probably fall off my wagon in the mountains somewhere).

Who are we to think we can criticize air travel. It’s really incomprehensible that this whole thing works the way it does.

I’m not minimizing the negative experiences that people have while traveling, or condoning the actions of those who exercise poor customer service. I’ve had my fair share of rude flight attendants and have had flights delayed, canceled and missed. I’ve had my luggage lost in foreign countries and been on flights that I thought were far from safe (try flying within in Russia). On these things I identify with you, however, I want to help change your perspective so that you can appreciate and enjoy how spectacular air travel actually is.

Every time I sit in the terminal waiting to board the plane, I look out and see the giant plane that I will be comfortably (most of the time) sitting in 35,000 feet above the earth. It’s mind-boggling that the science of flight actually works! That big huge piece of metal floating in the air. I think Bernoulli has something to do with it and, of course, lift force, but seriously, it just doesn’t make sense. Usually I get this unsettled feeling as the plane speeds down the runway. I wonder, “what if?” What if the Wright brothers actually had it wrong? What if this time it just doesn’t add up? Then we take off and begin ascending into the clouds and God’s creation becomes so much bigger. What I like most about flying is it makes me feel a little smaller than I do when I’m on earth. It humbles me and I think, who am I that I should not be enjoying this? Literally, I’m flying. That’s pretty cool.

Once again, I want to encourage you to be optimistic during your air travel experience. Certainly there will be a few inconveniences, but I’m fairly certain they’re worth it. Try changing your status update or Tweets from “dreadfully drudging through the terminal” to “blissfully bouncing through the terminal.” A simple change of perspective will change your entire experience.

Repeat yourself and speak clearly

My grandma is 83 years old and like most people her age, she doesn't hear as well as she once did. As a result, when I talk to her, I often have to repeat myself to get the message across. Her youthful heart and vibrant passion keep her from embracing the technology that could help her communicate more effectively. She's apprehensive about spending the money for hearing aids and fundamentally opposed to e-mail or other Internet-based forms of communicating because they're not very personal. My family always needs to be intentional about keeping her in the loop.

I would take an educated guess and say that most of you have similar stories with your parents or grandparents. Why am I bringing this up today? Because I think by understanding the simple steps necessary to engage in meaningful conversations with my grandma are the same as the principles needed to be effective in casting your vision or following your mission: repeat yourself and speak clearly.

Let me explain myself further on this idea...

Your mission needs to be clear and concise. It cannot be ambiguous. It needs to simply state what you're set out to do and why you're doing it. The trick is that you say all of that in words that are memorable so it can be understood and repeated.

You can never repeat your vision too much. No matter how much you've said it, there's always someone out there who hasn't gotten it. Or someone who's lost it. Or someone who knows it, but has yet to internalize it or own it. You can repeat yourself without being repetitive. Find creative ways to reinforce your vision that will compel and inspires others, and do it often.

I've seen too many organizations lose track of members because their vision wasn't stated enough. I've seen businesses fail after the vision didn't materialized because it wasn't talked about enough. I've been involved with groups for an extended period of time and never heard the direction the group desired to go. And I know coaches that have a difficult time reaching their athletes with their mission and vision, but they fail to recognize they're laying out their expectations clearly.

No one can hold onto any vision indefinitely without reinforcement and repetition. It doesn’t matter how compelling it is. Was any vision ever more compelling than the one Jesus laid out? Yet even he found the need to say it again.

In Matthew 19:24 NLT, Jesus starts by stating "I'll say it again..." Jesus knew he needed to repeat himself over and over

Philippians 4:4 says, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice!" Paul repeated himself and said it clearly. It was a simple and memorable. Rejoice!

Leaders often lose focus of their own vision because they don't take the time necessary to repeat it. Not only does repeating your vision compel others, it holds you accountable to what you're doing. I want my vision to ignite passion in the souls of my athletes and I want it to be constant reminder of why I do what I do.

If Jesus had to repeat himself, what makes us think that we don't need to? Repeat yourself and speak clearly.

On leadership

There is a huge leadership deficit in the United States right now. A lot of grown men (and women) don’t act like grownups and more and more organizations are lacking adequate leaders. I believe I have a responsibility as a leader to influence others by leading courageously with the conviction to be myself and do what is right no matter what the cost. It’s never wrong to do what’s right. Leaders must act and sound like leaders.


Leaders are thinkers
The best leaders are not satisfied with doing things the way they are simply because they’ve previously been done that way. They think outside the box and outside the norm. They are deliberate in their thought process to determine best practices. Thinking yields results. After all, good leaders get people where they’re going; great leaders take people where they ought to be. The best leaders add value to others’ lives. That starts by thinking.


Leaders are always growing
Growth is a process. A leader understands that he/she has to learn how to lead well and develop a plan for personal growth so leadership can become automatic and instinctive.

From John C. Maxwell’s admired book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, growth in leadership is illustrated in the following phases:
1. I don't know what I don't know
2. I know that I need to know
3. I know what I don't know
4. I know and grow and it starts to show
5. I simply go because of what I know

Successful leaders are learners and the learning process is ongoing. As a result, the growth process leads to positive changes that improve leadership opportunities and influence. Change for the sake of change is not productive. Change that produces better results is essential.

“What is the difference between a living thing and a dead thing? How to tell one from the other?...In the medical world, a clinical definition of death is a body that does not change. Change is life. Stagnation is death. If you don’t change, you die. It’s that simple. It’s that scary.” – Leonard Sweet


Leaders are confident, courageous and curious
Leaders are confident decision makers. They make sound decisions with the information they have at their disposal and they do what's right, even at the risk of failure,in the face of great danger and under the brunt of criticism. Can you thinkof one great leader that was without courage? A leader's courage gives his/her followers hope.

During the growth process, their curiosity renews their energy by learning new ideas from others and they aren’t threatened by new ways of doing things. They have strong core principles, but somehow still evolve with changing times to meet new demands. They embrace new technologies and confidently move forward into the future.


Leaders are introspective
Honest self-reflection is vital to becoming a successful leader. Leaders must regularly examine what has worked and what hasn’t. If they don’t, they become stagnant and ineffective. They admit when they’re wrong and know when to change direction, but don’t lose confidence. They have a willingness to learn more about their fundamental nature and purpose.


Leaders have high expectations
Leaders expect greatness from those who follow them, and they don't accept anything. Expectations form a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Treat a man as he is, he will remain so. Treat a man as he can be and ought to be, and he will become as he can and should be.”


Leaders have influence
Maxwell states that the true measure of leadership is in influence - nothing more, nothing less. True leadership cannot be awarded, appointed or assigned, it comes only from influence, and that cannot be mandated, it must be earned. It’s earned when those following trust their leader. When people stop following, a leader is no longer effective. This crucial trust is earned with a transparency that gives others an opportunity to know about their leader in the following ways:

Character (who they are) - This begins on the inside. People can sense the depth of a person's character.

