Are you doing what you're created to do?

My previous blog post touched on two very important questions that one must constantly be wrestling with while "sharpening the ax." Are you doing what you're created to do and are you doing what you're created to do the way you're created to do it can be both be expanded on greatly, so my next two entries will go deeper on each question.

Am I doing what I was created to do?

I listened to a sermon by Erwin McManus called "Maximizing Your Strength" and he preached on Ecclesiastes 10:10. He said that he believes a lot of us live "accidental lives" - not lives that we've chosen or that we live on purpose, but lives that just sort of happen to us. We live life accidentally, not intentionally and the world around us shapes us.

You need to ask yourself if what you're doing is on purpose. Are you taking responsibility for your actions?

McManus continues saying that sometimes we take that Ecclesiastes 10:10 ax and just swing and swing and swing and live our lives, fulfilling responsibilities, choosing obscure goals and never stopping to ask ourselves the hard question: is this what I was created to do?

Sometimes we have what he called "creative envy," not living the life we were created to live. Instead, we're living the life someone else was created to live, but we want that life really bad. So we do everything we can to get that person's life, but just because you admire someones talent doesn't mean that you've acquired that talent. The reason we chose false dreams is because we don't have the confidence to believe that God created us for something that really matters as the person that we are.

What were you created to do? What's your calling? Everyone has a calling. What's your purpose on this earth? We all have a purpose.

Have you ever participated in a strength finder or type indicator test in hopes of finding your strengths? Isn't it funny how you can take a strength finder and not become any stronger? That's because these tests are designed to find tendencies, which is more like potential. It's not a strength until you fill the gap between potential and competency and skill. That range between talent and skill is discipline and that's what is needed to take all of your gifts and talents (potential) and harness and sharpen them so the ax works best.

We live in a culture of unreached potential. I meet a lot of people with potential who never become potent. When we reach our potential, life becomes easier (we don't become lazy) because we're in our "sweet spot" and doing what we were created to. To reach our potential it takes four steps and you must 1.) work hard; 2.) work hard at what comes easy; 3.) work hard until it's hardly work; and 4.) work hard at what matters most. When we can harness all of the great things God has given us, we begin to affect the world in a way that has the greatest affect that we can have.

If you fall into a category of working hard and not making progress, this is for you. Ecclesiastes 10:10 says we need to work smart by sharpening the ax. However, sometimes we don't have a sharpened ax because we live a frantic life. We don't stop long enough to ask the important questions of life. Is your life an accident or did you choose this life? Are you doing what you're called to or doing what you just felt "in to" in life? A lot of people feel like their life happened to them rather than choosing their life. Take ownership over your life.

Ask yourself, am I doing what I'm created to do? Not what anyone else wants me to do. Not what all the social pressures want me to do. Not what all the past momentum in my life seems to demand what I should do.

When you look back on your life and someone asks how you got doing that for the past 15 years are you going to say it just sort of happened? Or will you take responsibility for your life?

It's so terrifying to actually follow God into the future; it's much easier to cling to God in the past. If you want your ax to be sharp you need to ask if this is what I'm created to do. Is this the life that I chose? Have I chosen this path on purpose or am I just like drift wood floating down a river being taken where it's going?

Be courageous and do what you were created to do. Be bold and confident in who you are. If you take that step you can rest in the promise that God will indeed equip you to do all that you were created to do. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" - Ephesians 2:10.

Work harder or work smarter

Tomorrow my life is going to change forever. At 7:15am, Liz will be going in for a scheduled c-section and we will welcome our second son into the world. I'm nervous for that moment because in an instant, our lives will never be the same as they are now. I'm very excited to be a father to another child as it is probably the most significant role I will play in my life. Leading up to the day has forced me to sit back and re-evaluate the direction of my life. I've been asking myself if I'm doing what I was created to do and am I doing it the way I was created to do it.

In the Book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon shares with us some wonderful insights on how to live out our purpose in life and maximize our strength. Solomon is described as the wisest man who has ever lived and he shares an important proverb in Ecclesiastes 10:10. He says:

If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.

Three thousand years ago Solomon was saying what still rings true today - you can either work harder or work smarter.

By doing the same thing the same way over and over we become exhausted. As a result, we apply more strength and get less and less. We get stuck focusing on the product or outcome and get lost in the way we do it. What we all need is the discipline to step back and reflect on the way we're doing it. Are we actually doing what we should be doing, the way we should be doing it for the reasons we should be doing them? Are you doing what you're created to do?

Stop and reflect to be sure your ax is sharp. Use wisdom to succeed. Take a step away and re-sharpen. What you were created for today could be different tomorrow. God might be calling you from what you used to do to what you ought to do. "Are you doing what you're created to do" isn't a permanent question because you're constantly changing and progressing. Sometimes you just to have put the ax down and ask again, "is this what I'm supposed to be doing in this moment, in this time. Is this my calling in life?"

