The leadership mantra, "they must know how much you care before they care how much know" has never been more true than when I begin working with a female athlete. Females must develop a level of trust before they allow you to have influence in their life. This holds true in many aspects of life, especially in sports.
I wish I had an abundance of references and creative analogies for you on this topic, but I don't. However, I have experienced it time and time again. I serve as the head women's wrestling coach for the New York Athletic Club. The NYAC sponsors athletes from all over the US and when we come together for various tournaments, I assume the role as coach. It's a difficult position for me to be in because I don't work with all of them on an individual basis, but I'm expected to sit in their corner. I know enough about wrestling and communicating to offer assistance and instruction while they're competing, however, it's not until I have the opportunity to work with them as individuals and develop a healthy athlete-coach relationship that I feel like I'm making a difference.
Conversely, I've seen female athletes shut down and act uncharacteristically when a man (or woman) they don't trust sits in their corner. They become flustered more easily and lose focus on the task at hand because they're most concerned about the coach and wonder why they're with them. At times, what is communicated by the athlete is a lack of appreciation or disrespect when it is simply a lack of trust.
There is generally a disconnect in this area for men. In most cases, women tend to value relationship over athletic success--even at the highest levels--while men may be inclined to be less interested in the relational progress than potential success. Additionally, if someone can help the male athlete achieve that success, they have a keen sense to be selective and pull from the coach the information necessary to help them reach that success. Women, however, need to first trust the coach before they are willing to accept their input. Because they value relationship, they want to feel like their coach has their back no matter what happens on the mat. By slipping into their corner without first establishing trust, the coach forces the female athlete to believe her acceptance is based solely on performance. After all, that is all their relationship is built upon at that time. This is why it's crucial for a coach to earn the trust of the female athlete.
When a female athlete trusts that her coach will be there for her no matter what the outcome, she can compete with the confidence that her coach will help her achieve her goals.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Women need a good leader
Women need a good leader. Are you alright with this observation? Because it's true. If you're insulted by me writing this, I encourage you to relax and continue reading. I believe women were created with an innate need to be led well. Certainly, there have been wonderful female leaders throughout history and many women have tremendous leadership qualities. However, women still desire to be led. I can hear a few of you accusing me as being a chauvinist and clinging to 1 Peter 3:7 where it states that women are the "weaker vessel," but I'm not. I'm treating women like women in an attempt to embrace their feminine qualities. Females respond best in athletics when they are led.
Some women become guarded and insulted when I bring this to their attention. All athletes benefit from a successful leader, but women thrive in an environment with good leadership. As pioneers in women's wrestling, many of our athletes have stepped up in courage and I applaud them. As a result, many have been forced to assume leadership of their own competitive careers and training schedules. Still, success is more prevalent to those who have a leader who understands them and takes them to where they ought to be.
I understand much of what I'm writing is in line with stereotypes (women are more nurturing, empathetic and responsive; men are action-oriented and focused on tasks, so they tend to be more self-reliant). Men want to accomplish a task on their own to prove they "have what it takes" to be a man. Women are cooperative. As a child, I remember desiring to finish my homework without any help whereas Liz recalls that she wanted help all of the time. To a man, asking for help is admitting failure (regardless if it's needed or not). To a woman, asking for help is building a crucial relational bond. Females are more concerned about the relationship than they are about accomplishing a task. What is important to them is if they have someone to share their successes with.
I test this theory with every female athlete that I work with and it proves itself over and over. My male athletes will take initiative to work out on their own if I don't give them instructions or direction. Additionally, they're quick to create a workout of their own if they're not clear on what to do. On the flip side, female athletes don't take it upon themselves to get a workout in without input and, most times, will not workout all together if not instructed to do so.
I had a female athlete come to Victory to train and her previous coach warned me about her lack of work ethic. He said that she won't do the little things on her own to be successful. I found that she was willing to do all of the little things and much more with some guidance and leadership. She responded very well when I instructed her on what was best. She was reluctant to take the steps on her own. I submit that it wasn't in her genetic make-up to do the little things on her own like her coach expected. She was not a man, so I didn't expect her to train like a man. As a woman, she needed to be led.
In my experience as a coach of female athletes, women work best when they can follow a plan and receive direction and instruction from a leader. I notice this much more in women than in men. I'm not surprised by this at all as it seemed that most of the females that I grew up with were diligent in filling in their assignment notepad and following the plan set out by our teachers. Males wanted to do it their own way (eventually discovering that the teacher had the best way).
This all presents a very unique opportunity for me as a coach. I have the potential to play a very large roll in the success of my female athletes. Obviously, I can play a large roll in the success of my male athletes, too, but the females can be impacted exponentially while the males only incrementally. The coach (or leader) is a key component in the life of the female athlete. They want to approach and work towards a goal in a cooperative way. Men and women are programed differently and should be treated accordingly.