Relationships (who they know) – They have deep relationships with the right people. 1 Corinthians 15:33 states, “bad company corrupts good character.” Notice, Paul doesn’t write, “Good character infiltrates bad company.” Who they associate with is who they will become.

Knowledge (what they know) – People don’t care how much they know until they know how much they care. Once they demonstrate to other they care, they must know that information is vital; they need a grasp of facts to develop an accurate vision for future.

Intuition (what they feel) – Leaders seek to recognize and influence others with intangibles like energy, morale, timing and momentum.

Experience (where they've been) – If it is paired with humility and a healthy perspective, experience will lead to wisdom. Wisdom paves the way for more influence and better decisions.

Ability (what they can do) - Followers want to know if the leader can lead them to victory. When they no longer believe he/she can deliver, they stop following. People seek leaders unconsciously and leaders step to the forefront instinctively.

The best leaders have a unique blend of these intangible characteristics that can't always be explained, but when you see them, you recognize them.


"Managers are people who do things right, leaders are people who do the right thing." - Warren Bennis

Brett Favre's legacy...preserved

I'm pretty sure this blog has started to take on its own personality and my Monday morning quarterback thoughts don't fit into what it's become. I know I'm not a sports journalist, but I want to write about something that I've had an excess of opinions about over the past three years: Brett Favre's legacy.

When he was "forced" out of Green Bay, I was very disappointed that Ted Thompson didn't let Favre end his career on his own terms. When he was in New York, I cheered for him, but when he went to Minnesota, I lost my mind. Until last night, I've been angry with him for many reasons that I believe are legitimate as a man and as a Packers fan. Most of those reasons dealt with him ruining his legacy and spoiling my memories of him during his glory years in Green Bay. After last night, that all changed and his legacy is, in fact, preserved.

Last season, I was literally sick for two days leading up to his return to Lambeau and was upset that he had so much success in a Vikings uniform. It was surreal and stung, and I know I wasn't alone in my feelings as a Wisconsin resident. The part that bothered me most was the sudden love for Brett Favre all over Minnesota and their pride and ownership of the old gunslinger. It didn't seem right. It was like they were showing off a toy they stole from their neighbor and everyone knews it didn't belong to them. My thoughts leading into this season weren't as severe, but I was still bitter with Favre, until last night.

I think one of the reasons Packers Nation loved Brett Favre so much was because of his transparency. He was a real human being with an extraordinary capacity to throw a football. He had a lot of magical moments on the football field that elevated him to a place above humanity, but he also made many poor choices that brought him back to reality. He started his career as a renegade before getting serious and taking over for the Packers. He struggled with drug addiction and other things that he openly talked about. We didn't condone his actions, but could identify with his struggles. He then went through a series of tragic events in his personal life that he shared with the Packers fans (the death of his father and brother-in-law as well as his wife's battle with cancer). He dealt with a lot of these problems through football and through the Green Bay Packers. We were there for him and felt his pain.

Last night was all too familiar. It seems like poetic justice. He goes across the river to an organization that pales in comparison to the Packers on many levels. Obviously, the history, the championships, the ownership, the fans, I could go on and on. He took the helm of a good team and much was expected of him, rightfully so, but I never understood what bothered me so much until now. It was the fact that the Vikings and their fans hadn't been through life with Brett Favre. They hadn't been through the ups and downs with him and hadn't learned how to deal with the bad in order to enjoy the good. They were spoiled by his great season last year, but didn't know how to handle the setbacks because they didn't appreciate Brett Favre for who he is - human. I don't think the Vikings deserve him and last night was the best evidence I have for this idea.

After a poor performance that ended in a loss, the Vikings coach threw Favre under the bus and the fans are calling for Tarvarias Jackson to take over. We're now seeing a man broken physically, mentally and emotionally after a series of poor choices on and off the field. What's ironic is that it all came to a breaking point last night...in Lambeau Field...in front of those who know who Brett really is - human.

His transparency will be part of his legacy. This is how I'll remember Brett Favre as a Green Bay Packer and this is how his career is going to end. The best part of it, the Packers fans are the only ones who truly understand Brett and it all ended for him at home in Green Bay. Packers fans are the only ones who can truly appreciate him for what he is. Other organizations have no choice but to give up on him and throw him under the bus because they don't know who he is. He's human and even though I don't condone the bad decisions he's made, he's endeared himself to me once again as a broken man. That, I can identify with. I've always loved Brett Favre for his transparency.

I write all of this with his future uncertain. His consecutive games streak will likely end this weekend. His first start was in Green Bay and his last start is going to be in Green Bay. 19+ years of heroism and magic alongside real life and brokenness. His pain threshold is out of this world, but it appears as though he is just like me - human. I like that.

Brett Favre's legacy is preserved, but I'm pretty sure you need to be a Packers fan to understand it.

WWCA Coaches Convention

I was recently asked to speak at the Wisconsin Wrestling Coaches Association Fall Coaches Convention. I was honored because my good friend Mark Hull was the one who asked. Mark is the regional director for Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) and this year FCA will be hosting a break-out session on Saturday morning at the Coaches Convention in Green Bay. Every year, FCA holds a breakfast banquet at the NCAA Division 1 National Championships and it's very well attended, so my guess is many of the coaches are familiar with the idea. There could be hundreds of coaches in attendance.

I had originally planned on not going to the Coaches Convention this year. I was scheduled to be in Vancouver, CAN for an international wrestling tournament, but it all changed. It's clear to me that God wanted me in Green Bay speaking to my peers.

If I'm honest, I'm a little nervous on how I'll be received by the coaches. I'm a young, 31 year old coach who hasn't been around the block like some of the grandfathers of the sport. Many of them could wonder what I could possibly offer them, spiritually speaking. Wisdom comes with age and, frankly, I don't have the years of experience like many others. It's alright; I understand. I am confident, though, that God has blessed me and uniquely positioned me to have an impact in the lives of other coaches, regardless of age.

If I trust God in this moment, this could actually be one of the most important days of my life. As an athlete, I pointed my success towards Him. I wanted to make God's name known through my athletic accomplishments. I knew that my name was not going to last very long while God's will last for an eternity. I wanted my career to be about His name, not mine. Now, as a coach, the focus is the same: make God's name the main idea of my story. This is an opportunity to point everything toward God. My name will be on the brochure and program, but God is going to get the credit.

If you're the praying type, I ask that you would pray that I will boldly and confidently represent Christ in a way that is unique to my own personality as a coach and that I would be a catalyst in a move of God that will change the entire wrestling culture for the glory of God. If you're not the praying type, that's alright, but I want you to know that I just prayed for you to embrace God like you've never done before. :)

Getting caught doing something good

Your greatest moments

Your greatest moments - by Steven Furtick, Elevation Church

Posted: 07 Oct 2010 03:49

A phrase you hear all the time is “we need to make time for this.” I understand the basic idea behind it. Time is short. There are things that you really want to be doing or know you should be doing. Unfortunately there seems to be no time to do them.