Not only should you ask yourself are you doing what you're created to do, but are you doing it the way you're created to do it? This is where we don't pull back and sharpen. We don't take enough time for self-reflection. There's a certain way unique to you to do what you're called to do, but you have to have courage to be willing to explore and discover who you are. There's creative beauty inside of you, but it's not enough just to know what you were created to do, you have to begin to discover how you were created to do it. The great danger is to live a life of monotony and sameness rather than discovering uniqueness.

Tomorrow is going to be one of the most important days of my life. What's more important is what I do after the arrival of my second child. Before tomorrow comes, I need to ask myself today if I'm developing the skills necessary to be the best at what I do to do the best at whatever I do? Because we were never created to do what we do at a lower quality than the best that we are; the best that we have. We're all called to a high price to develop the skills for success in whatever field, whatever endeavor or whatever journey we choose.

Am I doing what I was created to do and am I doing it the way I was created to do it?

Participation Mindset

I've been following a very interesting and thought-provoking thread on the Wisconsin Wrestling Online forum. I read most of the drivel that is posted, but felt compelled to engage in this particular conversation entitled "coaching ideas."

Often times, I open links on the forum hoping to be enlightened and inspired, but often close them disappointed for a variety of reasons. Needless to say, I don't find much joy in Internet discussions, however, I feel that it is imperative to hear the "voices" of the wrestling nation no matter who these anonymous avatars are if I desire to have an impact on this culture.

I'm encouraged by this new thread because I believe it has the potential to open important dialogue that is crucial to our sport. If you haven't noticed, youth sports are hurting and I think wrestling is hurting more than others. Youth sports aren't hurting for participation as many claim, though. Kids are participating in sports, especially wrestling. Youth wrestling tournaments are as big as ever and there are more than ever. The number of USA Wrestling members (the most accessible measuring tool for participation) has increased for the fifth consecutive year nationwide and in Wisconsin. Participation is not a problem, but it is THE problem.

If I can be frank, I'm sick and tired of the "participation mindset." The idea that everyone needs to participate in everything all of the time is going to pull the rug out from underneath us and we're all going to fall flat on our faces. If I were going to summarize youth wrestling in one word, I'd use consumer. Athletes, parents and even coaches spend entire seasons consuming everything they can. This is the norm in our society, but as a kid, I was led to believe that wrestling was different. We're blue collar, hard working individuals who remember traditional values and how to treat one another. Not any more. I used to hear military officers and other prominent leaders say they want wrestlers by their side because they can stand alone and do the hard work. Not any more. The wrestling culture has become "takers" like everyone else because we're stuck in a participation mindset.

I whole heartily believe that every young child should be able to participate in sports and I encourage parents to be involved. However, not every kid has the "right" to compete in a variety of world championships before they turn 10 years of and not every parent has the tools to be a coach. Participation is great, but participating in everything has corrupted our sport.

Wrestlers need to be contributors, not consumers. I have a question for you, and it may be convicting: the last time you went to a wrestling event/practice, were you thinking about anyone else besides yourself? Did you go there seeing what you could get out of it or how you could contribute to something bigger than yourself? Was practice only about you or did you consider that your efforts might be key to helping someone else succeed? Were you upset with the quality of officials at the last tournament and still never offered a helping hand? Was the event too long for you? Too warm? Too cold? No event t-shirt? Not enough matches? Not enough one-on-one time? Was it all about you?

The participation mindset has grown to a point now that wrestling people feel a sense of entitlement. They believe everything needs to revolve around them as an individual. Wrestling, of all sports, needs to reverse this mindset more than ever or we will die by the wayside of unrealistic expectations with no one to run a tournament and unqualified coaches leading our spoiled kids. That's the path that we're on right now. Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

I'm appalled by how few athletes and parents stay to help roll up mats. It saddens me to see individuals leave a youth wrestling club because it didn't offer everything they wanted. I get sick by the number of tournaments that lure children into their venue with big trophies using world or national championships in their gaudy names so they can make an extra buck so they can buy personalized duffle bags for their high school team. Seriously, we have thrown out the importance of kind, selfless service for a customized embroidered duffle bag. That's entitlement and it's going to kill our sport.

The damage done by school boards, budget cuts, Title IX, etc. is not even close to the damage caused by wrestling people to our sport. It's time to step up and make the necessary changes to succeed. By succeeding, I mean creating a culture of character-rich individuals. 10 year old kids should never wrestle more than a high school athletes (competitions and practices). Trophies should never be the reason someone competes. Adults should act like adults and kids should act like kids. Volunteers should be abundant, not scarce. Authorities should be able to say "no" and others (especially parents) should understand what "no" means.

If you continued reading to this point, my guess is that you might be on the same page as me here and I hope you have the depth in your heart to be able to say, "how can I help" the next time you come in contact with the sport of wrestling. Not only do I hope you ask, but that you're actually willing to help and not just saying the words to appear generous. In wrestling, selflessness leads to much more success than selfishness.