Being cooperative, females turn challenge into opportunity by working in teams; not by trumpeting their ideas, but by listening. They don't seek out problems and go fix them. They use alliances to get things done over time and enjoy working through problems with others. A network is crucial and the leader plays a significant role.
Since women need leaders, they are naturally great followers. They listen well and put the plan into action if they trust their leader--which is my next topic. It all becomes very clear to me because I sum it up this way: women take care, men take charge.
Some women become guarded and insulted when I bring this to their attention. All athletes benefit from a successful leader, but women thrive in an environment with good leadership. As pioneers in women's wrestling, many of our athletes have stepped up in courage and I applaud them. As a result, many have been forced to assume leadership of their own competitive careers and training schedules. Still, success is more prevalent to those who have a leader who understands them and takes them to where they ought to be.
I understand much of what I'm writing is in line with stereotypes (women are more nurturing, empathetic and responsive; men are action-oriented and focused on tasks, so they tend to be more self-reliant). Men want to accomplish a task on their own to prove they "have what it takes" to be a man. Women are cooperative. As a child, I remember desiring to finish my homework without any help whereas Liz recalls that she wanted help all of the time. To a man, asking for help is admitting failure (regardless if it's needed or not). To a woman, asking for help is building a crucial relational bond. Females are more concerned about the relationship than they are about accomplishing a task. What is important to them is if they have someone to share their successes with.
I test this theory with every female athlete that I work with and it proves itself over and over. My male athletes will take initiative to work out on their own if I don't give them instructions or direction. Additionally, they're quick to create a workout of their own if they're not clear on what to do. On the flip side, female athletes don't take it upon themselves to get a workout in without input and, most times, will not workout all together if not instructed to do so.
I had a female athlete come to Victory to train and her previous coach warned me about her lack of work ethic. He said that she won't do the little things on her own to be successful. I found that she was willing to do all of the little things and much more with some guidance and leadership. She responded very well when I instructed her on what was best. She was reluctant to take the steps on her own. I submit that it wasn't in her genetic make-up to do the little things on her own like her coach expected. She was not a man, so I didn't expect her to train like a man. As a woman, she needed to be led.
In my experience as a coach of female athletes, women work best when they can follow a plan and receive direction and instruction from a leader. I notice this much more in women than in men. I'm not surprised by this at all as it seemed that most of the females that I grew up with were diligent in filling in their assignment notepad and following the plan set out by our teachers. Males wanted to do it their own way (eventually discovering that the teacher had the best way).
This all presents a very unique opportunity for me as a coach. I have the potential to play a very large roll in the success of my female athletes. Obviously, I can play a large roll in the success of my male athletes, too, but the females can be impacted exponentially while the males only incrementally. The coach (or leader) is a key component in the life of the female athlete. They want to approach and work towards a goal in a cooperative way. Men and women are programed differently and should be treated accordingly.
Being cooperative, females turn challenge into opportunity by working in teams; not by trumpeting their ideas, but by listening. They don't seek out problems and go fix them. They use alliances to get things done over time and enjoy working through problems with others. A network is crucial and the leader plays a significant role.
Since women need leaders, they are naturally great followers. They listen well and put the plan into action if they trust their leader--which is my next topic. It all becomes very clear to me because I sum it up this way: women take care, men take charge.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
About coaching women
I've been ecstatically married to my beautiful wife Liz for almost seven years. Every single day I learn more about her as a woman. It hasn't been easy and, as a man, doesn't always come naturally. Trying to understand what makes her tick has become a passion and healthy obsession of mine. She's so unique and extremely special that it's worth my effort. The more I understand about her as a woman, the more I see who I am as a man. Conclusion: men and women are very, very different.
Without overgeneralizing each gender, I have learned that men and women are different in many ways. Each is motivated differently, each responds to situations and pressure differently. As genders, each looks at the world through completely different lenses. The differences are so vast that sometimes my brain hurts (which would be consistent with the simplicity of a man's brain--or at least mine).
Since I started coaching female athletes, I've become even more interested in uncovering the differences between men and women. As a coach, I want to know my athletes so I can serve them best. To do that, I've had to delve deep into the mind of the female gender. As a man, that can get very scary! However, as a coach, I owe it to my athletes to at least try to understand where they're coming from (male or female) so I can reach them where they're at. Wrestling is wrestling no matter what gender I'm dealing with, but communicating with each gender is different. This makes coaching both genders very rewarding and rich in content.
Over the next few days, I want to reveal some of the biggest discoveries I've made that have helped me to coach female athletes. I've read some great books, listened to amazing speakers and picked the brain of many great men and women in an attempt to be a sponge and learn as much as I can. Not only have I put effort into learning about the opposite gender, I've put a lot of emotion and energy into applying what I've learned. And, ready for this? It's fun!