But there’s a problem with this phrase. There’s no such thing as making time. In the Bible, only one person has ever made time. And He’s already made as much time as He’s ever going to make. There is nothing more to add.

What the Bible says to do is redeem the time you actually have. Like redeeming a coupon or a gift certificate, cash it in for its full value. Maximize time to its full potential. Or as Colossians 4:5 translates it, “make the most of every opportunity.”

Some might take this to mean doing the standard carpe diem stuff that’s associated with living life to the fullest. Things like jumping out of an airplane, getting a tattoo, and taking a random road trip to California. But I don’t think that’s necessarily making the most of your time. It could actually be wasting some of the most valuable opportunities that God has for you in the time He’s given you.

If you read the context of Colossians 4:5, redeeming the time is connected to introducing people to Christ. When the same phrase is used in Ephesians 5:16, the context is living a life that pleases God.

The way you redeem time is by living in such a way that it reverberates into the place where there is no time. Time is going to end, both your time here and time in general. That doesn’t make our lives meaningless. On the contrary, it challenges us to make them meaningful by connecting them to what matters eternally.

The greatest moments of your life will be the moments you carry into eternity.

Seeing coworkers and friends who are far from God be filled with life in Christ.
By the grace of God, overcoming a sin that has plagued your family for generations.
Raising up children who will lead and change their generation for the glory of God.

And you have the time to do these things every second of every day. If something ultimately insignificant is taking up the time that God has given you to do them, you can’t make more time. So you’re simply going to have to get rid of it.

God’s power to impact the world and eternity through you is unlimited. Your opportunities are not. Make your move. Redeem your time.

www.stevenfurtick.com
www.elevationchurch.org
www.sunstandstill.org

Game Changers #2 - Humility

I love the potential for growth and development that sport offers individuals. Many times, the growth and development that gets the most attention has to do with only two dimensions of the Total Athlete - the body and mind. However, I believe the third dimension (soul) is most important, but it receives the least amount of practice. The number one place sports gets it wrong is with teaching and embracing the character attribute humility.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking of yourself less. The sports culture tends to encourage the exact opposite - pride. Locker rooms are littered with quotes and signs referring to pride. Coaches instruct players that pride is an essential ingredient to success. Athletes, fans and parents can be seen wearing clothing with the word pride boasted across the chest or back as if pride is expected.

Humility and meekness are the antithesis of pride. When pride is all about self, humility is about others. Pride swanks in self-reliant strength, meekness takes joy in harnessing strength under the control of a Master. Pride tells an individual that he/she is a big deal, but he/she is not.

As a result, sports has become a vehicle that has schooled young athletes out of the Kingdom of God. The only thing God says disqualifies one from his Kingdom is pride. To enter the Kingdom, one must first be humble. Teaching our athletes about humility is not optional.

I champion the virtue of humility in my athletes for many reasons. The most important one, however, is so that they can put their pride aside for the Glory of God. If they're already Christ followers, humility is essential to spiritual growth. If they're still searching for truth on their faith journey, humility is crucial in order to cross the line of faith.

I occaisionally wear an O.C. Supertones t-shirt to practice. They're one of my favorite bands from college. Quoting a popular song of theirs, the back of my shirt says, "Let my pride fall down. I'm a little man." I love that reminder.

I strive to be humble. While communicating with athletes, parents or my own family, I try to put on humility, thinking of myself less and of others more. No one is above anything and we all have the capacity to be wrong and do wrong, so it's important for me to act and respond with a humble spirit.

Next to God, I have adopted humility as the second most important priority in my life, followed closely by my family. My prayer is this: "God, please allow me to be humble so you don't have to humble me."

Game Changers #1 - Education

I haven't been able to create a hierarchy of the events or moments that have made the most impact in my life. They all seem to have significant places. Without a doubt, towards the very top is education.

I'm not referring to my elementary, middle school, high school or college days as much as I am the days that have followed the times in the class room. I like to consider myself a life long learner and I'm constantly seeking wise council on decisions and watching others. Instead of trying to learn everything from one person, I try to learn one thing from every person. If I'm only learning from one person, I'm becoming a replica of someone else. God is a creator, not a duplicator, and He's provided others to help me become who I'm created to be.

As a wrestling coach, I search for opportunities to become more educated on a daily basis. I watch competitions and technique videos, read about training concepts and theories, listen to talks on leadership, focus on my personal faith journey and deliberately pick the brain of colleagues and other wise men and women. It doesn't happen by accident; it's all very intentional.

Being educated properly doesn't just happen to you, you have to make the choice to pursue it. Once you pursue it, you must act on it.

Does Fantasy Football really matter?

Tonight I will be attending a Fantasy Football draft "party." I don't know if the word party is the best noun available for what we'll be doing tonight. Neither is celebration or bash. It's more of a social gathering - like male bonding - but no one would dare call it that.

I'm actually kind of excited about playing Fantasy Football this year. I've played in the past and it's never turned out well for me. I'm too much of a homer and I draft players with my heart, not with my mind, which is I why I'm adamantly trying to trade-up to have the first pick in the draft so I can take Aaron Rodgers. I'm sure Rodgers will be available in my original #7 position, but I can't stand the anticipation in knowing that he could be someone else's team. I probably will lose all interest in this league if Rodgers isn't on my team. My best guess right now is that I'll have 4-5 Packers players on my roster, meaning I probably won't win this league because I'm too loyal. What's a Packers fan to do, though? It's my cross to bare cheering for the green and gold and I wouldn't have it any other way. Those who cheer for other teams can't identify. Only Packers fans understand.

The media has done a very good job marketing Fantasy Football. ESPN has programs devoted to it. Magazines, books and websites are created only for Fantasy Football. It's really very ridiculous if you think about, but at the same time, it's not. Human beings' souls crave for community and men are not exempt. Somehow, our culture has decided that it's macho or manly when a man avoids community, fellowship or commitment. I don't understand why. I think it has something to do with our society telling guys that they need to be consumers to be "men" (drink a lot of beer, sleep with a lot of women, drive cool cars and trucks, take as much as you can and stake your claim), but to be a man we need to be contributors.

If Fantasy Football was called Fellowship Football or Friendship Football, no one would sign-up to play. Call it Fantasy and it becomes the land of make believe. Every man has fantasies, right? This time, the real fantasy actually isn't a fantasy at all, it's fact. Obviously, the whole coaching a make believe team is not real, but the fact that men crave fellowship and community is the single reason it has turned into such a large market in this country.

So, fittingly enough, I'll be going to our church for our Draft Party. We'll eat wings and pizza (duh, of course we will) and talk about a football fantasy world, but we will also be bonding and building meaningful friendships...don't tell anyone.

Stayin' busy?