Outcomes vs. Process

Another great insight from Kathleen de Boer's Gender and Competition is her explanation of how men and women are different competitively by the value placed on outcome versus process.

Outcomes identify winners and losers, demarcate successes and failures. Process is continuous and ongoing; it is a journey rather than a destination. The male worldview tends to value outcome over process; the female worldview tends to value process over outcome. Each group trains harder and therefore more effectively when the practice activities match their collective mindset.

Females generally have a higher tolerance than males for the mundanity of repetitive drills. Their process focus means they pay more attention to the details of particular skills and are more attuned to technical specifics. A drill-based training regimen also allows them to bond with each other and the coach through non-confrontational, method-focused activity. The valuation of process over outcome allows groups of females a synergy of spirit in practice settings rarely available to male groups.

Males, concerned with proving themselves, are more easily distracted during repetitive practice than females. They lose interest in drills and have a harder time than females focusing on the specifics of a skill. The lack of consequence in the activity, the very feature that makes it appealing to females, makes it difficult for males. Males are more enthusiastic, and therefore more cooperative, in outcome-oriented, competitive sequences similar to those found in game situations.

These respective strengths and weaknesses, however, are reversed in actual contests. The valuation of outcome over process allows groups of males a synergy of intent in competitive settings rarely available to their female counterparts. Females, acutely attuned to method, are more easily distracted during competition than males. The primacy of consequence, the very feature that makes competition appealing to males, makes it difficult for females.

Pragmatically, this difference means males and females enter situations with divergent road maps for how to proceed, and eventually how to succeed. "Alone at the top" implies a certain detachment from personal relationships; it requires a degree of distance from underlings, an aloofness from the daily chaos of the average workplace, and the ability to compartmentalize decision-making and emotion. "The center of connections" implies a certain engagement in personal relationships; it requires a degree of familiarity with underlings, an engrossment in the daily chaos of the average workplace, and the ability to co-mingle decision-making and emotion (de Boer, pages 26-28).

Gender and Competition

To help everyone understand a few difference between men and women that I've learned over the past few years, I want to share with you two key ideas from Gender and Competition: How Men and Women Approach Work and Play Differently by Kathleen J. DeBoer. This book has helped me communicate much more effectively with both genders.

Obviously, this is still a sensitive topic to many because in it's politically incorrect to discuss the differences between men and women. I believe men and women deserve equal treatment under law and should have equal opportunities, however, they are significantly different. To maximize the competitive potential of both genders, we must discard the value judgements that these differences are bad and look to a larger social context to explain behavior.

The following are experts from de Boer's book:

Gender Cultures

Males and females take different perspectives on the world. The experiences that shape values, the situations that cause fear, and the circumstances that define success stand distinct. Author Nancy Chodorow indicates "nearly universal differences that characterize masculine and feminine personality and roles." At the heart of these differences lies a masculine identity defined by a basic sense of living separate from others as opposed to a feminine identity defined by a basic sense of living connected to others.

If this is true, each gender approaches competitive situations from vastly different contexts. Girls come to the gym seeking to bond as the means to success; boys battle to achieve the same thing. Women enter a workplace predisposed to connect to achieve goals; men compete to achieve goals. Both want to win and both want results, but they hold markedly different ideas on how to access their aspirations.

These disparate assumptions about the nature of reality lead to most of our common gender-related stereotypes. In sports, stereotypes perceive males as competitive, females as social; winning is critical to males, team chemistry to females.

We must show female athletes that we care about them as people, not just athletes. If we do that, they will struggle and sacrifice mightily to succeed (de Boer, page 17-24).

Values and Fears

Men learn to view the world as a hierarchical social order. They value autonomy, latitude, and winning. Females value attachment, intimacy, and interdependence. Males fear helplessness. They may be wary of commitment if they see it as a loss of freedom. Females fear rejection, isolation, and abandonment. They equate these conditions with loneliness and failure.

These values and fears dictate different patterns of behavior. The task orientation of males means they bond and form alliances through shared activity; the relationship orientation of females means they bond and form alliances through conversation. These preferences for action versus interaction are most obvious when observing the behavior of single gender groups.

Knowledge of this action/interaction difference matters not only for team-building, but is also crucial to understanding gender-biased preferences in activities. If self-esteem is tied to differentiation from others as in the male world, then activities that tend to separate are preferred, e.g., combative, singular, score-keeping activities. Whereas, if self-esteem is tied to integration with others as in the female world, then activities that tend to connect are preferred, e.g., social, collective, leveling activities (de Boer, pages 25-26).

I hope these two quick insights from de Boer's book help you to understand the importance of recognizing the differences between men and women and how they view competition differently. These two observations are simple, but require effort in application. It's worth it, though.