Some of my discoveries may surprise people. I believe men and women deserve equal treatment under law, but they need be treated differently because they are created with uniqueness and distinction. Men and women have certain innate characteristics that cannot and should not be ignored. Instead of thinking of this as putting one gender above the other, I've learned to champion our differences and embrace those characteristics.
The total athlete is body, mind and soul. It's crucial to consider all facets of the equation to make a difference and help each athlete become the MAN or the WOMAN that they were created to be.
Without overgeneralizing each gender, I have learned that men and women are different in many ways. Each is motivated differently, each responds to situations and pressure differently. As genders, each looks at the world through completely different lenses. The differences are so vast that sometimes my brain hurts (which would be consistent with the simplicity of a man's brain--or at least mine).
Since I started coaching female athletes, I've become even more interested in uncovering the differences between men and women. As a coach, I want to know my athletes so I can serve them best. To do that, I've had to delve deep into the mind of the female gender. As a man, that can get very scary! However, as a coach, I owe it to my athletes to at least try to understand where they're coming from (male or female) so I can reach them where they're at. Wrestling is wrestling no matter what gender I'm dealing with, but communicating with each gender is different. This makes coaching both genders very rewarding and rich in content.
Over the next few days, I want to reveal some of the biggest discoveries I've made that have helped me to coach female athletes. I've read some great books, listened to amazing speakers and picked the brain of many great men and women in an attempt to be a sponge and learn as much as I can. Not only have I put effort into learning about the opposite gender, I've put a lot of emotion and energy into applying what I've learned. And, ready for this? It's fun!
Some of my discoveries may surprise people. I believe men and women deserve equal treatment under law, but they need be treated differently because they are created with uniqueness and distinction. Men and women have certain innate characteristics that cannot and should not be ignored. Instead of thinking of this as putting one gender above the other, I've learned to champion our differences and embrace those characteristics.
The total athlete is body, mind and soul. It's crucial to consider all facets of the equation to make a difference and help each athlete become the MAN or the WOMAN that they were created to be.
Friday, June 11, 2010
God is...God
I'm in my hotel room after the first day of the US World Team Trials in Council Bluffs, IA and I'm marveling at the wonders of God.
I've spent a few weeks loading my mind with thoughts by great Christian leaders like Francis Chan, Erwin McManus, Louie Giglio and Steven Furtick. I've listened to podcasts while delving into Crazy Love (by Chan) and The Barbarian Way (by McManus) once again. This is round two for Crazy Love and the third time for Barbarian Way. I've also been able to read the Bible with a fresh perspective. I feel like I can't get enough right now.
In addition, I've seen God move around me in new and refreshing ways. I've witnessed people cross the line of faith for the first time and I've seen individuals understand the power they have in Christ. It's been pretty spectacular and what keeps coming to my mind right now is God is...God.
As Francis Chan says, "isn't it great to worship a God that we can't exaggerate?" Have you ever thought about that? There is nothing I can do that will help me come close to wrapping my mind around who He is. Additionally, there's certainly nothing I can say that can describe Him. Any adjective that I might try to use would only deduce Him. He is way more than "marvelous" or "big" or "cool." I've been trying to find a word and am left completely speechless. The only thing that can describe God's might is God Himself.
This week has been amazing and all I can say is God is God.
After one day of the Trials, that's all I have for you...maybe I'll be able to write about wrestling tomorrow. I guess this blogpost is evidence that there is more to life than wrestling. Much more!
I've spent a few weeks loading my mind with thoughts by great Christian leaders like Francis Chan, Erwin McManus, Louie Giglio and Steven Furtick. I've listened to podcasts while delving into Crazy Love (by Chan) and The Barbarian Way (by McManus) once again. This is round two for Crazy Love and the third time for Barbarian Way. I've also been able to read the Bible with a fresh perspective. I feel like I can't get enough right now.
In addition, I've seen God move around me in new and refreshing ways. I've witnessed people cross the line of faith for the first time and I've seen individuals understand the power they have in Christ. It's been pretty spectacular and what keeps coming to my mind right now is God is...God.
As Francis Chan says, "isn't it great to worship a God that we can't exaggerate?" Have you ever thought about that? There is nothing I can do that will help me come close to wrapping my mind around who He is. Additionally, there's certainly nothing I can say that can describe Him. Any adjective that I might try to use would only deduce Him. He is way more than "marvelous" or "big" or "cool." I've been trying to find a word and am left completely speechless. The only thing that can describe God's might is God Himself.
This week has been amazing and all I can say is God is God.
After one day of the Trials, that's all I have for you...maybe I'll be able to write about wrestling tomorrow. I guess this blogpost is evidence that there is more to life than wrestling. Much more!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Victory School of Wrestling - Weekly Update
Victory School of Wrestling - Weekly Update - 06/07/2010