"Are you stayin' busy?" This seems to be the most frequent question I receive from individuals who inquire about my involvement at Victory School of Wrestling. Many of them follow up this question with something along the lines of, "well, as long as you're staying busy..." or "all you can ask for is to be busy..." as if being busy is a good thing. In their eyes, being busy means that you're successful, but not in mine. I don't want to be busy, I want to be productive.

This mindset reveals a lot about the condition of our society and the culture of youth sports - in our case, youth wrestling. The busier we seem to be, the more successful we think we are. This couldn't be further from the truth. Parents sometimes believe that if their son/daughter practices more, they'll win more. Wrestle in more tournaments, in more states, and your son/daughter will have a bright future. Wrong, again.

Our young athletes are participating in sports and living their lives at an unsustainable pace. We call it normal to place children in positions with an abundance of stress and pressure. It's normal for a youth wrestler to compete in far more competitions than our top collegiate athletes. Kids have schedules that are over committing themselves to things that don't matter while sacrificing time for things that do matter. There is very little margin for error in the most important areas in the lives of young athletes.

Young athletes today fill their lives with things that don't matter, making the small things supreme things, like they never have before. I don't think it's as much their fault as it is their parents, though. There are so many opportunities for kids to become the best today (never mind the future), but there's no time for character or spiritual development.

Kids are quitting youth sports at alarming rates because they have no margin in their lives (I can't say that I blame them). Fun is replaced with expectations and pressure to succeed and development is replaced with immediate gratification.

Margin is the difference between our "load" and our "capacity." It's the amount available beyond what is necessary; the difference between what you have and what you need. It's enjoying what you're doing. It's having the emotional capacity to deal with problems when they come up. It's having a few nights a week with nothing on your schedule. It's extra time to invest in others; time to think, reflect, meditate or dream. It's being able to spend significant time with God. Margin is what most of us don't have because we're simply too busy. The irony is that the most significant things in life happen in the margin. It is time to fight against the pull of culture (see Ephesians 5:15-17 below).

Andy Stanley wrote a book called The Best Question Ever and he said the best question we can ask ourselves when we're making a decisions is, "is it wise?" Not is it right or do I have time or what is everyone else doing, but in light of future hopes and dreams, is it wise? Before you make a decision to add another practice, event or competition to yours or your child's schedule, do you ask if it's wise?

By possessing a "production mindset," we often miss the moment. We feel like if we don't have something on the schedule, then we're being unproductive or missing out on something that will push us to the next level or even provide a sense of fulfillment. We believe we have to be busy, but busy doesn't equal productivity. Busy doesn't mean important. Busy isn't meaningful. Just because you have time to do something doesn't mean you should.

We must learn, in courage and faith, to say "no" to many good things so that we can say "yes" to the best things. Too many good things quickly become the enemy of the best things. Is it wise? Do you (and your children) have time in your life for what really matters? Do you have margin? Don't let anyone else talk you out of what's most important.

Be very careful, then, how you live your life - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. - Ephesians 5:15-17

Some of the content above is taken from the series "Margin" by Craig Groeschel of LifeChurch.tv.

My version of coaching wrestling

The more wrestling opportunities that I'm a part of, the more I realize that the way I coach is different than most wrestling coaches. My personality is constructed in a way that encourages me to challenge the process. I'm confused by this at times because I fit into society very well and have friends and look "normal," but I'm quite different than most people I meet or associate with.

Everything I do in the sport of wrestling is carefully thought of in advance and done intentionally. This alone puts me in a different catergory than most wrestling coaches. I'm not one for doing things the way they've always been done just because they've always been done that way. I enjoy tradition, but I also like to know that I'm doing what is best in every situation. I like to ask why we do the things we do and often times I find that the traditional way of coaching wrestling is not the best way to do it.

Generally speaking, most coaches teach moves; I teach principles. Most coaches try to show athletes how to score points; I focus on controlling and winning positions. There are hundreds of matches taking place within every single wrestling match. I want my athletes to focus on the small "causes" that lead to successful "effects." Wrestling should be approached in a systematic way with small attacks that eventually may or may not lead to an opportunity for a committed attack (e.g., a "shot").

As a culture, wrestling is very bad at applying the scientific method. I enjoy formulating theories within the sport and testing them. If they don't work, I'm quick to try something else. If there are unique correlations, I build on them and continue asking why and formulating more theories that can be tested. For example, I notice that a very large percentage of state champions can successfully execute a round-off to a back flip (tuck or layout). So, I begin to wonder if teaching a round-off to a back flip is more valuable than teaching and arm bar. It's an idea to think about.

Something else that I notice and take initiative to change with my athletes is the lack of attention to the "easy work." As wrestlers, we understand hard work. We lead the sports world with being able to push ourselves hard, but we're not very good at doing easy work. We don't take enough time to stretch properly after practice because it will cut into our live wrestling opportunities. We don't take the time to drill positions well because it cuts into wrestling hard. I could go on and on with this one.

Wrestling coaches continuously watch the wrestlers around them instead of those above them. I choose to watch and study the highest levels of international wrestling and teach my youngest athletes the skills that work there. Our minds are lazy and will not expand if we don't look ahead. I'm shocked by how many youth coaches and high school coaches don't know who represented the US in the Olympics in 2008, or worse yet, even what styles are competed in the Olympics. I talk to middle school girl's basketball coaches and they know everything about the most recent Dream Team, but wrestling coaches don't know the top athletes in their sport. It creates a stagnant environment with very little room for growth.

At Victory School of Wrestling, I can assure you that we systematically go through the positions and experiment with new skills, tactics and positions. Ultimately, I want to teach the wrestlers how to wrestle, not just how to drill well and execute techniques in a fixed setting. They need to adapt to changes and be willing to put together one concept with another and continuously move forward (isn't that a perfect picture of life?). I want them to learn for themselves, not just repeat a system of moves (like a parrott). Everything we do is on purpose. Our wrestling style is very intentional, thoughtful and creative. We teach technique because it gives us a base, but we allow everyone to wrestle to their strengths.

I think I'm different right now, but I see a lot of other coaches who think the same and want to break out of the old mold. Sometimes they just don't understand that they can. There are endless opportunities when you become your own man/woman and coach athletes they way they need to be coached and begin to move away from doing things the way they've always been done.

Are you doing what you're created to do?

My previous blog post touched on two very important questions that one must constantly be wrestling with while "sharpening the ax." Are you doing what you're created to do and are you doing what you're created to do the way you're created to do it can be both be expanded on greatly, so my next two entries will go deeper on each question.

Am I doing what I was created to do?

I listened to a sermon by Erwin McManus called "Maximizing Your Strength" and he preached on Ecclesiastes 10:10. He said that he believes a lot of us live "accidental lives" - not lives that we've chosen or that we live on purpose, but lives that just sort of happen to us. We live life accidentally, not intentionally and the world around us shapes us.

You need to ask yourself if what you're doing is on purpose. Are you taking responsibility for your actions?

McManus continues saying that sometimes we take that Ecclesiastes 10:10 ax and just swing and swing and swing and live our lives, fulfilling responsibilities, choosing obscure goals and never stopping to ask ourselves the hard question: is this what I was created to do?

Sometimes we have what he called "creative envy," not living the life we were created to live. Instead, we're living the life someone else was created to live, but we want that life really bad. So we do everything we can to get that person's life, but just because you admire someones talent doesn't mean that you've acquired that talent. The reason we chose false dreams is because we don't have the confidence to believe that God created us for something that really matters as the person that we are.

What were you created to do? What's your calling? Everyone has a calling. What's your purpose on this earth? We all have a purpose.

Have you ever participated in a strength finder or type indicator test in hopes of finding your strengths? Isn't it funny how you can take a strength finder and not become any stronger? That's because these tests are designed to find tendencies, which is more like potential. It's not a strength until you fill the gap between potential and competency and skill. That range between talent and skill is discipline and that's what is needed to take all of your gifts and talents (potential) and harness and sharpen them so the ax works best.

We live in a culture of unreached potential. I meet a lot of people with potential who never become potent. When we reach our potential, life becomes easier (we don't become lazy) because we're in our "sweet spot" and doing what we were created to. To reach our potential it takes four steps and you must 1.) work hard; 2.) work hard at what comes easy; 3.) work hard until it's hardly work; and 4.) work hard at what matters most. When we can harness all of the great things God has given us, we begin to affect the world in a way that has the greatest affect that we can have.

If you fall into a category of working hard and not making progress, this is for you. Ecclesiastes 10:10 says we need to work smart by sharpening the ax. However, sometimes we don't have a sharpened ax because we live a frantic life. We don't stop long enough to ask the important questions of life. Is your life an accident or did you choose this life? Are you doing what you're called to or doing what you just felt "in to" in life? A lot of people feel like their life happened to them rather than choosing their life. Take ownership over your life.

Ask yourself, am I doing what I'm created to do? Not what anyone else wants me to do. Not what all the social pressures want me to do. Not what all the past momentum in my life seems to demand what I should do.

When you look back on your life and someone asks how you got doing that for the past 15 years are you going to say it just sort of happened? Or will you take responsibility for your life?

It's so terrifying to actually follow God into the future; it's much easier to cling to God in the past. If you want your ax to be sharp you need to ask if this is what I'm created to do. Is this the life that I chose? Have I chosen this path on purpose or am I just like drift wood floating down a river being taken where it's going?

Be courageous and do what you were created to do. Be bold and confident in who you are. If you take that step you can rest in the promise that God will indeed equip you to do all that you were created to do. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" - Ephesians 2:10.

Work harder or work smarter

Tomorrow my life is going to change forever. At 7:15am, Liz will be going in for a scheduled c-section and we will welcome our second son into the world. I'm nervous for that moment because in an instant, our lives will never be the same as they are now. I'm very excited to be a father to another child as it is probably the most significant role I will play in my life. Leading up to the day has forced me to sit back and re-evaluate the direction of my life. I've been asking myself if I'm doing what I was created to do and am I doing it the way I was created to do it.

In the Book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon shares with us some wonderful insights on how to live out our purpose in life and maximize our strength. Solomon is described as the wisest man who has ever lived and he shares an important proverb in Ecclesiastes 10:10. He says:

If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.

Three thousand years ago Solomon was saying what still rings true today - you can either work harder or work smarter.

By doing the same thing the same way over and over we become exhausted. As a result, we apply more strength and get less and less. We get stuck focusing on the product or outcome and get lost in the way we do it. What we all need is the discipline to step back and reflect on the way we're doing it. Are we actually doing what we should be doing, the way we should be doing it for the reasons we should be doing them? Are you doing what you're created to do?

Stop and reflect to be sure your ax is sharp. Use wisdom to succeed. Take a step away and re-sharpen. What you were created for today could be different tomorrow. God might be calling you from what you used to do to what you ought to do. "Are you doing what you're created to do" isn't a permanent question because you're constantly changing and progressing. Sometimes you just to have put the ax down and ask again, "is this what I'm supposed to be doing in this moment, in this time. Is this my calling in life?"

Not only should you ask yourself are you doing what you're created to do, but are you doing it the way you're created to do it? This is where we don't pull back and sharpen. We don't take enough time for self-reflection. There's a certain way unique to you to do what you're called to do, but you have to have courage to be willing to explore and discover who you are. There's creative beauty inside of you, but it's not enough just to know what you were created to do, you have to begin to discover how you were created to do it. The great danger is to live a life of monotony and sameness rather than discovering uniqueness.

Tomorrow is going to be one of the most important days of my life. What's more important is what I do after the arrival of my second child. Before tomorrow comes, I need to ask myself today if I'm developing the skills necessary to be the best at what I do to do the best at whatever I do? Because we were never created to do what we do at a lower quality than the best that we are; the best that we have. We're all called to a high price to develop the skills for success in whatever field, whatever endeavor or whatever journey we choose.

Am I doing what I was created to do and am I doing it the way I was created to do it?

Participation Mindset

I've been following a very interesting and thought-provoking thread on the Wisconsin Wrestling Online forum. I read most of the drivel that is posted, but felt compelled to engage in this particular conversation entitled "coaching ideas."

Often times, I open links on the forum hoping to be enlightened and inspired, but often close them disappointed for a variety of reasons. Needless to say, I don't find much joy in Internet discussions, however, I feel that it is imperative to hear the "voices" of the wrestling nation no matter who these anonymous avatars are if I desire to have an impact on this culture.

I'm encouraged by this new thread because I believe it has the potential to open important dialogue that is crucial to our sport. If you haven't noticed, youth sports are hurting and I think wrestling is hurting more than others. Youth sports aren't hurting for participation as many claim, though. Kids are participating in sports, especially wrestling. Youth wrestling tournaments are as big as ever and there are more than ever. The number of USA Wrestling members (the most accessible measuring tool for participation) has increased for the fifth consecutive year nationwide and in Wisconsin. Participation is not a problem, but it is THE problem.

If I can be frank, I'm sick and tired of the "participation mindset." The idea that everyone needs to participate in everything all of the time is going to pull the rug out from underneath us and we're all going to fall flat on our faces. If I were going to summarize youth wrestling in one word, I'd use consumer. Athletes, parents and even coaches spend entire seasons consuming everything they can. This is the norm in our society, but as a kid, I was led to believe that wrestling was different. We're blue collar, hard working individuals who remember traditional values and how to treat one another. Not any more. I used to hear military officers and other prominent leaders say they want wrestlers by their side because they can stand alone and do the hard work. Not any more. The wrestling culture has become "takers" like everyone else because we're stuck in a participation mindset.

I whole heartily believe that every young child should be able to participate in sports and I encourage parents to be involved. However, not every kid has the "right" to compete in a variety of world championships before they turn 10 years of and not every parent has the tools to be a coach. Participation is great, but participating in everything has corrupted our sport.

Wrestlers need to be contributors, not consumers. I have a question for you, and it may be convicting: the last time you went to a wrestling event/practice, were you thinking about anyone else besides yourself? Did you go there seeing what you could get out of it or how you could contribute to something bigger than yourself? Was practice only about you or did you consider that your efforts might be key to helping someone else succeed? Were you upset with the quality of officials at the last tournament and still never offered a helping hand? Was the event too long for you? Too warm? Too cold? No event t-shirt? Not enough matches? Not enough one-on-one time? Was it all about you?

The participation mindset has grown to a point now that wrestling people feel a sense of entitlement. They believe everything needs to revolve around them as an individual. Wrestling, of all sports, needs to reverse this mindset more than ever or we will die by the wayside of unrealistic expectations with no one to run a tournament and unqualified coaches leading our spoiled kids. That's the path that we're on right now. Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

I'm appalled by how few athletes and parents stay to help roll up mats. It saddens me to see individuals leave a youth wrestling club because it didn't offer everything they wanted. I get sick by the number of tournaments that lure children into their venue with big trophies using world or national championships in their gaudy names so they can make an extra buck so they can buy personalized duffle bags for their high school team. Seriously, we have thrown out the importance of kind, selfless service for a customized embroidered duffle bag. That's entitlement and it's going to kill our sport.

The damage done by school boards, budget cuts, Title IX, etc. is not even close to the damage caused by wrestling people to our sport. It's time to step up and make the necessary changes to succeed. By succeeding, I mean creating a culture of character-rich individuals. 10 year old kids should never wrestle more than a high school athletes (competitions and practices). Trophies should never be the reason someone competes. Adults should act like adults and kids should act like kids. Volunteers should be abundant, not scarce. Authorities should be able to say "no" and others (especially parents) should understand what "no" means.

If you continued reading to this point, my guess is that you might be on the same page as me here and I hope you have the depth in your heart to be able to say, "how can I help" the next time you come in contact with the sport of wrestling. Not only do I hope you ask, but that you're actually willing to help and not just saying the words to appear generous. In wrestling, selflessness leads to much more success than selfishness.

Outcomes vs. Process

Another great insight from Kathleen de Boer's Gender and Competition is her explanation of how men and women are different competitively by the value placed on outcome versus process.

Outcomes identify winners and losers, demarcate successes and failures. Process is continuous and ongoing; it is a journey rather than a destination. The male worldview tends to value outcome over process; the female worldview tends to value process over outcome. Each group trains harder and therefore more effectively when the practice activities match their collective mindset.

Females generally have a higher tolerance than males for the mundanity of repetitive drills. Their process focus means they pay more attention to the details of particular skills and are more attuned to technical specifics. A drill-based training regimen also allows them to bond with each other and the coach through non-confrontational, method-focused activity. The valuation of process over outcome allows groups of females a synergy of spirit in practice settings rarely available to male groups.

Males, concerned with proving themselves, are more easily distracted during repetitive practice than females. They lose interest in drills and have a harder time than females focusing on the specifics of a skill. The lack of consequence in the activity, the very feature that makes it appealing to females, makes it difficult for males. Males are more enthusiastic, and therefore more cooperative, in outcome-oriented, competitive sequences similar to those found in game situations.

These respective strengths and weaknesses, however, are reversed in actual contests. The valuation of outcome over process allows groups of males a synergy of intent in competitive settings rarely available to their female counterparts. Females, acutely attuned to method, are more easily distracted during competition than males. The primacy of consequence, the very feature that makes competition appealing to males, makes it difficult for females.

Pragmatically, this difference means males and females enter situations with divergent road maps for how to proceed, and eventually how to succeed. "Alone at the top" implies a certain detachment from personal relationships; it requires a degree of distance from underlings, an aloofness from the daily chaos of the average workplace, and the ability to compartmentalize decision-making and emotion. "The center of connections" implies a certain engagement in personal relationships; it requires a degree of familiarity with underlings, an engrossment in the daily chaos of the average workplace, and the ability to co-mingle decision-making and emotion (de Boer, pages 26-28).

Gender and Competition

To help everyone understand a few difference between men and women that I've learned over the past few years, I want to share with you two key ideas from Gender and Competition: How Men and Women Approach Work and Play Differently by Kathleen J. DeBoer. This book has helped me communicate much more effectively with both genders.

Obviously, this is still a sensitive topic to many because in it's politically incorrect to discuss the differences between men and women. I believe men and women deserve equal treatment under law and should have equal opportunities, however, they are significantly different. To maximize the competitive potential of both genders, we must discard the value judgements that these differences are bad and look to a larger social context to explain behavior.

The following are experts from de Boer's book:

Gender Cultures

Males and females take different perspectives on the world. The experiences that shape values, the situations that cause fear, and the circumstances that define success stand distinct. Author Nancy Chodorow indicates "nearly universal differences that characterize masculine and feminine personality and roles." At the heart of these differences lies a masculine identity defined by a basic sense of living separate from others as opposed to a feminine identity defined by a basic sense of living connected to others.

If this is true, each gender approaches competitive situations from vastly different contexts. Girls come to the gym seeking to bond as the means to success; boys battle to achieve the same thing. Women enter a workplace predisposed to connect to achieve goals; men compete to achieve goals. Both want to win and both want results, but they hold markedly different ideas on how to access their aspirations.

These disparate assumptions about the nature of reality lead to most of our common gender-related stereotypes. In sports, stereotypes perceive males as competitive, females as social; winning is critical to males, team chemistry to females.

We must show female athletes that we care about them as people, not just athletes. If we do that, they will struggle and sacrifice mightily to succeed (de Boer, page 17-24).

Values and Fears

Men learn to view the world as a hierarchical social order. They value autonomy, latitude, and winning. Females value attachment, intimacy, and interdependence. Males fear helplessness. They may be wary of commitment if they see it as a loss of freedom. Females fear rejection, isolation, and abandonment. They equate these conditions with loneliness and failure.

These values and fears dictate different patterns of behavior. The task orientation of males means they bond and form alliances through shared activity; the relationship orientation of females means they bond and form alliances through conversation. These preferences for action versus interaction are most obvious when observing the behavior of single gender groups.

Knowledge of this action/interaction difference matters not only for team-building, but is also crucial to understanding gender-biased preferences in activities. If self-esteem is tied to differentiation from others as in the male world, then activities that tend to separate are preferred, e.g., combative, singular, score-keeping activities. Whereas, if self-esteem is tied to integration with others as in the female world, then activities that tend to connect are preferred, e.g., social, collective, leveling activities (de Boer, pages 25-26).

I hope these two quick insights from de Boer's book help you to understand the importance of recognizing the differences between men and women and how they view competition differently. These two observations are simple, but require effort in application. It's worth it, though.

Female athletes must trust you before they listen to you

The leadership mantra, "they must know how much you care before they care how much know" has never been more true than when I begin working with a female athlete. Females must develop a level of trust before they allow you to have influence in their life. This holds true in many aspects of life, especially in sports.

I wish I had an abundance of references and creative analogies for you on this topic, but I don't. However, I have experienced it time and time again. I serve as the head women's wrestling coach for the New York Athletic Club. The NYAC sponsors athletes from all over the US and when we come together for various tournaments, I assume the role as coach. It's a difficult position for me to be in because I don't work with all of them on an individual basis, but I'm expected to sit in their corner. I know enough about wrestling and communicating to offer assistance and instruction while they're competing, however, it's not until I have the opportunity to work with them as individuals and develop a healthy athlete-coach relationship that I feel like I'm making a difference.

Conversely, I've seen female athletes shut down and act uncharacteristically when a man (or woman) they don't trust sits in their corner. They become flustered more easily and lose focus on the task at hand because they're most concerned about the coach and wonder why they're with them. At times, what is communicated by the athlete is a lack of appreciation or disrespect when it is simply a lack of trust.

There is generally a disconnect in this area for men. In most cases, women tend to value relationship over athletic success--even at the highest levels--while men may be inclined to be less interested in the relational progress than potential success. Additionally, if someone can help the male athlete achieve that success, they have a keen sense to be selective and pull from the coach the information necessary to help them reach that success. Women, however, need to first trust the coach before they are willing to accept their input. Because they value relationship, they want to feel like their coach has their back no matter what happens on the mat. By slipping into their corner without first establishing trust, the coach forces the female athlete to believe her acceptance is based solely on performance. After all, that is all their relationship is built upon at that time. This is why it's crucial for a coach to earn the trust of the female athlete.

When a female athlete trusts that her coach will be there for her no matter what the outcome, she can compete with the confidence that her coach will help her achieve her goals.

Women need a good leader

Women need a good leader. Are you alright with this observation? Because it's true. If you're insulted by me writing this, I encourage you to relax and continue reading. I believe women were created with an innate need to be led well. Certainly, there have been wonderful female leaders throughout history and many women have tremendous leadership qualities. However, women still desire to be led. I can hear a few of you accusing me as being a chauvinist and clinging to 1 Peter 3:7 where it states that women are the "weaker vessel," but I'm not. I'm treating women like women in an attempt to embrace their feminine qualities. Females respond best in athletics when they are led.

Some women become guarded and insulted when I bring this to their attention. All athletes benefit from a successful leader, but women thrive in an environment with good leadership. As pioneers in women's wrestling, many of our athletes have stepped up in courage and I applaud them. As a result, many have been forced to assume leadership of their own competitive careers and training schedules. Still, success is more prevalent to those who have a leader who understands them and takes them to where they ought to be.

I understand much of what I'm writing is in line with stereotypes (women are more nurturing, empathetic and responsive; men are action-oriented and focused on tasks, so they tend to be more self-reliant). Men want to accomplish a task on their own to prove they "have what it takes" to be a man. Women are cooperative. As a child, I remember desiring to finish my homework without any help whereas Liz recalls that she wanted help all of the time. To a man, asking for help is admitting failure (regardless if it's needed or not). To a woman, asking for help is building a crucial relational bond. Females are more concerned about the relationship than they are about accomplishing a task. What is important to them is if they have someone to share their successes with.

I test this theory with every female athlete that I work with and it proves itself over and over. My male athletes will take initiative to work out on their own if I don't give them instructions or direction. Additionally, they're quick to create a workout of their own if they're not clear on what to do. On the flip side, female athletes don't take it upon themselves to get a workout in without input and, most times, will not workout all together if not instructed to do so.

I had a female athlete come to Victory to train and her previous coach warned me about her lack of work ethic. He said that she won't do the little things on her own to be successful. I found that she was willing to do all of the little things and much more with some guidance and leadership. She responded very well when I instructed her on what was best. She was reluctant to take the steps on her own. I submit that it wasn't in her genetic make-up to do the little things on her own like her coach expected. She was not a man, so I didn't expect her to train like a man. As a woman, she needed to be led.

In my experience as a coach of female athletes, women work best when they can follow a plan and receive direction and instruction from a leader. I notice this much more in women than in men. I'm not surprised by this at all as it seemed that most of the females that I grew up with were diligent in filling in their assignment notepad and following the plan set out by our teachers. Males wanted to do it their own way (eventually discovering that the teacher had the best way).

This all presents a very unique opportunity for me as a coach. I have the potential to play a very large roll in the success of my female athletes. Obviously, I can play a large roll in the success of my male athletes, too, but the females can be impacted exponentially while the males only incrementally. The coach (or leader) is a key component in the life of the female athlete. They want to approach and work towards a goal in a cooperative way. Men and women are programed differently and should be treated accordingly.

Being cooperative, females turn challenge into opportunity by working in teams; not by trumpeting their ideas, but by listening. They don't seek out problems and go fix them. They use alliances to get things done over time and enjoy working through problems with others. A network is crucial and the leader plays a significant role.

Since women need leaders, they are naturally great followers. They listen well and put the plan into action if they trust their leader--which is my next topic. It all becomes very clear to me because I sum it up this way: women take care, men take charge.

About coaching women

I've been ecstatically married to my beautiful wife Liz for almost seven years. Every single day I learn more about her as a woman. It hasn't been easy and, as a man, doesn't always come naturally. Trying to understand what makes her tick has become a passion and healthy obsession of mine. She's so unique and extremely special that it's worth my effort. The more I understand about her as a woman, the more I see who I am as a man. Conclusion: men and women are very, very different.

Without overgeneralizing each gender, I have learned that men and women are different in many ways. Each is motivated differently, each responds to situations and pressure differently. As genders, each looks at the world through completely different lenses. The differences are so vast that sometimes my brain hurts (which would be consistent with the simplicity of a man's brain--or at least mine).

Since I started coaching female athletes, I've become even more interested in uncovering the differences between men and women. As a coach, I want to know my athletes so I can serve them best. To do that, I've had to delve deep into the mind of the female gender. As a man, that can get very scary! However, as a coach, I owe it to my athletes to at least try to understand where they're coming from (male or female) so I can reach them where they're at. Wrestling is wrestling no matter what gender I'm dealing with, but communicating with each gender is different. This makes coaching both genders very rewarding and rich in content.

Over the next few days, I want to reveal some of the biggest discoveries I've made that have helped me to coach female athletes. I've read some great books, listened to amazing speakers and picked the brain of many great men and women in an attempt to be a sponge and learn as much as I can. Not only have I put effort into learning about the opposite gender, I've put a lot of emotion and energy into applying what I've learned. And, ready for this? It's fun!

Some of my discoveries may surprise people. I believe men and women deserve equal treatment under law, but they need be treated differently because they are created with uniqueness and distinction. Men and women have certain innate characteristics that cannot and should not be ignored. Instead of thinking of this as putting one gender above the other, I've learned to champion our differences and embrace those characteristics.

The total athlete is body, mind and soul. It's crucial to consider all facets of the equation to make a difference and help each athlete become the MAN or the WOMAN that they were created to be.

God is...God

I'm in my hotel room after the first day of the US World Team Trials in Council Bluffs, IA and I'm marveling at the wonders of God.

I've spent a few weeks loading my mind with thoughts by great Christian leaders like Francis Chan, Erwin McManus, Louie Giglio and Steven Furtick. I've listened to podcasts while delving into Crazy Love (by Chan) and The Barbarian Way (by McManus) once again. This is round two for Crazy Love and the third time for Barbarian Way. I've also been able to read the Bible with a fresh perspective. I feel like I can't get enough right now.

In addition, I've seen God move around me in new and refreshing ways. I've witnessed people cross the line of faith for the first time and I've seen individuals understand the power they have in Christ. It's been pretty spectacular and what keeps coming to my mind right now is God is...God.

As Francis Chan says, "isn't it great to worship a God that we can't exaggerate?" Have you ever thought about that? There is nothing I can do that will help me come close to wrapping my mind around who He is. Additionally, there's certainly nothing I can say that can describe Him. Any adjective that I might try to use would only deduce Him. He is way more than "marvelous" or "big" or "cool." I've been trying to find a word and am left completely speechless. The only thing that can describe God's might is God Himself.

This week has been amazing and all I can say is God is God.

After one day of the Trials, that's all I have for you...maybe I'll be able to write about wrestling tomorrow. I guess this blogpost is evidence that there is more to life than wrestling. Much more!

Victory School of Wrestling - Weekly Update

Victory School of Wrestling - Weekly Update - 06/07/2010

Men Wrestle...

When I was a young wrestler, a popular t-shirt within the wrestling community stated, "boys play basketball, men wrestle." Not only is this statement disingenuous, it's the mentality that hurts our sport most. The statement is the epitome of taking the fun out of wrestling.

First of all, wrestling doesn't merely make an individual a man. Manhood is not defined by your activities or status. Manhood is defined by roles and responsibilities; who he is and what he does in obedience to God. This statement suggests that wrestling turns a boy into a man simply by participating. Clearly, this is not true.

The second part of the statement that hurts our sport is that is assumes the reputable sport must omit the word "play." As a child, I often heard wrestling parents explain to others that individuals "play" basketball, "play" baseball, "play" football, "play" soccer, but no one will "play" wrestling. If this is our sales pitch, the sport will die quickly. We need to put the play back into wrestling.

At its core, wrestling is playful. As an infant, one of the first activities I participated in was wrestling with my father. It was innocent and joyful. It was also extremely playful.

Wrestling is play.

The Magic Helmet

The Magic Helmet

This video is brilliant. I'm not going to take the limelight with my thoughts. Watch for yourself. This is youth sports:

Body Bar Women's Nationals - Kissimmee, FL - Sunday, May 16th, 2010

This is our last night in Central Florida. We spent the evening eating pizza on our king sized bed next a hyper little boy who just had the best weekend of his entire life. We watched the Miss USA pageant while Isaiah crawled all over us. It was great few hours before he fell asleep.

Today we went to Cocoa Beach. Emily and Gabby had their hearts on spending time in the ocean so we made the hour and a half drive to the Atlantic Coast. We were there for about three hours before coming back to Kissimmee. Poor Liz came back with major sunburn on her legs and shoulders. I really hope she recovers quickly.

This tournament marked the end of the season for Emily. She worked very hard this season and overcame a lot of adversity while constantly improving. Her efforts in the practice room didn't always show in how she competed. I get to see the daily progress, though, and she's very close to putting everything together. I'm proud of her for the choices that she's made over the past two years since coming to River Falls. I'm confident her hard work will start to show more and more next year. This year she developed a solid "go-to" shot and actually has a few great throws. There is still work to be done, but she has a few tools in the tool box now. As she becomes more comfortable, you'll see them in competition. She's always bringing something new to wrestling (and life) that challenges me to approach situations in a brand new way.

When I return home, I'll begin the Victory Tour - two weeks of intense practices in a different location each night. I'm excited about the opportunity to reach many more athletes with the "message of Victory." I have big expectations for the next two weeks.

Body Bar Women's Nationals - Kissimmee, FL - Saturday, May 15th, 2010

It's just after 10:00pm, but feels like it's well after midnight. Today started very early and without time to rest or eat, I feel pretty exhausted. The wrestling tournament went fairly well. The NYAC girls were 4-for-4. Four competitors and four champions...not bad for a day's work. My other two girls, Emily and Gabby, didn't place.

Generally speaking, what more can one ask from the four NYAC athletes? They all dominated their respective weight classes and Helen Maroulis was named Outstanding Wrestler. Between the four of them, they didn't lose a single period and surrendered a total of three match points the entire tournament. By most standards, all signs are pointing in the right direction. The typical wrestling fan would see four Junior world team members. Others may find interest in writing an article about the quad of females who have competed all over the US this year, but I'm not the typical wrestling fan.

As most people see the outcome as desirable, I saw something different today. Within every wrestling match, there are many smaller matches taking place. As a wrestling coach, these are the matches that I tune into. Not only was I watching the match differently; I was watching an entirely different match. I was looking at the process for which they reaching their outcome.

Too many people make decisions based on outcome in wrestling. We decide that one person is on their way to greatness because they're winning matches. However, what's most important in understanding their development is if they're doing the little things right to earn their victory in the first place. There are a lot of circumstances that are taken out of the equation when we judge a performance based solely on the outcome.

In my opinion, one of the most significant matches within the match comes down to a few basic positions and the ability to control them. For instance, hand fighting, head position, and lateral motion are the most important elements to winning at an elite level. And those basic positions can be broken down much further (I don't have time to go into it tonight!).

Additionally, the way one prepares for competition says a lot about the individual's capacity to continually improve in the less-than-glamorous pieces of the overall wrestling puzzle (most centered on positioning). As I've stated in previous blogs, we compete in a sports culture that rewards the early bloomer and the athletically gifted and talented individuals. Talent can take athletes to great heights. Unfortunately, talent can also be a mask for what's really taking place "behind the scenes." With talented athletes, things go so well so often that we forget to pay attention to their behavior and mind set, resulting in a lack of accountability. This is precisely why the "process" needs to be valued over the "outcome" in most cases.

I'm not trying to lead you on a wild goose chase with these thoughts. I'm attempting to be transparent in how I see our sport. I do my best to be rational and objective and while doing this I often see something different than most. The results will show the NYAC going 4-for-4 while I saw room for vast improvement on many levels and not all of them are inside that 30-foot circle.

At this point, I'm on the fence as to believe all four of them will make the necessary adjustments to continue this success at the senior-level. I'm very confident that one of them will and have a lot of hope for one other. Wrestling is a very simple sport when it's broken down, but we make it complex because we fail to see the "writing on the wall" with certain athletes. It takes something special to do what's necessary to be successful at the highest levels. Some athletes never take that step. I hope these 4 do.